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DH and BM divorced in 1998. The divorce was granted in Louisiana by default, based on them living apart for 6 months - BM had been served in 1997 but didn't respond, so the judge signed off on it. It was a very basic one page thing that just dissolved the marriage but didn't settle any property/debt issues (didn't leave them open either). Brief mention of custody and visitation.

BM then filed for a CS order and visitation was decided more explicitly at that time (1999). That first CS/visitation order also includes the phrase "BM reserves the right to ask for spousal support at a later date."

So now the question is - what does spousal support mean? Would that be alimony? Or would that include part of DH's military pension (they were married a grand 9 years)?

We know BM thinks it should include the retirement pay, but it was always my understanding that retirement is a property issue, not a spousal support issue. Anyway, BM is in jail and will be for another 8-10 years, so she won't be able to address this any time soon (and by the time she can, she will DEFINITELY be impoverished). I was just wondering what your take on that wording would be.

This case takes place in Louisiana and all parties reside here. in 2001 BM tried to kill my two minor stepchildren, then ages 10 (SD) and 12 (SS). BM pleaded guilty to attempted manslaughter and received 15 yrs for each count, served concurrently, in a separate county from ours.

Through CPS, DH and I both received legal and physical custody of both children. Fast forward to last year - BM still in jail, minimal contact by letter between BM and the kids for about 4.5 years. My stepdaughter (15) asked me to adopt her and so I hired a lawyer to make that happen (I adopted SS too but since he's 17 it was a notarial adoption).

We asked BM to terminate her rights voluntarily, which initially she refused to do, even tho the kids also asked her to let them go. After about 6 months of exchanges with her which were not productive, we began termination proceedings in family court based on a law here that says trying to kill your own children is grounds for involuntary termination.

The law also provides that a defendant who is impoverished can request the court appoint a lawyer to fight termination, which BM did (and provided the paperwork to show she has very little money in the commissary or wahtever jail acct she has). The lawyer fussed and hassled, got BM to sign the termination agreement and then held on to it for a few months while she (the lawyer) called for many more hearings on the matter, challenging everything from the grounds for termination to the original custody settlement. Eventually she handed the signed termination over after I made some concessions in order to get it, like agreeing to send photos and updates to BM. Fine. Whatever.

Now the court appointed lawyer wants me to pay her fees, which are far higher than even my own lawyer's fees. We have a hearing Sept 6. My lawyer wants me present to give a kind of sob story as to the burden we have had to bear all these years as BM hasn't provided ANY support at all and we've been raising two very emotionally damaged kids, and that this is further taking food out of the kids' mouths (true, since we didn't exactly budget for a second lawyer). The question is:

1. How would you go about arguing that you (if you were me) should not be made responsible for the fees? Isn't the presumption that a court appointed lawyer, where the law provides an impoverished defendat with a lawyer, will be paid by the state or the court or, at most, equivalent to the court rates (about $25/hr)?

2. Also, in Lousiana, it is expected that lawyers will do a certain amt of pro bono work every year - how would you work that in to the argument? or should I just file a complaint with the Bar and be done?

3. I think I could show that BM is not, in fact, impoverished - perhaps through affidavits related to the contents of her storage unit or following the money trail (MAYBE $2-3K out there somewhere). Is this worth it and would it, if successcul, in fact, invalidate the entire effort since those were the grounds on which her lawyer was appointed and we moved forward?

This is all taking place in Louisiana. I am the SM and want to adopt my two skids ages 14 and 16 (17 in January). I already have CO'd physical and legal custody of them after the department of social services gave them to us (they were removed from her custody by social services when she was arrested). BM is in jail in a county four hours away for attempting to murder them both in that county (she plead guilty about four years ago).

She writes to them monthly - they almost never write back. She also doesn't pay CS and we never tried to get a CS order, since she's in jail. We've been in therapy for ages, she's never (to our knowledge) sought any mental health assistance while in jail.

She'll be in jail until 2013 or so - long after both skids are out of high school. We sent paperwork for her to voluntarily sign for adoption, which she refused to do. She wants her daughter (my SD) to write and tell her if adoption is what she (SD) wants or not. My SS (the older child) did send a note telling her it's what he wants. We don't think SD should have to write a letter to her like that even tho SD does want it - she is afraid of her mother, understandably.

We are filing to terminate her rights based on what she went to jail for (attempting to murder them) which under La. law is possible grounds for involuntary termination of rights. My questions are:

1. Would you encourage SD to write a her a note - something brief - in the hopes that BM actually would sign, if she got such a letter? Or would that be pressuring SD?

2. What can BM do to fight the termination?

3. Can the fact that BM at one point wanted phone contact with the kids but we changed the phone number to avoid that work against us, in terms of interfering with her contact with her children (even tho she tried to kill them)?

My fiance's ex-wife's boyfriend applied for a transfer to Illinois (we live in NY) and he started work there at the beginning of July.  She agreed to marry him, and plans on moving the kids there on August 5th, and admitted she wasn't going to tell us until she was "all set".

We found out, confronted her, filed a petition and her stopped- temporarily.  We go to court on July 31st (that's in 6 days!)  Our lawyer says we have a good case because she has to prove that the move is in the kids best interest, and that the courts usually only consider the move if 1) she's moving to follow a husband (she's not- they got engaged AFTER he took the transfer; 2) she's taking a better job (that doesn't work either- she's a stay-at-home mom- the move is because of his job, and he never lost his job, he requested the transfer because of concerns about what might happen w/ his job next year.  He had options to stay here, and never even looked for other jobs in this area- plus, he's not the kid's provider, my fiance is, and their mom CAN work- even if she wants to wait until all the kids are in school, that will be next fall.  Not to mention he took a $4-$5/hr pay CUT to take this job); 3) if she were moving the kids closer to family (she's moving them AWAY from ALL of their family.  No one is in Illinois but strangers).  
 
So, even though they've sold their home here (not that she's told us that yet), she's got a place to stay at her mom's and the kids all have homes with their dads, and their new "home" in Illinois?  It's a 3 bedroom apartment- for the 5 of them.  They're going to that from a 3 story house w/ a fenced in backyard w/ a pool?!  That's supposed to be in the kid's best interest?  I think not.  And she enrolled the kids in a Catholic school there and is trying to tell us we owe a share of the $2500 tuition!  

While the burden of proof is on her, we've built a case proving how involved my fiance is in his kids lives, I have a list of "examples" that I faxed to the lawyer today from daddy taking the kids to all of their doctors appointments- rearranging his work schedule, taking unpaid days to do so, even, while she's a SAHmom- to including their half sister (her daughter from a prior relationship) on our vacations and driving them back & forth to soccer lessons.  I have pictures and ticket stubs from activities and events we've done w/ them, including copies of pictures their mom gave ny fiance from when they were separated but she had bday parties or holidays at her house and invited him over!  
 
The ex is trying to say that we'll have more time w/ the kids when she sends them to us for the summer and during school breaks then we do now, so I enlarged a 2007 calendar and circled all of our scheduled visitation based on the current agreement on one copy, then circled her proposed days on another- we have more time with them now!  All around, we come out on top.  BUT, YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.  We don't even go in front of a judge- it's a Court Attorney Referee, but our lawyer knows him and says that, based on NY statutes, she can't win.  We were hoping to have the same court date w/ the other daughter's dad (who is also fighting to keep her in NY) but since he hasn't gotten his petiton back yet, their court date won't be until August, but that keeps the kids in the state even longer, so we're okay with that.

Okay- so now that you have the background- help?  We're still freaking out and want to do anything else we can to make sure we can keep our babies here with us.  They're 4 & 5 (the older daughter is 10) and their mom keeps telling them they're moving.  They come to our house and cry about how they're going to miss us but "mommy says we won't see you for a long time but we can call you and then when we do see you again we can spend the night for a while."  It breaks my heart.  Please help.  Thank you!

Well worth listening to:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5425699