Messages

First let me prefice this post with a notation that I am no way am making any judgements or trying to argue any points of your situation.  SImply put the "system" is not just and any anger you may interpret from this post is geared at the system and not an anyone who endures any hardship from it.  That being said, my situation is a bit different:

I am a divorced mom of three - the court never ordered one DIME of support for my kids.  I worked three jobs to suppor them.  The ex said he would send money as he had some, instead he never saw the kids again, let the house that I left behind for him to live in (yes there was a court order for him to pay the mortgage on it) go back to the bank and he got "rid" of my dogs that I was to come back and get after I moved.  Rid = killed BTW, and never saw again = 12 years.

My current husband adopted my three kids, when we married, he also was married before and had a child of that marriage.  We have been through the wringer with that divorce, 12 years and over 100K in attorney fees etc.  The CS office "takes" what they feel is sufficient, as of now they take CS based upon a 1K week job when in fact my husband is a custodian in a school, trust me jobs are hard to come by as many will attest to.  My husband doe not have a college education only a trade school, but no matter how much we try and prove there is no college degree, they think we are lying and thus they imputed CS. With a court order addressing arrears, becasue the court system took 3.5 years to render a CS obligation, (the judge was off playing golf in England with my attorney at the time) we paid faithfully the ordered obligation plus arrears for 5 years, until the CS division came along one day and froze every dime we had,  becasue "they could".  We told them we had other children in the home, they said "their priority is the child of the first marraige not subsequent children".  So now the older kids are out in the military firghting for our country and I am having a hard time believing that they are fighting for our feedom and I do not know what that freedom is?  Is it a court system that did not support them, the same court system that had them rollerblading 14 miles a day to school for summer school or for their job becasue we could not aford the gas to transport them to/from school?  The same system that wanted to toss us out in the cold becasue we could not afford our rent when tehy froze our assets and then threatend to take our children away becasue of lack of living arrangements?  But we made it, we found a way to survive.

My whole point is this, the system is flawed and they will not admit it - they do what they want, how they want and when they want  - becasue as they say "we can."  

I agree there should be no child support, and my reasoning would be, if one parent passed away - who would pay the other CS to support the child?  When my parents divorced in 1965 my dad got custody and my mom was NOT ordered to pay CS, when I divorced in 96 the judge did not order my ex to pay CS for the three kids.  I survived as I was provided for by my dad, and I provided to  my kids.  

I also do not understand how CS can be orderd to maintain a home with CS, (which is as I see it ok to use that $$ for) but trying to keep a home here for us and our kids and a place for the Step child to come to is verging on impossible, oh and yea.........the ex got the home that my husband paid for 100% during their marraige so why does she need so much money every month?    

just my 2 cents...................

Here is my opimion:

1.  we pay the ex nearly 50% of hubby's paycheck for child.  When the divorce was final, she got the house and a new van that were 100% paid for with money hubby brought to the marriage, which is documented in the final order that she contributed NOTHING to the marriage financially, so her 1,000 a month in CS was for what?  The child wore torn ripped too small clothes to school and to us, she went out and purchased a new van.  The money we gave her was used to fight us in court for the last 12 years.

2.  Why do NCP's not get CS when child is with them?  NCP's have rent/mortgage to keep a home for the child to come visit, I doubt any court would allow parenting times if NCP lived in a box by the tracks.  Even when courts give 50% abatements for long parenting times when the child is with them it seems totally senseless that they have to pay CS for a child that is with them, when that money could be used to pay the increased costs of food, bills, clothes, movies, or vacations that are incurred whenthe child is with NCP.

3.  I remember a situation where my ex's father married a woman that had a child whose dad was wrongfully killed in a bike accident that awarded the child a large settlement.  Since the mother was mentally challanged, the funds were put in a trust and an attorney as executor of the trust.  The mother was to buy things for the child that were necessary and send the receipts to the attorney for reimbursement. My ex father in law used to stand outside department stores and pick up the receipts that fell to the ground and send them to the attorney to get the funds wrongfully.  How was anyone to determine what was actually for the child or not?  Thet's kinda like documenting the money isnt it?

I am not sure what the answer is or should be, it is too much of a gray area.  

no I am aware of it - and fully aware that this is one reason that our generation will not see an SS - becasue it was originally devised as old age survivor benefits.  It was "modified" over the years to include things that I personally do not agree with, as a child who loses a parent is not old in age.  

I did not ask my ex to provide ANY support for the three kids, the judge did not order a dime for any of the three kids, and I supported them with finacial adjustments for a long time until I remarried and my husband adopted them.  We survived without SS, without CS without the help of any agency whatsoever, I worked three jobs to support my children.

Proud Military mom of 1 Sgt Army Daugher, I Navy son, 1 Stepson, and 1 ambitious AF daughter.

I have not read all these posts but I want to add my three cents.

#1.  I am a child of divorce where my fahter got custody of me, my mother was never ordered nor paid any cs to my fahter.

#2. I have three kids by my first husband.  When we divorced the court did not order ANY cs to me for these children, I asked him simply to send what he could when he could and I would never ask for money from him.  Consequently, he let the house I left in our name he let it go back to the bank and never saw the kids again.  The last phone call from him was that he did not give a F*** about the kids.  That was 11 years ago.  My current husband adopted all three kids.

#3.  I always wondered how cs worked as in the case of an intact home that loses a parent to death, does not get any cs to continue to support the child in the means he is accustomed to.  Like the parent who's husband was injured they had to adjust to the different means of living to accomodate the lesser income.  Using this scenerio and the above I have long felt that we as humans have to do waht we have to do and not to extort money from the other parent which  usually leaves the NCP or Non residential parent living in squander and doing without many means to supoprt his / her child.  Thats robbing Peter to pay Paul.  

#4.  Under a court order how can the prosecutor seize and freeze funds from our retirement?  The situation was this; hubby lsot job, filed for CS mod, heard in court, court took THREE AND ONE HALF YEARS to render an order, severly putting us behind in cs support.  Once the order was filed with the court, specifying a weekly amount and a weekly amount towards the arrearage - the cs was paid on time every week for 5 years, then lo and behold the prosecuotr comes along adn seizes our funds becase as they said "we can do what we want" - the bottom line was that during this time my job was only 9 months out of the year I was currently off work, hubby making little we were adjusting to the new income, and told the prosecuotor that this was going to force us out of out apartment with a child as we could not pay rent, and that we had followed the courts orders for 5 years and when did the prosecutors order take precidence over a judges court order, their response was that "we don't care"  - a call to the state agency stated to me that the child of the first marraige was their businees and they did not care about the children of the second marriage, that only the first child had "rights".  I wish to heaven I had gotten that on tape!

#5.  Lastly - I have a real problem with the courts imputing money that "COULD" be made.  How can a court base an order on the unknown?  I always thought that court had to have FACTS to find an order, our court orders usually say "FINDINGS OF FACT".......I am sure if we all coud find that golden job where we can be secure with benefits and retirement and a comfortable lifestyle, I am sure we would be doing so. But to pay child suport based  on a 60,000/year job when you make 20,000 bacasue of a sucky economy and bacause as in our case we CHOSE to stay in teh vicinity to see the child and be involved in his life, takes 50% of hubby's income a week.  

Now I ask - is any of this fair?  Life brings us many challenges, we adapt, we go on.  As my Army Sgt daughter says, suck it up and move on.  Sometimes thatis all I can do.  There is little left to fight with, no money and little energy.

wow, I am sorry you took such exception to a toned down post.  I only offered an opinion.  Sorry to have trampled your toes.

"I just gave the "spirit" of the CO shall we say"

Please be careful with  this type of statement, if I might offer my 2 cents as we have been tied up in the court system for 15 years, and had our own go rounds wiht interpretations.......the spirit of a court order is different than the wording and it will be the exact wording that is held up in a court hearing.  Remember, the main concern here is the children and it would be to your benefit to try and make arrangements for the children to be covered and I would also consider some way to get a court order or notify the court to cover your butt in the event the mother tries to find a way to hold you in contempt.  I know COBRA is incredibly expensive and barely affordable, but if you are ordered to cover the child - consider short term medical policy to cover the child, you can get one for a few months that will cover catastrophic events only.  

I hope this helps.

in all actuality the court might take your sentiments of not being there but being a block away as a way to mock the courts original order and could get PO'd enough to make a really harsh order.  Sorry if this offends you, but we have been in he system for 14 years.  Let me give you an example of what I mean, BM did not list BF as the childs father on school records, the court asked BM why not, she said "becasue the form did not ask specifically for father, it says parent/guardian".  She got slapped with mulitple contempts and fined $1,500 for that comment and thinking.

I know there are laws re: phone recording, but not sure about person to person. HOWEVER, if there is such a law re: person to person, then why not tell your BF to purchase one and when she starts to mouth off, tell him to take it out of his pocket - hold it up adn tell her - "I am recording this".  It will do 2 things, one give her the knowledge that she is being recorded, and 2.. to either shutup or continue to shout.  In either case it can work to his benefit.  

if the reason you go is for witness issues, (trust me we have all done this) perhaps not going would calm things, however a point to consider is purchasing a digital voice recorder, so that your BF can record the pick ups and drop offs and have something to work for him in the event it is necessary.