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Topics - smtotwo

Custody Issues / things just got complicated...
Mar 20, 2011, 05:58:02 AM
Dh has custody of oss, 17. Fri dh assaulted me and was arrested. I'll b filing D monday. However biomom doesn't want ss. Didn't call on xmas or his bday-3/10. Ss wants to stay with me as dh also choked him in september. I and my family are the only stability he's ever had. House isn't community property so dh won't get it in divorce like he thinks he will. TRO will be filed monday. I'm sure dh won't support ss, but ss has job. I don't know what to do!!
Father's Issues / dwayne wade wins custody
Mar 13, 2011, 11:29:16 AM
Not much detail but important.
My son is now 24.  from the time he was 2 until he was 13 I have tried to get his father to take a DNA test so that CS could be established.

2 states and 4 different counties later he NEVER appeared for any hearing was never declared the father by default therefore no CS.

He would LOVE to go to college and he should but we cannot afford it.

Its not about me having supported him alone his whole life, but about his father contributing something to him.

He knows about our son, but has never seen him.

THis may sound awful (not MAY sound, Does sound awful).

But he hasn't given son anything   He OWES him this.

And any idea if I can go after any of the counties involved who simply dropped the issue when he didn't reply to their letters, or show for hearings?

Moms Without Custody / need some advice
Oct 22, 2007, 10:53:38 AM
I signed legal papers that have my son  liveing with his father and I only get to see him every other weekend.  The reasoning for signing the papers were for my son to go to school down there, well he isn't.  So I'd like to know what I can do to change this court order.
So, after reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, more than one, DH and I feel that biomom is Borderline Personality Disorder.

What are the best test for this?  Psychologist? Forensic Psychologist?
High functioning BPD can manipulate around testing, MMPI's normally wont work.

So what do we ask for when requesting psych testing?

We're asking that ALL parties, me&DH, ex&hubby, all do testing,we don't want to point fingers at her.

Shrink Rap / Best psych testing....Suggestions?
Nov 17, 2004, 09:29:12 AM
So, after reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, more than one, DH and I feel that biomom is Borderline Personality Disorder.

What are the best test for this?  Psychologist? Forensic Psychologist?
High functioning BPD can manipulate around testing, MMPI's normally wont work.

So what do we ask for when requesting psych testing?

We're asking that ALL parties, me&DH, ex&hubby, all do testing,we don't want to point fingers at her.

Dear Socrateaser / Custody of grandson
Jul 12, 2006, 05:48:37 PM
Soc, I posted this on the custody board sunday.

We have since had another development. Last night biomom tried to commit suicide again-3rd time that we know of.
Son then took grandson to biomoms-2 1/2 hr drive with no drivers license.
I'll try to keep this brief really need some advice.

G/S is 2. Biomom left over a yr ago, son has been
custodial for this time.

DH and I are actually primary caretakers. Son was
arrested for failure to pay support-birthing expenses.
He was pulled over for non registration of vehicle,
also received tickets for operating while
suspended-G/S was in the car, open intoxicant-blew 0.0
on breathalyzer. He failed to appear for court date
but no warrant shows up on CCAP. Son has low income
apartment and foodstamps. But stays with dh and i most of the time and we care for grandson.

Biomom has no permanent address she's currently with
her mother, was back with son for 3 weeks last month,
moved with friend last month, who kicked
her out. She hasnt had a job since g/s was born in
spite of not having custody, also she provides no
DH and I, as recently as last week bought diapers,
clothes and shoes. Biomom continualy brings him home
w/o shoes/clothes/diapers. Son does this also.

Biomom has stolen sons adderal, and son has sold his
adderal. we just want baby to have a steady stable

Biomoms dad and grandmother have both stated that they
would help dh and i with custody. And I absolutely
believe them, as we were friends with them before son
and biomom ever met.

I'm afraid if we dont file emergency custody soon-next day or two, they will not view it as an emergency.

What are your opinions?
Dear Socrateaser / New CS case
Jan 02, 2006, 08:58:12 AM
While reviewing my current support payments on our states website, I found a NEW child support case.

The custodial parent is listed as my brothers ex-g/f and I 'm listed as non-cutodial parent.

While no paternity tests were ever done the child is now 8 yrs old and my brothers name isonthe birth certificate. There is a chance that the child is mine, but brother signed affidavit of paternity.

CS is closed today so I can't reach them.

Brother is over $40,000 in arrears to ex #1 and has a felony warrant out for failure to pay.  He has essentially disappeared, probably working for cash.

If I knew where he was I'd be the first to tell them.  But now this order is on MY NAME and FILED with CS.  I was never served any papers, and even if DNA proved the child to be mine the time limit has passed for them to contest brothers affidavit of paternity.

We're in Wisconsin.

Can they order CS from me when my brother is listed on the certified copy of B/C as father?

Where do you suggest I start getting this corrected?

Thanks Soc.
Dear Socrateaser / CS never established
Nov 25, 2005, 02:14:07 PM

           My son is now 24. from the time he was 2 until he was 13 I have tried to get his father to take a DNA test so that CS could be established.

2 states and 4 different counties later he NEVER appeared for any hearing, was never declared the father by default, therefore no CS.

He would LOVE to go to college and he should, but we cannot afford it.

Its not about me having supported him alone his whole life, but about his father contributing something to him.

He knows about our son, but has never seen him.

1) How do I go about trying again to establish support?

2) Can I go after any of the counties involved who simply dropped the issue when he didn't reply to their letters, or show for hearings?

3)  Should I go to all involved counties and get copies of files that were opened but never completed?


Dear Socrateaser / unheard motions...options?
Nov 20, 2005, 03:45:48 PM
Soc this was a question asked to me from a friend  and I don't know the case specifics.  This is the exact text of the question.

If you do need case specifics or exact motions that were refused to be heard  I'll see if I can get the info.  State is WI.

 Everyone knows about appeals and other ways to get justice out of our courts.  OK !! But when can be done when the honorable judge refuses to hear a motion?
This means you can't appeal because honorable has taken this into his own hands !!!!!  
Is their any way to get around this ?
Dear Socrateaser / Paying for medical bills
Nov 10, 2005, 06:41:38 AM
I will do my best to keep this staight and short.

2 days ago i received a letter from a collection agency for a hospital bill for my son.  The bill was for an ungodly amount. Son had some testing done as he had blood in his urine.

When I called the agency they informed me that there were bills for both my sons and my wife.  After a little digging I found that the exs
bills and her new husbands bills all listed me as the responsible party.
THey did change this,so that ex and husband have their own account.
This dropped the bill my amost 2/3.  Agency also stated that every letter they send the ex comes back address unknown.    

I am responsible for 50% of all uninsured medical, per divorce decree.
Agency stated that I am responsible for 100%.  
I never received a bill from the hospital, when I contacted them they said that they only send bills to custodial parent but that I still am 100% responsible. They are now sending me a copy of the bill as well.

In court Judge told ex that she MUST send me any bills within 14 days so that I may pay my portion.  The tests were done in August and this is the first bill I've received.  As this is not in the order, only in the transcript, it is not an order.

I have posted to a fathers group in my state about this but have gotten conflicting answers.  However the overwhelming anwer was that this is the ex's bill and she is responsible party, as she signed the papers, but listed me as resposible party.   SHe can either pay the full amunt and get the 50% from me directly or I can pay my 1/2 and she can pay her half directly.    I do not dispute the 50%, but it is impossible to pay a bill I never got.

1) Can collection agency force me to pay a bill I had no knowledge of,
    and never signed any papers for?

2)  Or is this the ex's bill, then I reimburse her? or pay either dr. or collection agency directly?

We are in Wisconsin.  Thanks.

Dear Socrateaser / Child Support Review questions
Jan 26, 2005, 02:42:04 PM
Copy of letter sent to ex arrived at our house concerning CS.

Letter states

We have reviewed your support order. Based on Financial Information we have determined that the support order should be adjusted to $xxx per month.

This is based on 25% of gross income of $xxxxx per year.

If there is agreement any party may file a motion with the court to change the order, including the state.

DH called and was told by CS worker that if he didn't stipulate to amount calculated they would impute income he's never earned, based on him working a 36 week work year. DH is a brick/block layer and has always worked 24-26 weeks a yr and collected unemployment the remainder of the year.  Even while he and the ex were married, and this was 9 yrs ago.

THere are no arrears to the state and arrears to the ex will be paid in full next week.

I thought that since CS wants to impute income DH should let either the ex or the state file the motion to amend the order.  We don't want the order changed, so we aren't filing a motion.

I did some research and this is what I found.  
      Wiseman v. Wiseman   9-30-2003  District III court of appeals

       To base a child support award on capacity to earn rather than actual income, there should be a finding based on evidence that the parent was failing to exercise his or her capacity to earn because of a  disregard of his or her support obligations.  A trial courts consideration of earning capacity rather than actual earnings is improper absent a finding that the parent was not fairly or diligently working at the occupation to which he or she is best suited, or that he or she willfully accepted employment and resultant lower compensation for the purpose of reducing his ability to pay support money.

 1)  Weren't  % awards of child support deemed unconstitutional?

 2)  If the ex files a motion to amend would this appeal ruling help at all?

 3)  Can the state file the motion to amend, even if the state has "no real interest" in the case?  (other than the federal matching funds they'll get by the increase in support)

THanks A TON !!!
my interpretation of this statute?

Statute 767.60 (state of WI)

Any parent, or any person acting pursuant to directions from the parent, who does any of the following is guilty of a Class E Felony

(a) conceals a child from other parent

(ex moved provided no forwarding address)

(b)  doesn't apply to DH's case

(c) After issuance of a temporary or final order specifying joint custody  rights, takes a child from or causes a child to leave the other parent in violation of the custody order or  WITHHOLDS THE CHILD FOR MORE THAN 12 HOURS BEYOND THE COURT APPROVED VISITATION PERIOD.

DH's court order reads    HOLIDAYS:    Christmas:
          Respondent dhsll have the children x-mas eve 9 am to 8 pm and shall also have them for the second half of the post-christmas day balance of their school December Holiday break to 6 pm on the day before school recommences.

School Calendar  Thursday December 23rd through sunday January 2nd

Ex refused to answer her phone for DH to pick up the children for x-mas eve, and today when he called to say he was on his way ex stated he could not take the children.

So as of, somewhere around noon tomorrow she will have withheld them for more than 12 hours past court approved visitation.

Does this apply to the ex denying visits?

Or only to DH if he should return them more than 12 hours late?


DH is going to attempt to pick up kids again tomorrow, or file charges against her.
DH and I will be forced to proceed Pro Se on the issue of increasing parening time.

The original order was from 2002.  Our attorney was paid in Full at that time and we even received a refund of part of the retainer.

1) How do we go about requesting this file?

I think the attorneys did some negotiating that DH didn't know about,
letter between attorneys were mentioned in some letters sent to us.

2) Are there portions of the file we might not/or won't  be privvy to?

3) could there be a charge for this?
Dh and  I have eow standard visits with his 2 boys 8 and 10.  The middle of september the ex moved for the 5th time in 4 years.

The last 3 visits with the boys, they have been caught stealing from my sons room and the 10 yr old was caught on the computer visiting

2 weeks ago the 8 yr old snapped the neck of one of our cats kittens.  He insisted it was an accident and it may have been, but then last weekend I caught him with another kitten, had ot trapped under a box and was laying on the box crushing it.  Up until then I did beleive it had been an accident, now I have my doubts.

As punishment the boys were grounded off the computer and are no longer allowed into my sons room at all.

On wednesday the ex went to ss's school with a story that my son had written, mafia/murder/justice kind of story.  10 yr old stepson stole ot off my sons computer after he was grounded from the room.

School reported that the ex felt my son was a danger to stepsons.  By thursday afternoon social services had decided that there was no concern it was just a story.

However, after they reported to social services the stepsons school then faxed the report they made to social services and a copy of the story to my sons school, and requested that my sons school have the school psychologist deal with my son.

1) what kind of legal authority did the stepsons school have on contacting my sons school?

My son has cerebral palsy and is highly emotional.  He was VERY distressed, and embarrassed when the school psychologist pulled him out of class. He was crying uncontrollable in the psych's office.

2) Once the report was made to social services shouoldn't the other schools part been done?  
3) Can we file something against the ex or the school for violating sons privacy that way?

We're in wisconsin and are looking at filing for full custody before the boys get any worse.

Sorry its soo long I'm very upset that she used my son in her game.
I am very sure about the answer to ? #1, however, DH isn't so could you clarify this for him please?

DH is working out of state, about 50 miles from our home. During our full week of placement I took the children where he's working, and we stayed at a hotel for 2 days.
Ex-wife found out.  She called saying HER children cannot leave the state without HER permission. (actually screamed a message to voice mail)

Court order specifically says, under    

         #9.   The minor children shall not be removed from the state of wisconsin EXCEPT for short vacation periods not to exceed 90 days per year, without the prior order of the court, or the prior written permission of the other parent.

   1. Was what we did wrong?  Can she file contmept for this?

Next question is this...DH and I have the opportunity to purchase a 10 yr old mobile home, on 20 acres with 2 ponds, a12 x 20 addition, and a 30 x 40 pole building for  $55,000.  

However this is also out of state, the area he's working in.

Again under Conclusions of Law

                  #10.  Physical placement rights have been granted to a party herein,the custodial shall provide tothe other party 60 days written notice of the custodians intention to establish legal residence outside the of this state or to remove the child from this state for a period of 90 days or more, or establish legal residence and remove the child  within the state at a distance of 150 miles or more from the other parent.  Notice shall be sent certified mail, with a copy to the court.

1.   Can DH and I move out of state, or do we need her or the courts permission? Or does this only apply to the CP?

We would, of course be filing a new parenting plan with the court to adjust placement to the distance we'd be moving from the ex.

Thanks for the help,  we'd hate to lose out on this opportunity!!
Dear Socrateaser / Help for NCP, 19 yr old dad
Jul 13, 2004, 04:54:20 PM
Dad is filing for full custody, partially based on neglect, at 6 months old child has had several visits to hospital ER and been admitted over night at least once, that he knows of.

Dad went to hospital today and they refused to give him any medical information on the child. They stated they couldn't release info to NCP.
He HAD to have Moms signature to get any info.

We are in Wisconsin.

WI Statute 767.24 (7)   access to records.  (a) Except under par. (b) or unless ordered by the court, access to a childs, medical, dental and school records is available to a parent regardless of whether that parent has legal custody of the child.

Paragraph (b) is domestic violence.

We are drafting a letter to the hospital tonite. But before he sends it we need to know

             1) Can they deny him the records based on the new federal privacy laws? Or should we base letter on WI statute?

             2)  Should he name the person in records who denied him the information?   He did take down her name.

Thanks Soc.  He just doesn't know where to turn.
First and foremost, if DH and I bring this up to either social services or psychomommy its going to look like we're angry with her for her stunt last week.

However, I've been mulling this over for 3 weeks now and simply don't know what to think about it.

3 weekends ago 8 yr old stepson "accidently" broke the neck on a 3 week old kitten.  No one else was in the room and he said he closed the recliner on it.  I absolutely believed it was accident until last week when they were here.

I found stepson had the only kitten we have left from the litter, under the lid for a shoebox.  I watched for about a half minute before I intervened.  He was shoving the box pretty roughly over the bed, could hear kitten crying.  Then he leand down, full force on the box, I didn't let it get any farther, but he clearly would have crushed the box on top of the kitten if I hadn't seen it.

DH thinks I'm overreacting.  I told stepson that he is NOT ALLOWED to have any contact with any animal in our house.  NOT EVEN THE FISH!!

What would you guys make of this?
Parenting Issues / Privacy issues with 2 SS's
Apr 28, 2004, 08:00:34 AM
My SS's are here eow.  At our house with my 12 yr old son the rule is,
he is not allowed to play th PS2.  He has a N64 and a super nintendo.
The PS2 belongs to DH and myself.  We also have DVD's that are kept
in our room because they are innapropiate for the kids, Pink Floyd The Wall, Road to Perdition, Phonebooth.  

I also work 2 jobs on weekends. 1-from 7am-noon and  2-from 1:30-7.

These are my problems right now, the skids have NO respect for whats in our room.  If DH is outside and I'm working they play the PS2 and watch DVD's in our room.  He doesn't tell them they can't be in there and when I have my 1 hr break between jobs my room is full of kids!!

The games for playstation are Crazy Taxi and Max Paine, they should NOT be playing Max Paine or 007, EVER!!  Thats why I put it in our room!!

How do I deal with this?  Its just so many little things,  There are things that I buy for everyone like Ben & Jerry's.  If they finish theirs then they eat whoevers is in the freezer.

I have had it with DH not doing anything about this.  If I have to, I may start locking the door while I'm at work.  I shouldn't do that to DH but if he won't do anything then I'm going to.

So, any suggestions would be GREAT!!  Thanks everybody!
General Issues / To: InTheMiddle...
Oct 12, 2004, 05:31:53 AM
We do have a yearly IEP and thats part of the reason things went so smoothly at our end, Sons been working with the school for psychologist for about 2 years now.

My bigger concerns were whether the stepsons school overstepped their bounds in calling our school before social services even opened and investigation.

And of course the concerns that I have, but seen to have escaped DH about the 8 yr old with the animals.

If you missed that part there is post concerning animal cruelty, I think I posted that on the parenting issues board.

Thanks and if you have any suggested books or websites that I could information from  Please let me know!!

If anyone has any idea where I can find this please please let me know.

Either post it here or e-mail me at [email protected]

Mu nephew's wife just had a baby girl over last weekend and I'd LOVE to send it to them.

Thanks if anyone can help!!
Second Families / DH and his ex's
Jan 12, 2006, 07:01:58 AM
First ex has borderline personality disorder and I have been her target for the last 2-3 yrs when it switched to me from DH.  Now that I can effectively deal with her and her constant lies we've been thrown another curve.

I may collapse under the pressure, WHERE THE HELL DOES HE FIND THESE PSYCHOPATHS!!?

How do you deal with being punished for the stupidity of DH?

I am near my wits end and close to separating with him. When he was younger (9yrs ago) He got drunk and slept with his brothers g/f. She got pregnant and they never did DNA to determine whose child it is.

CHild has brothers name as middle and last name, but now she's claiming its DH's child. She can't find brother and we don't know where he is, so she's not getting any support. But DH pays religously to his ex so she knows where to get the money.

How close are sibling DNA? He and his brother could pass for twins if not for the age difference.

Dh had back surgery 4 yrs ago.  He was given a VERY limited amount of vicodin for pain.

Today he went back to Dr. because of more problems with his back.

Dr. gave him 120, yes 120! 500 mg vicodins!!

Isn't that a very addicting pain killer? Isnt that why the previous Dr. gave him soo little?
Second Families / DH gives up....
Dec 29, 2004, 08:03:39 AM
After spending a week in jail, I,(stepmom) put a restraining order against the psychomommy for her false claims that put me there.

Court was monday.  She can't call our home or drop the children off here she and dh must meet somewhere else.

Today is the start of dh's xmas vacation.  When he called the kids they said they weren't coming here because of the lies in court.  And I don't mean that psycho told them lies about court she actually brought them to the courtroom.  NOthing that was said was a lie but she cerainly convinced them that it was.  
And with no visit then that means no way to tell them the truth!!

DH told me to unwrap and return their presents.  Of course I'm hoping he'll get past this, I won't return their gifts but does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with Him?  He's so hurt and angry right now!!
against DH's ex!!

States that ex cannot
                      Make reports to social services unless SHE personally can verify the charges she's making!!

                      Cannot call dept. of probation and report to my probation officer, unless she has verifiable proof that I've done something.  She can no longer just call and make accusations like she did 2 weeks ago.

                    Children can call our home, but the ex cannot!!  Due to the threats and tone of the previos messages!!

                     She cannot be within 100 yards of me or my son. She has to make alternate arrangements for pick up of the kids, she is not allowed on my property.

I have never ever pulled the MY LAND MY HOUSE card on DH, but after I went to jail because of her lies She can not come onto my property or call MY home. I will call the police for trespassing if she does come here.

I was soo thrilled that FINALLY FINALLY we might get something done, also spoke to attorney about the civil suit because I lost 1 of my jobs.
He;s gonna brainstorm with some others in the office and let me know what I need to bring them to start the process!!
told DH on thursay that he couldn't have the kids this weekend, even though it is his court ordered weekend.

After the dramatics of the last month we decided that we'd let this go.
Friday night I went to work and Dh went to cut wood.

10 yr old ss called and left a message.  Psychomommy has to work this weekend so SHE DECIDED that the boys could come over.

No one was home except my 13 yr old.  And for anyone who's been reading about our last month, then you know that DH, myself, and my 13 yr old are all to odangerous to be around the kids.

She dumped the boys in our driveway-never checked to see if anyone was home(DH and I weren't), my 13 yr old called me at work cuz he didn't know what to do with them either.

I did finaly get ahold of DH and he got home about 1/2 hour after she dumped them.

I can't believe she did that, she literally just left them, with my son, who can hardly even deal with them!!  Never came to the door to even see if 13 yr old was there.

I just don't know what to do about this!!

Sorry this turned into such a long vent!!  GRRR!!!!
Second Families / OY VEY!! 2 problems today....
Nov 05, 2004, 07:51:42 PM
First, sister in law thougth she'd be helpful and went into the skids school ( her daughter attends also) and spoke with the principal, the same principal who reported my son to social services.  

She explained some of what has happened over the last 4 yrs.  But, DH, nor I asked her to do that. Personally I thought it was a bad idea and would have asked her not to,  but TOOO LATE now.  Just waiting for psychomommy to call about the call she should be gettign from principal.

Second problem is this...Last night psychomommy refused to allow DH to speak with the kids, and said that if he showed up they wouldn't be there.  Tonite while I was working and DH was cutting wood, we got a call from OSS. They;re mom would be dropping them off in 45 minutes.
I told son to call me when they got there and I'd come home.

Nice that we have them, but she left them with my 13 yr old, who only 2 weeks ago was dangerous because of a story he wrote,  SHe never come to the door to see if either DH or I were home.  They got out of car and came in the house, without knowning who was even here.

I thought that was innappropriate.

And the talk my SIL had with principal is going to open a WHOLE NEW CAN OF WORMS!!   YIKES  Panic just thinking about it!!
What I thought was my asthma acting up, has actually turned out to be anxiety attacks.

I went to the doctor when neither my fast acting or advair were working.

So now I;m taking Zoloft.  This all began after psychomommy reported my son to social servies so it makes sense.

How do you deal with it?
First of all I did take your advice Kitty, as this was my first instinct also, and spoke to the school superintendant.

I didn't focus on the ex or the children, except in the context of how my sons story came to the attention of the schoool.

I tried to stay focused on the fact that the school principal acted beyond her capacity in contacting my sons school.

The superintendant contacted the principal who then contacted the psychomommy.

Psychomommy called DH tonite and told him that I told the school that we had custody, that I was taking the children from school, and that I was entitled to the schools records.

I'm not sure how many remember but these were the same accustions she made 2 yrs ago and I spent a week, FULL 7 DAYS, in jail until they decided that the ex had in fact lied.

So please feel free to post any suggestions, however, bioson and I will be out of town for the next few days. I will be able to check any responses at the local library where we will be staying.  But DH called and told me today that I NEEDED to leave because the ex was "going to do something"  I'mnot sure what that means but I'd rather not take any chances.

And just a side note...Could the ex be bi-polar, or have some other disorder, as this happened at the same time of year the last time.
A traumatic event that triggers her problems at this time of year?

Also, after reading whippertizzy post, I realize that my problems are minute by comparison and am soooo sorry that your going through this.

Prayers and hugs to you.
I have a couple questions about the social worker at stepsons school.

I realize that as a mandatory reporter she was required to do what she felt she had to do.

But, once she contacted social services shouldn't her involvement then ended?

The problem as I see it (the mother bear protecting her cub) is that social services deemed the report unfounded and at that point the problem should have ended.  BUT, it didn't end there. THe school social worker faxed her entire report to social services to MY SONS SCHOOL
secretary, principal and psychologist.

I feel that. that was a major breech of confidentiality and a breech of my sons right to privacy!  There was NEVER a need for him to have to be dragged into the school ppychologist office for all his friends and classmates to see, then be sent back to class obviously upset and red-eyed from crying!

How should I deal with this?   I think there are a couple options, what do you guys think?

1) File a formal complaint with the state board of education

2) Go directly to the school superintendant and social worker

3) Just talk to our lawyer and see where she thinks we should take this.

I don't want to go to the lawyer cuz like everyone here knows  Her time is My money.

But I also don't know if any confidetiality laws were broken,

Any help would be appreciated.