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If your former spouse and you share legal custody, and she decides to cooperate with a dna test while the child in question is on visitation with her, as long as she notifys you, there might not be a way to stop it.

As to the "potential father" wanting to know now, there might be issues on the horizon regarding shared time with the "potential father", as well as another visitation modification including him...unlikely, as I agree...where was this guy the last 10 years?

You are the boy's father, no matter what.  You have been raising him as your own, with no distinction between him and his brothers, and you'll continue to treat him as your own, no matter the results of a dna test.

Hereditary health issues, while possibly a valid reason for a test, seem pretty lame to me...is there a possibility your former spouse and the "potential father" are dating, or are looking to? This might be a shot across the bow of things to come, and taking the initiative (as you are already doing) is a great idea.

I'm not going to pretend to know the laws in your state, but I'd definitly get a free consultation with an attorney, to see what steps need to be taken, if any.

Hang in there, I'm sorry to hear about your former spouse doing this to your family.

Thats the thing...her teachers are all here in our home state...I have custody and my Ex hasn't returned her from summer visitation.

Kidnapping is the word, no matter what legal shenanigans my ex is pulling.

School started the 10th of August.

My former spouse is blocking all calls to my daughter, hanging up on me, family, even my daughters friends.  We live states away from each other, and its going on three weeks with no contact.

My daughter was to be returned from summer visitation on July 31.

What methods of contact can you folks suggest?
Certified letters...can they be sent to children, or can anyone answering the door sign for them?

Ever hear of a priest making a house call in a situation like this?  Maybe my parish priest can call a priest local to my daughters last known location and have him swing by.

I just want to know if she's even in the same state/address as the last I knew she was.

Do cops make "check-up" calls?
Should I call CPS?  Is this grounds for abuse?
The judicial system is dragging on returning my daughter, and this is getting too hard to stand, so please any advice?

For Gods sake, have your husband contact his posts OSJA (JAG).
He should have protection under the "Sailors and Soldiers Protection Act" in regards to the Ex just hauling off and taking the child.  Getting Uncle Sams attorneys on it will cost you nothing, and they have excellent resources as to law libraries and interstate issues.  Having his Chain of Command make a few calls, and get that ball rolling.  Chances are there is a military post near where the ex is now, and a co-ordination of efforts and reccomendations of local representation (if needed) will help.

File in your own state/county district court, get as mich help free by calling local attorneys (consultations are pretty cheap and just go from one to the next soliciting info like a daisey chain)

I was deployed in Haiti 10 years ago when my former spouse ran off with my daughter, and my chain of command got me off the line (combat arms) and in the rear with JAG.  Took a lot of skull-work, but I was awarded full custody physical/legal, and up untill this summer has been relatively smooth sailing.

God Bless you and your family, and now that you have a legal papertrail, you should be able to secure access to your son.
Get a fat Credit Card and charge the expenses (NOT AMEX)...you will have a lot of payments to make, but making ends meet in the short-run, and filing a chapter 11 down the road is better than not having your child in your lives.

I am not an attorney, and haven't been keeping up with military particulars since I got out, so double check everything I'm suggesting.

God Bless, and Good Luck!

Thats in idea that has merit.
It's hard to get my head around, I'll admit, due to my raising this child from the day my ex walked out on us, up to now...9 years and counting.

And it sure wouldn't be the first time there has been a flipflop.
I want whats best for my kid, but I can't look at this objectively.
Thanks for the idea.

It's great to hear a happy ending!

Thanks for sharing, as yea, it gets down around here sometimes.

Amen to that.
I reassured her by telephone, and would never come down on her for feeling sad and vulnerable, this situation is not hers, and I don't blame her for this mess.

Responsibility for this mess lies squarely on the shoulders of her non-custodial parent for manipulating her, and the situation to further her ends.  Unless my poor kid is railroaded into agreeing to some crazy abuse allegation, which I cannot imagine her doing, while very serious and problematic, going to where her visitation is occuring and getting local law enforcement to step in shouldn't be hard.

It's picking up the pieces of our lives after yet another attempt to shatter our family by my X.  I just want to help my kid through this, and get counseling for us all to see what can be done to help her understand these feelings she is having.

I can't help wondering if my always promoting contact and never bad-mouthing my former spouse is now backfiring.  They say nice guys finish last, but in the long run my daughter will always be my child, and nothing, not even crazy schemes and more time in court is going to take that away from our lives.  It's just a kick to the groin, but I'm not losing sight of whose foot it really is.

My former spouse and I agreed nine years ago to her having summer visitation, alternating major holidays.  Court ordered decree, up until this visit, relatively smooth sailing.

A week before my 12 yr old child is to come home, she is telling me she doesn't want to.  This is not the first time she has flip-flopped as to where she wants to live, and I am allready in contact with an attorney...making sure jusrisdiction is in our home state (interstate-visitation, not fun), that the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act is accepted and ready to roll...

But I am absolutely sick in my heart.  I've been this little girls Daddy for 12 years, and 9 of those years it's been me taking care of her, while Mom has been "disneyland".

Soc is giving some excellent advise as to court motions and enforcement ideas...but oh my god this hurts.  Please someone throw me a bone that things are not as bleak as they feel right now.

There is no way, short of false accusations of abuse/neglect/etc..., that I won't be able to bring her home with the help of local law enforcement in the town she is visiting at.  Atleast thats what I think, but please correct me if I'm wrong.  And once she's home, in a while, and with some family counseling to get to the bottom of all this, I really think a way can be found that makes everyone more or less happy.

But while courts take a kids opinion on the matter, when my daughters opinion shifts like the wind, I hate to say it, but is she so unreliable that they would discount what she expresses as her wishes?  Does what a kid says really have that much weight?  Only to have it change in a month or so?  I know in my heart of hearts I'm a better parent and able to provide for my daughter's emotional/prepubescent needs...but I've been fighting the predjudice against custodial fathers for 9 years, and now that my daughter is going into her teens, she says she doesn't want to come home.  

Any ideas or encouragement folks?

Has a paternity test been performed?
Is she leaving the "father" section of the Birth Certificate blank?

And sorry to pry, but if you folks were married, divorced, with one 6 year old already...what on earth were you thinking to have another child with her?

Deleted for senseless drivel.
Sorry, been a rough 3 weeks.