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Grammy2 very good points !

I had not even thought of it that way. BD did move to KY. Has not seen his child since Dec 24 th. BM has not taken any visits in 2 weeks. She pressed for a 12 hr visit and since our court date has not taken any visits. I have text message stating she has "Poison Ivy". I assured her its not contagious but what do i know? I have only been a Nurse of 25 years. And if she does not wish to use her time thats fine. I offer. I dont beg. She also texted that she was unable to fill her RX for prednisone as she does not have any money until payday. And she does not know how she is going to make her rent as she missed 2 days work. I was puzzled was she hoping i would offer a loan?

Anyhoo its all printed off so I can show she is unable to even afford a $10 RX, and that missing only 2 days throws her into a financial crisis. I was told once on here that give them enough rope and they hang themselves. I declare that person genius status....LOL.

ok ok now allow me a line or 2 or 50 to brag....LOL. GS really is an amazing little character. He was accepted into a Private Christian school this fall. He scored on the low end of the 2 nd grade level ! And he is only entering 4K. I know that looks good because it shows he is being educated at home. The headmaster sent us a fantastic letter of acceptance. But most importantly he is happy. He is unaware of the turmoil around him. I just got the shivers because i know we are succeeding in the thing i wanted most. For him to not ever feel he is from a broken anything.......Let alone a home.
GrandmaOf1

Sebrummet,

Our situations are similar. We have sole custody of our now 4 1/2 yr old Grandson. Bottom line is he had lousy neglectful parents who often placed him in harms way and ignored his most basic needs. After getting an Attorney we sought an Ex Parte order for temporary custody until our case could be heard. The burdeon of proof was on us to be able to show how this child would be harmed if our son and his wife where allowed to remove him from our care. We did not have to be present. The Judge addressed only the most serious issues and the order was granted. One week later we went to court and the birth parents signed over custody to us.

It sound easy but it wasnt. Again the bureon of proof will be on you to show the care you have provided these children, and how you are the De Facto custodians ( psychological parents). Document everything of importance. Keep photos, a journal, video.....Anything and everything you can to show YOU are caring for these children and NOT the parents.

What really helped our case was that I had kept faithful documentation and reciepts. At the time our GS was on Medicaid. So why did i have reciepts showing i had taken him to well child visits and paid for them? BM would not take him and would not relinquish his Medicaid card. Same with his prescribed allergy med.....ECT. Down to his socks we where able to show we where providing a good 95% of his needs if not more. Also the lack of time they where spending with him. We where the primary custodians as you guys are.

You mentioned a custody battle was not affordable right now. Maybe research mediation? We also did a mediation back in January. The one we used was a sliding scale basis. Grandpa and i both have good incomes and we paid $85 an hour. It brought to light each parties strength and weakness. And was perhaps a wakeup call to the BM. That SHE had chosen to exit this childs life and could not just walk back in. But would have to prove herself capable of caring for him.

I sincerely hope some of this info will help. Hang in there. Its tough. Its not easy. Try your darndest to keep the childrens best interest at heart. Our Dtr in law is now an Ex Dtr in law. I dont know if i can ever get to the point of "liking" her. But i will always be nice to her.Even helpful when i can. Because thats the Grandma I want my GS to see.

Good Luck!
GrammaOf1

Hi all,

We have sole custody of our 4 yr old GS. Very recent new CO reads that we have sole custody. BD gets visits as we can arrange between us. NO specifics given there. Up until now he has been visiting only very randomly. He has no drivers license due to multiple dui's and no job. He recently moved to KY which is a 6 hr drive away from SC.

My question is since he recently signed the new CO which states this agreement is to be in effect for 1 calendar yr from the date signed. And that either party has to wait that 1 year to either request another mediation or to request a trial to sue for custody can he change anything now? I dont feasibly see how he is going to be able to visit his Son but perhaps every 6 months or so. If that. We have family in KY and drive back about once a year to visit. Can the BM request a change due to his moving? We see it as nothing has changed with us. Our Son is the one who decided to move this far away knowing he would not be able to see his child.

Any info on similar situations would be appreciated.

GrammaOf1

We have custody of our 4 yr old Grandson. We had a mediation in January. Our Attorney advised us to draw up 3 lists. The GOOD. The BAD. and the UGLY. The Good list write down everyything you would like if you knew the Judge would grant you anything you asked for. The Bad being what would you perhaps not be so happy with but be willing to accept and could live with. The Ugly being the worst possible scenerios. Take a lot of time to reflect on those lists. Find what factors you really must have and what you can "give" on. And be prepared to give as much as take. That helped us to a degree.

He had us to prepare a short 5 minute presentation as to why we where the suitable folks to have custody of this child. NO finger pointing and name calling. Any claims to be backed up with concrete evidence.

HUGE help on this forum are links to parenting plans. Go ahead and have one completed with what you would like, your ideas of how to co parent. To show you are serious about this and have given it thought, Leave NO room for wiggle room. Whatever you agree to could be in force for a long time. You want to be happy with it.

Good luck and hope this helps.

GrandmaOf1

gemini the BM is 26, our son the BD is 28 and in the process of moving to Kentucky. At which point he will see his child approx every 6 months. Or when we make the trip back to our hometown to visit with family. He has a recent dui and no license..ect.......

Mixed thank you so much ! I got consumed by everything. I felt as if i had to be on guard every moment and even when we where on vacation i was thinking of Judges, and courts and legal papers...Not the way anyone should live. I am back to the "old" me which is upbeat and positive. We have a fantastic Grandson. He is thriving. He is happy. He is well cared for. AND i am being willingly supplied with TONS of great material for when i write my memoirs at 90'ish....Ha ha ha ! I like being happy it again. It suits me.

Odd thing is the BM's side of the family have never been an active part of her life even. Let alone there Grandchild. They have only seen him once when he was around 5 months old. The disappeared over 2 years ago and have yet to be found. The only side of the family is my family and my husbands family. We recently celebrated Grandpa's 50th birthday and let me tell ya that 4 year old stole the show !!

So can we relax totally. Nope. In one year she can choose to request another mediation or even sue us in court for custody. And being the BM i accept that she may even win. But I have to hold true in my heart that given the fact we are his "Psychological Parents" no Judge would ever rule us completly out of his life. We want him to have a happy and healthy relationship with his birth parents. We actively encourage it. My Prayers are she will find goodness in her heart, love for this child and do the same........

You all are the bestest. You gave us great advice. This entire forum is great for folks like us who where so new to this and very naieve. Knowledge is Power.. We owe you all many thanks.

GrandmaOf1

Our Attorney told us if you dont leave mediation P'oD then it did not work. That was great advice.

We went thru mediation in January. And signed the papers in court yesterday. We maintain sole custody of our now 4 1/2 yr old Grandson. BM continues to get her two 4 hour vists a week. In addition to a 12 hour visit. All visits have to cease by 8 pm. No change with the BD. He has only seen his Son twice since Christmas. He appears to be gradualy just disappearing. CS stays the same at $30.00 each per month. Which is a joke.

Stipulations. As BM was seen riding the child unrestrained WE have to supplly her a car restraint system thats age/height/weight appropriate. BM has to undergo a Psych Eval which we foot the bill for. Thats gonna run anywhere between 1,700 & $ 2,500. BM has to keep us updated on the address where she lives. We currently have no clue where she is living or what the environment is like. IF the psych eval returns favorable her 12 hour visit will become a 24 hour overnight visit. And the BM has to keep a working phone # at all times when he is in her care. We have had problems with her pre pay cell phone not having minutes. And she has to supervise him around any animals. She left him unattended in a yard with a Pitt Bull. He was returned home with claw marks and scratches on all extremeties, his chest and back. Basically all over. We have video evidence of this.

So basically she continues to make poor/unsafe decisions and WE dole out the monies to help her reform herself. Why do I seem to have this bad taste in my mouth?

The good news the dovorce was finalised yesterday !!! Hoorah I am Daughter-In-Law-Less...LOL. Which also means according to our Attorney that she is NO longer eligible for legal aide. Its in the order that all parties have to wait one year from the date of the papers to ask to return to mediation and our take this case to trial. So we have another year. I used to think that in a year this would be over. It would all be done and settled. If i could offer ANY sound advice to anyone just entering this 3 ring circus it would be that it WONT be over until the chid is 18. Come to grips with that early on. Dont allow this to consume your life. Continue to get out there and have fun and Laugh. Its stressful. Trust me I know. But place it on hold for brief periods and go have some fun. Heck even get creative !!!!! The order is we are to "provide" her an appropriate car seat. Well as luck would have it very recently I took our car seat system in and had it safety checked. It passed with flying colors ! I have the papers. I plan to give her THAT seat. I am going to purchase a new one and keep it in my vehicle. Voila ! Problem solved and SHE can suck on the sour grapes for a while.....LOL

When we arrived home from court we found a box on our doorstep. Our Grandson said " oh thats mommies". I take it in and open it to find "love letters" she and our Son had exchanged. VERY explicit in nature. Dating back to when she was 14. WOW an early bloomer i suppose. 1... Who would want there in laws reading sompthing of that nature? ICK !! But given her earlier video performance with 2 men that she ALSO gave me the tape to I am not surprised. 2...... I plan to auction them on Ebay under "diaries of a disgruntled young woman"...LOL... TEASING of course but just saying that sure did make that bad taste go away !

Thank you guys. You have been missed. I just had to take some time away and step back from all of this.
Grandma Of 1