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Hi, I have joint P%L custody of my son with his dad. We dont get along at all.  He is really hard to deal with, either him or his current wife...so he treats me really bad (actually has all along), and of course I dont accept that, so the communication is nil.

He scared me for a long time...and made so much more money than I, he had an attorne harrass me for a long time. I had nomoney at all.

I have my son 9 mos out of the year, he has him three (summer) with the every other weekend and one night a wekk reversing during that time.  We alternate holidays. I have no idea how to figure out percentages on this.  Seems confusing-- a long task with a calendar.

Anyway, he was ordered to provbide medical via his employer, esp since he had a great plan and no payments at all for it (100%). We were to 'split any co-pays', and 'if mom gets a better plan, and we agree, it can be switched', basically.

I did not ask for money, fearing retribution at the time, and it was 'put on reserve'.

Its now 12 years w/o any help at all financially for anything...His attitude is, 'when he is with me, I pay, when he is with you, youpay'. He has two other children y his preent wife.  They own a home, I rent.

He lost his job, and there went the insurance.  My son has pre-existing medical, so an independant insurance wont take him.  He went on COBRA for a few months, and attempted to bill me for that (half)

Then he apparently went on the state medical plan for low income people. (He went on unimployment for 2 years, and got a dislocated workers funding to attend a 9 month school program).  

Six months later, i got a letter from the state with my CS pin numer. I was like, what is this. I called, and they said since i was NCP, they were going to seek payment n medical.  I said I have him 9 months of the year, no way am I NCP- we are joint, bbut I bear brunt of most expenses, without help.

They referred me back to state medical. Took a long time, but they said to claim custodial, you have to have child 6 months or greater, which disqualified him. So I put him on mine, now that I finally got a better job w/medical.

When medical choosing time at my job, i tried to talk to 'dad' about it-- which plan- he as difficult. We decided on highest plan- as son has medical cond. and you never know.  I called him the night before it would be permanent for a year, and he said yes, do it, he will pay sons portion. Mine would be 20.00 pay period, son=45.00 additional, pay period.

then next day he called and said forget it...i am not paying. now i am locked into this for a year. He has made sporadic payments though of 60./month, so far this year about 5 months, owing me 3. he never pays on time or anything- when the mood strikes him.

He decided on the amount, just as he does with eveything...

Anyway, He had, after 2 years UE gotten temp job.  I finally deceide to apply for CS (Last year) It took worker (same one from medical case) over six months- nothing. I called- she said they were wating on finding his income and had to do that before proceeding- itwasnt showing in databse. Finally another couple months, it shwed his temp agency is really located in another state, ut he works here.  Then he got threatening again, and I got scared, and told worker to close it- wasnt worth it.

Why do they need HIS income- efore they will even start??? If he makes 2.00, cant it still be figured out?  

ANYWAY------- HELP!!!

Hi,
My son has always been called by his middle name. His first name is his dad's name, which isn't a very attractive name, btw.  When we go to Dr's offices, school, or anything 'official', he always has to go through a process to have people call him by what he is called- his middle name, not the name he never uses, which is his dad's name anyway. I have to constantly sign forms (exampl: F. Peter Lastname). I think it would be simpler for him in life to make his middle name officially his first to avoid this confusion.  I named him his father's name on a last minute whim in the hospital after birth to catch dad's attention so he wouldn't ignore me and his then baby.  It was a bad decision.

I filed for a name change. We have joint custody. I asked the clerk if dad objects (which he will-just to be difficult) can I still have the judge hear my argument. He said yes. That I have to serve dad by registered letter of court date, once I arrange it by the judge I am assigned.

I called dad tonight on a separate issue- that he is not paying his share of after school expenses, so I am w/drawing son from program as I cannot afford it. I have been paying all this time, though dad uses it when he needs to. As well, he is not paying half of the medical expenses: I get 66.00 deducted every pay period, which is every two weeks, for my son's portion of the medical- it may be higher- I don't think I am including dental. He sends, by his determination, 60.00 for each month, when he feels like it, which is inconsistant, so I don't get reimbursed in any sort of timely fashion.  He also seems to feel this is per month, not per pay period, so for those months that there are three payperiods, I am out of luck-- March and August so far this year.  He insists it is per month, end of story, click.

Anyway, I informed himthat I was interested in changing son's name, and he immediately, as usual without letting me talk, was loud/against it/and threatening me with further court action ("I will bring up a lot more things...ect").  I informed him that I would be sending him a registered letter to inform him of date. He said he would not pck it up.

Question 1: If he does not pick it up, is that a fail onmy part to serve him?

2.Have I made a reasonable attempt?

3.What is the courts norm posdsition on this kind of name change where the parents disagree.

4. Do you think I have a valid argument, based on my son's best interest?

5My son likes the idea. The court requires theminor child to be there, but with disagreeing parents, I feel it is unfair to put him in middle.  Dad just reacting this way IMHO as he does anything opposite of what I want.Is there anything re: this you can suggest?

6.Do you have any other advie/comments on anything in the above scenario, i.e. medical and after school scenarios?

I have so many isues with this man, it is overwhelming, and I don't do anything, but I do need to deal with things. I have let many things slide for a long time, as he is so unpleasant to deal with.

Thank you.

Hi,

On our custody order, Judge put, "child support on reserve".   We have joint phys and legal. I have son 9 mos out of the year, father 3 w/ every other w/e and one night a week, which switches during whose time it is. We alternate holidays.

Dad ordered to provide medical, as he had a good 100% paid plan. He lost job. Went on state medical.  They went after me as NCP. I had that changed, as I have him majority. Son went on my medical. Dad agreed to pay son's portion, but then now only pays what he decided is right-- 50% of the son's portion- and he pays sporadically by M.O. via mail.  This is every pp deduction for me- he claims if 3 pp/mos, no deductions for third (as they dont always fall twice/month-- its just e/o thursday.

He also dosent hel w/ day care. Son was in after school program, dad then need the one day week/e/o friday. I paid for a time, then said he had to contribute. Instead of helping me, he went to director of daycare and had her figure out (it goes by monthly charge) the 30-6 for him, so he pays 20 something, and I pay over a hundred a month.  Same w/ school lunches.

His philosophy is 'when he is w/ me I pay, w/ you, youpay.

He is married since son, w/ two daughters. His wife (now) works (since he lost that jobb).

The medical CS worker was working w/ me to establish CS, but she took long time trying to find his income. By that time, 9 or more months (as his temp job was technically an out of state company), I got cold feet w/ his veiled threats, ect.

1. why does CS need to 'establish his income'. Cant he go to court and provide that himself? It is a real waste of time...

2. Would this be a modification (and thus easier) for me, or do I have to start from scratch?

3. How do the new laws in MN (in effect jan '07) affect mysituation, before prob the velntio thing.

4. Any other advice you can give me? I am/remain horribly confused.

Thanks.