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Wow, what great deal of fine advice!  Thanks so much, and no offense, but I thought I was going crazy and it's validating to know that there are aot of vets out there with good advice.

You see, I don't think I can win in court with my W "the church lady" at one table and a depressed, anxious and at times frantic Dad who understands the dire implications of the court siding with "Mom."  For two years I've read everything under the sun on the subject getting more and more depressed as I went on.  She clearly meets all but one of the DSM - IV criteria for the disorder but can hide them all but me and my girls.  That is why I am interested in the relatively new findings of childhood emotional abuse and genetics playing a part in a diagnosis.  My W and her 2 brothers were sent away under Dr.'s orders while young due to some Mom instigated trauma.  MY MIL was referred twice to a pyschiatrist but refused due to the stiSLURPization and her belief "that there's nothing wrong with me."  The younger brother enlisted into the Marines hard core and was Force Recon for 6 years until he was sectioned 8 (he had changed his name and painted everything he owned "flat black" which became his nickame).  He just has a second breakdown after his 2nd divorce and something terrible happened to him or that he did that my W refuses to talk to me about.

The older brother is a semi-itinerate alcoholic living alone in Ketcham (where EH blew his head off).  He had a nervous breakdown in his senior year of high and after escaping from a VA Mental Institution committed in his own words, "the biggest mistake of my life."  My W was a sophmore in HS at the time and left home during the same time for reasons she's never disclosed.  I've found that something awfully traumatizing happend in the fall of 1978 (when bro broke down) and I think this is also showing signs of PTSD.

We are in court as she ran to get an OOP and file for sole custody all because I told her in public that she either join me in marital counseling or I would file for sole custody.  In a "frantic effort to avoid real or perceived abandonment (ah, hem)".  That was my "threat" which threw me out of my house and left the fox guarding the henhouse.  Before that incident I had an alter boy squeaky clean top secret clearance record.  The court's suck.

Last unnerving thing she did was drop a newspaper on my bed with lead story "Mom Drowns Three Children and Herself."  WTF!!  I called my attorney and made it clear to all concerned that the dots are all there to be connected and if no one does so there will be hell to pay.

Plum drained out but have to be ahppy now with my kids.

Thanks for listening and your input.  Admissibility of family of origin history is key.  There has to be something out there.   Cyclebreaker

Hello  All:

From past posts you may know that I am married to a high-functioning BPD plus woman who is doing everything in her (and her family of origin's) power to attain full custody of our two daughters, 12 and 10, who are already showing signs of being "mombots" with respect to their Dad.  I've coined a description for my W:  She views every ""glass as half empty" and I am the one-armed sole waiter in the universe who cannot fill any of her glasses.  In otherwords, she views me as the sole cause of all the unresolved pain and unhappiness in her life and she is determined to rid herself and our children of my existence.  My heart is broken on so many levels that I lose friends by trying to tell them my story.

Her Mother was mentally ill and refused to hold or in any way bond with my W at birth.  Her "Mom" emotionally, psychologically and physically abused (in my MIL's own words she "terrified" the kids their entire childhood and beyond.  ("Dad", took a flyer, went MIA or worse during her whole life). My W's two brothers ,are also in terrible pain at 50 years of age.  I unwittingly stubbled on documentary and audio proof on all the above and my W (close to 50) hates me for finding out the truth.  Her chief fear was how she was going to tell her mother (pushing 80) that I have all this material in my possession.  She is still terrifed of her Mom and the possibility of losing her children in a custody action. As you all know, applying any type of "reason" with her is futile but she doesn't realize that she is making her own worst fears come true b refusing to fing "the courage to heal."

My dilemna is this.  From all I have studied BPD can be both genetically and environmentally (abuse) passed from one generation to the next.  My W has been exposed to both but as they say, "It's not what you know but what you can prove."  Courts are very relunctant to go down this road and since my W is so high-functioning, her charm and apparent honesty is very compelling.  She has sytematically isolated and controlled our family life so no one but me and the kids see the real woman.  They kids are, young, female, impressionalble and are slowly becoming programmed that Dad is the source of all Mom's pain.  They are too young to be told the truth so my hands are tied.

So please, please here is my question:  Does anyone know of any legal precedent in any state that would support my attempt to get my W's past into evidence?  I know that courts are loath to go there but it is my only hope.

I've been posting my situation but receive few if any replies.  Am I breaking some kind of Board Ediquette or something???  This must be a common and big problem for all those who have been or are in my position.

Please give me any lead you may have as I am about at the end of my rope.  The only thing that keeps me going are my girls and to assure that this inter-generational curse is not passed down to them.

Thanks for listening,  Cyclebraker (a.k.a "George Baily" just before "Clarence" intercedes)