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My attorney said mediation would be best, so a continuance was filed.  I agreed to all of the terms his lawyer sent over and thought we would be good.  I was really really wrong.

Ex is now claiming that my husband claimed to remove child from the country and never return her.  They are asking for her passport to be immediately turned over to them and for restricted visitation of one weekend a month and no more than one week at a time during the summer.  When she does visit, they need a written 14 day notice of where we will be during the time she is here for their approval.  I am super frustrated because my husband has never spoken to my ex.  My ex said to prove you did not and that is where I am stuck.  How do I prove that my husband is innocent? 

Daughter came down last weekend and was asking very odd questions about how I felt about the court case.  I asked her if Dad wanted her to take this information back to him and she said yes.  I told her I would not answer any questions because this should not include her.  She became very quiet and reserved after that.  Shortly after she started asking me the questions by text even though she was sitting right by me.  I did not respond and told her to stop.  I never thought it would go this way.

I just do not understand this.  She lived with me until August of this year.  We took a family vacation out of the country in July and came back without incident.  My attorney said we would be best to just go with giving over the passport and see if they will forego the limited visitation.  Is that a good plan or is the attorney just trying to prevent court?  In many ways I feel like going to court could not hurt me at this point because agreeing to the terms is not what I want.

I met with the attorney and she believes that I can make the amendments about removing stipulations that he had, implementing he cannot leave the state and he must pick up and drop off at the airport. 

She did say the judge would most likely not make her change schools and it would be a bigger hurdle since daughter does not want to live with me.  I have decided to leave that alone and hope that it will improve my relationship with daughter.

Attorney also said she did not see how I would be responsible for attorney fees because his new attorney never contacted me to try and work this out and he fired his old attorney before I got a response.  She also said that every parent has a right to legal representation and that does not make someone difficult.

It was a good meeting and I appreciate all the responses.  Sometimes it is hard to see things clearly when my emotions are running high.

A big thank you to you all!!!

Thank you.  I meet with my attorney tomorrow, and these are the things I needed help with.

I have resigned myself to the fact daughter is not coming home, but am worried that I will be paying his attorney fees because I do not agree to what he demands.  That scares me because out family cannot afford our attorney and his.

Of course I want daughter to come home and had a little hope that since Dad was not there full time they would say she was better off with me.  It is so hard to say goodbye and know that they choose not to be with you.

She has been there since the middle of August.  She tells me that she wants to stay cause if she does they will give her his car when she turns 16.  They also told her that she would not have to do chores cause that is what they have a maid for and she would not have to work while she was in school.

I honestly never thought I would hear my child say "I have to pick up my own clothes and put them in the hamper even though we pay a maid..... I have responsibilities...."

Daughter says she is happy and has no desire to come home for visitation or to live here.  Of course if I had a maid, I would be happy too.  Lol

Hello All,

I was a custodial parent until recently.  Daughter wanted to move in with Dad cause she wanted to get to know him.  After reading several articles and postings, I agreed because a strong relationship with Dad is good for the child.  We signed an agreement for the interim period until everything went to court.  He is understandably upset that I have not sent him a monthly check for the child support he is paying, but all legal advice said that if I paid him directly, it would be considered a gift in the State of Texas.  All monies have been set aside and are ready for immediate payment after the court hearing. He is not satisfied with this.

My issue with what he wants is regarding the rights as primary parent.  He wants all of the stipulations I put in the original decree 10 years ago put on me as the secondary parent.  10 years ago was a very different situation, he had just gotten out of a mental institution, had been arrested for beating on my windows with a loaded gun and trying to kill himself in the presence of the two year old child.  I have not done those things, so I refused to sign an order that his attorney drew up.  I asked that all those stipulations be taken out, and they will not agree.  Our last point of contention is the ability to move without regard to geographical location.  I had put that in the decree because I was living with my parents at the time and he wanted that I could not move out of their house.  I love my parents, but wanted to eventually move into a place of my own.  He wants to be able to move anywhere he wants and I do not agree.

Since he lives 400 miles from me, daughter will continue flying back and forth.  In his presented papers, he wants it stated that I will be responsible to pick her up from his house.  He is notorious for telling me if it is in the decree, that is what we will follow.  I am afraid if the language is that way, it will come back to bite me.

Yesterday I was served with papers for a court hearing.  It says I am difficult and unresponsive and therefore they are asking for attorney's fees and for sole custody.  I had one letter from his attorney, which I responded to with my concerns and never heard anything back.  I have seen daughter only once since she left and he tried to pick her up the day after she came to my house.  I had to threaten to call the police for trespass to prevent him from showing up.  He will not commit to a holiday schedule so I do not know when I would see daughter for the holidays.

Is it in my best interest to fight for custody of daughter and remain the primary parent?  I am very much on the fence about this because I am having a very difficult time seperating my emotions from my reasonable side. 

Since the time of custody exchange, I have found out that he did not leave his current position and he is not home 3 weeks of the month so step mom is raising her.  The largest point of contention with this is we do not get along at all.  When daughter and I got into an argument on the phone step mom took the phone and ended the conversation.  Explained when I could be rational and talk to daughter as an adult (she is 12) then she would determine if I could continue the conversation.  Needless to say, this infuritated me adn I have not called back.  I have a meeting with the attorney tomorrow, I just need some objective advice on how to proceed.  I am afraid I am too close to the situation to see clearly and make good calls.

Thank You

Kitty, thank you for the realization that this is not something he wants and I cannot make it happen.  I am glad to say that my Dad and daughter are so close they text each other everyday and she spends summer vacation with him playing board games and watching cartoons.  Daughter is already in counseling so she is handling this better than I am.  I think it is a parental thing that makes you wonder how the other parent cannot see the beauty in being a parent.

Firstlove -- You are correct that there is a history between the adults.  Dad had affair with new wife, 9 years ago, and when I initiated the divorce it all became my fault.  For the last 9 years it has been about me trying to get him back as I am jealous, yes this is in writing.  Once the divorce proceedings started, it got ugly fast with Dad ending up in jail for beating on windows at 2:00 am and protective orders had to be put in place.  Unfortunately Dad came to the house with a gun, said he was going to kill himself, ended up in an institution and has blamed me for everything since.  I had a run in with his new wife because she felt she should be the supervisor of the visitations until daughter was four, she was 2 when this happened.  I said no because I did not know her, just that they were married 6 months after the final divorce. 

Since daughter turned four, approx 7 yrs ago, it has all been in writing with ex's stamped signature.  When I have been face to face with ex, he says that she has the right to speak and act on his behalf and daughter and I just have to accept it.  Last time this came to a head daughter was 5 and he did not see her for 9 months.  After sending numerous letters begging him to have contact with his daughter he resumed on a convenient to him schedule.  Daughter would come home upset more often than not about stepmom not allowing them to do anything without her.  It has been sad.  I think maybe I personally was naive about this situation thinking that it would get better as daughter got older but it is just the opposite.  I myself am a total Daddy's girl and I wanted that for daughter, but it just is not happening.

Davy -- How do you get a GAL?   I do not know anyone who has had to hire one.  Do I need to go through the court first?  I want to keep daughter from getting hurt (emotionally) worse and am willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen.

Thank you all for the wonderful support and advice.  Today I recedived another registered letter stating that the phone number to the house has changed and cell phone numbers are to be cut off on Wednesday.  They sent the new house number with the statement "This number is not to be given to anyone, even daughter, without our express written consent." signed with a stamp of ex's signature.  I really do not understand that move either.  I was actually hoping they would file contempt charges on me so that we could at least go face to face to talk.  He an I get along fine, it is the third party interference that is the issue.

Ocean, I really like the letter you wrote.  I will try that when he is home next.  I am not sure what is going to happen with summer visitation since they are not coming for her any longer and they will not respond to anything I ask or write.  Maybe that will help it resolve.  I just hate to see daughter hurting so much and saying stepdad is more like a dad than my real one.  I did not want it to be that way.

I am starting a new thread because this is just getting so silly I do not understand it.

Daughter has not spoken to Dad for three months.  Dad refuses to call, or says says the new wife, because he will not be bullied by me or a child throwing a temper tantrum.  New wife sent a text stating "you cannot interfere with my legal right of possession."  Daughter had to ask me what it meant and then was mad because she feels like she has no rights.  Daughter is almost eleven and refused to go on the last visitation without Dad calling.  Needless to say, we did not go.  I sent a registered letter Dad signed for and no call.  Daughter got hurt at school bad enough to go to ER, she is fine now, texted and emailed Dad and asked him to call her, no response. 

Got a letter from Dad/ new wife, that they will not pay medical bills and not call daughter because I did not force daughter to go.  Medical bills I already paid so I can live with that, daughter believes Dad has no love for her at all because he will not contact her.   Any suggestions how to try and make this work?  Do I just force her into the car and make her go?  I want her to have at least one parent she trusts and I am not sure what the right answer is.  I have read many cases about making kids go back to CP against the kids wishes and the results all sound so sad for the kids.  I know I cannot make him call, so any suggestions are helpful.

Thank You

Thank you for the responses.  I feel much better because I did not understand the PAS accusation.

SimplyDad -- Thank You!!  You are such a wealth of information. 

Ocean -- Letter has been sent and am waiting for a response from Dad.

We have decided to take a wait and see approcah because he has decided not to see her any longer.  Last time he did this it was 9 months of no contact.  The time before that was 15 months of no contact.