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Messages - itiswhatitis

#1
Custody Issues / RE: davy
Aug 13, 2008, 01:35:33 PM
The issue isn't necessarily a bias & yes, I want my wife to be apart of our sons life, it is a matter of her inability to see what future problems she will create for him.  

In the report, it states that the eval wanted my wife to start Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT for persons who might have BPD), my wife, according to the eval report, "did not provide a complete mental history & minimized her symptomatology. She did not meet the diagnostic criteria for placement into the programs that would be most appropriate for her. Treatment is going to be of limited impact if she is not honest about her issues."  

My son is already calling me a a$$hole because he hears it said so often & I do not want her to infect him with whatever ails her.

I don't understand how someone can write such damning things about one person, & then think that person, who is oblivious to what she is doing to her son, should be "rewarded" with 50/50.
#2
I received copy of the Cust Eval report for my 5 yr old.  My wife & I were told we were not going to get one, but our lawyers sent it too us & thank god they did.  There are so many inaccurate statements & more importantly, contradictions that do not, in my opinion, justifiably explain the recommendations.

We both took the personality & personal stress tests MMPI-2, MCMII & PSI.  Excerpts from this state, referring to my wife "It is likely she finds it difficult to mobilize the psychic & physical energy needed to fulfill parenting responsibilities. Withdrawal & a general inability to act with assertiveness & authority toward the child is a frequent behavioral manifestation."

How in the HELL,sorry, can u make that statement & follow it up with 50/50 parenting time.

This is just one example of many & to be fair it states for me that "Occasionally there are angry outbursts that may cause him embarrassment or concern."  I don't disagree I am more "irritable or hostile" given what I feel have been extremely stressful living conditions, but come on.

I'd love to post the whole report & have someone explain too me what I am missing.  Has anyone seen there report & if so, been baffled by the findings not correlating to the recommendations by a private, neutral evaluator?
#3
I finally received the custody evaluation report, regarding my wife & I's 5 year old, from our neutral evaluator & I am more confused than when I started this exhausting process.
It clearly states, in the report, that I am "better disposed to be the primary custodial parent"  & the "Father to have primary physical custody subject to a roughly equal parenting time schedule".  
The parenting time schedule is 2-2-5-5 day type schedule, meaning, 2 days me, 2 days her, 5 days me,5 days and so on.  
I understand our son needs to see his mother but, I thought being a primary custodial parent means the child sleeps, eats the majority of the time at that parent's home.  According to this report, he will, over a 2 week period, sleep at my home 7 nights & my soon to be ex-wife's home 7 nights as well. How does that make me a primary or physical custodial parent????
#4
Just starting the custody evaluation process w/ private evaluator(psychologist) & she would like collateral witness' info.  She(evaluator) stated any family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc that can verify/discuss your relationship with the child(our 4year old).

I have a # of different ways to utilize the witness' that, in different ways, are involved with my son & I's life but, my question is this: which ones are the best?
1-The Neighbors: who see me with my son; playing outside, going to the lake, helping me with outdoor chores, etc. but, will they want get involved because, in some cases, they are friends with both my wife & I?  
2-The Family, this one concerns me because obviously they are biased, so would they hold as much weight?
3-Co-workers & friends, in my wife & I's case, never (sad but true) see us with our kids, so what would they bring to the table?

As many have stated before me, this is going to be (insert your metaphor here) & going for physical custody as well as being; a man  the who works, not to say being a stay a home mom isn't work,  & also my wife's 14 year old (not mine) living with us so I would be separating the siblings, I know I am facing a uphill battle, so any advice would help a very stressed-out father. Thanks.
#5
The more & more I research this, the more shades of gray I seem to unearth.  

There is no definitive answer to this particular situation.  I "googled" vicarious consents cases & once again, found similar recording cases found admissible, but, of course they weren't exactly the same.  In the end, not surprisingly, it's the discretion the court, or in many cases, the appellate court.  

My concern is this, if I open this "Pandora's Box" up in the custody evaluation process, I have to convince the evaluator of the "good faith" behind it & hope they don't think its a shady thing to do.  

Is my wife's attempted suicide,  several additional threats of suicide, potentially (because of his age) damaging comments to our 4 year old enough justification for my actions?  In my heart,  I don't believe she would harm our son, but, do I really want to be in the same position as Andrea Yates' husband?  
#6
Thank you for that info.  I am curious, do you have any idea what legal state document your attorney is referring to & where I could find the specific "rules".

Maybe I can cross reference similar laws in MN & see what I can or can't do.  I have researched federal/state documents & none have broached this particular topic (child consent or your personal home).

 Its amazing/sad to think if, not the case here, my wife abused our son & it would be inadmissible because of "no consent".  Thanks again.
#7
  The Recording & Transcribing Article here was very helpful, but, I having a real hard time finding info on my unique scenario.

   I have been using a voice recorder to tape conversations/ongoings that happen within my home.  Some conversations I am present for & some I am not.  
   The reason for this is that I have concerns about what is going on, at home, with my wife & our 4 year old, since we are divorcing & custody is an issue.
   Also, I have a recording of my wife admitting, to someone on a phone at our home, that she accessed my cell phone & listened to my voice mail messages.  I know what she did was illegal, but, is what I am doing (recording) illegal as well?  I am not tapping any phone lines.  I am recording anything that is audible within the area of the recorder in our home.  Since our 4 year old is always present & I am not, or the fact its in our home make the recordings admissible/useable?  I know that when I am present, the recording is admissible, (Minnesota, 1 party consent).  
   We are going to be starting the custody evaluation process & there are some things that would prove neglect of our child & show that I am not making up the mental instability questions I will be raising.  
   Any insight or where I could find documentation that supports what I am doing would be much appreciated.