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Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. I'm not angry more hurt because I try to be the best mother as possible.  I often worry that it's hurting my daughter. But she doesn't seem upset. She says I worry to much about everything.  Lol she is right.. as for inviting him to events we always give him schedules but no luck so far. That breaks my heart but she copes well. Just amazing me how someone who does so little can down some one else.

My daughters father is constantly saying rude remarks to our 14yr old during visitation about me. Little jabs about my parenting skills etc. Note he's only came to one school play over the past 12 years. Never comes to her sporting events and he's unemployed. So it's not like his job is preventing him. 

I don't point these things out to our daughter. She's smart and will learn on her own. I also don't down him in front of her. She says she doesn't even pay attention when he says the things he says. She always wants to tell me what he said during her visits. However it really brings me down hearing what he says.

I also don't want her to feel like she has to tell me. So my question is would it be wrong to say to her "look I know your father has issues and if he wants to talk about them with me thats fine. But you do not have to tell me the things he says. I know he's upset with me. But that has nothing to do with his love for you."

Basically I don't want to hear what rude childish comments he makes. Its in our court documents he is not to down me in front of her.  When I confront him he gets iriate so I avoid it. He also gets mad at our daughter if she tells me.