My sons dad told me that he will start taking his visitation, but that he will only be able to take them if he stays in a hotel and if I pay the cost, for the hotel. I told him I cannot do that, what is your advice?
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Quote from: tigger on Dec 05, 2011, 11:04:39 AM
His lack of responsibility and ongoing involvement with his son doesn't give him the right to wreak havoc during a holiday. At the very least, he should be required to give 15 days notice and then at your discretion based on the child's schedule. How old is the child? Once he's in school and has school programs, or church programs, sporting events, friends, etc. he's not going to be agreeable to Dad interrupting his plans all the time, especially if he's not there on a daily or at least weekly basis.
Quote from: tigger on Dec 05, 2011, 08:25:27 AM
Should probably be spelled out. My ex and I tried splitting the actual holiday but it was exhausting for both the boys and us and was difficult for extended families wanting to include them. We switched to a schedule that alternated the holidays not just each year but within the year so that each parent got every other holiday every other year.
Easter - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 5 pm Sunday (Easter) - Odd - Father, Even - Mother
Memorial Day - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 8 pm Monday - Even - Father, Odd - Mother
4th of July - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the day prior to the holiday through 10 a.m. the day after the holiday - Odd - Father, Even - Mother
And so on. For Mother's and Father's days it was from Friday at noon until Sunday at 5 every year.
Quote from: Apple on Dec 04, 2011, 02:52:24 PM
Generally holidays are split so it's somewhat even. Our order alternates major holidays each year. If all familes live near enough some split Christmas between eve and day. For Christmas we have the kids Christmas eve until 10am Christmas day.
If you have a good realtionship with the other parent an open agreement can be nice. Regadless, I sugggest using email to document what is decided. If only to ensure everyone is on the same page. Nail down exchange times and place too.
Once you decide on a schedule I suggest offically adding it to your order. That way if the relationship deteriorates you're protected. I mention this from experience. We had an open agreement and the bio mom was impossible to deal with. We were at her mercy. Once we got the schedule in the order bio dad's time was protected.
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2011, 02:30:49 PM
Well, then maybe see if he will do once a month on a long weekend from school?
Sounds like he really has some growing up to do. Email him back and forth for proof that you tried. If he still wont come, then email him to call you a week before a weekend he can do, and you will try your best to have child available. Keep the email going with school and activities schedule. Every now ant then you can send him a copy of report cards or whatever in a registered letter to keep him up to date and have proof. Keep texts or take pictures of the phone when he cancels or says no.
If he wont do anything, text him the Wed before his weekends and ask if he is coming that weekend. Then keep it. Start telling child that dad is working and he will not go there as ofter but loves him. You will let him know when he is coming.
Is it a money thing? Maybe offer him some gas money to help get son back and forth. Really not your issue but if it gets your son to see his dad?
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2011, 01:59:28 PM
You can not force him to come get him. Maybe offer a long distance plan instead where he can have child longer on school vacations and more in the summer instead of every other weekend. It would be great if your child sees him more and if he fully capable of getting child then not sure what else you can do. If you have someone that is willing to meet at a half way point instead? Is there traffic on Friday nights when he has to come after work? Maybe he can just spend Fri or Sat in your area instead?
How about you ask him what he wants?? (beside you driving him because he knows you can not)
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2011, 12:06:21 PM
Why won't he come? What is his reason for not coming anymore? If he does not come to get child then he skips that visit.