Messages

quick question- I hope- have you ever heard of any state doing this?  My child support is through NJ court order, but is collected in TX where I now live.  I had some arrears to pay- and did so- they were paid in full about 2 months ago.  The new WRIT of witholding only just went out last week- and has not yet been put into place- thus I have been overpaying for going on 3 months.  The sum is not large, but it is still an overpay- roughly 200.00 at this point.  I asked NJ to tell me how to recoup this overpayment. They are not wanting to do it.  They are willing to go back, audit my account, talk to TX and then let me know- but clearly by the telephone conversation they do not want to help me get the overpayment back.  Is this normal?  Do you know of a process I can use on my own to recoup these monies...I feel very upset that the system is not willing to help me get back my monies that they took from my paycheck, but if the CP was owed the money I am thinking they would be more than willing to go after the sum- no matter what it was.  They actually suggested I call my ex and just ask her to pay me back the money she was over paid- my ex will not even speak to me- let alone cut me a check.  Just wanted some insight from you- Thanks

I have three questions - I submitted a parenting plan to the court, in my most recent filing and asked them to approve the plan.

Today I received the court order and it does not even address the plan- does not GRANT nor DENY it.  Not mentioned at all.

1-Should I send an appeal back to ask that the court address this issue?

Second question- I thought that State Law in NJ did not allow for the CP to take the minor child out of the state for vacation without notification to the NCP.  My ex has been doing this on a regular basis and even removing our child from school to vacation- I asked the court to grant that the CP not be allowed to remove the child from school for reasons other than illness/death and that the CP discuss with me -prior- to any out of state vacations. (Except in the case of the TRIstate area NJ NY PA- I had asked that this only required a call as travel in that area is pretty common and would be expected).

The order came back like this:
Plaintiff's application to enforce litigants rights with respect to Defendnant traveling with the minor child out of the State of NJ and to prohibit Defendant from removing the child from school for reasons other than illness / death, is hereby DENIED.  Defendant is to provide Plaintiff with written notice of any vacations thirty (30) days prior to said vacation.


2- Did I, in the court's eyes, basically get what I was seeking- That she could not just take our child on a trip - no notice, no discussion, no way to know where he is?  And that she stop taking him out of school for vacations (he misses upwards of 8-12 days a year, many of which are for vacations)

I have an order in place that orders her to allow me daily telephone contact with our son.  She has a longstanding history of taking him out of town, out of state, on vacation without telling me when and where and in turn not allowing me the daily telephone access.

I am not sure if I have, in legal language, what I was seeking- it sounds fine to me, but will it hold up in court- should she go ahead and do one of her disappearing acts again.


Final question-

When the court state
"Plaintiff's application to enforce litigant's rights with respect to the Court Orders of July 2005 and August 2005 which enforced rights to the following: "joint legal custody" of the minor child, that Defendant not do anything to estrange the child from the other parent, that Defendant not do anything to estrange the child from the other parent, that Defendant not do anything to impeded the natural development of the parent-child relationship, and counselor, is hereby denied in part.  Plaintiff's application for the court to appoint a counselor for Defendant is herby DENIED.  Defendnant is ORDERED to provide either written authorization to the son's healthcare providers to communicate with Plaintiff regarding the son's treatment, or else for Defendant to provide to Plaintiff more detailed information regarding the son's treatment beyond names and phone numbers of the doctors.  Defendant is also ORDERED to not interfere with the Plaintiff's relationship with the son, or attempt to estrange the son from the Plaintiff."

3--What are they actually saying???

I think I get it, that she needs to sign off on the psychologist talking to me, which he refuses to do.

3a--But on the issue of estrangement- she does so much to pull him away from me, ranging from refusing to speak to me- by yelling at him that she wont talk to me- to telling him to lie to me- to refusing to acknolwedge his brothers of my current marriage and refusing to allow our son to celebrate father's day or my birthday- to refusing to allow him to acknowledge his grandparents (on my side)- and throwing out gifts they send- etc.  So here forward how do you bring to the court issues of estrangement in a manner that states the issue and proves it- WITHOUT seeming petty-----??  And will it be something she can be found in contempt on, based on the above wording??


Thanks

>
>>Am I misunderstanding the court and how they function?
>
>This question suggests a certain amount of anger towards the
>system that is counterproductive. The system is what it is, so
>get over it.
>
>Don't go to court with a chip on your shoulder, or the judge
>will just knock it off for you. Keep things framed as to how
>they affect the child and you will be on stronger ground. As
>soon as you start making it all about you, that's when the
>court will pound you into the sand.


Thank you for your constant candor- I appreciate the fresh eyes on the subject and although I'd like to think I keep it about the child, I too see, when I start to slip over to the dark side!!  That is why I try to write these things 3, 4, 5, or even 10 times-rough draft style, before I submit a final copy- I edit edit edit- often from 30 pages down to just 3 or 4...It often just feels good to write the initial one- with everything pouring out- and then edit it down to facts and how it relates to my son- once I get it all out of my system.  But again- Thanks for your honesty.

One last question- Just noticed on the certification of defendant that she has indicated the WRONG docket number.  Will this throw her response out of the system???  Do I need to contact the court directly to find out what this means???

Thanks-

Here is the question.  My child lives in NJ with my ex and the court orders are all out of NJ.  For a time I lived in New England and during that time , 2.5 years, my ex and I negotiated a visitation plan and it was entered into record with the courts.  Pretty standard, alt weekends, alt school vacations and alt holidays , mothers day with mom , fathers day with dad and each to spend time with child on his birthday.  Mid week visitation upon notice.

Since that order I have relocated to TX.

My ex and I are having many many issues and are in the midst of the third motion in 6 months (I have written to you on some of these issues before).

Today I rcvd her response to my motion and in it she makes the following statement, which to me sounds out in left field...can you tell me if she has any grounds to think in these terms:
(note I submitted to the court a version of the parenting plan that is avail on this website, which dealt directly with the issues we are facing)

....'I would ask that the court disregard the Plaintiff's proposed parenting plan.  The Plaintiff is trying to micro-manage time with our son.  Since the Plaintiff has moved to Texas, the visitation arrangements have been and currently are four weeks during summer recess and alternating Christmas recess, to occur in Texas.  If the Plaintiff moves closer to our son, visitation terms can be renegotiated as they have been in the past.'

My ex is under the impression first of all that my visitation has changed because I moved, is this an accurate viewpoint?

No change to visitation has ever been filed, so I am under the impression my visitation stands as ordered, specifically alternating school breaks and holidays as well as 4 weeks consecutive or non consecutive and (nowhere in the order does it specify in what state visitation is to take place)

My ex has continually manipulated the courts words, which is why I am asking for the parenting plan to be put into effect- so she and I can have clear expectations of what is expected and when and what the penalty will be for failure to comply (i.e. contempt)

Am I expecting too much?

Am I misunderstanding the court and how they function?

Need to respond to her in 2 days to meet my deadline- THANKS!

>
>>Am I misunderstanding the court and how they function?
>
>This question suggests a certain amount of anger towards the
>system that is counterproductive. The system is what it is, so
>get over it.
>
>Don't go to court with a chip on your shoulder, or the judge
>will just knock it off for you. Keep things framed as to how
>they affect the child and you will be on stronger ground. As
>soon as you start making it all about you, that's when the
>court will pound you into the sand.


Thank you for your constant candor- I appreciate the fresh eyes on the subject and although I'd like to think I keep it about the child, I too see, when I start to slip over to the dark side!!  That is why I try to write these things 3, 4, 5, or even 10 times-rough draft style, before I submit a final copy- I edit edit edit- often from 30 pages down to just 3 or 4...It often just feels good to write the initial one- with everything pouring out- and then edit it down to facts and how it relates to my son- once I get it all out of my system.  But again- Thanks for your honesty.

One last question- Just noticed on the certification of defendant that she has indicated the WRONG docket number.  Will this throw her response out of the system???  Do I need to contact the court directly to find out what this means???

Thanks-

Here is the question.  My child lives in NJ with my ex and the court orders are all out of NJ.  For a time I lived in New England and during that time , 2.5 years, my ex and I negotiated a visitation plan and it was entered into record with the courts.  Pretty standard, alt weekends, alt school vacations and alt holidays , mothers day with mom , fathers day with dad and each to spend time with child on his birthday.  Mid week visitation upon notice.

Since that order I have relocated to TX.

My ex and I are having many many issues and are in the midst of the third motion in 6 months (I have written to you on some of these issues before).

Today I rcvd her response to my motion and in it she makes the following statement, which to me sounds out in left field...can you tell me if she has any grounds to think in these terms:
(note I submitted to the court a version of the parenting plan that is avail on this website, which dealt directly with the issues we are facing)

....'I would ask that the court disregard the Plaintiff's proposed parenting plan.  The Plaintiff is trying to micro-manage time with our son.  Since the Plaintiff has moved to Texas, the visitation arrangements have been and currently are four weeks during summer recess and alternating Christmas recess, to occur in Texas.  If the Plaintiff moves closer to our son, visitation terms can be renegotiated as they have been in the past.'

My ex is under the impression first of all that my visitation has changed because I moved, is this an accurate viewpoint?

No change to visitation has ever been filed, so I am under the impression my visitation stands as ordered, specifically alternating school breaks and holidays as well as 4 weeks consecutive or non consecutive and (nowhere in the order does it specify in what state visitation is to take place)

My ex has continually manipulated the courts words, which is why I am asking for the parenting plan to be put into effect- so she and I can have clear expectations of what is expected and when and what the penalty will be for failure to comply (i.e. contempt)

Am I expecting too much?

Am I misunderstanding the court and how they function?

Need to respond to her in 2 days to meet my deadline- THANKS!

Ok- so for now anyway I am not going to get the records.  I will attempt to have the next counselor get the information needed to properly help our son.

In the meantime the issue now is, my ex is refusing to make calls to choose a psychologist and refusing to take our son to see one, if I am involved in the choice in anyway.

This is a direct violation of not only the court order, but also of the clarification letter sent by the court that stated "the defendant, the CP, would need to call on psychologist, present a list of choices to Plaintiff(me) and together we would need to choose one for our son."

The letter goes on further to say that if I feel the defendant is not following the courts direction then I would need to file another motion with the court.

The question is that I currently have a motion on file with the court, due to be heard DEC 16, and at the time I filed I thought my ex was going to take our son to counseling.  Now that I have learned differently I need to know if it is possible to ADD information to a pending motion

The clerk confused me as she said I could IF the item I was adding was related to the motion filed, but if it was an entirely new issue I would have to file a new motion.

The motion before the court is for Enforcement of Litigants Rights- re the same order of Aug 2005 and the follow up order of Oct 2005 (as my ex has not adhered to any part of the orders), However I did not spell out 'our sons' counseling as an issue, I only addressed my ex's counseling.  The order was for both my son and my ex to attend counseling.

I know I am splitting hairs, but I am tired of having to refight for everything I am granted, solely because she makes up her mind to not do it and just keeps getting away with it.

This was ordered in AUG 2005 and I would like to get it resolved as soon as possible.


This is New Jersey- just fyi.


Also, do you have any idea how many contempt orders often have to be filed before a judge gets ticked and puts in place his own stipulations (you know the box on the form that allows for "Such relief as the court may deem equitable and just")

I am wondering if I am not asking for the right relief(s).

Happy Holidays!  And thanks for all you do!

Thanks for all help on previous item posted.  This is separate question.

The court clerk has advised me that the judge dealing with our case, New Jersey, will not consider a change of custody from a PRO SE litigant.

Is that legal?  perhaps better question Is that the norm in NJ?

I rcvd an email from my ex tonight telling me to 'get off my a**' and call the damn psychologist myself, she won't do it.  (Despite court order to do it, and a separate letter direct from the judge advising that she MUST do it)  This is one of many examples of her unwillingness to do the following:
1- communicate  2-allow visitation  3-micro manage my time with my child  4-include me in his life (tries to place step father in roles that call for Father, ie special ceremonies, and events, school functions etc)  along with other items.

If I am on the 3rd Pro Se motion in 6 months, and she has refused to follow any, nor has she followed the Court's decision from 2001 or 2002 then the time may be to file for change of custody.  

Not sure if should try or should try to gather the $5000 retainer for the attorney?  (which yes would be a struggle!!)

I am seeing what you are saying and I need to think about this a bit.

Half of me is furious that this psychologist is seeing the child without my consent and then withholding info- and then half of me sees what you say and realize he can just turn over whatever he wants to.

I am trying to get another counselor, but the ex refuses to cooperate- thus the new court date- one of 3 contempt charges I am trying to have enforced.

It all seems so ridiculous because all I want is what I was already granted and why I have to FIGHT for what the papers already say i.e. visitation, parenting rights, right to be his dad, etc is just eating me up

And each time I have to hear him speak words that flow directly from his mother to me- it eats me up to know how she uses him.

You have given me good advice to think on and I will go from there- Thank you for your time and for all you do on this site.  It has helped me maintain clear thinking in some veryyyy mucky waters.

>All fees means all fees for therapy, not all fees to consult with the
>parents. Unless the other parent was being punished by the court for
 >some prior wrong by ordering the fees to that parent


That is exactly the case here, (sorry- should have known to tell you that).  The court is sanctioning her for estrangement, failure to comply with visitation, and excluding me from major decisions.  The discussion with the therapist was to advise him of what the court ordered and he advised THAT was NOT what the other party had told him and that that would involve more sessions than he had originally thought, so he wanted to get all the issues on the table.  All I did in the conversation was advise him of the court's decision and the issues they wanted addressed.  The time on the fone was only 15 minutes, and I have documentation of that conversation (due to long distance call)

This counseling and payment was a sanction, along with a $1500.00 sanction directly to me for failure to place the child on his flight for visitation.

This is the 8th order of contempt against my ex, on a variety of issues.

I see what you are saying is making sense, but in light of how the court has ruled on this, I wonder if that changes things at all.  

I reread what you said about making friends with the counselor and I have to tell you, that time has probably come and gone.  Clearly he thinks I am a horrible person and has NEVER wanted to work with me, he is counselor to the step father and the mother and just had nothing nice to say to me since day one.  I agreed to his providing counseling, with a bad feeling in my stomach- and now I wonder if I should have listened to my gut.

I appreciate hearing an unbiased 3rd party's take on this- as it helps me refocus and see things from the outside-  THANKS!