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Last September, I was awarded custody of my 7yo daughter.  BM had not worked in several years, and the Judge awarded no child support.  Since then, we have "heard through the grapevine" that BM is receiving disability benefits.  She has never told me this, but then again she probably wouldn't admit it to me.  

My question is should I be able to file for benefits for our daughter based on BM receiving disabiliiity benefits?  I have been told sometimes a portion of benefits can be paid to the custodial parent, in lieu of child support.  If so I would like to have it, for daughter's sake; but I know BM will go ballistic if I apply for daughter, and they reduce BM's benefits.  

Just wondering if anyone had any experience with a similar situation.  

First of all, thank you for all your information and advice to me and others.

Background:  Ex- and I divorced in 1996, and she had custody of our youngest daughter, who turned 18 in August.  Daughter is now in college.  Mom had custody (on paper), but daughter had lived with me and my wife for past 4 years (since May, 2002).  We had alternated claiming as a dependent on taxes, although I had paid the majority of her expenses for this time (just didn't want the fight).  I think it is only fair to claim daughter this year; she had lived with us the entire year, and we had paid her living expenses, a car repair bill of $1,000, plus my wife's job provided tuition assistance of over $2,000.   But, ex- says no, it's her year to claim.  

Next, daughter has scholarships and tuition assistance to pay her college expenses quite a bit above her "qualified" expenses.  If I understand correctly, she will have to pay taxes on the amount over the "qualified" expenses.  She has earned income of about $800 that she will have to report also.  

Questions:

1.  Should I legally claim daughter as a dependent on my return?

2.  Does daughter need to file her own return based on earned income and the amount of scholarships over her "qualified" expenses?

Thanks, again, for all your help!

This has been a subject of question since my orders were received in 2004.  

Background:  My orders state "that the Order (i.e., MDA from 1997) be modified such that primary custody be with the petitioner father, my name."  The original MDA stated Mother should have "custody and control" of our then 3 month old daughter.   (It was an agreed order, as I didn't think I had any chance of getting custody of an infant from the Mother.  Then, when things got bad enough, I filed and received custody of our then 6yo.)   I assumed under the original order that Mother had "sole" custody, and did as she pleased (she consulted me only when she wanted to).  Now, I assumed, I had "sole" custody, but have been told by some that is incorrect.  Order does not say full or joint anything, and does not address residential or legal,  only says "primary".

Now, questions:

1.  What exactly, in your opinion, does "primary custody" mean?  

2.  Am I correct that all parts of the original order not addressed in new order remain the same, i.e., medical expenses split equally, etc.?  

Thanks for your opinion; you have been a great source of information and help to me and many others!

The legislation in Tennessee (HB2666) defining "material change of circumstance" has now been signed into law (effective 5/24/04). It states :

changes in the needs of the child over time
(original MDA was when child was 3 months old, she is now 6 years old; big change)

changes in the parent's living or working condition
(BM has not worked in 2 years, and has just moved in with her Mom; they have no permanent home, and school district has changed)

failure to adhere to the parenting plan
(original MDA allowed me Saturday 10:00 a.m. until Sunday 5:00 p.m., every other week; I have records the last 3 years where I have had daughter 60+% of overnights)

Also, my attorney offered mediation; her attorney said she wants full custody, full support, standard visitation for me; no negotiation.  

Now, questions, in your opinion:  

1.  Do I meet the required "material change of circumstance"?

2.  Do I continue asking for full custody, and settle for less if need be?

3.  What, in your opinion, would be considered "fair"?

Thanks for your help; I am getting very anxious about this case, and we go to court on Friday, June 4th.  

Background:  I am NCP of 6yo daughter, and have filed for change in custody.  Our basis is the fact that I have had daughter 60% or more of the time on average the last 3 years.  BM and I divorced when daughter was only 3 months old.  The original MDA stated custody subject to modification when the child was 3.  

We have received a set of interrogatories from BM's attorney.  It looks like the standard questions from a divorce proceeding, i.e., regarding debts, assets, money transfers the last three years, etc.  I understand the importance of income, but debt?  I will have to spend hours trying to locate all this information.  My attorney is out of town, or I would be asking her this question.  

1.  Will I be required to answer all these questions, or can they be objected to as irrelevant?  

Thanks, as always, for your reponse.

I have filed a petition for custody; ex-W has now filed her answer.  I would like your opinion, please.

One paragraph states:

"The Defendant would show that the Plaintiff has previously subjected her to harsh physical, emotional, and sexual abuse during the course of their marriage.  The Defendant would show that the Plaintiff has sought to continue to control Defendant's life following their divorce and has unreasonably and repeatedly demanded that she refrain from dating, has unsucessfully sought to persuade Defendant to have a three-way sexual encounter with Plaintiff and Plaintiff's present wife, and has also demanded that Defendant and Child and Defendant's son move in with Plaintiff and his new wife.  Defendant refused such demands, and believes that Plaintiff has brought this unwarranted Petition for Custody in retaliation for Defendant's refusal of such demands."

My response:  The marriage lasted from September til December, 1996.  She left soon after telling me she was pregnant, and moved back in with her ex-H.  There was NO physical abuse.  Sex was adverturous, but consensual.  As for emotional abuse, try living with the fact that your wife is pregnant, living with her ex-, and telling you that one day the child was yours, one day not; and demanding you sign your rights over to her ex-.  My present wife and I have been married almost 5 years; ex- called me a few weeks ago, and asked if we were happy together.  She said if we weren't, maybe we could get back together, and raise our daughter.  

Questions:

1.  Will the Judge allow testimony regarding this, since it has no bearing on the child?

2.  How should I prepare for this?

Thanks for your help!
 

My ex- is "insisting" on a copy of my insurance card for our daughter. I have "primary" custody, and maintain insurance. When she had a copy of insurance coverage in the past, she would take daughter to the Dr. on her whim; the Dr. would diagnose a cold or allergies, or some such thing we were already aware of, and I would be sent the bill. Thus far, I have not given her a copy of the new insurance card this year.

Legally, can I refuse to provide her a copy of the card? Mom has the option to take daughter to the Dr. I have selected, but she doesn't want to take her there. She wants her own choice.

Any help would be appreciated!


 

Just an update, for those who remember my case.  Court testimony concluded September 2nd.  Judge took the case under advisement, to rule on Friday, September 10th.  He didn't get the lawyers closing briefs until Thursday, so he put the decision off till this week.  This morning, about 9:00 a.m., I got the call for my attorney's assistant.  Her opening remark was "the Judge HAS found a material change of circumstance", and I will have FULL custody of my 7yo daughter as of Friday.  

Thanks to those who have responded and encouraged me.  It has been a long, hard-fought battle; but it is worth it.  I will know my daughter will be safe, secure and stable.  

To all those with SPARC:  your information and assistance has been invaluable.  I used the Time Tracker, since August of 2003.  Those records along with ones I had kept prior to that, made my case work easier.  BM's attorney even wanted to know where I got the software.  Thanks, to you all, for a wonderful site.  

Friday is court day!  We hope we are ready, and are anxious for this to be over.  I just want 6yo daughter to be safe, secure, and stable.  BM has not provided that, and I think we can.  So, here we go!  

Just remember us tomorrow, and say a little prayer for daughter.  Above all, I just pray God's will be done, and daughter has the best outcome possible.  Bless you all for caring!

For those of you who have been through a custody trial, how much testimony about my sexual past will the Judge allow?  My ex- has responded that she intends to testify that I tied her up, and sexually abused her while we were married.  She says her Mother and step-Father are going to testify she told them of this, and the use of "sex toys" during our marriage.  

Let me assure you, all sex was consensual.  Nothing about abuse was mentioned during our divorce.  She even signed the papers stating the child she was carrying was not mine.  She was living with her ex-h at the time the child was born, and at the time of our divorce.  According to her ex-, he is willing testify that she offered to be his "sex slave", if he would just pay her bills (this was just last year).  She has even brought out the fact that I had an affair with teenage girl during my first marriage.  Not saying it didn't happen, but that was over 20 years ago.  

I am a basket case!  In your opinion, just how much of this kind of testimony will the Judge listen to.   My wife says not to worry about it, but I am fearful for how much the Judge consider that might affect my case.  

Background:

I filed for custody of my 6yo daughter in March.  I have documented having my daughter 60+% of the overnights for the last three years.  BM's response to my petition was that I had abused her in our 3 1/2 MONTH marriage; but nothing was said about that during our divorce, or any time afterward, until now.  

Now this:

I had my daughter this weekend.  We were at my parents house on Saturday night, for a cookout and and the kids were all shooting fireworks.  At one point, D was sitting in SM's lap, and my grandson was wanting in her lap, too.  I told D to get down, because she was just causing a fuss.  If I touched her at all, it was to make her look at me so I could talk to her.  I did NOT hit her!  Like I said, the whole family was there, and can verify this.  

After BM picked up daughter on Sunday night, she called me back and told me she had a problem with what happened this weekend.  I told her we had a very good weekend; I didn't know what she was talking about.  She told me the first thing D told her was that I slapped her in the face.  I told BM that did not happen.  BM claims D said it did, and that she came up with it on her own; BM said she didn't ask, that D just told her.  I told her I might have turned D's face to me; that when I try to talk to her, she turns away.  BM said there is a reason she won't look at you, and that's all going to come out, too.  When I talked to D on the phone, I told her I did not hit her, and D said yes I did.  

What do I do to defuse this situation?  In my opinion, BM is trying to create problems, where none exist.   Should I be concerned?  I'll have to admit, the accusation upset me; I don't know what to expect next.  

BM was served with a petition to change custody on March 15th, while we were in court to affirm temporary custody. My understanding, she has 30 days to file an answer. She now has obtained Legal Aid to represent her, and they have send a letter to our attorney notifying her that they will be filing an answer. My question is, do they still have to file an answer within the 30 days?

The judge made it perfectly clear he wanted this one on the fast track, so SD would be settled and know what was going on. So, we are getting anxious for a response.

Just looking for opinions; so many of you have already gone through so much.

Background:  remarried Father of 6yo daughter; ex- left me when pregnant with the child, and moved in with her ex-.  She has had a string of men come and go over the years, and lived with at least three of them.  Currently, she has lost her house due to foreclosure/bankruptcy.  She has not worked in two years; her only income is child support and public assistance.  She has moved in with her Mother and step-Father, their two grown sons and one of their wives or girlfriends.  Now BM and her other son (and our daughter when she is there) are also living there, supposedly in the sunroom of their 3br house (according to daughter).  

I currently have temporary custody of daughter, due to three fires at the Mother's house in one week, while she was in the process of moving out.  At our hearing on temp on Monday, Mom was served with petition for change in custody.   Judge wanted to hear no testimony or see any evidence; he did make it perfectly clear he wanted this resolved as soon as possible.  I have records back to 2001 that I have had the daughter more than half the time (roughly 60+%); we have school records backing up this fact.  I have always paid my child support, and provided other needs for our daughter.  I have been remarried almost 5 years, and live with my wife and 15yo daughter from a previous marriage.  

BM has 30 days to respond to my petition, and now I am waiting and wondering what will happen.  She is playing on the fact that she doesn't want her children separated, but my other daughter (who lives with me by her choice) is also a half-sibling.  

Realistically, what are my chances?  Any ideas?  Just ask if you want more information.  

UPDATE:  We have a court date now scheduled for June 4.  This is unless she answers the petition sooner, and we can get it on the docket sooner.  I have been told this should work in my favor, having temp longer, and providing a stable environment.  Any opinions?

I posted questions on Soc's board, but thought I would tell the BIG story here.  

I WAS the NCP of 6yo daughter.  As of Friday, I have temp custody, and a TRO.  Due to 3 fires at the Mother's house in the last week, Judge agreed daughter was in danger!  Thankfully, we have had daughter during all of this.   Mother is in the process of moving in with her Mother and Step-Father.  Her house has been foreclosed, and she is being evicted.  

We have actually had daughter the majority of the time the last 3 years.  Mother has been unemployed the last 2 years, and her children have become her means of support.  (She also has a son by a different Father.)  Needless to say, she is very angry and vindictive about my temp order.  She was served yesterday, and the hearing is Friday.  I have been told this hearing is basically a formality; and the showdown will be later, when I am going for full, permanent custody.  

What are our chances of winning this?  I am really torn right now!  Have I done the right thing by my daughter, or have I just made it harder on her in the long run, if I should lose?  

Please, feel free to ask me more if you need more info or clarification.  I am going crazy with worry that something will come up, and I can't keep my daughter safe.  

We received a surprise phone call last night from BM's other ex, the father of her other child. He is ready to go fight now; hubby told him we were still trying to work it out, but don't how much more we can take. Hubby asked other father if he would be willing to talk to our attorney. He said he would. BTW, he says the grandmother's house they are moving in is still nasty; and BM has told him they are moving to other grandparents house.

We know from his own admission that he behind on his child support; do we really want him involved in our case, or does he spell trouble?

We have forwarded copies of our journal to our attorney; she was out of town, and hasn't gotten back with us yet. Also, hubby called his daughter yesterday afternoon, and she was upset and didn't want to do her homework. I talked to her on the phone and told her to settle down, she could do it ok. I also told her to call me back if she got stuck, and I would give her a hint. BM then called hubby back and told him to tell me they didn't need my help. So, I guess I am out of BM's good graces. LOL

My husband has a 6 yo daughter from a previous marriage.  In fact, BM left H when she first found out she was pregnant, and moved back in with her ex-h.  A paternity test was done; the child is his, and he had always taken responsibility and paid support.  We have had his daughter the majority of the time since February of last year (2003).  We have documented this.  Actually, we have had her the majority of the time for the last three years.  

Now, BM is losing her house and moving in with her mother (the grandmother).  This is a bad living situation.  She also says we are going back to every other weekend visitation, just as the original divorce allowed.  We have never abided by this; and husband has told his ex that it is not acceptable now.  

What do we do?

My ex- is "insisting" on a copy of my insurance card for our daughter. I have "primary" custody, and maintain insurance. When she had a copy of insurance coverage in the past, she would take daughter to the Dr. on her whim; the Dr. would diagnose a cold or allergies, or some such thing we were already aware of, and I would be sent the bill. Thus far, I have not given her a copy of the new insurance card this year.

Legally, can I refuse to provide her a copy of the card? Mom has the option to take daughter to the Dr. I have selected, but she doesn't want to take her there. She wants her own choice.

Any help would be appreciated!