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Thansk for the reply, and thanks for the book references.

Could you elaborate on what you mean when you wrote "They don't need to be told the details of the divorce".

I can understand we don't talk about going to court, what both sides are alleging etc, but where does talk such as "when the divorce is over we'll do this , or we'll do that" fall into >

Is it OK talk ? Bad for the kids ?

I would think it is upseting for the kids to a certain degree, until we actually do physically separate. Until then, while we're both living in the same house, I have tended to keep away from such talk.

I am going through a divorce which has been dragging on and on. We are still in the same house and have 2 young children aged 3 and 6 years old. From time to time, the eldest talks about what he is going to do when he is living with mommy in a new place... One time even told me he didn't want me to go away....

Both kids obviously know something is wrong with Mommy and Daddy, but I have never mentioned anything about splitting up with Mom to either of them. Stbx on the other hand, talks to him every now and then about what is going to happen in the future. Like she is going to get him this when they move to the new place. Or Grandma will come to visit when they move to the new place, the list goes on.

Is it OK, for me to start talking about the future in this way ?

How much is it OK to talk to the kids about divorce ( my gut tells me as little as possible , considering their ages ).

We'll be having a custody evaluation in the coming months, should I be making notes about what the eldest is saying ??

Thx

I am still living with stbx, we are contesting custody of children and so are currently undergoing a custody evaluation. I have been told by evaluator that they will come out to the house to see how we live. We have 2 small children.

I have a few questions regarding this :

1, The house isn't the tidyest of places and what with all the stress of divorce it is getting a bit dirty in places now. Should I clean it up before the home evaluation / inspection ? Or if I leave it , will it look worse on her ?
I know I should clean it up for the children's sake, and I have been doing. But she is painting me as the devil incarnate and herself as the perfect mother. So I see it as a dammed if you do dammed if you don't scenario - I clean up and she is the perfect homemaker, I don't and I'm not much of a father for exposing our kids to that :(

2, When an evaluator comes to a home, can they go through any part of your house ? Open cupboards, look in nooks and crannies for anything they can pin on you - for example say you say you don't drink and they find a whiskey bottle tucked away high on a shelf

TIA

I am going through a Custody Evaluation and have been a package by the evaluator in which it has forms to "send to family & friends". The forms ask about the evaluated parents relationship with the child, and asks the person filling it out who they think should get custody of the children etc.

I have very few friends where we live, and so was wondering whether it is acceptable to use eldest child's current kindergarten teacher, who I talk to everyday day, and have been on field trips for the school with.
Also if current teacher is OK, is teacher of previous pre-school son attended also OK ?

The friends I can use as reverals, didn't get to see my wife much. As whenever we were invited , she would go maybe once, but never again. Does this matter ?
Mine and the kids contact with my friends is also maybe a little tenuous - we see them maybe once every 2 months etc. Will this make me look bad ?

Any info, greatly appreciated