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If parent who is ordered to pay CS hasn't been paying, does the CSEA already know and will try to do something about it?

Or does the obligee have to call CSEA to inform them that payments haven't been being received?

Hi,

I was wondering if anybody here could tell me if it's legal to waiver CS payments in Summit County Ohio?

And is it a good thing for the parent who's financial help has been waivered, or does it make a bad moral impression for them and for their children? In other words, is it or is it not the "right" thing to at least pay what you're capable of?

Is it or is it not a good thing for the child to know that both parents were financially responsible and did their part to take care of them?

Case set in Ohio, 2003

Both I and BM still reside there.  We have joint custody (I have physical custody during school months--but BM cancels often, so its more than that).

Papers say "During the school term when the child resides primarily with Father, Mother shall have compansionship time with the child the first 3 wknds of each month from 7PM Friday-7PM Sunday" and then...

"During school vacation periods when the child resides primarily with Mother, Father shall have companionship time with the child the first three wknds of each month" (then it again lists the same time).

[September is one of a few months each yr that has 5 wknds in it.  (BM canceled wknd 1 and 3 of this month, and has stated that she will get son next week instead, which is the 4th wknd).]

[BM only gets son 2-3 weeks during the whole summer vacation, and has done so for 3 summers now.  She just decides when she will, and when she will not have him, so son "resides" with me all year long as far as Im concerned.]

BM doesnt let me (or son) know whether shes getting him or not until approx. 40 mins to 1 hr before time to leave for 1/2 way point on her sched. wknds. (Takes an hour to get there) We are unable to make plans on what time to eat dinner, let alone whether we can make wknd plans.

I had made plans to go camping this coming 4th wknd, since the way I read the papers, the next 2 wknds are supposed to be mine with him.

As stated in my last post--BM is often late to 1/2 way point. Court refuses to change driving arranges. from meeting at 1/2 way point--I already tried that with them. Besides--BM tends to try to physically fight DW and scream and curse at her, so not really a good option

Questions are:

1.  During mos that have 5 weeks, do I have to make son avail. to BM that 4th wknd?  Given the way the papers read,  am I right in feeling that the 4th (as well as the 5th) wknd(s) are my time with him, and that it's not my fault she chose to cancel 2 of her 3 wknds?

2.  Do I still have to abide by what it says about the wknds during summer vacation? Or could I start making her go by what's listed during the rest of the year since son resides with me me all year? (or get papers modified)?

3.  Can anything be done to make BM let son or I know at least 24 hrs ahead of sched. time to leave whether shes canceling (or not)?

4. Same q again--given how often BM is late--do I HAVE to wait a full 1/2 hr on her?

Thanks much once again for your time Socrateaser.

Hello

I tried registering under my name but it said i had the wrong type of email so im using my wifes login.  Sorry this is so long, but I have alot of questions, and hope to only take your time once--so thx in advance.

Custody case was setteled in Ohio, 2000.   BM and i still reside in ohio, i live in a different county than her now though.

 My ex girlfriend (BM) and I have joint legal, but I was given 9 months of the school year for residential purposes.  

 Papers say "Reasonable phone contact with son" is permitted --they say nothing abuot phone time between her and I. I talk to her during pickups/dropoffs anyway (as long as shes not cussing me out).

 BM only talks to son about 10 minutes a YEAR on the phone, (her choice) but has called and demanded to speak to me close to 500 x in the last 2.5 yrs. I would have no prob talking to her on phone a REASonable amt of times each yr, but this is beyond ridiculous.

She doesnt ask how sons doing, or any concerns for him, she just wants to prove she still has rights of access to me and to pull power plays, and wants to try to horn in on my life with my DW and try to cause problems.

BM refuses to even leave a simple 5 second message on machine saying shes canceling for that week. She has used son (when hes up there) as a pawn to force me to call her back when she knew I didn't want (or need) to.  

We had already made arrangements in person on a Friday to meet 1/2 way for pickup on Sunday.  But an hour before I was supposed to leave, she left a thinly veiled threat on my answering machine "if you don't call me back i'll....well, i don't know WHAT i'll do...so you BETTer call me".

She can be abusive on the phone, and has even called my WORK place just to cuss me out (which affects my work performance and is on my boss's time). Son wasn't even in her home, so it wasnt emerg. BM also calls DW filthy names and talks badly about her to son.

Since son is with  DW 300 days a yr, (since son was barely 7) she  is "mom" to my son, so it distresses me to know how hard it is on him emotionally to have to listen to BM about this subject.

DW has been around son more in 2.5 yrs than BM has in 10.5, so son is quite close to, & loves DW deeply, and we have never, and would never put down BM to son--not for any reason.  It doesn't matter what we know or feel, we wouldnt do that to him.

 It was court ordered BM pay 1/2 of OOP medical/dental expenses. She hasn't paid any. I had never requested CS last 6 yrs. Am now in the process of having the court order her to pay CS, and shes irate --doesnt feel she should have to pay ANYthing.

Son is now 10 1/2 yrs old.  

2003-After my new marriage, it was agreed on, and court ordered that BM would get son 1st 3 wknds each month, and that Jan. thru March I would drive whole way (4 hrs round trip). We are to meet at 1/2 way point April thru December.

 BM is often late on pickups--anywhere from 1/2 hr to  1 1/2 hrs, and sometimes doesn't even show--I have documented each time.

BM is supposed to have son at least 90-128 days per year (which includes holiday time).  This yr she will have him only about 60 days (by her choice). Even when son is there hes only in her home less than 1/2 that time--rest of time hes with anyone she can get to watch him.

2005, BM started canceling sometimes during her scheduled times with son.  Then the first time she drove in April of 06, she informed me that she would prob only be getting son 1 or 2 times a month. She hasnt gotten him 3 wknds a month yet since April.


here are my questions:

1 Can she (or the court) FORCE me to take abusive and or unecessary calls from her? IMO, phone time with me is a courtesy (which I should be able to extend or not depend. on sitch).

Since this is my home w/ my DW, I dont feel my ex has a right to intrude for every single excuse she can think of, and ex's

Could I get RO to stop her from demanding to speak directly to me everytime, and court ordered taht she stop putting son in the middle by asking him to come get me to talk to her every time she calls? I just want her to leave a courteous msg on answer. machine.

Could she be court ordered to not call my work place on my employers time?

2. Since it will be well over 6 months that shes shown shes content getting son only 1 or 2 wknds a month, can I still be forced to take him whole way for all 9 visits Jan-March?  Or is she setting a precedent that would allow me to take son less than all 3 wkds each of those 3 months?

Or would it be hard (with documentation of all her cancelations) to get the court to change it to once or twice during Jan-March?  

(IMO its totally unfair to me to have to drive 4 hrs 9 different times when BM is "fine" with having son only half her amt of visits when its HER having to do 1/2 the driving--it should be the same no matter WHOs driving).

3.  Since BM is getting son so few days each yr, would it be hard to get it changed from joint legal to sole custody?  

4. Do I HAVE to wait 1/2 hr past sched. time for pickup? As often as shes late,we shouldnt have to wait 1/2 hr every time. I feel 15 minutes is long enough--It should be her responsibility. to be there at sched. time--I'm there on time, and BM knows what the sched. time is.

BM may forfeit 1 or 2 scheduled times with son for being late, but she hates making the trip to get him, so it would make it worse for her to make the trip and then not be able to pick him up.  So once/twice would be enough to teach her to be resp. enough to be there on time after that.

5. Is there any way of legally stopping BM from hurting son emotionally by putting DW down?  Its in our papers taht shes not supposed to do that with me--i cant see why it couldnt include DW as well since we are family.

I realize I cant force BM to want son as often as shes entitled to see him, or to want to be there on time to get him, (or pick him up at all)  but.....

 I should be able to change what I can do legally in response to her irresponsibility, power plays, etc, (which would help some of these problems right themselves) which is why Im asking these q's.

 Again, thx for taking the time to read and answer, and i tried my best to follow the forum guidelines.

If a person were to receive a contempt of court citation for refusing parenting time to the other parent, what would happen?  

Would the custodial parent be advised by the judge to start allowing visitation?

Or would custody be taken away from the custodial parent?

If you have what you feel is "just cause" to deny the parenting time, are you given an opportunity to explain it?

Does a father with physical custody HAVE to put up with an ex/gf (BM to son) calling to speak directly with him several times a weekend?

For a bit of background: BM hardly ever gets the child -- about 2 days total in the last two months (her choice, not father's). She also has NEVer called to speak to father about an "issue" actually concerning son.  She calls to:

1. Ask the meeting time for the 100th time (even though it's been the same time for over a year, and could be quite easily tacked on her fridge).

2. To tell him directly WHY she's not getting son that week--even though he's told her many times that all she has to do is leave a message STATing that fact--he doesn't NEED to know WHY.

3. To beg for gas money (he has never ONCE given it to her, as she simply squanders her money on unecessary things--like drugs for the weekend, but she keeps asking).

4. To beg father to drive the whole distance to save her the trip [because she's too lazy and incompetent to do it herself]. (He has not, and WILL not do that, and has told her so many times). To take son up there is simply "leaving him to the wolves" since she just sends son off with known druggies or anybody else she can pawn him off on, so father is quite content with all the more she gets son.

5. Whatever other stupid reason or excuse she can come up with that day.

She is under the impression that because she was the oven for this child, that it grants her automatic "right" to father, even though he doesn't desire it, and has begged her to just leave him alone since she doesn't call to discuss son, but she's almost impossible to get along with if she doesn't get her own way.

This family is about ready for the looney bin because of her. Is there anything that can be done legally to put a stop to this insanity? Or does father just have to keep putting up with this for the next 8 years?

How do you go about getting money paid that's owed to by NCP on out of pocket medical expenses? (*other* than filing contempt of court which *doesn't* work and *doesn't* produce results).

I was just wondering if you have to have been a member for awhile before your questions get answered? Or is it just that people have had no dealings with certain questions so have no advice to give on a particular question?

Thank you in advance

What should occur when one parent tells the other that they've been having thoughts of suicide?  (There is currently a joint custody plan in effect)

Do you have to leave the child with a parent who has admitted this to you? (This parent in the past has actually tried to go through with a suicide attempt).

Is it cause enough to file for temporary full custody? What steps should the concerned parent take?

DH drives both ways (a 4 hour trip) December, January, and February -- first three weekends of each month to drop off son to NCP (birth mother).  

The first time BM had to drive half way in March, she informed DH that she wanted to start getting son only twice per month (instead of the usual 3 times).  Of course DH is thrilled that we will be getting son even more than what we have him now (as am I).  

Of course, come December, there's not a doubt in my mind that she'll want son "delivered" all three weekends (since she won't have to do any of the driving).

So my question is--how should this change of schedule be handled?

Should we make the BM file a new shedule? Or just let it go and use these 8-9 months as setting a precedent that she's happy to only get him twice per month, and only deliver him two weeks per month for each of those 3 months?

We just don't want her screaming come December that DH is only delivering him two weekends each month (even though that's what she's wanting NOW) so we want to know that we have legal ground to stand on, and are interested to know exactly how this should be handled.

Our son's bio mom who is NCP is entitled to parenting time adding up to around 120 days per year. She takes him only 80 of those days, and we have since learned that in reality, even though she "has" son, she really doesn't all except for about 35-40 of those days per year. Bio mom sends son off (on what is supposed to be HER parenting/bonding time) to either friends' homes, other relatives homes, pretty much to anywhere, or to anyone who will take him. Her parenting time is Friday evening to Sunday evening for three weekends per month, and unfortunately the weekend is her "sick" time (read "party time").

Should we try to get parenting time adjusted accordingly? We are losing time with son, just so bio mom can ship him off to whomever will "babysit" so she can go play. We feel this isn't in the best interest of the child, since it's supposed to be bonding time and even our lawyer has said that it would be considered neglect in the eyes of the law.

But is this something we *should* do? Like say for example try to take it down to 2 weekends per month? We just don't think that son should be off with God knows who when he could be with us.  

P.S. This is an ongoing weekend after weekend issue, it's not a once in awhile thing.

I posted this question 2-3 days ago with no response, thought I'd try it one more time as time is growing short til the Super Bowl.


 My DH of 2 yrs. has physical custody of "Sam" but has a shared parenting plan with his ex/gf. The ex/gf (BM) only has "Sam" in her home approximately 60 days a year however, by her choice. When she gets him for her visitation time, she sends him off to other relatives/friends, anyone whom she can get to watch him. She has no interest in his education, health habits such as bathing, brushing his teeth, homework, etc. She lost a chance at physical custody because of her drug usage, and lack of mothering instinct. A guardian ad litem advised the court of what she saw.

Her current court arranged parenting time for "Sam"  are for the first 3 weekends a month. Past papers have stated that flexibility is supposed to be basically "understood" and is just accepted that both parents will be so.

DH has never turned his ex/gf down when she needed to arrange to have "Sam" on that 4th weekend rather than the first 3--she is still getting the same amount of time with him per month either way.

DH has only asked for the alternate weekend on 2 occasions in two years up to this point, and both times were due to extremely icy driving conditions, and we didn't feel it safe for "Sam" to be transported--both times were winter storms.  We live a 2 hour one way drive away from the BM.  His ex/gf (BM) on both occasions  had her lawyer write a letter stating that we were "refusing to allow her previously arranged parenting time", even though we offered the 4th weekend as a "make up". DH didn't bother to respond via our lawyer as it was ridiculous, and we feel goes to show just how inflexible she is choosing to be, and as she had gotten "Sam" that last weekend anyway.

This past weekend "Sam" expressed the desire to be able to stay here at home for Superbowl weekend, which unfortunately falls on the first weekend of the month. "Sam" called to ask his BM if it would be "ok" to switch the last weekend of this month for next weekend's time, and because she is angry at DH, she has refused.  If "Sam" were to be taken up there, he would end up having to listen to half of it over the car radio, which is no where close to watching it on TV, as any football fan knows. On top of that, he wouldn't be arriving home til very late, and has school the following day.

So my question is--she was offered an alternate weekend, and will again be offered the last weekend of Feb. to make up for the Super Bowl weekend, so is it unreasonable of us to just keep him here knowing that she was offered 2 alternate weekends to choose from?

"Sam" is 10 yrs old and VERy into football, and we're not trying to keep him from BM, just wanting a bit of the same flexibility from her that we show TO her. Remember that she'll be losing no time with "Sam", just as she doesn't when SHE requests the alternate weekend.

Could keeping him here for a special day get us into trouble--especially seeing as how we've been so flexible with her when SHE had plans?

Thank you in advance.

Hi!

I realize this forum is supposed to be for the parent without physical custody, but I have no place else to turn.

A bit of background to help all out there understand where I'm coming from. My current DH of 2 yrs. has a physical custody-shared parenting plan with his ex/gf.  The ex/gf (BM) only has "Sam" in her home approximately 60 days a year however, by her choice. When she gets him for her visitation time, she sends him off to other relatives/friends, anyone whom she can get to watch him. She has no interest in his education, health habits such as bathing, brushing his teeth, homework, etc. She lost a chance at physical custody because of drug usage, and lack of mothering instinct. A guardian ad litem advised the court of what she saw.

Our current court arranged visitations for "Sam" with her are for the first 3 weekends a month. Past papers have stated that flexibility is supposed to be basically "understood" and is just accepted that both parents will be so.

DH has never turned his ex/gf down when she needed to arrange to have "Sam" on that 4th weekend rather than the first 3--she is still getting the same amount of time with him per month either way.

 DH has only asked for the alternate weekend on 3 occasions in two years.  His ex/gf on all 3 occasions has had her lawyer write a letter stating that we're "refusing to allow her previously arranged parenting time". He didn't bother to respond via our lawyer as it was ridiculous, and we feel goes to showing just how inflexible she is choosing to be, and as she had gotten "Sam" that last weekend anyway.

The reasons for the first two requests were extremely bad/icy road conditions in our area (we live 2 hrs from BM). This past wknd"Sam" expressed the desire to be able to stay here at home for Superbowl weekend, which unfortunately falls on the first weekend of the month. "Sam" called to ask his BM if it would be "ok" to switch the last weekend of this month for next weekend's visitation, and because she is angry at DH, she has refused.

So my question is--she was offered an alternate weekend, and will again be offered the last weekend of Feb. to make up for the Superbowl weekend, so is it unreasonable of us to just keep him here knowing that she was offered 2 alternate weekends to choose from?

"Sam" is 10 yrs old and VERy into football, and we're not trying to keep him from BM, just wanting a bit of the same flexibility from her that we show TO her. Could keeping him here get us into trouble? Thank you in advance.