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My ex-wife and I both reside in VA.  We share joint legal custody of our son who will turn 14 on 3/17/11.  My ex-wife and I have both separately filed motions with the court in VA for clarification (mine) and clarification and revision (hers) of our C&V order. 

My ex wife has stated in emails that since our son will be 14 she wants visitation revised.  Under the current order I have two weekend visitations with my son.   

When we divorced the court had our children speak to a GAL.  My (then 15, now 22 year old) daughter has admitted to me that her mother told her to lie to the GAL.  My daughter was told to say that she would run away if she were to live with me.  In exchange for this my ex wife signed papers to have my daughter emancipated at the age of 16 so that she could marry.   

My daughter and her husband have separated and she and her young son are currently living with my ex wife so my daughter won't testify and risk alienating her mother.  My son has told me that he does not want to have less visitation and that he misses me when he doesn't see me.  In light of my ex asking my daughter to lie I am afraid that she will pressure my son to lie and say that he wants less visitation in our current court case.   

My question is--Can I bring my daughter's situation to the judge's attention or, because she is not there to confirm it, would it just be here say and not help me?

I'm so glad that it worked and that it will make planning things much easier for you.

FFD

Have you tried to Google the words "X county fire rescue shift schedule" and the name of your state?  If you were to do that with my info you'd get to the link for my shift schedule since it's posted online as part of the county's fire and rescue website.  It's worth a try.  Ours has the different shift's days in different colors so it's really easy to track the shift.

I agree with you that my ex is angry but do you want to know the crazy part about that?  SHE cheated on ME!  I broke into her Yahoo account and found over 60 love letters between her and the waiter from one of the local places we ate at often.  In my heart I don't believe this was her first affair.  I looked the other way far too many times when my gut told me that something was up.  This time I couldn't do it.  This guy had even been over to our house for dinner.  He was from another country and the story she sold me was that she felt sorry for him because his wife and kids were back there and he was here all alone.  I think she's angry that for once I didn't ignore what was right in front of my face--I stood up and told her that I couldn't live this way.

After I moved out she went through 4 guys in about 5 months, finally met one on the internet who moved from Washington state to VA 2 months after meeting her online and they were married less than 5 months later.  I've been told that I should write a book...

FFD

I'm not in Michigan but thought this might be relevant.  When I was paying child support for 2 of my children my cost was a certain amount.  When 1 of those children reached the age of 18 and I was no longer paying child support for him my cost was refigured and it was NOT cut in half.  I was paying much more than half of what I had been paying. 

That says to me that the amount of children you are paying for does factor in to how much you pay so even though the mother is not the same for all children, as long as the father is, hopefully you would be able to get his child support refigured so that he could manage supporting all 3 children.

Hope this helps.
FFD

You will get a kick out of this--I have an online link to my shift schedule.  It shows when I work up to a year in advance.  I have sent the link to my ex many, many times so that she can use it to help plan.  I was originally submitting 2 months at a time so that my ex could plan ahead if she wanted to.  She refused to accept that and insisted that I only submit 1 month at a time so that's what I do now but I do send my request 60 days in advance so that she can still plan ahead.

I wish she could be as understanding as you are about a firefighter's schedule.  I have tried to be flexible when there is something that my son wants to do.  I have even gone as far as taking leave in the past to change to accomodate my ex's requests but that is not always something that I can't do.  If leave doesn't get approved I have no choice.  I don't want to get fired and if she thinks about it she really shouldn't want me to get fired either.

I hope that it all works out.  I'm just so tired of the same circles.  Life is too short to make problems where there shouldn't be any problems.

Thanks so much for your support everyone.  It's great to have a place to go where people really "get" how hard this is to deal with.

FFD

She has denied visitation for an entire month in writing several times already so we are going to court for a clarification and for denied visitation.  Since all communication is court ordered to be via email I have many emails from her that are not going to look good on her part.  I am willing to compromise but not give up all of my visitation for that month.  She is not willing to compromise at all.  My counsel is confident that the judge will see that she's not only violating the order but does not feel that it pertains to her--only to me.  She pretty much states that.  We'll see what happens.  I'm not getting my hopes set on anything but I do feel pretty confident.

FFD

txmom, I'm so sorry about your teeth and your pain.

I'm waiting to hear back from my son's dentist.  All my ex sent me was cost estimate.  I'd like a diagnosis from the dentist too so I know what's going to happen--teeth pulled, etc.?  My ex doesn't think I deserve the details, I just deserve to pay.  I can take out a loan against my vehicle to pay my share but I'd like to know the details of the diagnosis--don't think that's too much to ask. 

The only odd thing to me is that this guy supposedly only works one day a week--Friday.  Is that common?  I asked the receptionist if that meant that he worked out of other offices on other days and she said no. 

FFD

Thank you for being understanding about the schedule of a fellow firefighter.  Do we WANT to work 2 weekends a month?  Nope, not most of us anyway.  It's just part of the job.  We were married for 17 years so she knows what it's like and that getting leave is not easy, particularly over a weekend.  With what she's planning she's in clear violation of the order and although I doubt the jail time she was threatened with will every come into play (and I actually don't want it to) she may face a rather hefty fine which would hopefully stop her from thinking that the order is only in place when it works in her favor but it's just a suggestion when it doesn't work in her favor.  I have many emails where she is rude and shows her true colors.  When I point out that she's violating the order because it actually states "visitation is to be created around father's work schedule" she says that the dates for her plans are "set and final" and she tells me "to take leave" if I want to see my son.  This is one unhappy woman.  She doesn't know it but her current husband's (she met him online and had only known him 5 months when they married--3rd marriage for her) ex-wife contacted me on facebook to let me know some things about him and about my ex-wife.  What a huge, drama filled mess.  I'm beginning to think that drama is my ex-wife's drug of choice.  I know attention is. 

FFD

As far as keeping track of how much time you have your kids--

I know not everyone has the ability to do this but my ex wife and I were actually ordered by the judge to only communicate via email unless it's an emergency.  That way there is a written record of what was said.  My ex wife would claim thing were never said (and still does but at least now I have the email to back it up).

If you can't email could you text something that would show you were picking your kids up on X date and another text when you bring them back?  Put something in the text that prompts her to respond.   At least that way you have some form of written record and she can't dispute it if she's responding in agreement.

Just an idea.  Best of luck to you!
FFD

Ocean, I promise that as soon as this is over I will be back to post all details of how my lawyer is swinging this.  I'll admit that when he told me about his plan I was a little annoyed that my first two lawyers never brought it up as an option.  My first two lawyers didn't seem to understand how much missed visitation hurts, particularly when it means things like I wouldn't see my son for 7 weeks.

I will admit to not liking my ex wife at this point--too many nasty things have been done toward me.  Despite that I try to, and have, compromised many, many times so that she can keep her plans.  I do that because I know she tells our kids (the 14 year old and the older two--who are of legal age) everything and puts a very pro-her spin on it.  My kids DO NOT need that.

My daughter actually told me that my ex wife told her to tell the GAL (my daughter was 16 at the time of the divorce) that she would "run away" if she had to live with me.  My lawyer told me that if a child says that it pretty much ensures that the child won't be placed with the parent they threaten to run away from and my ex wife's lawyer would have known that.

Sad, sad, sad.

I really look foward to the day when my youngest son turns 18 and all of what happens between us will be just between us!

FFD