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How do I file "contempt of court" on my ex for not following divorce decree?

My ex wife cannot handle me getting my daughter ready for events.  She will not provide me with the proper clothing to get my daughter ready.  When I ask her, she will make up excuses like it needs to be dry cleaned, ironed.  she also tells my daughter she doesn't want her to dirty her uniforms.  She tells any excuse to not send her event clothing. Now the new excuse is she is telling my daughter she is doing it so that she doesn't bother me with it. 

She has even had my daughter call me and tell me "my mom will get me ready"  I finally put my foot down this Halloween when my daughter told me she pulled over and changed my daughter into her Halloween costume in a parking lot.  She packs my daughter a over night bag every weekend and drops it off at daycare before I pick her up.  This shows she can pack the costumes and event clothes, she chooses not to.   Our divorce papers clearly state she must provide me with proper clothing for events. 

I really want to tell her our daughter wont go to events if she doesn't pack the clothing but I do not want to punish my daughter for her mothers actions.  I did yell at my ex wife and told her "no more" in front of my daughter.  My daughter yelled at me for not getting a long with her mother and I explained that getting dressed in public when I can get her ready is not right.  She is 10 and needs her privacy.  I told my ex wife it is a violation of my daughters safety and it will not happen again. 

I am afraid this will happen again because I have been trying to get it to stop for 7 years.  I am wondering if I should send her a letter or have a face to face talk before I take legal action.  I have told her more than once but she will say things like "this is my daughter, i will do what I want."  I need to protect my daughter and Id rather keep it out of court to avoid a fight.  I do not want the stress on my daughter because her mother already does all kinds of psychological mind games on my daughter to try and hurt me. 

Any suggestions on how I should approach enforcing this?  I thought about sending her a letter notifying she is in violation of the divorce decree.  (my ex is very controlling and is her behaviors represent a narcissistic sociopath this is only one scenario of the not right minded things my ex does to control my daughter and me.)