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Just an update and looking for some experienced opinions on our situation.  My husband has a mediation meeting for today, to modify the current custody order which is 50/50.  We currently reside in PA and we are moving to FL due to a change in my job as well as more job opportunities there for my husband.  He has 3 children ages 15, 12 and 10.  We informed BM we are moving at the end of August 2011 and asked her if she would discuss options to modifying the custody order.  Currently they are able to communicate (for the most part) with each other regarding their children.  After informing her of the move and asking if she would be willing to modify the custody order- she proceeded to inform his brother and sister in law of our pending move.  They are listed as intervenors on their current custody order (long story).  They, in turn, file for a modification to the current order stating if father moves abruptly to FL, full custody should go to BM.  Now mind you, my husband has also filed for a modification requesting for the change to take place in 2012.  He is asking for the children to reside with us during the school year and with BM on holidays and summer vacation.  The request for change is due to the fact she still is residing with her BF whom we have a PFA against because he hit his youngest child on the back of the head, and he was touching the other two children (both girls) inappropriately.  He is not allowed to touch them at all nor to use foul language in front of them, but for some strange reason, the judge is allowing him to still LIVE with them!!!!  BM stated after she moved to her current apartment, BF would be moving out.  This was almost 2 years ago- BF/abuser (in my eyes anyway) still resides there. 

Has anyone been involved in a shared custody arrangement across states?  Is it possible for BM to block my husband from moving to FL?  At this time, we are not looking to move the children with us right away.  School has already started and we still need to locate a permanent residence in FL.  We are staying with family until we locate a place of our own.

Hi All- I am looking for the website for the state of Pennsylvania to prepare modification to a current custody order.  Does anyone have the link or could you guide me to it?  Thank you in advance for your help!

I am hoping for some help/suggestions/guidance from anyone that may be or has been in this situation.  My husband and his former wife have a custody arrangement in the state of PA  with a 50/50 shared joint and physical custody of their three children.  My husband has been looking for full time permanent work for almost three years now in our area and has had no success.  He has found temporary work, but not permanent work.  Thankfully, I have a job that provides medical benefits.  I also cover the children since both my husband and his former wife do not have jobs that provide adequate health coverage for their children.  The company I work for has locations throughout the United States and in Germany.  We decided to research what positions are available in different states (preferably where it is not as cold as it is here).  I found a position that is open in our Dallas, TX office. 

Here comes the questions:

1) How do you go about sharing custody when you move outside of the state where right now both parents live?  Per the custody order, he is required to inform the county and his former wife of his relocation. 

We feel this move will be in the best interest of our family.  Jobs seems to be more plentiful in this location.  We also feel the school district in Texas is a great improvement compared to the school district the children currently attend. 

We both feel his former wife is not going to cooperate with us once we inform her of our decision.  We hope to inform her of all the good points, and come to an arrangement where the children live with us for the school year (with visitation to her during holidays) and then live with her during the summer months.

Has anyone ever gone through a move where one parent lives in one state, and the other parent lives in another state, where an original custody order is a 50/50 arrangement?

Hi All,

It has been a while since I have posted and a lot has changed.  I am happy to say it is almost all for the better!!!!  First of all, I am no longer just the G/F / Fiance', I am non custodial dad's wife, as of October 24th!!!  I know that doesn't give me more rights, and now gives me the lovely title of "stepmom" to his three wonderful children, but to me, it means the world.  Even though his children are not children of my body, they are children of my heart.  Like the movie 'Stepmom' BM and I have come to terms.  We didn't have the exact same pettiness as in the movie.  Actually, BM was harder on BD then on me, which drives me crazy. 

We filed for a modification to the CO.  That hearing is on November 19th.  We explained to BM we are not looking to change anything, we just want in writing what has been happening all along.  We have the children 50% of the time and she has them 50% of the time.  I am thinking she will not fight it, but one just never knows. 

BM had also filed a new order for child support (previously she had agreed to no support since sharing custody).  She stated she did not do this willingly, that because she went for public assistance, she is required to go after BD for support.  We went to domestic relations to have the hearing date continued to AFTER the modification of CO hearing, and though and behold, we find out public assistance would only require a filing of child support if she was going for CASH assistance.  There was no paper for cash assistance.   Needless to say (see why I do not trust her still), we confronted her on it, and also explained to her, if the hearing goes through, she may end up paying support to BD, since he is making less then half of her income.  She elected on her own to stop the request for child support.  What it all boils down to is the fact her B/F is not working, is unable to collect unemployment, and she is having a hard time making ends meet.  Our financial situation is a little better then that, we at least, are both working, but at reduced earnings.  I was laid off and just recently obtained a new position (but at a MUCH lower salary) and my husband's hours have been cut back by his "full" time job.  He is currently working two part time jobs.  OH, btw, I also agreed to insure all three children under MY medical/dental insurance.  I think that is also a major reason why she agreed to drop the child support issue.

On a positive note, all three children were in our wedding, that we planned in less then a month, and were happy to be part of it.  Younger two children were ring bearer and flower girl. Other daughter was a bridesmaid.  We ended up having a small church wedding, so the children could be part of the celebration.  They seem to be thrilled that I now have the same last name that they have.  Everything seems to have fallen into place, and I am so very happy.  I realize everything could change if BM gets upset about something.  I have decided not to let it bother me as much..or to try not to anyway.  All we (BD and I) care about are the children  being cared for and they are happy. 

Today's events- BM picks children up from our house, her weekend.  My fiance checks the children's heads before they go back to Mom (supposedly mom found/treated lice this Monday)- does find nits (eggs) in oldest daughter only- oldest daughter was away at camp approx two weeks ago and treated for lice on Monday by BM- We keep the children away from the conversation (inside our place) and Dad explains to BM the possibility that lice (in this case) is not coming from either home- it happened at camp.  She acknowledges she let her bf interfere and get her all upset about it, and had she thought it through, she would of come to a different conclusion.  Based on this discussion, Dad requested to have day that was taken away from him (she called and said she was taking away a day because of the lice, this would also end the 50/50 split, and understand under the current CO, she has primary custody).  She seemed to agree to it, but we won't know for sure until that day actually happens. 

She was a totally different person today- but I have to say, I just don't trust her.  My fiance and I agree that he should still file for modification of the current CO, 'cause she has just now shown to us, on a whim, she will makes changes what has been verbally agreed upon because she can. 

Here is where my confusion comes in, we also wanted to file contempt charges against her, for several issues.  I know it sounds like we are being vindictive, but we have tried communicating with her, and I am tired of her Dr. Jeykll/Mr. Hyde personality.  She has not been honoring the right of first refusal for almost a year now, her actions for the past year have poisioned the minds of her children against their father, and she has her b/f communicating with my fiance instead of speaking to him directly.  We don't know whether we want to follow through with the contempt petition or not.  I'm afraid if we don't, her actions will continue and now we are allowing her to walk all over us.

I know this is just a small bit of information, but if you are able to review my other posts, you will see what we have been experiencing for the past two to three weeks.  Any thoughts/suggestions?

Hi All. 

Looking for some advice and also a place to vent.  Yesterday was another day from hell.  My fiance's children were returned to their BM yesterday (normal return day after his weekend) at 3:00 pm.  We proceeded to visit our local courthouse law library for info on filing modification of CO, contempt of court for CO, and general CS info.  While we are there, my fiance receives a voicemail message on his cell phone.  Once we are out of the courthouse and on our way for dinner, he listens to the message on speakerphone from his former wife.  She indicates he returned the children with bugs (aka) lice and because of this, she is taking away his normal Wednesdays with his children.  I proceed to tell him we are immediately going to her house to see these supposed bugs.  Understand the other week we just went through  yet another visit from C&Y stating children always have lice from our home and his ill treatment of daughter's bed wetting issues.  He calls her, questioning the lice issue and tells her he is on his way to see them, she says no he isn't, she won't let him see them and hangs up on him.  We get there, he goes to the door, and BM bf answers instead of BM.  Discussion goes on about lice, and bf brings out a white sheet of paper with supposed bugs.  His son comes to the door and bf orders him back in the house.  My fiance request to see BM is finally honored and she comes out yelling at him.  She claims children (there are three) have had lice throughout the summer.  This is the first time he is hearing of it. He reminds her, per CO, he is to be informed whenever there is a medical issue with the children, just like he is to inform her if there is an issue with the children when in his care. 

Background info- his children have been having issues with lice on and off since BM moved into her bf's home in June of 2008.  Prior to this, NO issues of lice. 

Unfortunately, until the current CO is modified, she is able to stop him from seeing the children on Wednesdays.  Sad part is his children requested to be with him that day. 

FYI- after looking at supposed bugs on white paper- we both agree there is no way it is lice bugs.  My first thought, is it looks like seeds, or some kind of seasoning.  Other thought that crossed my mind is it kinda looked like weed.  We have had experience in looking at lice because of all the issues with it for the past year.  We tried to see a social worker at C&Y- but this all happened around 5:00 pm- their office was closed. 

My fear- we will once again be harassed with another social worker visit.  Once again, she has tried to make him look bad not only in front of me, but in front of his own children.

She has recently submitted a request via DR for CS.  When she moved in with her bf, she agreed to 50/50 custody arrangement, since she was moving her three children in with her b/f's three children.  (Originally she was going to give him full custody, but changed her mind). She also agreed to stop CS (that was done in writing, after he petitioned for a modification in support due to having the children 50% of the time).  Unfortunately, this change was only done verbally.  This is why we were at the courthouse.  He realizes it needs to be in writing at this point.  I am sure she will fight it.  We can only hope that since this arrangement has been in place for a year and working, the courts will allow it to continue.  (We reside in PA). 

Has anyone else had to deal with constant harrassment from C&Y due to false allegations?  From all my research, it appears that nothing ever happens to the false accuser once the case is determined to be unfounded.

Any info/advice is appreciated- as long as I am not being slammed since I am a biological parent.

My fiance has joint legal custody of his three children but his former wife has physical custody of the children.  The current custody order indicates he shall have them every other weekend and once a week.  For the past year, his former wife has agreed to joint custody.  In a two week period he has them for seven days and she has them for seven days.  When this change took place, he filed for a modification in child support, and before the hearing took place, she willingly signed off on stopping child support.  At this time, she moved across town with her boyfriend, whom also has three children from a previous relationship. (Sidenote, we reside in Pennsylvania).

Her live in boyfriend is no longer working.  She has now refiled for child support, even though the visitation arrangement has not changed.  During this year, I lost my job and my fiance's hours were cut back to the point where he was working two part time jobs.  In essence, he is making LESS money then she is.

Here are my questions/concerns-

1) Since her boyfriend is not working, she has stopped following the right of first refusal stated in the custody order.  She works as a cashier in a conveniene store, and has never requested to change her work schedule so she would NOT be working on the established weekends she has her children.  Does my fiance have the right to file for violation of the custody order?  When she moved in with her boyfriend, she never informed the court of her change of address.  It is stated in the court order that both parents are to inform both the court and the other parent in writing when they move. 

2)  We feel the only reason she is now once again seeking child support is because her boyfriend is no longer working.  My fiance has finally gone back to working full time with his primary employer (within the last two weeks).  It appears once she found this out, she decided to seek support again.  When she was receiving child support, she was still not purchasing everything the children required with it.  We were already financially strapped (and obviously still are since our employment situation has gotten worse not better) and having to pay for things for the children that she was not obtaining for them.  Is child support really awarded when there is a 50/50 split.

In general, she states she wants to be work with him. She went behind his back and filed for support without discussing it with him.  She has also contacted Children and Youth services and filed false accusations against him for the past year.  We have dealt with a lice situation coming from HER home for over a year, spent hundreds of dollars trying to rectify the problem.  When we finally called Children and Youth ourselves, we were basicly told at the time the social worker visited, they did not have lice and it is not a life threatening situation.  She admitted to me when they first separated that she was angry at him for leaving and filed a false PFA against him. 

We are both so frustated at this point.  All he wants is what is best for his children.  To make this situation worse, it is a known fact that one child is biologically not his child (from one of her numerous boyfriends when they were married) and he has always questioned whether another child is biologically his.  He is afraid to request paternity tests for fear if the one child is not his, he will lose visitation with her.  I am pushing for him to persue paternity.  I understand why he does not want to, after all, in our eyes, he is their father.  I understand that, but at the same time, the financial burden is making life difficult.

Is there anything we can file legally against her?  It makes me nervous that they only have a VERBAL agreement of the 50/50 arrangement.