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Messages - AAP2388

Visitation Issues / Hotel costs
Dec 07, 2011, 11:02:31 AM
My sons dad told me that he will start taking his visitation, but that he will only be able to take them if he stays in a hotel and if I pay the cost, for the hotel. I told him I cannot do that, what is your advice?
General Issues / Re: holidays
Dec 05, 2011, 11:27:09 AM
Quote from: tigger on Dec 05, 2011, 11:04:39 AM
His lack of responsibility and ongoing involvement with his son doesn't give him the right to wreak havoc during a holiday.  At the very least, he should be required to give 15 days notice and then at your discretion based on the child's schedule.  How old is the child?  Once he's in school and has school programs, or church programs, sporting events, friends, etc. he's not going to be agreeable to Dad interrupting his plans all the time, especially if he's not there on a daily or at least weekly basis.

I know I have told him I need at least 10 day notice for a holiday, that I cannot know last minute. I am willing to bend over backwards to make it possible for him to see his son, but he doesn't want to I guess. My son is 5, he is in kindergarten. I talk good about his dad and everything too, I never say a bad thing about his bdad, but when the few times he does go with his dad he shows anger towards his dad, because he isn't around at all, also sometimes my son doesn't remember him. I think the whole situation just stinks.
General Issues / Re: holidays
Dec 05, 2011, 09:52:57 AM
Quote from: tigger on Dec 05, 2011, 08:25:27 AM
Should probably be spelled out.  My ex and I tried splitting the actual holiday but it was exhausting for both the boys and us and was difficult for extended families wanting to include them.  We switched to a schedule that alternated the holidays not just each year but within the year so that each parent got every other holiday every other year.

Easter - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 5 pm Sunday (Easter) - Odd - Father, Even - Mother
Memorial Day - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 8 pm Monday  - Even - Father, Odd - Mother
4th of July - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the day prior to the holiday through 10 a.m. the day after the holiday - Odd - Father, Even - Mother

And so on.  For Mother's and Father's days it was from Friday at noon until Sunday at 5 every year.

I suggested alternating, he doesn't want to do that, because he says he doesn't show up enough, so he should just be able to call the day off and say he is taking him during that holiday, I totally disagree with his statement.
General Issues / Re: holidays
Dec 04, 2011, 03:29:36 PM
Quote from: Apple on Dec 04, 2011, 02:52:24 PM
Generally holidays are split so it's somewhat even.  Our order alternates major holidays each year.  If all familes live near enough some split Christmas between eve and day.  For Christmas we have the kids Christmas eve until 10am Christmas day.   

If you have a good realtionship with the other parent an open agreement can be nice.  Regadless, I sugggest using email to document what is decided.  If only to ensure everyone is on the same page.  Nail down exchange times and place too.   

Once you decide on a schedule I suggest offically adding it to your order.  That way if the relationship deteriorates you're protected.  I mention this from experience.  We had an open agreement and the bio mom was impossible to deal with.  We were at her mercy.  Once we got the schedule in the order bio dad's time was protected.

I am pretty sure he won't be coming, because he never really comes to see our son, but just in case its good to have a plan.
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2011, 02:30:49 PM
Well, then maybe see if he will do once a month on a long weekend from school?
Sounds like he really has some growing up to do. Email him back and forth for proof that you tried. If he still wont come, then email him to call you a week before a weekend he can do, and you will try your best to have child available. Keep the email going with school and activities schedule. Every now ant then you can send him a copy of report cards or whatever in a registered letter to keep him up to date and have proof. Keep texts or take pictures of the phone when he cancels or says no.
If he wont do anything, text him the Wed before his weekends and ask if he is coming that weekend. Then keep it. Start telling child that dad is working and he will not go there as ofter but loves him. You will let him know when he is coming.
Is it a money thing? Maybe offer him some gas money to help get son back and forth. Really not your issue but if it gets your son to see his dad?

I send him school pictures and things like that, I call him and give him updates. He says he will try to come up but then he never does, he calls and says he would rather go out for the evening. So I do bend over backwards to try to get him to come. Honestly I cannot give him gas money, I really don't have the money to give him money for gas. And no money is not an issue for him, its pretty much he will try to come if nothing better pops up.
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2011, 01:59:28 PM
You can not force him to come get him. Maybe offer a long distance plan instead where he can have child longer on school vacations and more in the summer instead of every other weekend. It would be great if your child sees him more and if he fully capable of getting child then not sure what else you can do. If you have someone that is willing to meet at a half way point instead? Is there traffic on Friday nights when he has to come after work? Maybe he can just spend Fri or Sat in your area instead?
How about you ask him what he wants?? (beside you driving him because he knows you can not)

He doesn't want him on vacations or in the summer, because he goes  camping with his dad, I have questioned him why he doesn't want to take our son, and he says because he wants to enjoy his vacation. I have asked people if they will meet half way, and no one can do it, they are busy. He doesn't want to come to my area and stay because he wants to go back to his place and he cannot afford a hotel every weekend.
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2011, 12:06:21 PM
Why won't he come? What is his reason for not coming anymore? If he does not come to get child then he skips that visit.

He won't come because he doesn't want to drive the 45 minutes to come get our son. I have even offered that if he cannot make it on the scheduled day that he can come on another day if it works better for his schedule, and he says no. He knew before he moved that I didn't drive, and I told him upfront that he would have to transport if he moved, the judge also told him the same thing.
They would have to have separate beds, but it can be in the same room.
General Issues / holidays
Dec 04, 2011, 11:12:39 AM
my co states that holiday visitation is agreed on by both parties. How does this work and what would be a fair schedule to suggest?
Visitation Issues / transportation and visitation
Dec 04, 2011, 11:11:01 AM
My court order states that my sons father is supposed to do all transporting during visitation, because he is the one who moved. Now my sons father is trying to get me to do the drop offs or he refuses to come see our son. I cannot transport due to the fact I cannot drive. My doctor has stated that I cannot drive due to my high anxiety. How can I handle this issue? Advice needed.