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My husband pays cs to a woman that does drugs and is an alcoholic.  She doesn't have those nice clothes or a nice house.  My SD has always lived the poor life while her mother gets her durgs and so forth.  Yes, I would like to know what is spent to my SD also.  This woman has everyone so scared of her that we can't even find anyone to help us out and go against her in court.  

Anyone every go through this?  What did you do and what happened?  Sexual abuse.

Exactly what kind of information can you find out?  Do you get to know everything or bits and pieces of info?

I never said that he didn't love her, he does.  Same situation in my family.  My sister and brother don't know that our father isn't really thier bio father.  If I was in their shoes, I would want to know.  On the other hand, if she were to find out that my dh wasn't really her father then it would "wipe out" his family of truly being hers, in a bio. way.  We are really torn about this.  In this type of situation someone always finds out and tells.  I found out about my brother and sister but when I was an adult.  We think a teenager in the family knows and are concerned that he might tell.  We can't ask the teenager because then we'll be telling him in  asking the question.  I hear of couples that adopt tell their children from the beginning so that they don't have to find out at a later age.  They just grow up knowing the truth.  

We found out a while ago that she isn't his.  DH doesn't know who she belongs to and the ex doesn't know that the test was done.  We lied to the daughter saying the test was for something else (home kit).  She is 13 now.  When should she learn the truth?  Obviously she doesn't have the same medical history that my dh has and we don't know who's medical history she has.  Does it matter that she find out?  What about future children for her?  It would have been better if she would have known from the beginning then this wouldn't be an issue but the mother never told the truth.  DH suspected but he didn't know for sure either.  

I don't know all of your situation but if you stay the loving father your kids may want to come and live with you someday if you don't get full custody of them now.  My ss moved in with us 2 years ago.  He talked about it when he turned 12 and changed his mind.  Now he is 16 and is here for good.  We always thought that it would happed but were surprised when it did.  

Maybe if it all worked out when she will be there for a long period of time.  Spring break, summer vacation?  Mine came to live with us over summer vacation and never left!  Yes his mother was very upset.  Of course we got blamed for it all and we didn't know he was even planning on staying.  I've never met anyone worse than her but I could almost feel her pain, her rejection.  It just about killed her but it's what he needed to do.  I feel for you all.  Good luck