EX moved with son and daughter to another state 10+ years ago. Current ages are son 17, daughter 15. For three years daughter has asked to move to live with me and my family. Finally when high school rolled around, she said she wanted to go to high school where I live. After months of talking with my ex about it, the ex agreed to let her move. She has adjusted very well to her new environment, excelled in her studies and sports. Reports from teachers are excellent. Agreement says that daughter is supposed to be with EX over the summer, minus a week here and there for summer sports camps. But now daughter wants to stay with me over the summer and get a job. She's applied and has an interview. She wants to stay, prepare and train for her sophomore year of sports, and spend time with the new friends she made during her first year of high school as well. If she spends the summer with the EX, she won't have a job, won't have access to better herself athletically, and won't have her friends. She'll basically just be staying at the EX's house over the summer while EX works, and may occasionally catch up with an old friend, but daughter has said all the friends she has in EX's town have jobs lined up for the summer so she doesn't even know how much she'd see of them.
As for the son, for the past 2 years, even though he's 'required' per the agreement to come back over the summer, we've never held him to that 'requirement'. He's come to visit, but hasn't spent the 'required' time in the agreement. I've encouraged to get a job, and said that would be great for him, if that happens, we'd just see him less often. It's near impossible to find a summer job for the very limited time that'd he'd spend with me over the summer, but a couple of weekends over the summer would suffice. We try to be open about where he's at in his life in regards to school, friends, jobs etc., but I don't feel the same is given to my daughter. Son has a pretty long leash and free reign with EX, but EX still tries to control daughter. EX and daughter have had a pretty contentious relationship over the years, whereas son has been treated like the golden child by the EX.
So I'm looking for experiences with a situation where a 15 year old (16 in October) wants to spend less time with a parent in another state (or a significant distance) in order to get a job, and prepare herself athletically for the next school year. Honestly, I've dealt with it with my son, and I try to be understanding of his feelings in this matter and I've grown to live with it.
As for the son, for the past 2 years, even though he's 'required' per the agreement to come back over the summer, we've never held him to that 'requirement'. He's come to visit, but hasn't spent the 'required' time in the agreement. I've encouraged to get a job, and said that would be great for him, if that happens, we'd just see him less often. It's near impossible to find a summer job for the very limited time that'd he'd spend with me over the summer, but a couple of weekends over the summer would suffice. We try to be open about where he's at in his life in regards to school, friends, jobs etc., but I don't feel the same is given to my daughter. Son has a pretty long leash and free reign with EX, but EX still tries to control daughter. EX and daughter have had a pretty contentious relationship over the years, whereas son has been treated like the golden child by the EX.
So I'm looking for experiences with a situation where a 15 year old (16 in October) wants to spend less time with a parent in another state (or a significant distance) in order to get a job, and prepare herself athletically for the next school year. Honestly, I've dealt with it with my son, and I try to be understanding of his feelings in this matter and I've grown to live with it.