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I have a 3 yo son w/ multiple special needs. I have joint physical and legal custody with his father. I handle most of my sons care from doctors appointments to therapy, to his general medical supplies.The father has assisted very little with  our sons needs and seldom makes it to any important appointments. He also does not follow the custody order.  His father has recently married and wants the step mom to act as an additional aid to all of this. He wants her to be allowed to make decisions for the child (without consulting me) as if the child was their child. My son has his fathers last name which is also hers now. Most of my sons physicians know that I am the legal guardian but the pediatrician has disclosed personal info to her and has allowed her to bring him to appointments without my knowledge. Medical issues aside, has anyone experienced and successfully worked through this situation?

If I am understanding this correctly, the child lived with both of you for 3 months? Time with father would be 1.5 + 3 =4.5 months total. Time with mother 3 + 5.5 = 8.5 months. If the child was with you for 8.5 months, all overnights, then your are technically the qualifying parent because you have more than 50% of the overnights. I assume you were never married? If you were married and now seperated/divorced, different rules may apply :/
My personal experience, I am not married and i have a joint custody agreement 50/50. However, since the father continuously asks me to watch him many overnights without making up the time, he gives me more than 50% overnights. He then forfeits his right to claim him, lol. If he actually followed the custody agreement, he makes more than me annually, then he could claim him. If an auditor contacts me, I simply give them the documented information to show proof the child was in my care. Hope this helped.