i dont even know where to begin, ive been reading this forum and ones like it for some time...just to know that there are so many other steps moms out there that have the same problems and issue i have...its very reassuring 
I have married an amazing man with two beautiful kids and i have a wonderful relationship with them, when i made the choice to move states and be with my husband full time (we had a long distance relationship for a few months after meeting) i made the choice to take him, the kids and unfortunately the ex wife...She was very intimidated in the beginning which i understood i was the first new woman to come into the kids life and having another mother figure in their life was hard for her to deal with. i tried to be as sensitive as i could to the situation. Things got aggressive from her side and i reached out to her after my SS came home one day and asked me why i didnt like his mother??? My parents divorced when i was 2 and had issues with my step mom...i didnt want the same thing for our kids. I reached out to her and asked to meet and resolve the issue, we did, only because i chose to forgive everything that she had said about me and the way she treated me but it wasnt about me it was about the kids and us getting along is better for them....it lasted for a while and we communicated regarding the kids as long as i was able to make her see she was getting everything the way that she wanted.
Anyway we had an issue at easter time - it was our easter this year and we had made plans - since we were in the same town this year she asked if she could have them for a couple of hours at lunch time to do their thing, we had no problem with that, when we dropped them off she said we weren't allowed to pick them up again until that evening - we had already made plans and it was merely a control stunt by her - she knew said for a couple of hours only but pleaded that she didnt say that which is totally irrelevant as it was our easter and we were doing her a favour in teh first place. After that i limited my dialog and involvement with other than when i needed to. She, in retaliation accuses me of trying to undermine her as a mother etc etc, one of her justifications was that i had apparently held our daughters hand too long when she was trying to give her a hug good bye...which was just childish and i was completely unaware of it, if i did it wasnt intentional in any way. but she flew at me with all these accusations etc of competing...came completely out of the blue it was like she had bottled all this little stuff instead of addressing it with me at the time which i had always asked her to do to avoid conflict. (the relationship is very strained with my husband as she had an affair with his best mate, she always wants more money etc saying she cant work but the reason for that is cos she has had a new baby which restricts her to work etc etc)
She is off the wall, because of her control freak nature she is constantly calling and harassing us, we even got calls at 1am in the morning saying that "we were screwed" cos she had proven we had broken into her house....just ridiculous. She is constantly sending messages belittling my husband as a father and is an amazing father and we never respond never retaliate otherwise it will go on and on...anyway i know this is long winded but ive had enough i contact her today after another few messages to my husband about how bad a father he is....and she is so delusional and trying to control everything, she constantly has a go at me cos i am not a "REAL" mother (btw...a mother would not allow their 4 yr old girl to have sleep overs at her step fathers house who she tells everyone molested her when she was young...she does this)
How do you continue to take these messages and behaviour and keep your sanity ....she just bombards etc we cant change numbers cos we need to be able to contact for some things regarding the kids...i have to admit i lost it today and said some nasty home truths but seriously there is a point where you should stand up for yourself right??
I have married an amazing man with two beautiful kids and i have a wonderful relationship with them, when i made the choice to move states and be with my husband full time (we had a long distance relationship for a few months after meeting) i made the choice to take him, the kids and unfortunately the ex wife...She was very intimidated in the beginning which i understood i was the first new woman to come into the kids life and having another mother figure in their life was hard for her to deal with. i tried to be as sensitive as i could to the situation. Things got aggressive from her side and i reached out to her after my SS came home one day and asked me why i didnt like his mother??? My parents divorced when i was 2 and had issues with my step mom...i didnt want the same thing for our kids. I reached out to her and asked to meet and resolve the issue, we did, only because i chose to forgive everything that she had said about me and the way she treated me but it wasnt about me it was about the kids and us getting along is better for them....it lasted for a while and we communicated regarding the kids as long as i was able to make her see she was getting everything the way that she wanted.
Anyway we had an issue at easter time - it was our easter this year and we had made plans - since we were in the same town this year she asked if she could have them for a couple of hours at lunch time to do their thing, we had no problem with that, when we dropped them off she said we weren't allowed to pick them up again until that evening - we had already made plans and it was merely a control stunt by her - she knew said for a couple of hours only but pleaded that she didnt say that which is totally irrelevant as it was our easter and we were doing her a favour in teh first place. After that i limited my dialog and involvement with other than when i needed to. She, in retaliation accuses me of trying to undermine her as a mother etc etc, one of her justifications was that i had apparently held our daughters hand too long when she was trying to give her a hug good bye...which was just childish and i was completely unaware of it, if i did it wasnt intentional in any way. but she flew at me with all these accusations etc of competing...came completely out of the blue it was like she had bottled all this little stuff instead of addressing it with me at the time which i had always asked her to do to avoid conflict. (the relationship is very strained with my husband as she had an affair with his best mate, she always wants more money etc saying she cant work but the reason for that is cos she has had a new baby which restricts her to work etc etc)
She is off the wall, because of her control freak nature she is constantly calling and harassing us, we even got calls at 1am in the morning saying that "we were screwed" cos she had proven we had broken into her house....just ridiculous. She is constantly sending messages belittling my husband as a father and is an amazing father and we never respond never retaliate otherwise it will go on and on...anyway i know this is long winded but ive had enough i contact her today after another few messages to my husband about how bad a father he is....and she is so delusional and trying to control everything, she constantly has a go at me cos i am not a "REAL" mother (btw...a mother would not allow their 4 yr old girl to have sleep overs at her step fathers house who she tells everyone molested her when she was young...she does this)
How do you continue to take these messages and behaviour and keep your sanity ....she just bombards etc we cant change numbers cos we need to be able to contact for some things regarding the kids...i have to admit i lost it today and said some nasty home truths but seriously there is a point where you should stand up for yourself right??