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Messages - gma29

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Visitation Issues / How to respond without blowing up court case...
« on: Sep 04, 2021, 05:28:38 AM »
Little background:
My son was abusive to his ex - from what I can tell it now appears to have been mutual but that is not probably relevant.  My husband and I were close to his ex and I worked with her to get an OFP because of the documented abuse.  They violated the OFP together (she went to his house, they got in an argument - go figure - and the landlord called the police) and he was charged & convicted and is going through the whole process of dv classes, probation, etc.  They continued to violate the OFP and now a DANCO as well together and she would drop their daughter and her son off at his house all the time for overnights, etc. 

Then she got a new bf (who was also extremely abusive and a thief) and she began talking about moving from MN to TX and taking the kids.  In addition, she and the new bf faked a DANCO/OFP violation by creating instagram messages and placing a knife out alongside her car.  We know she did this because she actually wrote it in her victim impact statement AFTER he'd taken an Alford plea (because the evidence showed he did it and he couldn't prove he didn't and the plea kept him out of prison) and now has a felony dv on his record.

Now to the problem/question:  When she talked about moving, I helped my son with the paperwork to file for custody - knowing that he'd get standard parenting time at best - but we (our whole family) were working to keep her from moving out of MN.  Got it filed, made a mistake on serving and it was closed, but it was enough to make her stay in MN.  Mid July the DANCO was modified to allow text or email messages regarding parenting time for my granddaughter.  The ex is furious with me and my husband for helping our son to file and has said that the only way our granddaughter can be here is if our son is with (we'd had her at least one weekend a month for a year before without a parent) and is jerking him around on time.

He did a new filing for just parenting time with a basic schedule, except that he is asking for (and she'd already agreed) to Thursday through Sunday e/o wkend.  At this point, she hasn't responded to the filing and the only thing that has happened is a proposed order has been added to the case.  No court date yet.  He will be calling on Tuesday to see about why a date hasn't been scheduled.

For this summer, my husband and I have been doing the pickup/dropoffs because of the DANCO, but we don't live in town and won't be in town when he needs us for the next few visits.  He texted his ex to confirm next Thursday through Sunday and she came back with Friday through Sunday.  He said that he's petitioned the court for Thursday through Sunday and that is what he would like to have.  Her response "idc take it or leave it. or take me to court frfr".  Not sure how she doesn't realize he already IS taking her to court (note - 65 page affidavit with 55 pages of text screenshots showing her jerking him around and trying to cause an argument.  He's been amazing at not engaging - I guess a prison sentence hanging over you will do that).

In any case, our fear is if he takes the Friday - Sunday, then that will impact his case for wanting Thursday - Sunday.  But, if he doesn't take it then he loses him time with his daughter and THAT will impact his case for wanting time altogether because she already says that he doesn't want time with his daughter or he wouldn't let us take her on his time.

How should he respond to the "idc take it or leave it" to minimize the negative impact to his parenting time case but also not engage in an argument that could violate the DANCO?

Visitation Issues / Re: Domestic situation...
« on: Nov 07, 2017, 03:15:30 PM »
Agreed, Tigger.  Mom is checking with the clinic my older granddaughter goes to for an opening for someone who works with kids her age.


Visitation Issues / Re: Domestic situation...
« on: Nov 07, 2017, 03:00:14 AM »
Thanks, ocean.  We live in MN.  Oldest granddaughter is already in counseling due to all the stuff that happened between mom & dad.  Also, mom & gf have already discussed how to ensure that the sisters have time together.  Due to the existing ofp for mom, dad isn't on the emergency contact lists at the schools so they won't let him (or his family) take them - and the youngest granddaughter's preschool saw what mom looked like two days after that assault and talked to her so also know what happened and the severity.  I will recommend mom go get that order as well for the girls.  I didn't even think of that.

Visitation Issues / Domestic situation...
« on: Nov 06, 2017, 06:06:55 PM »
Background:  Two granddaughters (7 yo and 4 yo), my step-daughter is mom.  Mom & dad were together for 6 years, during which dad was abusive to mom.  Two years ago (Oct 2015), dad moved new gf in and kicked mom and girls out.  March 2016, dad called mom to come discuss their relationship (2am Sunday morning) and he beat her so badly in his apartment stairwell that she had a concussion and still suffers the after effects of the head injuries via sinus issues, etc. and flashbacks every once in a while (all that she is willing to admit).  He was convicted of felony domestic assault and is on probation for 4 more years.  Judge wanted OFP on girls and mom, but mom said let the girls see him unsupervised. 

Mom and new gf did child exchanges e/o weekend and every Wed eve, plus standard rotating holidays.  If gf was not home, dad would cancel the time or send them home early.  Dad and gf now have a 1 yo daughter. 

Current situation:  Dad and gf just broke up.  A week ago yesterday on his Sunday, gf and dad got in a fight and gf locked herself in the bathroom to get away from him.  He tore the door apart with his bare hands to get to her.  He told the girls that gf did not love them and that their dd was not the girls' sister and they would never see either gf or their dd again.  He was also pushing older granddaughter around.  Younger granddaughter was in the corner crying because gf didn't love her and why not because granddaughter loved gf.  Then dad told girls not to ever tell what happened or they wouldn't get to see him ever again.

Four days later, we get all these details.  The girls told a very little bit, but gf called us and told us she was going to police to file reports and court to get OFP because she is afraid of dad - he abused her throughout relationship too and was force to lie to the police about what had happened to my step-daughter.

No court order for custody or parenting time is in place.  My step-daughter just put a schedule together and has stuck to it.  Now she is scared that dad may hurt the girls if he gets mad enough and the girls are noticeably emotionally upset and are seriously acting out since that weekend.  I don't think that the girls are safe with him anymore - and I was always the one advocating for him to have unsupervised time.  Plus we just found out that HIS mom's bf beat her up recently too and there is an OFP and a pending felony domestic (2nd one) there too and she & her bf are violating the OFP.

Advice?  What does my step-daughter do now?  We have no doubts that what the gf and the girls said is true - it is his method of operation, but she doesn't know how to handle parenting time now and I don't know how to advise her either.  Help!

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