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Thanks ocean, you gave a lot of good suggestions.  I think this therapist actually will work out.  DH signed a waiver to release all the court docs, the only problem is that the next appt isn't until after her next visit with BM. 

Even though DH took away her cell phones, he's still allowing her to call BM to say good night from his phone.  But my SD's side of the conversations just sound like she's receiving orders, just one word responses, "yes...uh-huh...i know"  things like that.  Is my DH "allowed" to stop all communication, even if she's asking to speak to her mom?  We don't want it to seem like we disapprove of any relationship.  We're just in a tough spot.  Thanks for all your help.

My husband will be using the texts when they go back to the mediator.  As for the therapist, she has only met with my SD a couple times and asked not be involved with the court proceedings.  Right now she has met with my SD only and has not had the opportunity to review the court materials.  We did go through an entire 730 eval which originally kept custody the same (with BM) but after further review, the evaluator determined my SD should be removed.  That is what caused the temporary orders last month and my SD has been very resistant and claims the evaluator just doesn't like her mom and he's a liar.  Of course, when the original recommendation came through with my SD staying with her mom, no one thought he was a liar.

Hello.  I am new here and have never posted anywhere before actually.  I am at a complete loss and am looking for others in the same situation or anyone that can give insight to my family's issue.

I am the step-mother of a 12 year old girl.  My husband has been involved with a drawn out custody battle for years.  Just recently he gained temporary sole custody of his daughter and we are all suffering from the effects of severe parental alienation.  I will try to keep this as brief as possible but to get the best understanding of our situation, it may be longer than intended so please bear with me.

When I became involved with my husband, his daughter was 6 years old and I also have a son from a previous marriage who was 5 years old at the time.  My husband and his ex split when my sd was 2 yrs old and she always resided w/her mom.  The visitation orders were very vague, just saying "every other weekend" but not even specifying 1st & 3rd or anything like that.  Over the years, his time was slowly taken away from him and the mom would refuse to drive halfway.  She would make plans on his time and there was nothing he could do about it because the orders were not enforceable. 

When my sd was 9 yrs old he began the process to get the orders modified to have a concrete visitation schedule for weekends and school breaks.  Once the mom was served w/papers about the modification all hell broke loose.  Suddenly my sd did not want to visit and would say bizarre things that were happening at our house like my husband doesn't spend time w/her and we would force her to call me "mom".  One period of time, she refused to visit for 6 weeks straight and the mom would hang up when he tried to call to speak w/his daughter.  She claims this was my sd's decision.  Once set orders were in place, he was able to see his daughter consistently but strange things started to happen.  We were hearing complaints from her neighbor stating he has called CPS because of the loud arguing that was taking place at their home and he was concerned for the child's safety.

My husband decided to persue for full custody once he realized his daughter was possibly in danger.  Fast forward 2 years and the judge determined the mom's home was not stable and granted sole custody to my husband temporarily.  He gained custody last month and there is one more month before the next court date to determine set orders.

The first 5 weeks sd lived with us were great.  We still allowed her to speak with her mom over video calls and phone calls and even allowed the texting to continue (which has been constant).  Her first visit to her mom was last weekend and things have not been the same since.  She is now very detatched from the rest of our family, even treating her 1 year old sister coldly which did not happen before the visit to her mom.  My husband discovered some disturbing info that both her mom and sd have posted online regarding the case and decided it was time to remove all communication from her mom who is encouraging this behavior.  He took away her cell phones and computer and she flipped out.  We found disturbing texts from her mother once looking at her phone about ways to have her come home.  Mom tells her to keep crying every night until we give in and let her come back, and to keep telling everyone she needs to come home and to not stop.  The list goes on and on.

So, with ALL that said (which barely scratches the surface), how do we deal with the severe effects of parental alienation?  How do we help her understand that we are not evil and have not done this to purposely anger her and her mom?  And that we do love her very much.  I am concerned she will hurt herself, because she has threatened that also.  We just began taking her to a therapist too.  Is there any way of coming back from this?  She will be visiting her mom again next weekend, unfortunately, and I'm afraid it will be worse again.

Thanks for your time in reading this.