One thing that you might be able to look forward to is if he has money coming back to him for a tax return. If he owes you over a certain amount (for our state it's $500) then the return amount will come to you.
There are also fathers with physical custody (like DH) who actually paid BM CS payments even when BM barely had son with her at all. DH also paid every single out of pocket medical bill (even though BM was court ordered to pay 50% of all out of pocket expenses).
Just one year ago I convinced him to stop paying HER support, (court agreed and stopped it, drew up papers stating that BM should be paying, DH declined).
As circumstances have changed, I have finally convinced him this year that we need to file for support FROM her. (We are currently waiting to see how much we're going to be awarded).
She has not paid one penny in medical costs for years, and she'll be lucky to have son in her care for 30 days this year--PLUS DH drives the whole trip (8 hours total for drop off and pick up) to deliver son to her for 3 months (3 weekends each month) out of the year. She doesn't buy school clothes, or pay for school lunches, etc....
So yes--(physical) CP's can get royally screwed as well--sometimes by their own doing, or just because they don't want to fight for what's right and fair.
I was wondering if anybody here could tell me if it's legal to waiver CS payments in Summit County Ohio?
And is it a good thing for the parent who's financial help has been waivered, or does it make a bad moral impression for them and for their children? In other words, is it or is it not the "right" thing to at least pay what you're capable of?
Is it or is it not a good thing for the child to know that both parents were financially responsible and did their part to take care of them?
"is living with her dad in Tennessee and he has a girlfriend that wants to be mommy.. it's really sad".
Not really sure I understand why that is "sad"....
If I understood your post correctly, GD was fortunate to have a BF who was willing to step up to the plate and take care of her when your D wasn't able to, (and it hasn't really been proven that she can yet) and from the sounds of it, has a woman in his life who loves your GD also.
With all the horror stories going around of bad SM's, bad BF's, and children getting lost in the shuffle and being abused, unwanted, and/or uncared for, if it were me, I'd just be glad that GD is being loved and cared for--it could certainly have been a very different situation!
It's my feeling that a child can never be TOO loved, or by TOO many people.
I hope for your D's AND your GD's sake that your D will eventually get well and stay well.
Both I and BM still reside there. We have joint custody (I have physical custody during school months--but BM cancels often, so its more than that).
Papers say "During the school term when the child resides primarily with Father, Mother shall have compansionship time with the child the first 3 wknds of each month from 7PM Friday-7PM Sunday" and then...
"During school vacation periods when the child resides primarily with Mother, Father shall have companionship time with the child the first three wknds of each month" (then it again lists the same time).
[September is one of a few months each yr that has 5 wknds in it. (BM canceled wknd 1 and 3 of this month, and has stated that she will get son next week instead, which is the 4th wknd).]
[BM only gets son 2-3 weeks during the whole summer vacation, and has done so for 3 summers now. She just decides when she will, and when she will not have him, so son "resides" with me all year long as far as Im concerned.]
BM doesnt let me (or son) know whether shes getting him or not until approx. 40 mins to 1 hr before time to leave for 1/2 way point on her sched. wknds. (Takes an hour to get there) We are unable to make plans on what time to eat dinner, let alone whether we can make wknd plans.
I had made plans to go camping this coming 4th wknd, since the way I read the papers, the next 2 wknds are supposed to be mine with him.
As stated in my last post--BM is often late to 1/2 way point. Court refuses to change driving arranges. from meeting at 1/2 way point--I already tried that with them. Besides--BM tends to try to physically fight DW and scream and curse at her, so not really a good option
1. During mos that have 5 weeks, do I have to make son avail. to BM that 4th wknd? Given the way the papers read, am I right in feeling that the 4th (as well as the 5th) wknd(s) are my time with him, and that it's not my fault she chose to cancel 2 of her 3 wknds?
2. Do I still have to abide by what it says about the wknds during summer vacation? Or could I start making her go by what's listed during the rest of the year since son resides with me me all year? (or get papers modified)?
3. Can anything be done to make BM let son or I know at least 24 hrs ahead of sched. time to leave whether shes canceling (or not)?
4. Same q again--given how often BM is late--do I HAVE to wait a full 1/2 hr on her?
I tried registering under my name but it said i had the wrong type of email so im using my wifes login. Sorry this is so long, but I have alot of questions, and hope to only take your time once--so thx in advance.
Custody case was setteled in Ohio, 2000. BM and i still reside in ohio, i live in a different county than her now though.
My ex girlfriend (BM) and I have joint legal, but I was given 9 months of the school year for residential purposes.
Papers say "Reasonable phone contact with son" is permitted --they say nothing abuot phone time between her and I. I talk to her during pickups/dropoffs anyway (as long as shes not cussing me out).
BM only talks to son about 10 minutes a YEAR on the phone, (her choice) but has called and demanded to speak to me close to 500 x in the last 2.5 yrs. I would have no prob talking to her on phone a REASonable amt of times each yr, but this is beyond ridiculous.
She doesnt ask how sons doing, or any concerns for him, she just wants to prove she still has rights of access to me and to pull power plays, and wants to try to horn in on my life with my DW and try to cause problems.
BM refuses to even leave a simple 5 second message on machine saying shes canceling for that week. She has used son (when hes up there) as a pawn to force me to call her back when she knew I didn't want (or need) to.
We had already made arrangements in person on a Friday to meet 1/2 way for pickup on Sunday. But an hour before I was supposed to leave, she left a thinly veiled threat on my answering machine "if you don't call me back i'll....well, i don't know WHAT i'll do...so you BETTer call me".
She can be abusive on the phone, and has even called my WORK place just to cuss me out (which affects my work performance and is on my boss's time). Son wasn't even in her home, so it wasnt emerg. BM also calls DW filthy names and talks badly about her to son.
Since son is with DW 300 days a yr, (since son was barely 7) she is "mom" to my son, so it distresses me to know how hard it is on him emotionally to have to listen to BM about this subject.
DW has been around son more in 2.5 yrs than BM has in 10.5, so son is quite close to, & loves DW deeply, and we have never, and would never put down BM to son--not for any reason. It doesn't matter what we know or feel, we wouldnt do that to him.
It was court ordered BM pay 1/2 of OOP medical/dental expenses. She hasn't paid any. I had never requested CS last 6 yrs. Am now in the process of having the court order her to pay CS, and shes irate --doesnt feel she should have to pay ANYthing.
Son is now 10 1/2 yrs old.
2003-After my new marriage, it was agreed on, and court ordered that BM would get son 1st 3 wknds each month, and that Jan. thru March I would drive whole way (4 hrs round trip). We are to meet at 1/2 way point April thru December.
BM is often late on pickups--anywhere from 1/2 hr to 1 1/2 hrs, and sometimes doesn't even show--I have documented each time.
BM is supposed to have son at least 90-128 days per year (which includes holiday time). This yr she will have him only about 60 days (by her choice). Even when son is there hes only in her home less than 1/2 that time--rest of time hes with anyone she can get to watch him.
2005, BM started canceling sometimes during her scheduled times with son. Then the first time she drove in April of 06, she informed me that she would prob only be getting son 1 or 2 times a month. She hasnt gotten him 3 wknds a month yet since April.
here are my questions:
1 Can she (or the court) FORCE me to take abusive and or unecessary calls from her? IMO, phone time with me is a courtesy (which I should be able to extend or not depend. on sitch).
Since this is my home w/ my DW, I dont feel my ex has a right to intrude for every single excuse she can think of, and ex's
Could I get RO to stop her from demanding to speak directly to me everytime, and court ordered taht she stop putting son in the middle by asking him to come get me to talk to her every time she calls? I just want her to leave a courteous msg on answer. machine.
Could she be court ordered to not call my work place on my employers time?
2. Since it will be well over 6 months that shes shown shes content getting son only 1 or 2 wknds a month, can I still be forced to take him whole way for all 9 visits Jan-March? Or is she setting a precedent that would allow me to take son less than all 3 wkds each of those 3 months?
Or would it be hard (with documentation of all her cancelations) to get the court to change it to once or twice during Jan-March?
(IMO its totally unfair to me to have to drive 4 hrs 9 different times when BM is "fine" with having son only half her amt of visits when its HER having to do 1/2 the driving--it should be the same no matter WHOs driving).
3. Since BM is getting son so few days each yr, would it be hard to get it changed from joint legal to sole custody?
4. Do I HAVE to wait 1/2 hr past sched. time for pickup? As often as shes late,we shouldnt have to wait 1/2 hr every time. I feel 15 minutes is long enough--It should be her responsibility. to be there at sched. time--I'm there on time, and BM knows what the sched. time is.
BM may forfeit 1 or 2 scheduled times with son for being late, but she hates making the trip to get him, so it would make it worse for her to make the trip and then not be able to pick him up. So once/twice would be enough to teach her to be resp. enough to be there on time after that.
5. Is there any way of legally stopping BM from hurting son emotionally by putting DW down? Its in our papers taht shes not supposed to do that with me--i cant see why it couldnt include DW as well since we are family.
I realize I cant force BM to want son as often as shes entitled to see him, or to want to be there on time to get him, (or pick him up at all) but.....
I should be able to change what I can do legally in response to her irresponsibility, power plays, etc, (which would help some of these problems right themselves) which is why Im asking these q's.
Again, thx for taking the time to read and answer, and i tried my best to follow the forum guidelines.
My "rant" wasn't directed at you in any way--this is just a safe place to get out the sheer frustration of the whole system.
I certainly know what you mean--Father's ex gf cried and sobbed the whole way through CS proceedings saying she can't "afford" to pay. (She pays $160 a month for Marlboro cigarettes, has money to get her hair and nails done all the time, has money to buy marijuhana, has money to go out for special concerts and trips out of town, but has no money to help take care of her child--of course the judge knows nothing about her little luxuries). She also only works 20 hours a week by her own choice.
The judge lowered her amount from $250 to $100 per month, and THEN told her if she started getting child when she was supposed to, he'd consider terminating it entirely. Of course she hasn't done that (hasn't paid CS either) so the whole thing is probably moot, but it's not out of the realm of possibilities that she'll straighten up right before next court date, then turn on the tears again.
"This whole system is so utterly out of control and I still don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen over and over again that the parent who chooses to be the most difficult and damaging to the child's emotional well being usually is allowed to get away with it all while the parent who is trying desperately to do the right thing is chastised and penalized every chance the court gets".