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Messages - TXDad

#1
Sorry - just saw the question about internet chat.  I have asked a couple of times but never receive any kind of response, it's just ignored.  It is one of the things I intend to request when we have a hearing in a few months for a revised parenting plan.
#2
Engaged, but there are no issues between myself and the future husband.  He has never done anything to upset me and my son has never said a bad word about him.
#3
Thank you everyone for your input.  I know adults tend to think more into things than kids - we just did not want my son to feel like he was always putting in an effort to speak with his step-mom and she never reciprocated.

I understand where you all are coming from.  My wife goes out of her way to never say anything that we believe could be misconstrued but you can't control other people's perceptions.  Hopefully one day the ex and I can have a cooperative relationship, at the least, and can be accepting of anyone that our son cares about.  We will go back to just phone conversations between my wife and son (at his initiation) and will try having her just sign the bottom of my letters, add her own "Hi", etc...  I'm learning to choose my battles wisely and although I feel this is petty of the ex, it's not worth turning into a war.
#4
I am actually the father (NCP) of the child in question but my wife and I were wanting opinions on our situation.  We live several states away from my son and, unfortunately, do not get to see him EOW.  I call him weekly and try to continue other forms of communication such as letters and such.  The CP has gotten very upset recently because my wife (step-mom) has begun including her own letter to my son when I send mine to him.  Nothing inappropriate is said in these letters; she talks about what is going on around our house, asks him what he has been up to, to share with his sister, do good in school, etc. 

She started writing him because over the last several weeks, he has asked to speak to her when I make my weekly phone call to him.  Prior to this, she did not want to make waves with the CP by initiating her own separate communication with him.  However, now that he is specifically asking to speak with her she wants to reciprocate by writing him letters.  So we are torn about what the right thing to do here is.  Continue her communication with him so he knows that she cares about him as well and wants to stay in touch or please the CP by stopping all letters and only communicating with him when he asks to speak with her on the phone.

I do not feel that she is doing anything wrong but the CP tends to get very upset over anything and everything.  I would think she would be pleased that our son has another adult that he can look up to, but that is not the case here.  My wife wants to stay in touch with my son between visits but does not want to cause any unnecessary trouble for me.  What is everyone's opinion?
#5
Visitation Issues / Re: Limiting Visitation
Jan 07, 2012, 08:27:49 PM
Kitty - you're right.  Our marriage was very short and very bad (I will admit that a large portion of that was my fault).  However, we have been split up for over 7 years now.  I feel like this is all because she is still PO'd or hurt over the things that happened when we were together.  I also think it might irk her a little bit that I have completely changed for the better now and that wasn't a possibility when we were together.  What's sad is sometimes I think she really thinks she is protecting our son from me b/c of her feelings towards me but all she is doing is hurting him. 
#6
Visitation Issues / Re: Limiting Visitation
Jan 07, 2012, 08:22:13 PM
Yea, it's my current wife that has a great relationship with her ex.  It's night and day compared to my situation. 

I was already planning to request parenting time while I was in town for the hearing.  I'm going to plan to be in town through the following weekend so that even if she denies me when I get there, I'll have the time that I'm fairly confident the judge will order while I'm in town.  Every time I get frustrated and nervous about the whole situation I just remember that a judge will grant me more than she is currently.  She is the type that she may be doing this right now but once a judge specifically tells her to do something, she will.  She knows that the probability of her really getting in trouble for one time is not good so she's going to pull what she can until a judge tells her otherwise.  I'm sure she also doubts that I'll follow through with court.  She is assuming that I will just go along with whatever she gives me because in the past I could never afford a lawyer.  I'm fully prepared to fight this time and I won't let her keep calling the shots with all her petty BS.  I'm really hoping I have a judge that sees right through her and tells her like it is.  That would make my whole year.
#7
Visitation Issues / Re: Limiting Visitation
Jan 06, 2012, 07:38:51 AM
Thank you.  I had never even considered calling local LE first to see how they would handle it if she did call.  I will remember that between now and our hearing.  While I am in town for the hearing I was going to try and see my son.  This will come in handy when her lawyer contacts mine saying that I can only see him on X day and X time(s).  I just don't understand how some people think.  My wife has a great relationship with her ex-husband.  They sit together at all the kids' activities, have birthday parties together and don't even refer to their parenting plan for anything.  It's always talked about and easily agreed on who has the kids and when.  Why can't all parents do what is best for their kids with so little fuss???
#8
Shrink Rap / Behavior Following Visitation
Jan 05, 2012, 02:19:01 PM
Does anyone know where I can find articles/information pertaining to young children acting out following visitation with a NCP?  The CP is attempting to use our son's acting out as a way to limit visitation but I believe that is simply because he was upset at having to say bye to me (I live in another state) and that this is fairly normal.  I have found various posts on the internet but was looking for something that would stand a chance of holding up in court. 
#9
Visitation Issues / Re: Limiting Visitation
Jan 05, 2012, 07:51:09 AM
I moved so court is in her jurisdiction.
#10
Visitation Issues / Re: Limiting Visitation
Jan 05, 2012, 06:14:12 AM
I believe she was interfering because she was not allowing me to have only those few hours with him instead of the entire 5 day stretch the parenting plan outlines.  She was insisting that I agree to those terms or I would not get to see him over Thanksgiving.  Yes, I could have agreed with her and then not returned him but that is just more drama for him to have to go through.  Last thing I wanted was to have her call the police and cause a big scene.  I would rather have him be more comfortable and handle it in court, away from little eyes and ears.

Right now I have a hearing (waiting to hear back from judge with either a court date or order for mediation) to establish a new parenting plan that takes into account the distance.  My lawyer will be bringing up the Thanksgiving holiday (we have e-mails showing that it was all or nothing in agreeing with her, I took what I could get so that I wasn't completely denied).  There is also another weekend that I was going to travel to see him (exercise one of my normal weekend visitations in the parenting plan) and the CP was only going to allow me one overnight.  Again, I could refuse to return him but don't want to put him through that. 

My question with the counseling was related to trying to find research that shows a child acting out is normal behavior after returning from parenting time.  The CP is using his behavior against me until he gets counseling but everything I have read shows that more frequent time with the NCP often helps this, not less time.  His behavior is her basis for limiting my parenting time during the weekend I mentioned above.  I'm not against him receiving counseling but I don't believe it's right for her to say I can't have him according to the parenting plan.