Messages

Hope it all turned out okay at the probation hearing.

I think y'all are right to not put too much in what she is saying.  Just hang tight and hope that the probation officer will see what is going on.

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

It is frustrating.  Here you and your DH are trying to do what is best for him, provide him stability, and give him a chance at a normal, loving family and in one fell swoop or discussion with his mom, all that goes out the window. Or so it seems.

I don't know how old your SS is, but know this.  My SD is 17 now.  We received primary custody of her 5 years ago.  It takes TIME to for these kids to see their parents for who and what they really are.  There is a natural ingrained blinder in each and every one of us that does not allow us to easily have the comprehension that either of our natural parents would ever do something to hurt us or that is not in our best interest.

Are you working with a counselor for adjustment issues?  We found alot of support in this area by having that outlet for my SD.   It also benefitted my Dh and I - we had an outlet for the types of frustrations that you describe here - and were able to gain some coping skills.

I think you handled it well with the side comments.  I'll bet he's testing things to see how you will handle it - you have no idea what twisted things his mom has possibly said to him.

Hang in there and just take it day by day.  Hour by hour if you have to!
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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

Why would they not allow the memorial?  So sorry for that!

Sounds like things were peaceful among the family, though, and that's a good thing.  How did SS take the news?  How 'bout your boys?  How are you dealing?

(((4Honor)))

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

And you need to stand up for your relationship with your daughter.

You cannot just throw away the time you have because your girlfriend is insecure.  That is her issue and hers to fix.  EOW already is bare-minimum time for you to have with your daughter.  How are you supposed to cut that down further?  Think of your daughter in this.  

And also think of the baby on the way - your daughter will be a big sister and should be able to know and interact with the new one.  And your girlfriend needs to deal with it.  You should be a package deal with your daughter as part of it!

Good luck.

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

The person in the wrong is PB plain and simple.  There is no reason why both SD's couldn't do both functions on this day.  FCOL, this is a couple of hours that we are talking about, not the entire weekend, and does not mean that YSD can't attend the wedding/reception!

I see a small victory in this for you.....at least your YSD has her frustration thrown in the right corner - and NOT at you!  

Methinks your two SD's could work together and find a way for both of them to duck out of the reception dinner and come to theid dad's bday party and then back to the wedding dance......of course without your knowledge of anything!  *evil grin*

Let PB spew and rant and rave.  And just keep letting  your YSD know that there is no problem from you with her attending both functions.


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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

My sympathies to you and your family first!   (((HUGS)))

Second, yes, I think you do tell SS.  He is then allowed to grieve with you, even if he isn't able to physically be there.


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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

Y'all don't have to ignore the rudeness of her letter.  But, understand that she is very under the influence of her mother's negativity toward you and referring to you as having the 'duty' to do these things for her.....Realize that too.  Call her on it.  Definitely, call her and if you get the voicemail, leave a message that you wanted to go over the items.  You're right, she probably will call back within a few seconds.  Then, take the opportunity to go over things that she really likes.  Before you let her go, explain that her manner of asking for this stuff is out of line and that y'all will *consider* some of the items, but not all; and maybe not any.  Point out what you just posted - that in July you just bought x,y,z.  Point out that lots of people would like to have a new bed set, but that doesn't mean that it happens.

Then, do what you are able to.  Consider for Christmas gifts - teenagers are difficult anyway to buy for and you've got some specific things.  

Good luck!

:)

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

...

show your documentation and proof of what the status quo really is.  That this show of hers is for court only, not because this is how she genuinely keeps your DH in the loop.

Good luck!

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

I realize, though, that this is extremely personal and I would probably have a hard time talking about stuff too.

But, to get the exposure out there and be able to say that yes this PAS stuff is for real......there's so many who scoff at it and poo-poo it to death.

How exciting!
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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh