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Just came by to look for some opinions on  our current situation.  BM and DH have joint custody with DH having primary and BM getting visitation every other weekend.  BM and her DH are going through splitsville and have their own complicated situation going on.  The concern is that BM has lived in 4 different homes over the past 5 months and none of them have had the proper living arrangements for everyone living in each home.  It states in the CO that there has to be a 60 day written notice, but DH has never gotten any notice from BM.  The child refuses to see or spend time with the BM, but we have to make him see her due to the court order.  He has lost all respect for BM over the past 5 months.  Her current living arrangement is her 5 kids in a two bedroom house with 2 other adults and 2 or 3 other children.  Plus she is having some kind of 3 way relationship with both of the other adults in the house.  Her son caught her making out and confronted her, but she said it was okay because the other adult knew about it. What would you do to get the child out of this situation?  DH is wanting to file contempt.

My DH has the right to request the BM take a drug test within 24 hours of the request due to her past history with drug use around my SS.  It was brought to our attention she might be using.  In the court order it states my DH is to pay and that she has to go to a certain place to have the testing done.  My questions are the following:


1.  Do any of you have this right within your court order and if so how did you go about requesting the other report to take the test?  I told my DH he could send her an email, fb message, and text her to show proof she was contacted.


2.  Who would get the results being as DH pays for the testing and is allowed to request she take the test?

It's been some time since I have been on here, but here I am with another question.  Let's say the BM is to select her vacation visitation prior to today and have priority over the BF via written notice, but the BM never submitted her selections.  Where would this put her as far as having visitation during the summer?  There is nothing that states what should happen shall the BM not select her vacation prior to the date.  I'm not getting to the point she shouldn't be able to still have the visitation, but would you select the dates for her and if she doesn't like them then it's oh well for her as she had her chance to pick her dates.  We are needing to plan our vacation as well as birthdays for the children and have waited to receive her picks, but can not wait any longer.


One other question...if the child's birthday is listed under holiday visitation and the order states that if any holiday shall fall on a Friday or Monday it will include the nearest Saturday and Sunday would this include the child's birthday?

Court Order states: Vacation visitation: Resp. can pick 4 wks of visitation each summer to spend with the child.  2 wks for each month, but no more than two consecutive wks at a time.  Resp. must give pick their wks by a prior date and have priority over the Pet. and each is to give written notice to the other of the vacation visitation selected.  Holiday takes priority over wkend and vacation visitation and vacation visitation takes priority over the wkend visitation.

Now here is my question...If you were reading this order once you had been given the Resp. 4 wks would you take over the Resp. normal wkend visitation as your vacation visitation or would they still get their normal wkend visitation along with whatever vacation time they pick and you not pick any vacation time during the summer?

I understand that whatever is not changed in a modification order remains in effect from the original order.  My question on this is the original order for the Holiday Schedule includes both Mother's/Father's Day as well as Mother's/Father's birthday, but when the order was modified the birthdays were not put into the Holiday Visitation.  So since it was in the original order do both parents still get visitation on their birthdays or since the Holiday Visitation got modified and it was left out do they not get visitation?  What is your thoughts on this?

My SS's BM had visitation EOW from Tues to Sun as agreed in mediation.  However she didn't fill out her paperwork and turn it in to get it in the courts.  Original order says 50/50 custody EOW from Tue to Tue, however for many years they have been doing Sun to Sun and in December the week of Christmas my DH went back to the Sun to Sun at the request of the BM since she didn't sign the papers through mediation.  2010 came along and once again we sent her an offer that we think would be in my SS best interest.  The Sun to Sun visits would stay as is and Holidays would continue as even/odd rather than who has him that day picks am or pm to exchange at 3pm as in the original order.  We also included a stipulation for siblings birthdays, family birthdays, every other year to have SS for his birthday, extended 2 weeks in the summer for vacation reasons, contact and communication, expenses/support/financial planning, healthcare & medical expenses, and basic agreements.  She responded this time stating she agrees the original order which was made when SS was 2, now 10, is "somewhat incomplete and does not allow for his ever changing needs" and feels that it's in SS best interest to follow the original order as closely as they can.  She also states the changes we suggest are in my DH's best interest and does not wish to make changes to the original order.  She says they shall continue the Sun to Sun 7 day exchange and that if there is a non-compliance to the court order one can file a motion for family access for the child to be placed with the other parent.  Basicly, this was a threat towards my DH that if he doesn't follow the original order blah blah.  We know, or should I say I know, the law and what can happen and that is not the only thing.

Anyway we sent her a response to this letter that tells her in order to continue doing the Sun to Sun exchange and sharing holidays even/odd she would need to agree to have that part only modified and made legal within the courts or we will go back to following the original order exact  since she is being difficult and at any minute could say my DH is not allowing her her parenting time with my SS.  I know they have done things not by the order for many years and have also signed agreements that are not binding by the courts, but with her being so dificult this past year do you think it is only right to suggest this be done and we follow through with it.  And when I say follow the original order to a T I mean it.  She would have to come pick him up EOW which she doesn't like to do and have to share holidays every year.  We have tried everything to come to an agreement with her yet she just will not work on fixing things and becomes more and more difficult. 

What and how would you deal with this?

I know having a lawyer can cost an upwards amount of money for wanting to get a modification.  However if both parties finally can come to an agreement and want it signed by a judge does anyone know what that could end up costing if you went to a lawyer or what you would have to do to do it without a lawyer?

My DH and his exGF went to mediation and came up with agreed upon visitation and holiday schedule changes.  We are aware that until these agreements are signed by both parents and signed by a judge they are not binding, however up until this past holiday weekend we have not had such a big issue over the agreement.  They had agreed that for the month of October my SS would be visit his Mother every other week Tuesday thru Sunday from 4 to 8 pm unless BOTH parents agreed that he could stay the night with his BM.  My SS would be with us at all other times (every other Sunday from 8pm until the following Tuesday after school at 4 pm) and when he would not stay with his BM.  For Holidays they had split them up and swap every other year, this year we were to have him at noon Halloween until noon the day after.

March Mediation had sent out packets to both parents for them to fill out, sign, notirize, and return to have the agreement put in front of a judge.  My DH turned his in and we are unaware of if she had turned hers in so they could be placed into hard documents.  From the sounds of this weekend we are thinking she might not have signed them or she was just being a you know what.

Anyway my DH called the BM at 8 pm on Friday to get my SS back and she refused to send him saying that since she would not have him for Halloween she was keeping him and that she didn't sign any agreement.  My DH asked her if she isn't going by the mediation papers now and she said no that's not it but she wasn't sending him home.  We called the police but all they could do was go and talk to her and she told them she would give him to us on Halloween.  Well noon comes around on Halloween and the DH calls her, she again refuses saying the agreements aren't binding as is sending the police to her house at night.  She said she would give him to us when she was finished.  We seen each other at the high school and she of course tried to ditch out of there before we could get my SS, however she wasn't slick and it didn't work.

The day after Halloween she was to have him from 4 to 8 pm but she showed up at 12:30 in the afternoon to get him.  My SS and I were gone to an amusement park and my DH told her that she wasn't getting him and he wasn't home since she wouldn't give him to us Friday or at noon on Halloween.  He also told her that as long as the agreement works for her it is fine.  He shut the door on her and she never returned to get him at 4 pm.

I have all this documented, although at this point it's not binding can this look bad on her for not following the agreement. 

So my DH and his ex GF had their last 2 free hours of mediation, however in the 4 free hours spent there are some issues that the mediator didn't bring up that both the ex and my DH might still agree upon.  Well now the mediator has to right up a summary and send out to both parents and they have to get a MARCH lawyer write it up and to submit it to the courts to be binding.

My guestions are:

1. Can they make up an additional summary of agreements and give to this lawyer so they will not have to go to court again later.

2. And if so will the MARCH mediation lawyer accept these additional agreements to include in the court document?

Friday while waiting for our children to get home from school. My SS did not get off the bus.  My DH tried to contact his BM to see if she had him while I had the bus driver contact the school.  My husband of course did not get an answer when he called the BM and as the bus driver got confirmation that the BM had picked him up early from school she was calling my DH back on his cell phone.

My DH asked if she had Marqus and why she didn't contact him to inform him she was picking him up.  Turns out the BM had signed him out early because she had a LCSW come to her house for him to have therapy.  She told him that they just finished and he asked why he wasn't informed of any therapy session for my SS and to send him up to the bus stop now.  The BM told him he knew she was looking to get him into therapy.

We walked down to her house and of course the DH and I were very upset with her actions and not contacting my DH to inform him of such.  They both have joint legal custody so shouldn't she have talked to my DH first and informed him of the session?

I was also wanting to know if my DH can request to the LCSW that if she has any further therapy with the child that he is made aware and that without him being there the session shall not go forth being they have joint legal?

The BM is trying to make my SS out to look like he is falsely accusing her and her husband of smoking in front of their children and a child who likes to hotline their parents.

Okay so the DH and BM went to mediation which is in the CO if they can not come to an agreement outside the courts, this is the first time they have had to use mediation cause they have in the past come to agreements.  They get 4 free hours of mediation and my DH showed up early for the session while the BM was an hour late.  Her reasoning for this was she went to the building they went to 7 years ago by the court house, yet the leter they both got from the mediator stated to MEET AT HIS OFFICE.  She didn't even leave the neighborhood we live in until 5 to 10 minutes before the session was to start, my youngest and I seen here leave when we left to go to the store.

My DH and the BM go back later this month and basicly this was just an introduction session where he talked one on one and then with them together.  During this session the BM wanted for my SS to come to stay at her house during the week for her week.  The mediator told her that they have both agreed the SS is affraid to stay at her house and would rather be at our house so he suggested that my SS go over there after school until 8 p.m. and then would come back to our house to sleep.  My DH said that was okay but he wanted to speak with him the first night and he would send him the second night because the child would not be very happy.  The BM agreed and Tuesday was the first day he went to his BM house.  After mediation my DH also found out why DFS was once again at the school and spoke with my SS last week.  She said that her stepchildrens Mother reported them and that the police searched her house and made her take a drug test and that on a UA she would just now be getting her results back."  Now this makes the third time they have been reported to DFS for illegal substance use and the same reason my SS does not want to be around her and her husband.  I find it hard to believe that her house was completely searched and she was made to take a drug test.  Let alone the results to take almost a week to come back on a test. 

My SS was to come home at 8 p.m., however my DH had to call her because she didn't bring him home or even call.  When she answered my DH asked if she was sending him home or if he needed to pick him up.  She said that my SS had something he wanted to ask on his own accord and gave him the phone.  He asked if he could stay down there and his Father asked him if that was what he wanted to do.  My SS didn't want to answer, which he gets that way when he is around his BM and she wants him to do something he doesn't want to do, so he asked him a couple more times.  My SS said no and my DH said he would be there to get him.  As was leaving the house to pick him up they were at the corner and she was bringing him home.

My questions would be:

1.  The verbal agreements they make in mediation, although on trial basis, are they to be carried out as those in a CO and will it look bad if she wants to sway him into staying?

2.  Being they came to this agreement in mediation how would it look on her if she goes against it?

3.  Her being late, do you also think this makes her look as though shes not that intuned into what is going on with her child?

4.  We know if she forces him to stay with her, he will not want to go back down to her house.  What do we do then?

Okay I have posted on this board about our situatuion with my SS.  Today in the mail my DH received a letter from FSD requesting establishment & enforcement service for the SS.  There has been an order on support in the courts here in Missouri since 2002 and is paid directly to the childs BM.  There is a form to fill out for financial and information purposes for them to establish a support order on the SS. 

My husband has paid all owed child support since being ordered to do so.  Today he made the payment for August, but had held onto it and July's because we have physically had my SS over 90% of the time since June 12th.  We decided to give it to her since we figure the court would make him pay it even though she hasn't had the child.  They are getting ready to head to mediation because my husband is wanting to have the custody changed.

This letter also states the following:

If you already pay support, please continue to do so until a support order is established.  If you are paying support according to a support order, then we may not know about the order; please notify the office immediately.

Should the form still be filled out for them even though there is a support order that he has followed since 2002.  Monday after the mediation and our youngest goes to school we are going to the court house to show proof that there is an order and he has paid his child support.  I also have a copy of July's check she cashed for Child Support that states in the memo that child support has been paid in full.  She did cash this check and it has her signature on the back.

To me the letter sounds as though when she went to FSD she made it sound as though she hasn't received any support form my DH and there is no order in place.  The support was being held onto, and not even a full month late when she filed this claim with them.  Is there a way that being we have had the child and still have him that my DH can file to have the support stopped?

If one parent is to have visitation every other weekend and every other Wed. during school, then Every other Wed. to Sun. during the summer can that be stated as joint physical custody, sole physical, or either one depending on how you have it worded in an order?  And if either one what would be the difference between making the order say joint or sole?

Well we sent out 3 proposed plans to my SS Mother, two of which would have given her 30 to 40 % visitation, however none of this she cares for.  My DH called for mediation all though he does not believe it will do us any good and they are set to go at the end of this month.  She has convinced herself that my SS is still telling lies and that he is "A Child Who Hotlines Their Parents."  She says she has talked to a someone who deals with kids who does this and wants for him to see her.  She only seen my SS twice and has only recently started making phone contact after we started sending her these plans, before then she didn't seem to care.  My question would have to be on what all should my DH take along with him to mediation.  I have kept logs and typed emails to myself stating facts into detail about everything that has went on.  We also have my SS cell phone records showing little contact until we contacted her.  I just don't want to send to much or to little info with him to mediation and wanted some ideas.  He also wants to take two drug tests with him to see if she would take it or shoot it down since we know she will deny the drug usage.  The extra would be for him because we know she would ask for one on him which we have no problem with.

Here lately my Husband and I have been having on going issues with my stepsons Mother.  Back when school was in session they called DFS on her for issues over smoking weed and him being scared of her husband that were brought to their attention by my stepson.  Once DFS had made contact with her she decided that he stay with his Father until he decided he liked his stepfather and also because she was worried about her other children being taken from her.  At that time we had him for a month and when the month came up for her to get child support she was ready for him to come back home.

Over a month ago my stepson was playing outside during her week and wanted to get a bite to eat, however the Mother had the door locked because they were smoking.  He used his cell and called us, we made him come home to us.  I called the local non emegency here in KC and the police came out.  We made it clear it was her week but he wasn't going back to her house.  The police went and spoke with her and on Moday I called DFS again on her.  Without any physical proof they will not do anything to help out.  A month has gone by and his mother has only seen him twice.  My husband asked about an agreement to change the custody from 50/50 but she is convinced she is doing nothing wrong and that he is telling lies.  We know for a fact that he is not telling lies but we are stuck in a hard place at this time.  I have printed out a Change Of Custody Plan and certified it with the USPS and return receipt so we are aware she got the item.  I hope this will be good enough to suit her needs, however we think that she will not agree.  We have contacted lawyers but it costs way to much money.  A Child Protection Order is out of the option due to them already having a custody agreement, he has to take her to court where the original papers were filed.  And we can't get legal aid.

Any ideas?