So my story is long, as most that I have read. How do I make a long story short so that I can get to the root of my issue here. Im in desperate need of advice!!
I was married to this man from 2001-2009. We were together since 1998 until 2008. We lived in a VERY small town where he was raised. Im from a big city and was considered an "outsider". However, I made this little town home. I was very involved in my community. I raised my 3 boys there and stayed involved in every aspect of their life. I was married before and had two boys and then my second and LAST husband had just our son together. I was the PTA president for 5 consecutive years. I ran and operated a successful business where most of the townfolk gathered to be a part of that was a very beneficial business to our community. It was in the form of health and wellness. I was instrumental in Cancer relay for life benefits and often donated time and money to our community. I was so involved with every single thing my kids did, meanwhile, putting my husband through school so that he could better "our" lives. I literally did most of his schooling, which included his online courses so that he could work and go to school, all the while Im running my business and taking full care of my children. My kids are my WORLD!! so my husband was addicted to porn and other woman. I didnt want the divorce but he insisted. I was literally willing to look the other way in order to keep my family in tact. He wouldnt have it. Shortly after we seperated, he started threatening me that he was going to take my son from me and because I got a lawyer, he was going to show me. That he was connected in that town and was going to show me. He did. The laywer that presided over our custody hearings was the very same lawyer that 4 years prior, he presided over my husband's uncles' triple homicide trial. This man went to school with this judge. The uncle received one life sentence for one murder and was aquitted for the other two (mind you, this was execution style murder with a shotgun) so this gives you a preface to the judge. I didnt have a prayer. All of our dirty laundry was on public display. Any mistep in my college life or shortly thereafter (before I was married) was all put on public display for the townfolk to sit and watch unfold. We had a VERY expensive and lenghty battle with him getting awarded temporary custody. I fought and sold everything I owned to pay for attorneys and courts. I finally ended up getting joint conservator, only after I had moved away (within same state, just different counties) and once we finally got the final decree, we both have equal rights, however I cannot move with my son more than 150 miles away from where we used to live. MInd you, I had already moved to pursue a career to start my life over. So, now, I have spent every single extra dime on plane tickets to fly my son here or fly to see him. I have driven (12 hours) so many times, just to see my son's games, see my son period. My boys are with me all summer long and its heaven. Its been nearly 3 years and my son has lived with his dad. In that three years, when I have him, its heaven again and when I have to take him back, he loses it and breaks down and it absolutely tears me in two. I have begged and pleaded for my ex to let me have him and let him live with me. I have come full circle since my divorce. I have secured myself a very well paying respectful career with full benefits, I have the time and want to be with my children for all they need. Meanwhile, my poor boy is stuck alone, to fend for himself a lot. When my ex isnt working, he is taking care of his animals which leaves my son to just be alone. My son spends a great portion of his time with my ex's parents that are older and are not able to give him the time and efforts he needs. My son wants to live with me so bad but he doesnt want to disappoint his dad and his dad makes him feel guilty and puts crap in his head, like, "well, your mother chose to leave you and move away" it kills me!! Now, he was nearly failing school. He has been late 33 times this past year and school isnt over yet! I tried to appeal to his father side and point out how much he is lacking to not have his mom or brothers in his life. I tried to convince him that this is the best thing for him to be with me and be a family again. My ex cares more about his own wants and feelings then he does for my boy and it is so unfair. My son broke my heart tonight because he told me his dad told him that he cant come live with me and that he can only come spend the summer with me and has to come back to the town he cant stand and is ultimately alone in. My ex's solution is for me to move back to the area where its very difficult to make a living in, much less a decent living. I have to have some rights! He cant hold all the power. What do i do?? I wanted to also add, I talk to my son every single day, every morning he is on his way to school, he calls me (that is if hes not with his grandparents) I even got him a cell phone so when his dads away, he can call me. He then calls me when hes out of school and a couple of times before bed and then right before bed. I check online every single thing he does at school. I have his coaches phone numbers and stay in contact with a few friends that work at the school to keep close tabs on how hes doing. Hes just sad and lonely and its killing me!
I was married to this man from 2001-2009. We were together since 1998 until 2008. We lived in a VERY small town where he was raised. Im from a big city and was considered an "outsider". However, I made this little town home. I was very involved in my community. I raised my 3 boys there and stayed involved in every aspect of their life. I was married before and had two boys and then my second and LAST husband had just our son together. I was the PTA president for 5 consecutive years. I ran and operated a successful business where most of the townfolk gathered to be a part of that was a very beneficial business to our community. It was in the form of health and wellness. I was instrumental in Cancer relay for life benefits and often donated time and money to our community. I was so involved with every single thing my kids did, meanwhile, putting my husband through school so that he could better "our" lives. I literally did most of his schooling, which included his online courses so that he could work and go to school, all the while Im running my business and taking full care of my children. My kids are my WORLD!! so my husband was addicted to porn and other woman. I didnt want the divorce but he insisted. I was literally willing to look the other way in order to keep my family in tact. He wouldnt have it. Shortly after we seperated, he started threatening me that he was going to take my son from me and because I got a lawyer, he was going to show me. That he was connected in that town and was going to show me. He did. The laywer that presided over our custody hearings was the very same lawyer that 4 years prior, he presided over my husband's uncles' triple homicide trial. This man went to school with this judge. The uncle received one life sentence for one murder and was aquitted for the other two (mind you, this was execution style murder with a shotgun) so this gives you a preface to the judge. I didnt have a prayer. All of our dirty laundry was on public display. Any mistep in my college life or shortly thereafter (before I was married) was all put on public display for the townfolk to sit and watch unfold. We had a VERY expensive and lenghty battle with him getting awarded temporary custody. I fought and sold everything I owned to pay for attorneys and courts. I finally ended up getting joint conservator, only after I had moved away (within same state, just different counties) and once we finally got the final decree, we both have equal rights, however I cannot move with my son more than 150 miles away from where we used to live. MInd you, I had already moved to pursue a career to start my life over. So, now, I have spent every single extra dime on plane tickets to fly my son here or fly to see him. I have driven (12 hours) so many times, just to see my son's games, see my son period. My boys are with me all summer long and its heaven. Its been nearly 3 years and my son has lived with his dad. In that three years, when I have him, its heaven again and when I have to take him back, he loses it and breaks down and it absolutely tears me in two. I have begged and pleaded for my ex to let me have him and let him live with me. I have come full circle since my divorce. I have secured myself a very well paying respectful career with full benefits, I have the time and want to be with my children for all they need. Meanwhile, my poor boy is stuck alone, to fend for himself a lot. When my ex isnt working, he is taking care of his animals which leaves my son to just be alone. My son spends a great portion of his time with my ex's parents that are older and are not able to give him the time and efforts he needs. My son wants to live with me so bad but he doesnt want to disappoint his dad and his dad makes him feel guilty and puts crap in his head, like, "well, your mother chose to leave you and move away" it kills me!! Now, he was nearly failing school. He has been late 33 times this past year and school isnt over yet! I tried to appeal to his father side and point out how much he is lacking to not have his mom or brothers in his life. I tried to convince him that this is the best thing for him to be with me and be a family again. My ex cares more about his own wants and feelings then he does for my boy and it is so unfair. My son broke my heart tonight because he told me his dad told him that he cant come live with me and that he can only come spend the summer with me and has to come back to the town he cant stand and is ultimately alone in. My ex's solution is for me to move back to the area where its very difficult to make a living in, much less a decent living. I have to have some rights! He cant hold all the power. What do i do?? I wanted to also add, I talk to my son every single day, every morning he is on his way to school, he calls me (that is if hes not with his grandparents) I even got him a cell phone so when his dads away, he can call me. He then calls me when hes out of school and a couple of times before bed and then right before bed. I check online every single thing he does at school. I have his coaches phone numbers and stay in contact with a few friends that work at the school to keep close tabs on how hes doing. Hes just sad and lonely and its killing me!