Topics

Hi all! I used to be oneandonly and still read here but our whole court stuff ended last year at this time. "Waves" to everyone!
Oh boy so much has happened and I am checking in and sharing to give hope to others...
My husbands twins are now 21--boy (man) just got out of the army and is living with us in Vegas. Girl (woman) is still in army but getting out soon.
Immediatly upon graduation, both kids left their mothers and joined the army. Dad was and is quite proud since it seems so many youths have no direction at that age. Both served in Iraq. Both are in the states now safe and sound.
The boy (man) got out and chose to live with us. I'll say from an observers standpoint, the minute they both left their mothers, communication went through the roof! Dad and son have built this bond I always knew would happen if there was NO interference. Hes been here over three weeks now and I am just amazed at how much he is like his dad! They are true friends and companions.
My husband and myself were looking through some old papers to find something for our car and there were all the old court papers. Son asked to see them--now mind you, the entire 12 years I've known my husband and been around his children, never ever ever once were court papers or negative things shared with them. He read them and commented that he never knew his dad was so involved (or tried to be) that whole time. He was surprised we had his school records and reflected on some memories during that time.
Currently the father/daughter relationship is not the best but they still talk once in a while. She's shown some characteristics of her mother which my husband ignores. I have an issue with her as I paid a debt for her last year and she has yet to acknowledge or pay back. She's an adult now and should be held accountable. Never a thank you either.

Son is going to visit his mother soon and then back here. I've lined a job up for him via some connections I have.  His mother is working on husband #5 (maybe 4 as we're not sure if she married #2...). She still stalks me on the net. I am sure this arrangement with son is not to her liking but her area is suffering more economically than we are.  I was driving to the store with son the other day and she called him--asked who he was with (what does that matter?) and he said me..she said some snotty things and he rolled his eyes. Let it go already!

SO, it can happen--a light so bright at the end of the tunnel that it blinds you! We are living in it now and I could cry every day at the happiness I see in both their eyes!
Always keep the faith!

I don't want to keep an arguement going but do want to respond. I contacted Waylon and he said he did not lock this but one of the moderators did?

I was in the process of looking up child support stats but felt that is something that one can do on their own. There are many  articles, reports, etc... on how the system is failing in California. The system is NOT based on the needs of the child/children but rather a complex formula based on income. Of course, income has to play a part as that is what this is all about. But seriously though, look at those in jobs of means, like actors....40K a month for a child? come on now...

Be that as it may, I know personally of folks just trying to do their best. Move on with their lives, provide for not one family but two. Let's not even add that in..another family. I know of one man that was hit with a large amount of support, insurance, etc....and had to sleep in his car. Any increase in his income resulted in an increase in support. Not right.

Personally, I know of two men who have custody in California. The first did not want to file for child support. He was urged to do so for the childs sake and the childs future. He brought this to the CSE agency and was told, "well, she doesn't make very much so you'll get very little". He decided against it as his focus was not to financially cripple the NCP but to make sure money was never an issue for the NCP to see her child. I don't know of many women that would do that.
The second, support filed for, not paid for a while. Hearing scheduled and delayed and delayed and delayed...finally get to court. Woman NCP basically cries in court and gets arrears reduced.
Try doing that as a man....**

My husbands situation was not fair at all. He paid, was paid off in current and arrears and now the CP (is she still considered that when the kids are 19?) gets a winfall. I stated before he got behind; he also got tagged with backdated support payments for a whole year. Unemployment happens. I don't think this particular woman has worked a total of 1 year full time. Why should she be rewarded for her sloth?

My solution, (you asked Mist...)...
50/50 split custody with NO support exchanged. It can work.

Mist, you stated you pay a lot in support. I hope you're always healthy, always working and never ever have to go through this. You miss one payment, just one, and you'll be in the same boat.

On a side note, my husband and his children have never been closer. THey call from Iraq all the time. It's a shame and a blessing this only happened since they left their mothers.

I don't care how much you defend the child support system---when a state is rewarded with federal money for collecting, it is never about the children.


** not intentionally slamming women here just using personal examples.**

THis is also an update of what I've posted on the second families board but here goes...

My husband was just hit with 8K in arrears (although bm thinks she's getting more...) when the state of California did an audit, at her request, and figured in interest dating back to 1995. Interest taken right off the top of previous payments so now he's back in arrears.

His current and arrears were paid off Sept 21 this year but it didnt matter. Court was Oct 12 and he got socked a good one.
In California, no matter when you pay off, they can go back at any time and figure in interest. My husband talked to 3 lawyers and two are of the paralegals working for them went through the same thing. One person had everything paid off and 6 years later, they came back at her for interest. Yep, a "her".

This man served his country, tried to do the right thing and bam--here we are. Sure he's been umemployed but that happens. BM on the other hand, has never soley supported herself or her children. She has done everything short of accusing sexual abuse (although she has mentioned this before) to keep the kids away from their dad. THey are both 19 now and stationed in Iraq and she still continues---she pretends to be the kids on the net, still.

BM has been on this board too---stalking--she pretended to be me on here several times. In chat. Other boards too.

This is all just so wrong. He married her, she got pregnant while he was in service and she took off. She tried everything she could to keep him away from those kids. He still paid support. He even paid for a child she got pregnant with while  they were still married that was not his. ONce she found out that biodad had money though, she changed all that. This kid even had his last name at one time..nice, eh?

He gets out of service, hard to find work-never files for a reduction. He always let cse know what was going on. She filed for an increase AFTER we got married, thinking she'd get her hands on my money and they backdated to the date of filing--a year later. Interest on that as well.

CA "child" support just never ends. I could see if she solely supported those kids but its either been welfare, some guy, cash payments, family, payments for, how shall we say? "favors"....

We'll get through this---as always. But be forwarned, if you have a CA order, you'll be paying for a long time.

Summary-
CA controls order, BF in Nevada, BM and children in Oregon.
Children (twins) will be 18 in March, graduating, ending current support order in June.
Last court hearing was in December in Nevada and nothing was changed to order.
However, Nevada has sent BF's employer notice to enroll children in insurance.
This was already attempted previously and CA sent employer notice that THEY are not requesting this and to discontinue enrollment. It was.
(CA determined NV insurance is very costly and stopped enrollment--not before getting a couple of payments, though.)

Questions-
1) How can this be handled? Am I understanding this correctly that CA still controls the order (they do) so NV has no authority to order this?
2) Is this something an attorney should be handling (the current order is ending soon, realistically, by the time insurance goes into effect, there will be no legal bounds to provide this...) or can BF just make some calls (again) to let NV CSE know CA still controls the order and insurance has NOT been ordered by them?
3) Isnt the time factor here important? Like the fact they will be legal adults soon, graduating soon, therefore, enrollment will be pointless?

thanks

Recap-BM filed to have interest added to arrears, compounded annually for the past 10 years.
Court was today.

It went nowhere;she got nothing.

Oh wait, she did manage to make the DA a tad bit upset because of not being completely honest (to say the least) in her filings.

Thanks for all your help, again!

Gathering information here and trying to decide on an attorney so any information is greatly appreciated.

CA contols the support order, although BM and children live in OR and BF lives in NV.
Stipulation was agreed on in January 2005 by BF to continue paying CA support amount, along with arrears and payments to CA for arrears for welfare received. Signed by judge in April.

In June, BM files in NV to have interest added on to arrears. 10% compounded annually for the past 10 years. Current support order ends June, 2006 as the children turn 18 in March and graduate in June.
She got a computer printout from the state of OR and took it to an accountant to figure out the compounded interest and that was filed with her request.
This printout does NOT show the amounts paid via the state of CA, however, NV CSE does have the complete audit with all payments shown.
(example--OR shows NO payments for the entire year of 2003, but CA has those payments documented).

Questions:
1) Would Doctrine of Laches apply here? She is asking for the interest, not the state. Current order is almost ending so an attorney mentioned this doctrine.
2) CA controls the order, so CA laws apply, yes? Several attorneys here in NV were unsure if interest could be compounded to begin with.
3) Is there any legal responsibility/accountability on BM's part for knowingly filing a printout that was not accurate?

Thanks :)

You're getting married??????

so so so happy for you!!

Come on now, share....details details details....

(sure do miss the "ole gang" btw--Children First, Troubledmom, LAH, etc....etc...)

God Bless you all and here's hoping this holiday is not spent on this forum but with your children~
My husbands journey is almost over, the mountains done been climbed but 5+ years ago, if you would have told us the end would come before we knew it, I'd have thought that was craziness.

Again, have a wonderful holiday and weekend!!

I just wanted to take a minute here and thank you...for this site and the services provided here. There really is nothing like it on the net. There are so many horrible things going on in this world but it's a huge comfort for those facing parental court cases (and other parental issues), to come here and get, hopefully, what is needed.
I would have never thought 8 years ago when I first met my soon-to-be husband that such a site was needed, let alone, on the net at all. I don't post as much any more, but am here daily..reading the forums, checking the chat room for old friends, etc.....with every click, I learn something new.

So, thank you and bless you and yours for everything you (and the SPARC staff) do for parents!

"You are the wind beneath my wings" (and many others too~)

If one party is granted a continuance to retain an attorney and at the next hearing, no attorney there, what can happen?
curious

you have a PM~

:)

urgent PM waiting for you :)

Dont know the exact date or if you're still around here but...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I often wondered why all the fuss when a parent wants their childs info contained in school records and here's what I found..

"While parents have a right to review records, schools are NOT REQUIRED BY FEDERAL LAW TO PROVIDE COPIES OF INFORMATION, unless providing copies would be the only way of giving parent access."
(found in a book I am studying to clear some provisions on my teaching license---PM me if you would like the title.)

So, if I was asking for my child's records, I'd not only send a self addressed stamped envelope, I'd send copy paper as well....

Just an FYI

you have a PM~

to our friends in Ohio (long time members here) for their trial tomorrow......hopefully, when it's all over, we will get a wonderful update and everyone will know who I'm talking about....secrecy for now :)


HUGS and PRAYERS L&M~

(this was from another board-the idea anyways)

For NCP's---
If you offered the CP continual child support in exchange for custody-would the CP in your case agree?
Meaning, NCP keeps child/ren but still pays support to CP?

I think ours would-the cash coming in but no responsibilites.

You have a PM~

Let's see..I've been on this site for well over 9 years..1999 is was that I started looking for some help for DH and his kids. He, unfortunately, let their mother dictate and control their relationship not knowing he had rights too...but we are past that now.

So, I believe some were here when his ex followed me here. I'm sure Waylon remembers deleting her account because she was pretending to be me in chat..a slight variation on my old posting name. She even posted some weird things here complaining about my husband knowing the whole while I was a member here. That's when it was FRTC site--FATHERS rights to custody--and there she was...
There is quite an extensive list of things she has done in the past...mind you, unless the kids ask, that information is kept private. We don't operate the same way she does.

Kids are almost 20--twins, boy, and a girl. DH is most proud of them both for serving their country and having a direction for their lives as opposed to so many kids that don't...we say absolutely nothing to them regarding their mother. OH, I did find out that she is actually the person behind their myspace accounts--that's not surprising. Her pretending to be either of them on the net is not surprising either. Hey, if they let her have their passwords, that's their "thing".

BUT..while our court actions are over, all over with, kids are old enough to make their own decisions, etc.....she still follows me all over the net. She could be here now, I don't know for sure....I'm sure I woulda heard about it if she was though.
I have a myspace account and a yahoo360 account--both are private and the only thing that can be seen is my profile.
She is on there viewing at least 3 times a day.
yes, I know for sure...
3 times a day for each account.
I have closed off any and all net info for well over a year now...all things are private..

For example--Dh and I went out last night--yes, New Year's Eve, but New Years Day is my birthday--I came home, weee hours of the morning and she'd already been on my yahoo profile 2 times!

What is this obsession with me? I can sorta understand this like when SS was here. I know she's scared to death he'd find out about her postings about him--perhaps because her mind is so warped she thinks we operate like she does and fill his head with garbage, but she needn't worry, unless  he asks...

BUT seeking me out at all hours of the night?????

I don't get it.

Unless like I've always tucked back in the corner of my mind and she really is attracted to me? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

And I hope everyones holidays are as blessed as ours...
Stepson is visiting for Christmas! 19 and all grown up, serving our country in the U.S. Army--back from Iraq safe and sound.
Dad is just beside himself with joy! and pride!
His mother didnt help with any of the flights, last we heard, even though she gets that tax free money still from my husband every month...sad.
BUT we're happy none the less~

I suppose I should post in support board but here I am..
okay--so court was on Friday. It was not good, at least for now.
Long story short, the "master" who ran the hearing was really really abbrasive and rude to my husband. She interrupted him, accused him of not paying his support and threatened him with jail if he doesnt pay this. Now, just an FYI--psycho filed to have interest added to arrears via a CA court order which has been closed since Dec 2006. My dh had a letter to this effect that was sent from CA but when the "master" started attacking him and threatening him with jail, he just clammed up. I realize the "master" was opperating under the law and really didnt do anything but confirm from an audit that this money is owed, but she was just so ignorant to him. This "master" had not right to threaten jail as this recommendation is NOT a court order yet...
Anyways, Syliva Beller is her name. I watched her all morning and thought at least, from her mood, she'd hear what my dh had to say. Didnt happen.
So objection being filed this week along with paper confirmation, (hopefully if CA doesnt drag its feet again) current confirmation this case is closed. Nothing to lose anyways...

one funny justification, if you can call it that...
we leave court in MY new car and look who's at the bus stop???? I shoulda waved!!
Oh and the recommendation is full of mistakes (like date garnishment is to begin-etc....) so if nothing else, an objection will force a REAL judge to look at this info.
I've got case laws where interest added to arrears AFTER a court order is closed if appealed and won. Should it get that far.

Man, she got HUGE too--surprised she fit in the court seat!!!

either way, no harm no foul as they say--wage garnishment might go back into effect but it'll be paid off soon too--kids are almost 20 though so I hope they see how vindictive and horrible their mother is when they ask their dad to help with something and he says, "go ask your mother..."

(formerly oneandonly here)

WOW! it's hard to believe it was about 1999 when I first posted here!! Some of you may remember and I sure do miss SAM!
I had to update and provide a glimmer of hope to those still struggling with issues...

Let's see--dh's twins are both in Iraq now. Both joined the army as soon as they graduated and are doing well. They both stay in contact with their dad and I have to say, it is nice to see these relationships back where they should be. It's nice dad can communicate without interruption or control from the other parent. It's a shame they had to move across the world to make that happen, but it does....

Child support and arrears are a thing of the past now. Yep, that light at the end of the tunnel finally reached us!!! OH but before anyone gets those warm and fuzzies, BM is now asking for interest to be added to arrears. Keep that gravy train going and all...sad. We're prepared for the worst and hope for the best. THing is, CSE has been most cooperative (imagine that!! with the NCP and all!!!) and we're pretty confident about court. It's October 12, btw--send a prayer or two that day...

No matter what happens, the results are still that my husband has a pretty good relationship now with his kids/adults.  She still tries to interfere but we've heard some interesting things on this end...it's all good!!

Okay--so, don't ever give up on your kids. Know that life goes on and one day, the money will be a non-issue.

WE've done some celebrating that's for sure!!!!

hugs to all~

SL (oneandonly)

when I first joined this site, I never imagined I would be saying this...

BUT....

we are in the "BIG" countdown now, too!!!

A little over 10 months to go and the insanity of the PBFH court mishaps will be over!!

Course, we fully expect the next 10 months to be filled with last ditch attempts of increasing support (ie, paycheck) but it will all be over soon.

Big party planned!!!

edit--had to add this. Her last filings/mishaps-careful manipulations resulted in all support matters being transferred to OUR state. My husband was entitled to a reduction, but, being the guy that he is, agreed to a stipulation that kept support at the current amount.

She filed for more money, she gets the same (actually, arrears were reduced)--and everything is in OUR state now~

Just can't help ourselves, but we are.......

One year and about 10 months to go and NO MORE SUPPORT GARNISHMENT!!!
Then dh will be able to deal with the kids one-on-one, too-no more interferences, no more justifications for her psychosis!!!