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Okay, ex has history of enrolling 10 year old son in after school programs, collecting additional cs from it, and pulling him out without notifying me. Never filed any exceptions to it... I should have. Live out of state -- they live in NC.

Now ex moved in with her parents and filed for more cs and has put son in an after school martial arts program. Originally claimed it was after school care, that gps never agreed to watch son after school, but now argument has change (probally because she realised that gps are watching the infant and so can watch my son). Ex claiming it is an activity: $350 a month. This activity will be from 3-6pm M-F; I can't imagine kids doing 3 hours every day of nothing but martial arts. I found karate classes in their area that meets 3 days a week and is free. Will forward the info. to ex.

So what are your thoughts/caveats? Think ex will pull this off?

Thanks!
 
 

I recently had my attourney look into this via his firms tax office.  Apparently there's been changes to the rules on claiming dependents.  They looked at publilcation 501 (Exemptions, Standard Deductions...)
for the year 2003 and noted changes from 2002.  For those of you familiar with the rules regarding claiming exemptions from the previous year, publication 501 now states:

"these special rules for divorced or seperated parents also apply to parents who never married"

among other changes.  Moreover, it doesn't look like never married NCP's who provide more than half the support can claim the exemption unless the custoidal parent releases the exemption claim...

Anyone know how this change came to be?  

CP lives in NC, I live in PA.  Custody and support handled in PA.  Our son is 10 years old.

By order, cp is to maintain primary health insurance for son and I (NCP) to maintain secondary. CP has been withholding policy information from me for the past year. Just learned from CP that she has son on MEDICAID. Don't understand how CP can qualify for such coverage given that she makes 35k a year, has two kids (one with someone else), receives additional 11k a year from me for CS, and that I also provide (secondary) coverage for son.

I suspect CP is committing fraud (she has history of lying in support court to up CS -- in fact, I'm also paying for part of her old health ins. premium and then she switched to MEDICAID).

1.)  Given that this is state aid, will the state go after me for re-imbursement?  (I suspect CP did not provide my info. to state).

2.)  Also puzzled given her income, my CS, and the fact that I have coverage for son (I did offer to make my coverage primary, but cp refused) how can she qualify for such assistance.  Have any insight on this?


Thanks!!!

The state is PA, mother has primary custody of 8 year old son.  Filed for custody in February.  Mother agreed to my discovery request -- to provide answers/supporting documents by November 4, 2004.  Mother never petition any discovery questions for us to answer.

Mother did not answer many of the questions and did not supply any documentation (such as school records, medical records, psych. records, etc.).  Asked her atty for documents and answers, atty replies she will supply answers when "they recieve the same."

I'm an out of state NCP; many of the discovery questions don't apply to me.



1)  They agreed to our discovery (and it was signed by a judge); can they now refuse it?



Thanks!

FACTS:  

State court is in PA.  Mother lives in PA with son.  I live in DE.   I have joint legal and shared custody of son.

My son's 1st grade teacher had him keep a journal where she would write notes on his classroom behavior for his mother to see.   Each entry in journal is followed by Mother's and teacher's signature.   I have photocopies of this journal.
     

QUESTIONS:
   
1)  Will there be any problems in getting this admissable in court?

BACKGROUND:
     
        I'm a NCP of an 8 year old boy.  Mom and son llive in PA.  I have joint legal
        custody and partial physical custody every other weekend.  

        I drove up to my son's school in PA to visit him during free time.  Principal
        would not let me see him because I have custody on weekends.

COMMENTARY:

       This issue is weighing very heavy on my psyche.

QUESTIONS:

      1)  Do I need to have it specifically stated in court order that I can visit my
            son at public school?  

      2)  If this ends up being simply a matter of school policy, then can they expect
            such a policy once it becomes challenged?

Dear Soc.,

State in question: PA.
County:  Montgomery.

Two questions:

1) How can I look up past recommendations of evaulators in my county.  I'd like to get an indication on how strongly potential evaluators feel about issues that will arise in my case.

2) In a few weeks I am to attend a short list for my petition to change custody. I understand this mainly deals with scheduling issues -- but I am not clear of scheduling what? Since an evaluation has not been ordered yet (but I'm certain it will), and since from what I understand there is some variability on the time it takes to complete an evaluation, I don't see how a trial date can be set...

Any clarification on these two issues will be most appreciated!!!

 

My son's school does not have his school records from his earlier school.  He's been having discipline problems at his present school -- some bad days, but more good days than bad.  He's in the second grade.  He was *more unmanageable* in his previous school... admittedly, he has been improving.
I asked mom why the school doesn't have his school records from the previous  school and she says that's because the present school will hold this against him, i.e. label him, etc...

I would think that the more information the school has, the more effective their school conselor and psychiatrist can be.

What's you're take on this? And please feel free to dispense advice.

All,

For background, please see my earlier post with subject line "need help here."
Also CO states I have every custody every other weekend.

The weekend before last, I had a master's conference with respect to my contempt petition.  Hearing date is in late November.  Ex brought son to conference hoping to get him to testify... no testimony taken from either parties, just got our date.

Since son was at conference (which was on a Friday), my atty approached my son and she encouraged him to go.  My ex was on the spot this time and so when my son looked at her to see if he could go, she said he could go.  So I got him, we had a great time at the county fair, lots for rides, etc..

Got a letter earlier this week from mother accusing me of ruining that weekend since I didn't let him take a baby hamster home with him that Sunday.  She accused me of promising a hamster and not coming forth with it.  I was very clear with my son he can have a baby hamster after they're weaned.  And at the time they weren't, in fact their eyes had yet to open.  

So when I came this Friday, it was a repeat of all the crap that happened july, august, and beginning of september.  He was hiding behind his mother, holding on to her arm.  When I squated down (eye level) I reached out and tickled him.  He let go, laughed, and then grabbed his mother's arm again.  

Seeing that he was
responsive, I decided this time to try picking him up -- he wouldn't let go of his mother's arm, and so I put him back down.  He smiled a little -- this is somewhat of a game to him.  So this time I picked him up, unwrapped him from mother's arm, and started walking toward my car.  He was not kicking nor screaming -- which was what I had feared the earlier times.  Mother grabs his upperbody and starts pulling him from me.   Not wanting a tug-a-war, I let him go.  Mother then accuses me of trying to grab him against his will and take off.  She calls 911.

Police come, son hides behind mother, and I don't get custody of my son for the weekend.  Don't have this video taped -- tried to have pictures taken, but pickups are in evening, so nothing came out.

No allegations of abuse -- at least not to the police officers tonight.

Also, my wife was in the car, and mother -- unprovoked -- threatens wife.
Police had to physically restrain ex so that we could leave.

Bottom line:  Mother knows if she calls police I don't have my weekends.
I'm already at 3 months of denied visitatioon, and since court date in mid November, I'll have 3 more denials.

This is disgusting.   We've already filed a supplemental to our contempt petition.
It was granted emergency status, but at Masters' it was relegated to normal petition because "there's no blood."

On the brigher side, Mother's petition for an immediate move away was denied.
She was told she can't go until change in custody petition resolved.  

Background: 8 year old son, lots of behavior problems.  CP refuses to get therapy for son.  Applied for change in custody several months ago.  I live out of state.


I hadn't had weekends with my son in over 3 months.  Mother has told him that I'm trying to take him away from her, that I have my atty lie for me, that I'm a liar, etc...

When I go to pick up my son, they (CP and son) put on quite a show.  Son hides behind his mother and refuses to go.   I spend time trying to get him away from his mother by saying we just go for pizza (in walking distance) and see afterwards if he'll go.  At pizza, he's back to normal... laughing, etc...  And then when we come back, he still refuses to go.  When police are called he continues hiding behind his mother.

Mother's action in all of this:  she stands there doing nothing.   I'd prefer her not to be out there at all, because her doing nothing only encourages him.  Also, lots of eye contact between the two while I try to negotiate with son.  For example, when I mention let's go to the playground, he looks at mother, mother grimmaces, and he says no.

I don't know what to do.  I'm hesitant to force him to go; I'm sure mother will only use this against me.  Also, worried about his mental well-being.  Mother is trying to make this pickups as difficult as possible for me.

When at masters (I filed for contempt) Mother claims she does her "best to get him to go."  Our hearing date scheduled in late November.  

I don't want to force him and I don't want to go until late November with missed visitations.  What should I do?
Advice please!

Hi all,

In a middle of custody dispute and having big problems with visitation.  I tried to get my son the weekend before last and he wouldn't come.   Since I filed for change in custody, mother has been doing a lot of talking to my son.  He use to be so enthusiastic about my weekends.

Mother just sat there and tried to look helpless.  In an earlier denied visitation, she actively denied the visitation... got a contempt on her for that one.  

I recently sent a letter requesting to change the venue of our pickups to a nearby playground because of the recent problems with visitaiton.  Just a few days ago, I received a written response.
Mother says that since the relationship between my son and I has deteriorated so much that I should no longer have my overnights but that I can come by to visit him there until our relationship improves.  (Please keep in mind I live out of state).  However, she also included that she understood "I still had a legal right" to have overnights.

This is such BS.  There's so much manipulation going on.  When the police officer arrived, he asked my son if he wanted to at least go with me for some ice cream.  My son couldn't even answer that, he held his head down, tilted it towards his mother, and waited for her to say it was okay to go for ice cream.   There's a lot of this eye contact that goes back and forth between him and his mother during this visitation disputes.

Police officer saw this, but it just went over his head.  These guys aren't trained for this sort of thing and they're not at all helpful.  The only thing they can be counted on *at best* is to just document that the visit did not occur.  

 What I need is to have a mental health expert on hand for this next pickup to observe mother and child interaction.   Is there any way I can arrange this?  Anyone know how to go about this?

Hi all,

I have an 8 year old son. When he goes into a tantrum --- he has a behavior disorder which is not being treated, I'm trying to get counseling ordered -- he demands to call his mother. However, whenever he goes into these fits, I give him a time out -- and tell him can't call until the tantrum ends. I don't have any issues with him talking to his mother just not when he's in a fit and being disciplined for it. After he calms down, I always ask if he wants to call his mother, and he often says no. Mother feels differently about the issue, that son should be able to call whenever he wants to. To my surprise, I just learned from my son that he believes that I won't let him call his mother for crying. This is definitely not the case, and I don't want it to perceived as such.

Any advice on how to address the issue will be appreciated.   I'm considering sending a list of rules to the mother concerning this issue, and *hoping* she will accept.  Any suggestions of possible rules will also be appreciated.

Thanks...
 
 

Hi All,

My ex received my petition for change in custody last week; this Friday I went to pick up my son, my son was very hesitant.  This is uncharacteristic of him, he's always looks joyfully towards our weekends.

I had some problems with him my last weekend with him... his mother doesn't want him to get his hair wet at my house (we were an interracial couple... I'm white and his mother's black... she says his hair isn't like mine, I don't know how to take care of it, etc.).  Well, anyways he likes to take baths in the big tub and so his hair gets wet.

So at pick up time, I asked his mother if it's okay for his hair to get wet.  She said no, and then I replied I  don't think it's right to put that burden on him.  She gets angry and starts escalating the discussion... I see that my boy is getting upset (he was already unusually timid coming out) and his eyes starting to water.  So I told his mother, we shouldn't do this in front of him.  She saw this and decided to manipulate situation to her needs.  She accused me of starting the whole mess, and then asked him "Do you want to go with him?  You don't have to if you don't want to."  So he shook his head no, and she said "Well, I won't make you."  And they went in doors.  

This was particularly difficult because he had just had his birthday, and I had a party planned for him this Saturday.  My son knew this and he was looking forward to it.  Also, I live about 2.5 hours away.

So I called the police for them to right up a report.  His mother seeing this, came out with my son and starting accusing me of upsetting my son.  I was going to get my word in, but then looked at my son, and again told her (and the officer) we shouldn't do this in front of him.   And then I asked her why didn't she just leave him inside the house.  Well, anyways the police wrote up the report.  I don't have a copy.  They asked my son if he wanted to go with me, and he said no.  And that was it.

I'm afraid my son's mother is doing quite a number on him.   I want to nip this problem in the bud, I don't want to be denied any further visitation.  I want to file a contempt motion since our eventual court date will be a few months away.  

Reasonable enough?  Is there anything esle I should do?

Thanks

Hi all,

Need some advice here.  I and the CP just enetered into a new visitation arrangement... every other weekend and plus shared holidays and we're already bumping heads.

This coming weekend is suppose to be mine and I've made plans through friends to have some of their children to come by and play with my boy.  However, mom called last night saying that it is not my weekend and that my weekend is the weekend that follows Christmas.  The latter part of her statement is correct, I do have him from the 27th through new years., but as I said this weekend is also mine.  

I definitely don't want to cancel this weekend since I already invited people over.  What are my options if she steadfastly refuses my having him this weekend?

Thanks.

Hi all,

Some background... NCP of 8 year old son.  Son lives in PA with mom.
I live out of state.

Last November, son was diagnosed with behavior disorder -- lots of problems at school, fighting, etc...  Mom refuses couseling for son.  Last Feb., I filed for change in custody.  Since then mom has countiuously violated order.  She already has been found in contempt for refusing visitation back in February.  I have been trying to get counseling for my son since.  Mother simply refuses.

Since July, I have only been able to have one successful weekend with son.  We had a hearing that Friday, and since in presence of attorney's mom let son go with me -- this was in September.  All the other times, she called 911 and had my son tell police officers he doens't want to go.  P.O.'s then tell me I can't have son and that I should go to court.

I do have a contempt petition pending -- but it's been bundled with the custody hearing which has been pushed back until February.  Also, I have been appending the contempt petition as mom keeps violating the order.

 Well, at mother's insistence pickups got moved to local police station.  Mom was hoping to steamline the process of denying visitations, i.e. I guess she didn't like having to make 911 calls all the time.

At police station, I start playing with my son.  Officers see son laughing as I pick him up on my shoulders, tickle him, etc...  While I played with my son, mother
goes to front desk and tells them my son does not want to go with me.
Officer on duty says they have to enforce the order.  Mother refuses to leave and makes lots of accusations against me.  Officer is skeptical since he witnessed me playing with my son.  They seperated my son from the discussion with another police officer and son makes accusations too.  The first officer also spoke to son and felt son was only echoing what his mother has been telling him.  PO says they have to enforce order.  Tells her if she doesn't give up child for weekend she will be inviolation of the order.   Mother still refused to leave without son.  

So she left with son.  PO wrote report stating mother refused to give custody of son while in presence of officers.  From what I gatheraccusations were along the lines of isolation of my son -- locking him in his room, denying phone calls, denying food.  They're probally more, but these were just some of what I heard.

This is quite a spin on things.  I have a house rule that son is not allowed to make calls when he's having a tantrum or is being disciplined.  As I don't spank my child, my main form of discipline is time outs.   He has  timeouts in his room which last about  5 to 10 minutes and aren't applied very often (at most two times in a weekend, many weekends not applied at all).  I'm not much of a disciplinarian because I want to ensure weekends are lots of fun.
Now I don't know where the issues of food are coming from but I'm sure another spin on something.

None of these accusations were made in September before either of our attorney's when I got my son for that weekend.  And I made sure he had the best weekend ever since I didn't have him since June.  Also, I have been pushing counseling hard to mom since March.  I've sent at least 10 letters (all certified)
on counseling -- even submitted a list of counselors I contacted who would be able
to counsel son.  Mother flat out refused counseling.

This crap has to end now.  Suggestions appreciated.

 

Hi all,

My son is covered under his mother's policy.  I of course pay my percentage (over half) of the coverage.  I have joint legal.  I've sent the provider twice a copy of the court records which state I have joint legal -- the last time via certified mail.  When I called, the person I spoke to on the phone was pretty adamant that I was not entitled to their records concerning my son.   She explicitly mentioned HIPPO.

Is she correct?  If not, I'm going to push through this and get those records.

Thanks!

Hi all,

In middle of a custody dispute.  I am an NCP with a 8 year old son.
Son throws tantrums in school (way too old for this); school counselor has recommended counseling; however mother won't budge.  

I've been trying to get counseling for him for many months.  The dispute is also putting greater strain on him -- mother is on an active campaign to brainwash him agaist me.

A few nights ago he went into a huge tantrum -- he wanted a latenight snack but didn't like anything I offered him/.  Running up to his door and kicking it, throwing things, threatening to overturn his fish tank; and screaming, crying the whole time.  He's been going through this episodes since the age of two; but it hasn't been this severe for some time.  I had to go in and restrain him for fear he would hurt himself.    Since mother will not agree to any counseling; I took him to the emergency room after he calmed down.  I wanted to get help/advice/referrals from the staff there and maybe even a recommendation for counseling.

Well, I called my ex to give her heads-up.  She calls the hospital and tells them  not to let anyone see him.  She makes the 3 hour trip (I live out of state) with her grandparents to the hospital and walks out of the hospital with him.  Her father pulls up to the entrance and try to rush him into the car.  I do not allow them to leave; I signal my wife to have security call the police.   The police arrive quickly, but offer no help -- despite explaining to them that this time is in the middle of summer vacation with son and so he's considered in my custody.  So ex, gp's leave with my son.  Officers didn't even write up a report since it's a "civil matter."

Mother did spend time alone with son in the evaluation room which is video taped.
Is it possible to get a copy of these tapes?  I believe they will be very revealing on how ex manipulates son.  Also, what about the outside security tapes which show grandfather waiting in car in front of emergency room in an attempt to make a quick exit?  What about subpeona's to the police officers involved?  Keep in mind these officers are from my state not mother's.  Can I have subpeona's or depositions taken in my state?  Can I do the same with the hospital staff, including security officers involved?

I'm not able to reach my attourney until Tuesday.
Please, any help, suggestions, advice!!!!!  

All,

Two questions:

1) How can I look up past recommendations of evaulators in my county, Montgomery, PA? I'd like to get an indication on how strongly potential evaluators feel about issues that will arise in my case.

2) In a few weeks I am to attend a short list for my petition to change custody. I understand this mainly deals with scheduling issues -- but I am not clear of scheduling what? Since an evaluation has not been ordered yet (but I'm certain it will), and since from what I understand there is some variability on the time it takes to complete an evaluation, I don't see how a trial date can be set...

Any clarification on these two issues will be most appreciated!!!

Hey all,

thanks for your earlier advice/comments.  I filed for change of custody for my 8 year old boy.  I live out of state (about 2.5 hour drive). I received the records from the psychiatrist from his previous two visits (if you recall his mother stopped sending him to counseling), and saw that he was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder.  From what I read, it's rare for this disorder to not be accompanied by other behavior disorders... but then he would need more counseling to address that.  Although it's just a name to the problems I've witness, it does help to articulate what's going on. He's mother is overly protective of him when it comes to my weekends and she gives him things to be "oppositonal" and "defaint" about.  There are a few things that we are not allowed to do (one example:  he can't get his hair washed).  So whenever we hit these issues (like
for example, his hair gets dirty from playing outside ), he locks up and sometimes goes into a meltdown because he's at an impasse (he also wasn't suppose to get his hair dirty).  Further his mother now has given him instructions to call
her whenever things do not go his way.  I have no problems with him speaking to her on the phone -- but this is going a bit far.  His mother also often thrust him into our arguments (but I won't give examples here -- too long).  I've also noticed similar things with the school.   As an example, whenever his mother is not feeling well, she doesn't take him to school.  However, the school doesn't accept  this as a valid reason, and marks it down as an unexcused absence.  He tells me doesn't think this is fair and so he has to tell the school that he is sick.  Also, in the beginning of the academic year when I told him that I spoke to people at school and they said he's been having trouble, he locked up and said "they're liars, all liars."  This struck me as odd; however, her mother  has been insistent that nothing is wrong with him to the school.  She only took him to counseling when they forced the issue (under threat of removing him from the classroom).  BTW, the school also has expressed their frustration to me in dealing with the mother.

I feel a lot of this will be revealed with a series of psych. evalulations.  Now I've read the blurbs on the custody evaluation, and it only entails a breif evaluation of the child.  This is by no means adequate, so how do I go about getting a more thorough evaluation?

best....

Hey all,

I'd like to get some indication of what my chances are for a change in custody.  So please don't try to question the veracity of my statements... how would making false statements here help me?

My son is 8 and I live out of state.  His mother and I broke up when he was two (we both moved to two different states at this time).   He attended preschool and kindergarten at school A and first and present grade at school B.  Both school A and school B have recommended prof. counseling and mother has not responded.  He's highly intelligent but since he's been in school B has been performing average/below average in school.  He also has very serious emotional problems.  Mother is unable to get him to school on time (about 1/4 of the time he's tardy) which only adds to his problems.  Also, mother is about to have another child out of wedlock (a girl).  They live in a 2 bedroom apartment.  All of the above I can establish easily.

Now I have a good, steady job with even better benefits and I just got married and moved into a new house.  I now have a family base (i.e. my spouse's family base), which wasn't the case before.

My biggest fault is I wasn't proactive in the past.  I would have visitation one weekend a month, and occassionally an extra weekend.  My wife has been very encouraging/supportive and so this past August I got increased visitation to every other weekend (his mother resisted).

Also, I was aware of some of the problems at school, but until recently I didn't know how bad it really was -- his teachers would tend to try to put a positive spin on things and his mother never divulges any information.  I'm now in frequent contact with the school.

My wife and I are convinced that the tardies, lackluster performance at school, and the lack of counseling are signs that his mother is unable manage the situation.  And we further believe that that household will be under more pressure with the arrival of the new baby.  We feel its best if we have him, and so we want to go for custody.