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Thank you for your reply. I have another question. This portion of the agreement below was interesting to me given what I've read about what constitutes "substantial change in circumstance."

Future Modifications: we agree that a disagreement between concerning the residential schedule arrangements constitutes a substantial and material change in circumstance sufficient to justify a modification of the residential schedule.

Questions:
1. Can the two parties agree to what constitutes a "substantial change in circumstance" ahead of time in this manner and the court will be obligated to use this criteria?  

2. Father wants to use this clause to be the reason to submit an entirely new schedule that is based on a step of plan of time with child. Will this fly with the court?

Facts: (i've written to you several times so you might recall this)
Idaho. 13 month old child. Mother has primary physical custody. Father has child 3 times a week for a couple of hours each time. No overnights. I'm Father's girlfriend.

After reading everything on the Sparc website, we now realize that we made many mistakes in signing the original custody agreement. The mother refused to sign anything that Father wanted when child was born so we stupidly conceded to her wishes and we put specific language in the agreement that we thought would require her to gradually change the amount of time with the father.

For example, the agreement says "overnights may start between 12-18 months".  Mother agreed to the intent of this statement verbally but now her laywer says the use of the word "May" means there is no agreement for anything. She is completely going back on it and says there will not be any overnights. Period. She has also not agreed to any increased amount of time beyond what was originally agreed to 8 months ago.

Agreement says that  "because of xxx's age we agree that he has a home base with mother and he shall be with father in gradual increased amounts of time ..."  (agreement goes on to specify the actual schedule to begin with)

Agreement also states:
Future Modifications: we agree that a disagreement between concerning the residential schedule arrangements constitutes a substantial and material change in circumstance sufficient to justify a modification of the residential schedule.

Questions:  
1. Is the last clause sufficent to get the court to review the schedule  as obviously the father does not agree to the current schedule based on the fact that overnights will not start  as planned and there has been no increase in time?  

2. Given that she has not agreed to any increased amount of time whatsover, is she violating the agreement or was it too vague to hold water?

3. How do we inform the Mother that we intend to petition the court to change the schedule unless she agrees to begin a regular schedule of increasing overnights? (in the past you have advised us never to threaten her about court)

Since we informed mother that we would be recording conversations from now on she is refusing any more contact or discussions except for in email. She refuses to discuss anything during pickups/dropoffs. Father had requested that they meet once a month to discuss the child, schedules, etc. Email is really not effective for having discussions regarding what is in the best interest of the child as far as we are concerned. Its obvious to us that her laywer is telling her to do this.

1. Is there anything that we can do about this given that its not in the best interest of the child if the parents can only communicate in email?

One more question:

Father told mother via email that from now on he would be recording all of their converstations. Mother didn't reply so I assume that we need to take further steps to "serve  notice".   We'd rather not have to go through a lawyer for this.

Can we simply type out a letter stating that Father intends to record all conversations the occur in person or over the phone and hand it to her? Or do we need to do something more formal?

Thank you for your reply.

1. Can recorded conversations be used in a court situation? what if the mother didn't know she was being recorded?

2. Father suspects mother will refuse to talk to him at all if he puts her on notice that he is recording converstations. What should he do if she refuses any contact that he plans to record?

3. Because of the ambiguity in the agreement regarding overnights can the father file a motion with a specific overnight schedule request or does the judge just order what he thinks is best?

4. The father has had to miss some visitation because of travel for work and we know that the mother will use this against him in his request for more time. What is the best way to combat this argument with a judge?

Facts:All parties are residents of Idaho who live in the same town. I am the girlfriend of the father. Father and mother were never married. Child is a 13 month old boy. Father currently has son on three days a week  for two hours each on Tues and Thurs and 3 hours on Sunday.

Father wanted much more time than this but this is all he could get out of mediation and he was trying to spare his son a court battle. This current schedule has been agreed to by both parties and is filed with the court. Agreement says that overnights begin between 12-18 months. There isn't any agreement about schedule beyond that as mother refused to discuss anything past 18 months.

Mother is now saying that her lawyer tells her that the agreement is not binding because of the vague language regarding overnights and that she won't start overnights until he is at least two years old.   We want 50-50 custody someday and mother is telling us that's never going to happen. We are tentatively planning to file a motion with the court to clarify the agreement about overnights. We need help with strategy as we are at our wits end.

We are tired of playing "nice" with this woman and I am pushing my boyfriend to fight for his son.   He is worried that anything he does before 2 years of age will not go in his favor because of a general bias towards mothers. Both parents are fit parents and have adequate financial resources to take care of the son.

Questions:
1. Is there any possible way that the court can deny overnights between now and 18 months if that was the intent of their signed agreement?

2. In the absense of any agreement as to how many overnights and when, who gets to decide that? Can the father put in a request for a schedule of overnights when he files the motion for clarity on the agreement?

3. The father wants 50/50 custody so at what age should he file with the court to get this? Should he ask for something less first? Should he wait until he is two years old to ask for more time than occasional overnights?

4. Is there an age that is considered the "right" age to begin spending overnights away from the primary caretaker?

5.If the father does nothing now but give in to mother's dictated visitation schedule until he is two or three will that hurt him later because he didn't try hard enough early on?

6. Knowing that our objectives are to get to 50/50 custody, can you please outline the best strategy you think we should take over the next two years?  

Thank you, we really believe this kid deserves to have a father in his life and its unconscionable to me that a mother would behave as this woman is. Your insight is greatly appeciated.

Facts of the case:
I am the Father's girlfriend and I'm helping him do research. Mother and Father of the child, both residents of Idaho, were never married and pregnancy was unplanned. Child (boy) is now 12 months.  Current agreement filed in the court states that the father has the child on Tues, Thurs, & Sun for 2 hours each with overnights to start between 12-18 months. There is no agreement beyond 18 months at this time.

Father has requested overnights begin. Mother says no and that she will not consider this until 18th month despite the original intent of the agreement to start at some time between 12-18 months.

If the father had his way, the child would be in his physical custody right now 50% of the time. The mother has been uncooperative from the beginning and the father had to go through lawyers and a mediator to get the 6 hours a week he has today.

Mother claims that there is no reason for the child to be with his father for any extended period of time on a regular basis until at least 3 years of age although she has not offered any explanation as to why she thinks this.  Its also unlikely the mother will ever voluntarily agree to 50/50 custody at any age.

Both father and mother are fit parents with good jobs and are equally capable of any level of parenting, full or part time.

Questions:
1. Is there research that supports its in the best interest of the child to be with the father for extended overnight periods? What are the factors?

2. In a "both parents equal" scenario, is a judge likely to be biased towards the mother in granting physical custody if parents cannot agree? If so, are there any factors that can reduce that bias?

3. Is it better to go to court and ask for 50/50 custody right from the start or is it more wise to ask for less up front and then ask for more as time goes on and the child matures?

4.  If Father ultimately wants 50/50 physical custody what strategies should the father employ now in order to get it?

5. If father must be out of town during his regularly scheduled time, is it permissable for him to arrange to leave child in the care of the child's paternal grandmother who wants to see the child or does the father forfeit this time to the Mother instead (as the mother claims).

Thank you for your help.

 

My advice to you would be to take her to file for joint custody of your child as quickly as you can. The longer you go without doing so the harder it will be to get the visitation you want. My boyfriend was in your exact situation. He didn't know that he had rights to his son. We are finally taking the mother of his child to court after 16 months and we will win - I know it.  You have rights and you need to fight for them. If she could talk your daugher would expect nothing less from you.  Please just remember that you are capable of feeding, bathing, clothing and caring for your daugher just as much as her mother is.  Some things that you can do now to prepare:

1. Document every visit that you have and provide as much detail as possible about what goes on in this visits
2. Take a parenting class now (you can take them through local hospitals in your area)
3. File a motion for joint custody asap and then see if you can settle through mediation on a parenting plan with an explicit schedule of visitation that increases at well defined intervals (I agree with other posts that you should ask for 50/50 custody)
4. Read everything you can in the article archive on this site.
5. Get a good attorney!

Without a court order, there is nothing you can do about any of the crap that she is doing to you.

Does anyone on this forum know anything about Russell Comstock, a judge in Ada County? Our story is like most stories on this site-- Bitter and unreasonable mother who is trying to keep a great father from seeing his son (16 months).

Our first hearing with Judge Comstock is in a few weeks for change in visitation.  Mother has only let the father have the son for 8 hours a week and no overnights ever. Father is spotless and tries at every opportunity to be more involved  - there is absolutely no argument for not giving more time other than she doesn't want to give it. They live in the same town.

Looking for any info on what kinds of evidence the judge is partial to and what to expect from this judge.

Thanks for any info you can provide

Hello, my boyfriend and I are currently preparing for a custody battle. Boyfriend is the father. Child is 13 months old and the mother is doing everything she can to limit visitation to as minimal as possible. We think that joint custody is in the best interest of the child. Both parents are fit parents - its simply an issue of the mother not wanting to give any time to the father. Father currently gets child for 8 hours a week - no overnights.

I'd love to hear from fathers in similar custody/visitation cases. What strategies have worked to get you 50/50 custody?

Any lawyers in the Boise area that you'd recommend? Why?

Any insight regarding Boise family law judges and if they will be biased towards the mother all else being equal?

Would love to hear any advice from people in Ada County.

Thanks!