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Messages - maid marion

#11
Visitation Issues / RE: God given rights
May 26, 2006, 08:14:07 AM
Tough situation.
You mention God given rights....Gift from heaven.....God given right.
START PRAYING! Don't call God in only when He makes your position sound better, call him in prayer to help you find your child. He'll accomplish what's best in his time and in his way.
Also, remeber that your little one has an established pattern in her life and that unfortunately doesn't include you. Go slow when you find her. Reassure her that your not there to take her away from the family and freinds she knows and loves. They are her safety net and pulling that out from under her when you do find her will not help your relationship grow. If you can, try and fit yourself into the life she has now and get along with the others in it to the best of your ability and build a strong trusting relationship with her. She'll eventually know that you are a safe person and love her and won't neccessarily take her away from the people she loves. It will probably take years to accomplish but if she's only 6 then she's and you have many many many years ahead of you. Make the investment in your relationship now and it will blossom on it's own later in life.
Good luck and God bless,
Maid Marion
#12
This is a really long string and I hope I took it all in and recall it all properly as I write this.
Quick background. We had jointustody with placement of our child with him. I had a more stable work history than him so I went back to work after she was born. 1 year into it though, things got real tight finacially. I was working 50-55 hours a week to pay his child support to his 1st ex, paying his attorney fees while he fought with her in court, supporting a household of 4 here at home and supporting his other 3 children when they were here which was quite often. I for a year I asked him to get a part time job to help out but he refused. Needless to say he ended up with placement of our child in the divorce because he was considered the stay home parent not me.
After the divorce I put up with 2 years of him bullying me around and doing whatever he damn well felt like doing. Each time I asked myself....is what he's doing having a negative impact on our child?
A few examples......
He made me provide all transportation to and from visits. Fair? Absolutely not. But It gave me more time with my child,as I knew that I would be gettting her at the right time each visit.(Not sitting around waiting for him to take his sweet time to drop her off) No negative impact.
Enrolled her in preschool against my wishes. I wanted to wait 1 more year so she was a bit older and could tell us if she was being abused or neglected. No negative impact. Education is a good thing.
Refused to let me go to her doctor visits with them. No negative impact. I just called the doctor periodically and got a report.
On and On for 2 years.
Then he started to get out of control.
Attempted to cut into our time together. Negative impact? you betcha! took him to court and won.
Switched her schools because he couldn't get along with the staff. Negative impact? Yup! Took him to court. Judge said put her back where she was.
refused to allow me to be her daycare provider when he wasn't available. Negative impact? Damn right! No need for her to be with sitter and rack up child care expenses when I, her BM am available. Took him to court. Judge said I could be her daycare provider.
On and on he went and on and on I took him to court if I felt that his actions were affecting her negatively.
Eventually he tried to move to another state and the jugde said no. He left anyways and now I have sole custody and he is in prison facing felony child snatching charges.
The point is this.........Don't waste your time and money going to court if what's happening is only impacting you negatively. We all know that lifes not fair so why waste effort time and money trying to make it fair. Eat the principal bullet and go on.
But if what is happening is impacting your child negatively then get up off the couch and find some resourses and try to stop it. Even if you can't your soul will rest easier knowing that you tried to right a wrong.
Keep looking at your child and as long as she/he is smiling back then things are o.k. no matter what in justice has been done.
Good luck to you all,
Maid Marion
#13
Visitation Issues / RE: visitation
Mar 27, 2006, 08:11:18 AM
Great idea about communication through the mail. That way I can monitor what their telling her. Thanks. You thoughts are most helpful
Maid Marion
#14
Visitation Issues / visitation
Mar 27, 2006, 04:57:39 AM
I have sole custody of my child. My ex attempted, through the court, to relocate to florida with our child. The court denied his request but he and his parents attempted to snatch her anyways and took off in the middle of the night with her. They were pulled over in Jacksonville florida and I flew down and got her and brought her home. Hence, I now have sole custody. The grand mother continues to call every weekend. She asks for my daughter in the sweetest voice like the whole thing never happened. I don't answer the phone so I don't talk with her. My question is.....do I have to allow her to have contact with my child? I know that my child loves her grammy (she's 6 years old ) but she doesn't understand the severity of what they attempted to do. She thinks it's somehow her fault because she wanted to go to florida to visit her grammy. These people are not stable individuals and I fear that they'll try it again or say things to her to confuse her even more. She's been through enough and if I have the right to not allow her to be put through anymore than I want to exercise that right and protect her from these people. Any comments or legal responses are welcomed.
maid amrion
#15
That's a lot of info to take in and a bit confusing but if I get the gist of it then what your saying is that your son is not in a good enviroment at all and if what you've written is true then he definately needs to be pulled out of there.
I can only suggest that you HAVE GOT TO SOMEHOW document all these things because hearsay is not going to do it. Get any and all police reports on her and her mother and her roomates. Copy the web site if that's possible. If your state allows it then record all converasions with her. You didn't say wether or not you have visitation with your son but if you do than document them and if she's denying you your vistation then document that also. Get a court transcript of her purdging herself on the stand. It might help. Definately get copies of your son's medical and school records. Your entitled to these under federal law but I can't recall the law. Maybe someone else on this site will know.
As far as the judge not hearing anything, it's probably because he's not willing to rule on something and then later have it thrown out or reversed due to her not having proper representation. If I were you I would start getting some free consultations with other attorneys and see what they say.
You had better have clean hands yourself because when you do eventually get before a judge with all of this then you can bet that she'll dig up any and all dirt on you that she can find.
As far as the criminal thing with the police, that's going to end up being a 50/50 shot but don't let it stop your from atleast trying.
 What is going to matter to a justice more than anything else is the welfare of this boy so your objective should be to show that he's better of under your care and supervision that under hers. That's what it's all going to boil down to in the end.
Good luck and God Bless,
Maid Marion
#16
Custody Issues / RE: What father rights?
Aug 03, 2006, 05:45:00 AM
Her backing out of the agreement is a reflection of her character not yours. You've obviously been able to get along for all this time so please don't damage that now for the sake of your child. (How old is your child?)
I would definately close her access to your account but definately do not deny your child support. Instead, send the support yourself and avoid a big fight. Sometimes as separated parents one has to bite the principle bullet to keep the peace and you'll be a better person for it. It may not be right but it's the right response to the situation. Do whatever you have to do to keep a good relationship with your child. Maybe you could consider moving back to FL. yourself but if that's not reasonable due to your current situation then just remember.........you and your child managed to get through those years that your ex lived in TX and if you keep on keeping on then you'll get through these years in FL. Is it possible that you and ex can somehow create more time for you with the little one?
Whatever you choose to do just remember......if your looking at your child and he/she is smiling back then things are going ok!
God Bless,
Maid Marion
#17
Custody Issues / RE: sole custody rights
May 31, 2006, 04:24:51 AM
There is currently a NCO through the Superior Court. He can only have contact through his supervised visits. He has violated the NCO and is currently incarcerated waiting a hearing on the matter. He will go to trial for the snatching charges sometime in June. The district Attorneys office is prosecuting him on the charges. I have an attorney for the family court end of it.
#18
Custody Issues / RE: sole custody rights
May 30, 2006, 05:00:41 PM
If kidnapping a child and taking her from her NCP who has been more involved in her life than Cp isn't neglect then the definition needs to be re-writen. He thinks about nothing but his own self and bases all his choices around what is good for him. He did it to his other 3 children and he's has been and is continuing to do it to her. I didn't have to agree to any contact at all but chose to agree to 2 hours a week supervised. He has sinse cancelled the visits with her for no reason that anyone can verify. There is no court order stopping him from these visits yet he stops them himself. As far as the visits being supervised..what would you have done had your ex tried to kidnapp your child/children.
#19
Custody Issues / RE: sole custody rights
May 30, 2006, 04:54:41 PM
2 Hours a week supervised but he cancelled them on her.
#20
Don't know what state you hail from but in my state of r.i. child support payments, wether they're being made or not, has no bearing on visitation.
As far as the non-compliance with your requests, if it's not an order of the court that he has to comply with then, that also probably has no effect on visitation.
The no licence is an issue but if he makes suitable arrangments for transporting your child then he'll probably still get to visit.
 In my state, the only way to change custody is if there is a substantial change in circumstances. And even then it might be a change that you feel is substancial but the court may not.
 Sorry if I sound like I'm trying to bring you down but I've been in the system for awhile and I can't tell you how many times I went to court with the highest of hopes only to have them dashed when the court didn't see it the way I did. Either way, hang in there and keep focused on what's best for your little one and don't make decisions based on any anger you might have toward the X and eventually things will work out and get better. It took me 4 years to get sole custody of my little one and the hell I went through along the way was incredable. But I kept focused on what was best for her and not my feelings for my X. Good luck.
Maid Marion