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We are in Ohio...have attorney appt. next week to start another contempt, but my mind is whirling.  We are grandparents, my son is deceased.  He was residential father of two, they had different mothers. We have custody of older, it is going well. Concerned about the younger...11 years old. We understand third party custody, and we believe this child is being abused. I also know the court has high standards. 
Since father's death BM has moved/been evicted five times. Currently live 2 hours away, we drive the entire trip for visits. Siblings see each other every other weekend (unless BM has plans) after living together. No holidays, holiday eves, evenings, birthdays, summer holidays nothing else. BM has alienated child against us to the point he tells sibling he hates us. Had an in camera with magistrate,  determination made that is not true. Also was determined child has never dealt with fathers death and is all but screaming for help. Counseling was recommended. Magistraite will not order counseling for child. BM will not take child to counseling. We have as part of our agreement counseling for BM and us.BM will not go. Cannot get a contempt on this.  We were told 2 years ago child was referred to psychologist for AdHD eval. Never happened, but ADHD is used as frequent excuse.   
This is the worst part....since the latest move 4 months ago child is isolated. He is home schooled, pulled from athletics, pulled from band. He stays in tiny apartment, does not go outdoors because he and BM do not know anyone, but watches other children play out the window. They go to the grocery, and he comes to our house. That is it. He is around no other people. His personality is changing, not drastic, but he is very protective/defensive of BM. He trusts no one else and would argue to the end if BM has told him something...no matter how outlandish. He recently announced his ears were so big when he was born his mom made the dr, cut them back. This was not said as a joke, It would be funny but he really believes this  and other similar stories. He only took Christmas gifts home that his mom would like.  He tells us she is on medicine for a mood disorder because of menopause and she is in pain because her ovaries grew back.  BM uses him as a messenger and has started allowing him to make his own decisions...so we make arrangements for pick up with her, then get a text from him saying he is not coming.  When he is here he has fun, enjoys his sibling, and cries when it is time to go home. 
Is this enough abuse that the court may recognize it? Our goal isn't to snatch him from his mother, but to insure he matures into the most emotionally healthy adult possible. I can fight to the end of time for this child, but I cannot risk the little bit of sanity I have left, not to mention the financial expense.  BM has always been high conflict, the only time not was when my son won custody.  Do I continue pushing on for this child? Not sure i can see the situation clearly. Thank you.

I am so thankful I can come here to vent....and hear some helpful words,
Backinfo, newinfo below!
We're coming upon three years since my son took his life, and three years with this hell with his ex, and upon a year with our current unresolved court case with our grandchildren.  We have custody of older child (from diff mother), younger child every other weekend, NO holidays or make up time, 2 weeks summer.  Dad was custodial parent of both prior to death. Mom of younger is doing everything possible to keep children apart from day 1. We Filed contempt last August, she denied our 2nd week, and several weekends.  She has alienated child and told him many untruths.  Child has come around somewhat.  Misses sibling greatly and literally clings to sibling when together.....they both express desire to spend more time together. Because they spend NO holidays NOT even Fathers day together and there is no make up time, some months, there is only 1 weekend visit.  Younger child has no phone, no email no facebook.  Can call on mom's phone, but mom is right there, can be heard in background, older child not comfortable. Olderchild and stepmom had Bad relationship, documented verbal and physical abuse.  She has invited older child over, child is not comfortable in their home...they do have a tattoo parlor set up in living room.  Stepdad trashes me...claims he was close to me son and blames me for his death....they have told older grandchild he can live with them if it is too bad over here...his replay was why would i do that?    God knows what they are telling younger gchild.
New crap  
Mom set up in camera interview for younger.  He told older he was telling judge he wanted to spend more time with him but did not care if he saw us very often.  Judge can back with He loves brother and us, no problem and no reason with him spending more time here.  Though that was good.   They are moving 2.5 hours away allegedly for stepfathers job.  He has always traveled, now they have to move.  This year was going to be the first year the kids were in the same school, could see each other during the day, just the extra bit......Nest week is week one of vaca weeks.  We WERE going out of state to visit his aunt. Mom threw a fit.  Judge said we can take him anywhere we want.  MOM  still threw a fit. Our attorney can't get ahold of mom's attorney.  We're not going only because there are forest fires where we were going and 2 of us have asthma...not good.  We do live within and hour of 3 states,by God we may go to all three!!  Older child asked attorney if younger child (11 years old) can choose where he lives) Attorney said no...he is stuck with mom.  If we were Dad it would be different.  I REALLY belive this woman has a mental disorder.....all of this behavior is documented in the report from my son's GAL in his relationship with her and her previous ex husband's relationship with her......wanting to move away, alienating the children, we haven't had sexual abuse yet.....but there is a proven history here of multiple times of each of these things.....Younger child tells us at home he is on computer playing minecraft or watching movies, or reading.  Does not play outdoors, they live in a not so great area.  Could not take his bike home, because it might get stolen.  Mom only watches movies, so it is what he does...she  does not like to play cards or board games with him. He was referred to psychologist last April for ADHD, never was taken.  We were all court ordered counseling, I went, no one else and no one seems concerned about it.  Judge recommended he see a counseler because he has not dealt with his fathersdeath.  Judge stated the child is all but screaming for help, like a valcano about to spill over.   She WILL NOT TAKE HIM.  What the Hell is Wrong with our system???  He is not allowed to deal with is fathers deathe becasue she does not want him to be sad.  we have gotten screamed at by her for making him sad!!! Welcome to reality!!!  I also believe That is not the only thing the kid wants help with. 

WHAT DO I DO   before I loose my mind again, while I still have the energy to try???
Thank you I just HATE our justice system and what I have experinced with innocent children. No one gives a damn about the best intrest of a child.  NO ONe at all.

We filed contempt last August against former dil.  We had been refused 2 weekend visits and a full week visit.  Finally had a court date in Feb. where magestrate tells us to come up with a new agreement as the one we have is too difficult.  He makes recommendations.  We have had 2 more pre-trials since then, numerous suggestions from the magistrate, and bm will agree to nothing.  Last time in court the magistrate was ill, so the judge took our case. Attorney thinks this is good, Judge will be more decisive and is very sympathetic to our situation.  Has also read file, and made note of 4 contempts dad had against mom before dad had custody.   He made more suggestions, mom will agree to nothing.  Our last suggestion was every other weekend, 2 weeks in summer, and every other holiday EXCEPT Christmas and Thanksgiving.  Bm always has them.  No deal.
Judge tells attorneys he cannot believe a parent is being this greedy with a child.  Next court date is Thursday.  So today I receive papers.  She is contesting the need for new agreement and is requesting an in camera interview for this 10 year old.  I am just sick!!! This child has had his father die, he gets to see the brother he lived with 2 weekends a month, and no holidays ever.  I can't imagine putting this child through this and basically making him say he does not want to spend more time with his brother.  I am questioning this battle.  I think I owe it to my son to preserve these children's relationship, but at what cost to this child?   oh, we didn't ask for a new agreement, the original magistrate told us to come up with one.  Could this make her look bad with the judge?  We were also originally order into joint counseling to help our relationship.  she never went.   Why isn't there a law against people being nasty just because they can.  She told me she didn't care if we see him or not because after she lost custody her time with him was limited until she moved back to the area.    So much for the laws that have the best interest of the child.  All of this has been going on since July of 2010 when my son passed.  This is never going to get better.
Thanks for letting me rant, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

After two postponements we finally had our first pretrial for our contempt charge against grandchilds's mother.  The magistrate thinks we should adopt the local rule as our agreement.  We wanted that originally, but mom would not agree.  This would give us more time.  Four weeks in the summer opposed to two, an evening every week, and some holidays.  We get no holidays now.  This child and the child we have custody of(different mothers) would have more time together. Their father, who had custody of both children, passed 18 months ago.  I think this would be good for the kids.  Will be interesting to see how this plays out.

New issue...we do not see any report cards from the non-custodial grandchild.  I did see an interim report in a book he brought over.  It made me sick, Mostly DS, a couple of Fs. He had been an honor roll student.  Today we had a 2 hourschool delay. He did not go to school because mom had to go to work and could not take him.  We have offered to pick him up or take him anytime.  Mom thought it was better he miss school than ask for help.  Very concerned about his progress.  He is early middle school.  I know gal told us last year, that is an area looked at very closely.  No longer have gal, so attorney isn't sure how we can get school info since we are only grandparents.  Any thoughts??

Thank you for help and support.   I don't want it like this, and it does not have to be like this. My son would hate this.....I have recently went to the cemetery and gave him hell for dying!  Yep, a little crazy

[BM waited until 12/1 to hire attorney]

We filed contempt August 1.  First hearing postponed to 12/6 because attorney was ill.  Now that is  postponed because BM waited until 12/1 to hire attorney.   Don't have a new date yet, probably mid-January.   Meanwhile, she is not bothering with the court ordered counseling, and she gives us new rules every month. 
Where is karma when you need it??

Our court date for the contempt was last Monday.  Attorney was ill, so it is postponed to 12/6!!  Not sure this old gramma will make it that long!
During mediation BM requested we let her know when going out of the county.  We go frequently to football games, relatives, shopping, attractions, family reunions etc. 1 to 5 counties away.  Always a day trip.  Never have had a problem.  We live 35 miles from the state line.  Saturday, we let BM know we were going to that state to a popular fun restaurant....2 counties, 45 minutes away, but in another state.  Well. she didn't like it!  Got a nasty text.  When we took him home today we got a signed paper that states we do not have permission to take him out of the county without written permission.  Once again this is not addressed in our agreement.  I will take to our attorney next week.   I am not sure of her motivation other than to be nasty.  This child is 10 years old, loves to go with us.  We are property owners with deep ties to the area...not going to run off with him at all.  What am I not seeing?
BM also is not attending any court ordered counseling sessions.  She will not return the counselers call to schedule so case is closed.  Hoping if we ever get to court this changes.  There is no need for any of this behavior.
We go to probate court tomorrow.  she has accused us of selling my son's property and using the money.  This is the same woman that has not signed any of the probate papers and we have had to have a hearing for everything.  My son's possessions are all in sorage with us paying.  She also complained that she was not given the opportunity to go through his things, and we did not give her half of the memorial contributions.  She went so far as to call my son's former employer to ask how much they gave and not to give any more.  She and current hubby have just moved for the 3rd time in 6 months after an eviction.  I fear my grandson will never see the money his father meant for him.
This is never going to end is it?

We filed contempt, and the result has almost been miraculous!  Total turnaround with BM attitude, and that is good.  We go to court 10/17.

New dilemma..It is our weekend for visit.   BM informs us she "needs" child for 3 hours.  She and child and other members of her family are attending a suicide awareness walk.  They have a shirt for child.   We also are attending this walk, and we have shirts made.  This is our weekend, time for the brothers to spend together.  When child sees BM there he will feel gulity and be with her.  The walk is open to everyone, we all have good reason to be there.  This is how my son, the childrens father passed....don't want to fight, don't want to make child feel guilty.  The boys get such limited time together..........I cannot think straight and need help.
Thanks

We're a little surprised....grandson's mother denied our 2nd week of summer visit today after receiving her contempt papers for denying us 3 weekends, and the 1st week of summer vacation.  She stated in her text to me that her attorney stated she did not have to allow it since we did not ask 30 days in advance.  We have a court ordered  mediated agreement that I knew was too loosely worded.  Mother is trying to use the local rule in addition to our agreement even though our agreement does not indicate anything about local rule.  We get NO holidays, nothing but every other weekend, and 2 weeks in the summer.  She claims the local rule states she needs a 30 day notice...I wouldn't know because I have never been given a copy.  We asked 3 weeks in advance each time. 

I don't know how I can follow a rule I have never been given. 

My son had 3 contempts against her (1.5 years) before he was awarded custody.  No contempts after (8 years) he had custody.  Will they be taken into consideration?  The court did not open a new case, they added us (the grandparents) onto she and my son's case, and noted he is deceased.

Will my attorney be able to make the judge aware that the concern her is for this child and the child we have custody of.  They lived together, until their father's death last year.  This mother has done everything she possibly can to alienate this child from his brother and us.  I know if we were parents that would make a difference, but will it as grandparents?

We have been through hell this year, I pray this is resolved soon.  These boys do not need this.

So much has happened....I will start with the hope.  We and mom of child #2 are court ordered to go to counseling.  I had my first appointment 2 weeks ago. I had a rough morning with nasty text messages from mom, had a panic attack before leaving home, cried all the way there, so I am sure I gave a great first impression....cried through most of our meeting as well.  I was with him 2 hours, some of his final words to me were the glimmer of hope we need.  He doesn't care about the adults in this situation, but he is concerned about a little boy that does not get to spend time with his brother, has lost his father and brother, and is also being alienated from this brother, and the grandparents.  He will go to court to fight for this child.   It was everything I wanted to hear, I hope he was not just blowing smoke...I have to have some hope to keep me marginally sane.

We were denied the week visitation our agreement states we should have, but mom sugggested another week.  We were allowed to have him the weekend that was the first anniversary of his father's death.  Child #1 had told us he wanted a "normal day" so that is what we did. They swam, played video games, just a normal day.  During this time #1 asks #2 why his mom was not letting him come over.  #2 says his mom told him he comes over everytime he is supposed to, and he doesn't want to be at our house for "special days" because we make him sad.  He said that we make a big deal out of everything, and he does not want to be sad.  This was the first "special day" he was at our house.  We did nothing different.  Not sure where this is coming from.  We are scared to talk about his father in front of him, his mom has yelled at me several times, i've been too sad, too happy, we are not to let this child be sad.  This visit was different, we could all feel a wedge between this child and us.  He wasn't his normal self at all.  Now that I think about it, how would a 10 year old know what day it was it no one told him??

Friday I text mom to confirm the week for visitation.  It has changed again.  He can only come 5 and half days.  I was defeated again when I received that text so I put my phone down and thought it best I just not respond.  I text her today to confirm the 5 and half days and got a 2 text message back that was also sent to my husband.  Evidently ALL of our problems are my fault, I should not act so poopy and dumb, and she is not going to put up with it anymore.  I ignored this text as well.

Our attorney has the contempt papers drawn up for the 2 weekends she kept him away from us.   My son had had 3 contempts against her previously.   Now my husband and I just had a "disagreement". He is thinking we should just not file the contempt charges, and continue to let her make and change the rules to suit herself.  The court system has been more than disappointing to us, so he feels nothing will come of this.  I feel we have to try.  The more we do nothing, the more she is going to push her power.  I owe it to my deceased son to try to maintain a relationship between these children.  The GAL acknowledges she is alienating the child and is extremely difficult.  What do I do??  This is too much for an old lady : )

This is long and convuluted...and I am a touch nuts.  Hope it makes sense.

My son who was custodial father to 2 children passed last July.  The children have different mothers.  Mother of #1 (age 14) not really in picture, she signed him over, we have custody.  Mother of #2 (age 10)...it's been difficult.  She has told me she doesn't care if we see him or not, her husband has physically threatened me because of the way i look at him.  She does not like child #1, so she does not care if the siblings spend any time together.  I have been screamed at for being to happy and too sad.  Nothing is right.  Dad has been custodial father since the older child was 3, the younger age 3 as well.  We have been much more than normal gparents.  We were my son's backup.  I've keep the children overnight all week while he worked, fed breakfast, and gotten them to school. picked them up after school, feed dinner, helped with homework, taken sick days when they were sick, etc.  I've been to more school programs than mom (she always knew about them), I've taken party treats and supplies to school, etc. 

Dad passes very suddenly.  While going through that hell, mom allowed us to have him every other weekend.  Both boys complain, they want to see each other more frequently, #2 never wants to go home.  We start seeing changes in his behavior.  He is more clingy, baby acting, both normal signs of grief.  I mentioned to mom #1 is in counseling, maybe #2 needs to go as well.  Things go downhill because I am telling her how to raise her child.  He is kept from us and his brother for 3 months.  During this time we start the fun and games through the legal system.  That is another bit of hell...learned mom has all the rights and children have none.  I would not be opposed to this if mom was concerned at all about what the child needs. We end up in mediation, we are allowed every other weekend, no holidays ever..we asked for Father's Day, mom will think about it, 2 weeks in the summer, mom will also think about allowing 1 extra overnight per week.  We also are ordered to get counseling.

Let me tell ya, this is not working at all.   Our regular weekends with #2 included Easter and Mother's Day weekends.  We had him both times and were asked to bring him home early.  We complied with everything asked of us.  Father's Day weekend is our regular weekend, all of the sudden, mom tells us we are going by the local rule, he is not allowed to come at all that weekend.  We are not given any makeup time.  July 1st is our regular weekend.  Once again he is not allowed to come because the it's 4th of July weekend.  The 4th was on Monday, he would have been back at his mom's.  We were allowed 1 overnight earlier that week.  She told me he had to be home for "Miley to come over"  I asked him if it was Miley Cyrus that came to his house...he does not know anyone by that name.  When I picked him up i mentioned we sould lime the middle of July for on of our summer weeks.  She said the end of July, I said no, middle.  Just got a text this a.m. we cannot have him for our week also he will miss the next regular weekend with us as he doesn't want to be here on the anniversary of his father's death.  We had not and had not planned discussing the anniversary, he and his brother picked out some items to make a stepping stone to take to the grave, and we probably would take balloons out to write notes to Dad on.  We had not brought any of this up, so she has done something.  At this point we have not had a regular weekend since the 1st of June, and 1 overnight since.
We did have a GAL........he acknowledges she is doing everything possible to alienate him, but she is not unfit so he will not do anything for us although he admits the boys need to be together and our home is a better atmosphere etc.  I wanted her to set the counseling up so I could not be blamed for anything.  She told me there was not where to go, so I did research and have my first appointment this week.  She has the info, donot know if she has appointment yet or not. 

I needed to vent....I am losing my mind.  Child #1 is a great kid (they both are), honor roll, varsity athlete, really good kid.  He is in pain from not only losing his father, but his brother.  This has to be affecting child #2 as well.

I couldn't find spell check, trying to look through the tears.  Sorry if I slaughtered a word.

Is there anything more i can do?  We are in Ohio is a very conservative thinking county.
Thanks for listening.