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Hi all,  

Stepson is 18 years old, graduated in June from high school, living in his own apartment, working full time, etc. etc.  

We have our appt. with a lawyer to find out about support obligations.  I am  hoping we can get everything out in the open in our 1/2 hour consultation to find out what our options are.

What things should I bring with me to this appt??  I want to be prepared.  I will bring a copy of DH's support order.  

The custodial parents has sent us some bills that are over and above child support and she is asking us to help her with them, we feel they are not needs just wants for the child, we are not sure they are our responsibility, can we bring these and find out if we are obligated to pay them or not?

We are in NY state by the way.  And if they tell us support continues until the child is 21 years old, can we have the support order changed to reflect the child receiving the money, not the mother.  He has not lived under his mother's roof since July, 2004.  From July 2004 through June 2005 he lived with h is girlfriend and her parents, in June 2005 he and the girlfriend moved into their own apartment together.  

Thanks for any help.

**Crossing our fingers that the end is near**

Mom2boys

My husband's support order does not state anywhere on the document til what age, time, etc. he is ordered to pay child support.  They were never married so there is no divorce decree to check.  

Just wondering since we are contacting a lawyer this week to hear our case to have his support stopped on grounds that his son graduated from high school last week, is holding down a full time job, is living in his own apartment with his girlfriend, etc.

Any help would be great.

You people are wonderful on this board.

I know what you mean.  My DH and I feel the same way.  Well this past weekend stepson graduated from high school, we weren't even invited to the graduation ceremonies or his party.  Things have been very tough.

As told in previous post, we are only paying for the medical bills that were included in the mom's last letter.  Since that is court ordered that DH has to pay.  We are contacting a local lawyer to see if we are obligated to pay the others.  God, I hope not.  

I just cannot believe they will make my DH continue to pay "child" support on a kid who is graduated from high school, living in his own apartment with his girlfriend, working a full time job, not going onto college and paying his own bills.  Either way we have to go to court, for my DH support payments are garnished and sent directly to the local Support Collection Unit, so we will have to go to court to get it stopped, and I am sure they can only be stopped by a court order.  

Ny has to do something about these laws.  I totally agree that is is fine to pay support on a kid who is continuing in college but if they are not it should stop when they graduate.  Actually ours should have stopped last year when he let his mothers home and was not under the custodial parents control any longer, but we did not push it for he was still attending school.

We just want to have this over.  I cannot believe she thinks she can send us bills for his graduation party.  What planet is this lady on, especially when we offered to throw him a party for our side of the family in his honor.  And the mom had the guts to send invitations to my DH's brother and his wife and his mother.   UGH!! what nerve...

More to come.  We will see what happens when we contact the lawyer.  Thanks everyone, you people are wonderful.

I have posted here before.  My DH has a son from a previous relationship, they were never married.  Son was born in 1986, he is 18 years old now, going to be 19 this August.  

To make a very long story short.  This has been a real off and on again relationship with our stepson.  It is painful and all the awful things the CP has told this poor kid has really hurt all of us, mostly him but she does not care about that.

In 2002, DH got a new job earning considerably more money.  At that time she was entitled to about $30 more a week in child support.  At that time things were going really well for all of us.  She wrote us a letter stating she did not want to take DH back to court to increase monies and make everyone suffer.  Instead she asked for our help with his lunch money each month, I would send $40 a month for his lunch that was done on a debit card type of thing, and also wanted help with his recreational expenses.  I know, kind of vague.

Up until now, has been kind of run of the mill things, yearbook, prom tux, pictures, you know that sort of thing.

Last week we got a letter from her entitled "Final Expenses for XXXX" which made us think that she thinks the support is ending.

In this bill was a $14 dental bill and $90 bill for glasses, okay we are obligated to pay a % of all uninsured medical.  But also was a bill for his cap and gown, a $300 class ring and $200 senior pictures.  And she said, does not include expenses for the already planned graduation party.

Now we don't mind helping out, but I think a $300 class ring is a little excessive and why should we be expected to help pay for her graduation party she is throwing for him.  

DH contacted his son and told him we wanted to throw him a graduation party for our side of the family, and he was oh great, thanks Dad.  He told his son to stop over so we could go through all the details and pick a date, for we did not want to have it the same weekend as his mom's.  We were thinking of her.  We never heard from him.  Then we found out that she took it upon herself to invite my husband's mother and our brother and sister in law to her party.  Needless to say we weren't happy about this.

That is not the worst of it, in this letter she accuses my husband of saying something really awful about his son, which he never said.  He is very hurt by the whole thing and has not talked to his son.  He isn't even invited to the graduation ceremonies.

We also found out he is living in his own apartment and working full time now.

Our question is, can we go to a lawyer and ask for t he support to be terminted on the grounds he is finsihed school, living in his own apartment, and working full time.  

Oh by the way we are in NY, yes the laws in NY must be changed, it is absolutely ridiculous that the age is 21.  I totally agree if the child is still in college you must continue to pay, but not in our case......

My husband has a son who is 18 and turning 19 this summer. He will graduate from high school in June. He has a full time job when he graduates and does not plan on going on to college. According to the great state of NY my husband has to pay support until he is 21 years old. While we don't mind paying support for his son, he moved out of his mother's home in July of 2004. And has not been benefited from his support. The mother has given no money to the family he is living with. My husband called Support Collection Unit in our area to ask a few questions. They told us that we could get the payments changed and sent to the son. They also told him support would even continue if he gets married, is this right????I asked that question here and someone told me it would be considered a gift. And we would still owe the custodial parent too. So which is it? Also my husband went to a new job in 2002 and makes more in wage than when they went to court. She indicated in a letter to us a while ago, that she did not want an increase of support, but wanted us to help out with small bills, school clothes, supplies, lunch money, etc. What is considered reasonable??? We got a bill from her for graduation announcements and for a class ring and senior pictures. Also, what if she sends us a bill for help with his graduation party, I think this is a little much. We have not seen the son in almost a year, and not by our choice, we call all the time and calls go unanswered, we run into him and ask him to come for dinner, and it never happens. I feel bad about that but we have done everything to try and make him feel a part of this family and he doesn't want to be.

If we went to a lawyer to ask the liklihood of getting support done legally, meaning the actual 17% of his income, could she still nickel and dime him? My big question is insurance. If the son goes to this job and it does not have insurance coverage, is that still up to us to pay 52% of the premiums. For according to my husband's support order it says nothing about paying premiums when the child cannot be covered under the mothers insurance any longer. His support order states he is to pay 52% of all uninsured medical, dental, eye, ortho, etc. Does this mean if he does get insurance, is he still obligated to pay that 52% to his son?????

We will be consulting a local lawyer, but wanted to field the questions here first.

Thanks,

Update:

Against my better judgement, I paid the medical bill.  I didn't want to but DH didn't want to confront the BM about it.  THe BM is the one who carries the health insurance.  I wanted to call the dr but I figrued they would not give me any information since we were not the insured or the patient.  She has him right where she wants him and it makes me crazy.  I try not to think about it too much.  Like I said before, my DH's support should have gone up two years ago when he went to another job, but she did not want to take him back to court for everything was going well at that time.  Then in September my DH got a new truck and it pissed her off, then the letters started coming.  I just don't understand why she has to bleed him dry for every penny.  The child will be 19 in August and will graduate in June, he isn't going on to college, going to work full time.  I know the law in NY states we have to support until 21 years old but it just doesn't make sense if the boy is 19 years old, not going to school any longer, supporting himself paying his own bills, not living at home anymore, why should my DH sitll have to send support, especially since the boy is not benefitting from that support.  I know they say the mother can do whatever she wants with the support, but it really stinks.  My DH is going to call Support Collection Unit in May just befoe he graduates to see what his options are.  Another thing, if we are responsible for continuing support, does that mean DH has to still pay the % of uninsured medical bills that is stated in his support order.  What happens if the kids doesn't get insurance, are we responsible for that % of the premiums, and if he does get insurace is he still responsible for that % that is not covered.    

Thanks,