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So, we went to court this morning, and we have to pay back 2 1/2 years worth of child support.  Word to the wise, don't make agreements outside of court b/c they don't mean a thing.  We had the child 50% of the time, we paid all day care when he went (which was calculated in child support) and we bought his jackets, coats and shoes as well as sent over bags of clothes for his mom's house.  All that stuff was considered a gift, and even though BM wrote and signed an agreement that there would be no child support and she would file to stop it, since we didn't do any of that through the courts we are stuck paying her a bunch of money.  Even the judge said it was sad.  I swear, sometimes the system is so screwed up.  

But the plus side is, we have the kid.  I'd rather have him than the $11,000 anyday.  And, we can pay it off in small monthly payments, interest free.  Plus DH wasn't found as being in contempt b/c of the written agreement.  

We go to court next week for the custody appeal (we won the custody hearing 6 mos. ago), so any prayers are appreciated.  We're hoping to settle out of court before then, but we'll see.  

I could be wrong here, but can't you still file to fight the move if you want?  Our CO stated that each parent must notify the other at least 30 before any change in address.  However, when the BM wanted to change her address to another state, some 4 hours away, we filed to stop her.  It could be that she is required to give you 90 days notice so that you have enough time to file before she moves.  

Since the BM is the one moving, I think it would be reasonable for you to request that she cover the transportation costs, or at least split them  If you have kept up your EOW visitation, and she's moving too far away for EOW to be realistic, then file to update the visitation schedule due to change in circumstance.  If you and BM have a good relationship, you could probably discuss everything in mediation rather than fighting it out in court.  But either way, make sure you cover yourself by getting it through the courts.  

What your son needs to do is get a credit report from 1 or even all 3 of the credit bureaus.  this is free for him to do once a year.  He also needs to ask that the credit bureaus place what's called a fraud alert on his credit file.  (I believe he only has to request this through one of the bureaus and then they will notify the other 2.) This way when anyone (including him) applies for credit with his information, he will be notified before his information is released.  Usually credit card companies will ask for extra verification when they see you have a fraud alert.  

Once he gets his report, he needs to call any company that has an account that he believes she opened fraudulently.  More than likely, if they were living together when the account was opened, he will still be held responsible for the account.  This is because it is considered "friendly fraud" or a domestic situation and the credit card comapnies won't get involved.  Even if the courts split up their assets and debts, and they order her to pay, if your son's name is on the account, the company will still hold him responsible.  A way around this is to get the BM to sign a letter of responsibilty accepting full responsiblilty for the accounts (check with the credit card company to make sure that they offer this, most do.)  

Tell your son to get moving on this NOW.  The longer he waits, the more debt she will be able to rack up, and he could end up paying for it in the long run.  Also, customer service reps are easier to deal with than collection reps, so it'll make it easier on him if he calls the company before it gets to collections.  

Good luck!

Isn't it fun when they show their true colors in court?  I would much rather have her be reasonable all the time, but if she's gonna be a PBFH then at least let the judge see it.  
My SS's bM was ridiculous when we were in court.  She had such an attitude with our attorney that the judge stopped her at one point and  told her not to talk to our attorney that way.  BM honestly thought she was going to go in there and lie and come out smelling like a rose.  But we had done our homework, and our attorney was able to catch her in her lies.  After all the hell she's put us through I wish I could have been in there as she dug herself deeper.   I'll tell you, she's no rose.  If anything she is the thorn in everyone's side.
So take the memory of her making an A.. out of herself and keep it in your mind to pull up wehnever she gets on your nerves.  It may not make up for all she's done, but it sure is good for a laugh.

Well, you can still keep a written journal of what she said on what dates.  We do that, and our attorney will use that in court because we can tell the date and specifics of the conversation.  If your recording conversations though, you are already keeing track of what was said when.  I have a feeling that it wouldn't be as good in court as a written letter, because it could easily turn into a he said/ she said deal.  You say that you talked to her on xx/xx day and she said X, she lies in court and says that she actually said Y.  If you have the letters, there is no denying what you asked for.  
I can understand not wanting to do the letters though.  My husband and I haven't started down that road, b/c once you start that direction its really hard to turn around.  It has its plus side, but also has some negatives.  

I might suggest communicating with her in writing.  A friend of mine does all communication with her SS's BM in writing.  That way you can document in writing what days you have asked for.   And even if she answers you verbally, you can keep a calendar of what days you have your stepkids.  Then you have your ducks in a row for court- 1. the original order to show the time you should have, 2. the request in writing for your time, 3. the calendar to show the time you got.  That way you don't need her to admit she denied you time, you can show it.  

You may want to ask your attorney if it is enough to take her to court on though.  I have heard some people say to only go to court for the big stuff, but I've also heard of people saying they go for every violation.  I'm not sure which is better, but I do understand the arguments for both ways of thinking.

Also, be careful if you start down the road of communicating by writing, b/c with my friend that is now the only way they can communicate with the BM.  While I think it is less stressful for the adults and keeps things more cordial for them, it makes things harder for her SD (she never sees her mom and dad talk to each other which causes nmore stress for her.)

Good luck!

Hopewell.  
It's nerve-racking, isn't it?  You go through all the stress of preparing for the first trial.  You worry up until the moment the judge says you've won.  You spend the next week pinching yourself to make sure its not a dream.  You start to settle in to life again, and then you find out you have to go through an appeal.  Its like you're starting all over.  And at least at the first trial, we had the element of surprise.  BM had no idea we'd found about the trouble she'd been getting in.  This time she knows what we've got on her.  I guess it shouldn't matter though, the facts are still the same.  Actually, now we can show the improvement in SS's school behavior.  It's amazing the difference between last year when he lived with his mom and was getting notes sent home more days than not, and this year with him living with us, and he has had 2 notes in 2 months.  I'm sure the judge will find that interesting.  
Good luck, you'll have to keep us posted on how it goes.  

The best advice I can give you is to go through the courts.  You'll need to get an attorney, but it will be worth it.  We tried working things out with our BM outside of court, but it always came down to her selfish wants.  She would agre to give us more than our visitation of every other weekend, but anytime she got upset about something or decided she didn't feel like letting us have him she would keep us from SS.  
We actually had a signed notarized agreement (outside of the courts) to have joint custody (50/50 time) and no child support paid by either party.  Even though we had that on paper, it didn't mean a thing since the last order through the courts only gave us visitation and had us paying child support.  The only time that we could enforce was the every other weekend.  And when we filed for custody this summer she filed a show cause for unpaid child support.  We won custody, but still have a few months until our c/s case.  Our lawyer has told us to be prepared to have to pay back 2.5 years of child support.  
If we could go back in time, we would have done so much differently.   Don't wait, b/c you'll end up looking back and wishing you had done something sooner.
Oh and make sure to keep a calendar of when you have your SD.   Also take notes of all your conversations with BM, especially those when she agrees to additional time for y'all, and when she renigs in those agreements.  

We won our custody case in VA 9/13/06, and BM has filed an appeal.  Our attorney also told us that it's like a whole new trial.  I think our case has gotten stronger now though since BM no longer has a car or her own place.  She is living with her parents and when my SS goes to spend the night he has to sleep on their living room couch.  Doesn't seem to me that she has a lot to offer.  
What part of VA are you in?

Keep taking the high road.  It really is the best thing for your child.   I see the stress my SS goes through because his mom keeps trying to put him in the middle.  I think all she sees is that SS is on her side if she can get him to believe that we're mean parents.  The only person she's hurting in the long run is her son.  
But I know that eventually my SS will see what's really going on.  He'll start to notice that Mommy is the one that is selfish.  Sure, she can buy new clothes for herself and get her hair done but she lets her child look like a bum.  I'd love to see her put him in clothes that aren't 2 sizes too big or 2 sizes too small or full of holes.  And sure its fun to have less rules, but isn't it nice to be able to stay awake at school, b/c you weren't up half the night watching movies?   He'll see that Daddy was always consistent.  Daddy made sure he was dressed nicely and played sports.  Daddy is always honest (without involving him in adult matters).  And Daddy doesn't talk down about the people SS loves.  
What's weird is, SS is happy at our house, except when he gets on the phone with his mom.  As soon as he gets on the phone with her his tone of voice changes into a depressed tone.  My opinion?  He knows that she doesn't think he can be happy unless he's with her and he doesn't want to let her down.  Proof of this?  she wrote him a letter when we got custody and said "I'll make any sacrifice so that we can be happy again."  It's sad that it makes her feel better to think her son is depressed.  
Anyways, sorry for the vent.  If you can do equal time with your ex definitely do that.  My SS benefitted so much when he split his time equally between his 2 homes.  (Of course we can't do that now that his mom moved, plus she is mentally unstable.)  Keep being consistent and loving your son.  Be honest with him, but don't talk bad about his mom.  In the long run you'll have a much better relationship for it.