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No definitely not the case. I just wanted to give you more information and my town is too small for the details not to give away my identity and thus my strategies for getting more time with child. I know it sounds crazy but everybody knows everyone in my state.

Thanks for your help.

Thank you.

Additional info and question:  

Under no circumstances would I ever bring up the issue of child support regardless of the amount of time I win through the current motion (and I am positive I will win substantially more time). I am fine with the amount as is and I don't want/need it to go up or down. In fact, mother and father already agreed to a slightly modified child support amount in mediation. Its this surprise move by the attorney that I'm trying to understand.

I do have some additional questions that would not be prudent for me to post. May I contact you directly?

Hello Soc:

Idaho. Father scheduled to go to trial in Dec for a changing residential schedule to get more time with child (18 months). Mother and father were never married, nor lived together. Right now the only thing we are fighting about is time with child as father has very little.

Recently her attorney sent a letter through mine asking very detailed questions about a number of items, some of which are directly related to the motion in question, some of them are not:
Here are some examples of what was asked:

*My monthly checking account balances back 3 years before child was born, mortgage payments info, value of my home, real estate investments, stock investments, 401k balances, bonuses I've received, salary for the past 5 years, all my assets, all my bank statements, all my real estate transactions, if I'm a beneficiary of trusts and the list goes on and on.  

*Copies or records of all communication between myself and mother for 3 years before child was born until now

*Citations, speeding tickets, medical history, drugs taken, judgements against me

*Witnesses I plan to bring to trial including their contact information


Here are my questions:

Do I have to answer all the questions, particularly those that are not relevant to the motion such as the financial ones?

What could happen to me if I don't answer them and what will be a likely response by them if I don't?

Should my attorney have asked them for this same information (he only asked them to supply witness info and other motion-relevant info).

Given that the motion is about modifying the residential schedule, what do you think they are up to (is this some kind of scare tactic)?

Depending on your answers above I may have a private question for you that I do not want to post on this message board. Is that possible?

Thank you

Hello Soc, Looking for your advice to the latest progression of our case. I feel like this is a low point and there's little hope.
Idaho: father trying to get more time with 17 month old son (I am fathers girlfriend)  Current orders state tues/thurs/Sun visits for a total of 8 hours per week. Overnights may start between 12-18 months and father is to receive an "increasing amount of time with child".  Father has always wanted 50/50 custody after the "infant period" in which this agreement was signed.   Her lawyer convinced her to start doing the following additional time - every other weekend father gets child saturday from 10-5 and Sunday from 10-5 no overnights. This started two weeks ago (nothing in writing however).

Mediation failed. In mediation, mother agreed that she might start one overnight every other weekend on the last weekend of August. She said she would not agree to anything further.  In deposition this morning Mother again confirmed that short of a court order, she will not under any circumstances agree to any more time than what she has currently offered. She hasn't agreed to starting any overnights still but has said she will consider it at end of August.

Judge held a status conference about the case yesterday. He basically said the following:
To Mother: start overnights immediately as its in your agreement to do so
To Father: I will not grant 50/50 custody to two parents who do not agree to it
BOTH: go back to mediation and work this out. Court date Nov.

This has broken our hearts as we can't imagine the next 17 years and not having a 50/50 agreement at some point. So now, it seems like the best we can hope for is the  every other weekend and one overnight a week schedule reserved for fathers. And we have no chance at this even until court.

The mother has made it clear many times and in deposition today that she will not agree to anything more than one overnight every two weeks and even that was tentative. Mother has never had any reason for not granting time other than that she says child cannot adjust to two homes which is just not true.

Mother said during deposition that she would agree to a child psychologist seeing the child. We believe that a child psychologist will be in our favor but if the judge has already decided that 50/50 is out of the question maybe its worthless to even go this route. A child psychologist is certainly not going to change the mother's mind no matter what he/she says.

Questions:
1. Do you have any advice for what we should do between now and court date?

2. When we end up in court should we just take the 50/50 request off the table and not even ask for it since he already said this? In other words, do we have anything to lose by asking anyway?

3. What do we do to show we are trying to work something out with her but we are dealing with a completely closed door?

4. Should we go back to mediation as the judge suggested, knowing that we aren't going to get anywhere?

5. Should we try a child psychologist and hope he recommends child spends much more time with father? Should we not even bother?

Thanks this has been a sad couple of days and I feel hopeless.

Hello,

Case is in Idaho. Father requesting more visitation with 16 month old. Father's attorney petitioned court to change visitation and their first status conference with judge is in 10 days. Mediation has failed as of this week. Father currently has 8 hours a week visitation on three separate days.

Current parenting agreement which was signed at 4 months old states "overnights may start at 12-18 months" and father is to get an increasing amount of time. Father wants 50/50 custody and always has. Mother is not willing to sign any agreement for overnights. to start.  Mother's main argument uncovered in mediation involves three areas:
 
1. She says child cannot adjust to two homes as he is too sensitive and it will undermine his stability.
2. She says that the father cannot possibly be as good a parent as she is because he is a man and therefore does not have the correct instincts to properly anticipate and meet the childs needs
3. She says that father has missed time and therefore is not consistent in exercising his current visitation and therefore should not get any more visitation

Numbers one and two are flat out false from our perspective and she has no evidence supporting either assertion.

Regarding #3 -- The father has not missed any visitation since March 1 of this year but in the 9 months prior to that he took two week long vacations and had 3 to 4 work trips that caused him to miss scheduled time. THere were also a number of visits that the mother requested he not take due to the child's or his own illness which he agreed to -- she is counting this in her missed time count.  In all cases of missed time he asked for makeup time which of course the mother refused to grant.

We just found out today that mother's attorney wants to deposition the father this week. This was unexpected and we are a little worried about going into it with little prep work (we do have an attorney and he doesn't seem worried about it). On the other hand we feel like all that has to be told is the truth and there is nothing in the truth that can hurt the father.

Here are my questions:

1.  Do you have any advice regarding dos and don'ts for the father with respect to the deposition?

2. Given the above arguments of the mother, what things would you speculate they will  try to trip him up or get something out of him that supports their arguments?

3. If you were their attorney, what would your deposition strategy be?

4. Is it normal to go into a deposition with this little prep time (as I said, his attorney is not too worried about it but they have scheduled some time to prepare).

Thanks for your help as always.

Idaho

We just got some new news I wanted to run by you. Father trying to get more time with 16 month old son. Parenting plan was vague and called for overnights to begin 12-18 months and increasing amounts of time with father - none of which has happened.  Prior to now, mother has given no reason for not giving more time.

They went to their first mediation session since the parenting plan was put in place a year ago. In mediation, mother basically said the child was a "mess" every time after he had time with his father. She said he won't eat, cries, won't sleep through the night etc. She then went on to say how "sensitive" the child is and even said that it took him two months to adjust to his new day care (he switched about two months ago to a full fledged daycare with other children instead of an in home daycare). Her argument is that basically the child cannot possibly adjust to overnights and will never be ready for substantial time with the father until he is 8-10 years old.

After a year and a half and months of offering different step up schedules to the mother, this is the very first time we've heard any of this. I spend a substantial amount of time with the child when he is with the father and I have never seen such a well adjusted kid. In the last year, I've seen him cry maybe 5-7 times and never for more than a minute or two. He never exhibits any anxiety and rarely exhibits fussiness. I've seen him refuse food one time with his father and it happened last week. We've checked with his new daycare and they say he's adjusted great, no behavioral problems, he plays with the other kids, naps when he's supposed to etc.

Based on all this, I believe either the mother is lying or SHE is the one who is sensitive rather than the child. We already know the mother is extremely emotional and paranoid about the child. Past daycares have complained that she calls several times a day and is overly critical of care to the point they are offended. This combined with all the uncooperative and hostile treatment she has exhibited towards father leads me to believe this became her "argument" that she is going to take to court and its not really true.

Here are my questions:

1. In this situation, does she have the burden of proof that spending time with the father is detrimental to the childs emotional well-being as she claims? Or does he have to prove that its not detrimental?

2. This suddenly seems like a really tough argument to overcome because it seems hard to prove anything - do you have any suggestions?

3. We believe that an evaluator will be favorable and will ask that the court order one - Is it reasonable to expect the evaluator to spend a substantial amount of time observing the child after he returns from a visit with the father, to the point of staying overnight to see how the child is?

Thanks for your help and advice.

Hello, I've posted here before about a case that you may recall. (my boyfriend is unwed father, trying to get more time with 16 month old. Mother refuses any overnights or additional time for no reason whatsever.) We do have a hearing in a few weeks supposedly but now just found out that her attorney lied and didn't accept the service like she said she did so we just had to file some "hurry up" motion. That's a side point.

Our attorney is going to deposition the mother soon. I've read the document on this site "notes on depositions" but still have questions. I want second opinions on everything because the father got totally screwed with his previous attorney and I just want to make sure that we are controlling the situation and telling our attorney what we want him to do.

The article I read makes a big deal about recording the deposition and getting a transcript of it but the article doesn't really explain why. So my questions are:

1. Why record and get a transcript of the deposition?

2. The article also says to come up with a list of questions for your attorney. I'm not sure where to start and what is relevant to ask - any insight on what to focus on?  (the mother is a good parent in terms of basic care for the child. She fails dismally in other areas that you previously said were probably not relevant to getting more time).

3. Is it absolutely necessary that the father be in the room when his attorney is depositioning the mother? (he will pay for this dearly from her. But of course he will do anything for his son too)

Thanks for your help!

Hello, I've posted here before about a case that you may recall. (my boyfriend is unwed father, trying to get more time with 16 month old. Mother refuses any overnights or additional time for no reason whatsever.) We do have a hearing in a few weeks supposedly but now just found out that her attorney lied and didn't accept the service like she said she did so we just had to file some "hurry up" motion. That's a side point.

Our attorney is going to deposition the mother soon. I've read the document on this site "notes on depositions" but still have questions. I want second opinions on everything because the father got totally screwed with his previous attorney and I just want to make sure that we are controlling the situation and telling our attorney what we want him to do.

The article I read makes a big deal about recording the deposition and getting a transcript of it but the article doesn't really explain why. So my questions are:

1. Why record and get a transcript of the deposition?

2. The article also says to come up with a list of questions for your attorney. I'm not sure where to start and what is relevant to ask - any insight on what to focus on?  (the mother is a good parent in terms of basic care for the child. She fails dismally in other areas that you previously said were probably not relevant to getting more time).

3. Is it absolutely necessary that the father be in the room when his attorney is depositioning the mother? (he will pay for this dearly from her. But of course he will do anything for his son too)

Thanks for your help!

One other topic for you. I work in the business world and the world of litigation is baffling to me.

Why do attorney's not respond to each other?  Even when they tell you they will respond they often don't. Is this part of their strategy and if so, what are they trying to accomplish when they do this?

Thanks for your help!

We have a hearing in a few weeks on a motion to change visitation. We are pretty confident that a change in visitation will be granted as the child was an infant when original agreement was signed and the parenting agreement indicates the intent to start overnights at 12-18 months and increase the amount of time with the father over time (none of which has happened and child is now 16 months.) Father is a great father and is spotless. There is no reason to deny him more time and he's gone to extraordinary lengths to be involved with his son over the last 16 months.     We are trying to figure out if the mother's deliberate attempts to keep the father out of child's life are relevant to the argument.

Here are examples of how she is behaving:

-refusing to communicate except by email and in many cases she doesn't respond to email
-during all dropoffs she has friends over and won't let him talk to her; she refuses to say a word to him when she picks up
-We have asked for a list of the childs activities during her custodial time so father can attend and she doesn't respond (this is explicity stated in parenting agreement that father has a right to do this)
-She refers father to her attorney whenever he asks for more time per their parenting agreement.
- Her attorney also doesn't respond to our attorneys attempts to contact.  The only thing that her attorney has responded to was the motion to change the schedule as required. Her response was the same schedule we already have with one additional hour. They have supplied no reason for why they will not give more time
-Mother doesn't inform father about important things like emergency room visits
-mother resists all attempts for the father to be involved (won't let him take the child to the doctor for checkups, refused to allow him to make any decisions about daycare etc).
-mother refuses to let the father occasionally take time out of work and take the kid out of daycare for a few hours even though she would be at work at that time

Most of this behavior we can prove either through email or recording her conversations. Father just wants more time and is not trying to take the kid away from the mother in any way.

Questions:

1. Is any of her behavior relevant to the question of whether the father should have substantially more time?  Is it relevant to anything?

2. Given that there is no possible argument for not giving the father more time (the kid is in daycare 40 hours a week!), what should our attorney be prepared to argue in the hearing? We can't imagine what they will say...

3. Money is not an issue for us and it is an issue for her - what should be the strategy in the hearing regarding what to ask for as evidence for trial (evaluator? home study?). AGAIN, this dad is spotless and has done all the right things.

4. Do you have any other advice for what we should do to have a successful argument? We have the resources to do anything that is necessary.

Thank you