Messages

Hey, Sly! So good to see you again! And so glad SD is doing so well!

Funny you should ask about giving Dad custody....that's what brought me here back in '01.

Mom was leaving GS with his dad most of the time, and seems like when she found out he'd had a consult with an attorney, she decided to give him custody. She was homeless at the time, and rarely had him in her care anyway.

They went to the courthouse in our county (son and GS were living here) and she filled out an affidavit and wrote a brief letter saying she wanted son to have custody. They had a brief hearing not long after that. The magistrate asked her how long this temp custody should be, 6 weeks? 6 months? She said 6 months.

So, just before the 6 months were up (he figured temp was good, we know what that often turns into), we talked to an attorney who said the way the order was written, it could expire so son needed to file for permanent, which he did.

Initially her mom hired an attorney for her to contest it, but before the hearing he talked her into agreeing to the perm. So at the hearing she gave her agreement (her atty didn't show up to this one, there was a previous one that was continued), they agreed to "as agreed" visitation, and no child support.

About 2 years later, after her promising to pay support on her own, he filed with CSEA. She is now over 16 grand in arrears but that's another story.

Congrats to your son! 11...man....my GS is 10 now but this all happened when he was 2/3. Apart from a period of about 2 years when he lived with me and dh, he doesn't remember living with mom. Giving him to my son was the smartest thing she ever did.

Keep us posted!

What kind of custody does dad have? Joint legal? Visitation only?
What does the plan say about parenting time?
He may be able to at least get a more detailed one, if that is needed.
Browse the plans on this site, in the articles section, and work from those. Have him decide what he wants and ask for that in mediation, and decide how much he will "give" either way.

I agree, I don't see a custody change, but I don't think it will be hard for him to get a good, enforceable plan into effect.

[and can't read]

her dad only works maybe two weeks a month, and can't read.

The bolded part bothers me. What if she does go to live with him, and her grades plummet? You say she has an IEP. I don't think I'd risk her education going down the tubes because she didn't have educational support at home. Not to mention changing her school.

If you oppose this, and the judge asks her why she wants to live with dad (some judges will do this, at her age), how much weight do you think "it's more fun there" is going to have? I would think she'd need a better reason than that.

If you both agree and file an agreed entry, it's another story. Is Dad pushing for it too?

Right now we are encountering some difficulties because both BM and her sister have been encouraging my stepson to run away from home and to say he is being abused.  So far, CPS, the counselor, the teacher, and the police have seen straight through this, but it is really taking a toll on our home life.  We are documenting all of this.

Wow, she is really shooting herself in the foot with that. She will not get custody if she is a) putting the boy in the middle and b) sabotaging the relationship between father and son. A CP is supposed to support it.

Can Dad reinforce to his son that he could get in trouble for running away, and that he should tell Mom no? I know it would be hard for son to do that...

Make sure you subpoena all the professionals who see through it.

If you want to put the child up for adoption, dad will have to establish paternity and agree to the adoption. If he doesn't agree, he can petition for paternity/parenting time/support and you will have to foster a relationship between dad and child. His time may be limited at first, but it will increase. Unless you can prove that dad is a danger to his child, he WILL get unsupervised time with his child. He will not get full custody of a newborn unless YOU are somehow unfit (and that definition is very lax).

At the moment he is not the legal dad, and has no rights. He is also not obliged to support you, or attend any appointments with you. After the birth, he will not have rights until he asks a court to grant them after he has proven paternity (by DNA or acknowledgement on paper).

[This is paid for by the state]

The LG will report to judge and if it is a trial get to ask mom and dad questions for the child. (It is a lawyer for the child). This is paid for by the state.

Is this true in Maryland? I thought most states have the parents split the cost?

Just 2 cents here....

I know how much you care for this boy, and you're helping your fiance with the research, etc, but when you go to court....STAY IN THE BACKGROUND. If the judge gets any inkling that you're over-involved, it won't go well for dad. There are only 2 parties here, and they are the PARENTS. Even if you were married to dad, you still wouldn't (and won't) have any LEGAL say in the child's life.

Try to get used to saying, "Dad", "he" "his son" in case you are called to testify. If you are asked about something in your home, you can say "our" but when it comes to the child, it's "Dad does so and so"....get it? If you say, in court, "I'd really like to stipulate some sort of regular schedule" it will go over like a lead balloon. You're not even married, and not a party to the case, YOU can't stipulate anything.

Just a heads up, I've heard of cases where an "overstepping step" has cost Dad custody. Be aware of what you say.

The CASA is a good thing, if (s)he does the job right. That may very well backfire on Mom. When dad talks to the CASA, just have him present the evidence, voice his concerns, but don't bash Mom. Keep to the facts. There is an article on this site about custody evaluations and how to handle them. Mom may think that the CASA is supposed to push for the child's wishes. They should only be concerned with his best interest.

Also, Dad may not get the venue changed if Mom still lives there. As for her filing for custody, you would think she would have done that when Gpa had guardianship. Dad has status quo on his side.

Keep us posted.

Is the DV documented? Any convictions? Witnesses? If not, it may not matter.

If you have been primary care-giver, it's likely you'll get residential custody with him having joint legal.

You could file first for divorce, custody and child support/spousal support (if applicable) and ask him to make house payments/rent. Whose name is on the lease?

You will need to work in any case. Will your family help you short-term?

I would love to send her a certified letter but there is a no contact order from a criminal charge that she has against me.Plus she keeps moving every time i plan to come down and see them

If there is a no contact order, then why the heck are you sending messages to her? Does the order apply to ANY contact? Have you printed out that one to you? That proves (if it's admissible) not only that she's being unreasonable, but that she isn't afraid to violate the order either.

At any rate, you need to take this to court. You will get nowhere with her or her bf. You are at a disadvantage being so far away.

If you are a named father, you are able to take the kids with you just as easily as she can, so be careful but if you NEED to move out, they need to move out with you too.

This may be incorrect, depending on his state (CA?). In some states, once dad is declared legal dad, both parents have equal custody rights when unmarried. In most, Mom has custody until a court says otherwise. So he could get in trouble for taking the kids - kidnapping, or custodial interference.

He needs to check with the local court, or get a consult with a local attorney.

I'm not sure about the legality of the nanny cam, either...