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Dear Soc,

BM took daughter from my home in Jan. where she was living 75% of the time and moved with her 40 miles away. She refused to let me see her and I was finally able to get a temp visitation order for every other weekend. We were never married and there were never any court orders.
I think may be an issue of jeoulousy because I am newly married and have a new son.
I have filed for primary physical and joint legal custody.
When BM moved she put my daughter in a Russian preschool. (this is where her family is from) and stated "me and my mother decided this is best for her". I was not consulted at all. The school is taught entirly in Russian.

My questions are:
1. If I lose my case and am made to pay child support, will I have to pay for part of this?
The reason I question if I would or not is because it is not necessary, I was given no say and it is something her mother and grandmother put her in so she could learn their language.

2. The tuition for this school is extremly high. If I am made to pay child support could I request that she be put in a daycare with a more reasonable tuition rate?

Yes I have an attorney
The case I have pending is for custody. The trial date is set in October 2006. I am asking for primary physical and joint legal custody.

I am filing another temp motion because BM tell me she doesn't need to let daughter talkto me because according to the temp order visitation is all I get.

Why am I "losing it at every turn" (the game)?
Am I doing something wrong?

I was told that here in VA, since once you sign birth certificate you are established as father, both parents have equal rights to the child unless you have a court order and it states otherwise. We have not been to court for our trial. I have raised my daughter her entire life up until her mom took her and moved out of state in January. The only reason I have visitation now is because I went to court for a temp. order since BM was not allowing me to see her at all.

Will this game of keep-away harm her in court? Because it is surely not acting in the best interest of our daughter.

Soc, you misunderstood my post.

Daughter is under my insurance and I created an account for her at a pediatric dentist covered by my insurance.

I received a call from the dentist yesterday since the account is in my name and they told me  that BM had called and changed appt. and was this okay with me.

BM did not notify me at all, in fact the reason she changed it was so I would not know about it and would not be able to go.

She has been playing a cruel and painful game of keepaway with my daughter and myself.

I am a very reasonable person, if she had simply called me and said a certain time worked better for her thats fine, but her intentions weren't that at all. Her intentions were to take my daughter without my knowledge (as she has been doing with all medical appointments recently) and then have me find out after the fact.

I have written to you before but just to give you a quck background:
I am in the middle of a custody battle with my ex (we were never married) for my 4 year old daughter. She is refusing me all contact and all information related to my daughter. I was able to get temp. visitation of every other weekend, but ex will not allow me to speak to, see, or give me any information about daughter's school, appointments, etc.

My daughter had a dentist appointment scheduled for Sat. (she is under my insurance) to get two cavities filled. I got a call from the dentist to day saying my ex had called and moved the appointment to tomorrow mid-day and was that ok. I told them no, to please leave it for Saturday (The only reason they called me for permission is because I told them when I created the account to please inform me of all changes and appointments made without my knowledge).

I them called BM and asked why she did this and informed her that I told them to leave the appointment as was. She proceeded to cuss me out and told me that she would then find a different dentist who was willing to do the work tomorrow and hung up.

I received a call back and she told me she had made an apoointment for tomorrow. I asked her for the location and she hung up. I followed up by sending her an email with the same request.

Questions:
1. What should I do? Can a dentist fix cavities on a child they have never seen before? I thought the procedure was you first have to go for a check-up and then they schedule a later date for the cavity filling?

2. I told her in the email that any appt. that is made that is out of network with my insurance and I am not made aware of, I would not pay for. Can she make me pay for this? There is no court order yet.

3. Should I call around some dentists in the area and try to locate where she is taking her or just leave it alone?

1. So should I have someone (like my wife) sit in the car and videotape what happens at the exchange?

2. Would the fcat that my daughter has recently begun to suffer from night terrors have any effect in proving how her being kept away from me (the parent who raised her) is effecting her?
I would like to get her in to see a child psychologist to help her deal with this, but having her every other weekend it is impossible.

I do have an attorney, had one since this all started.

Thanks

1. You don't think it would be a bad idea to be filming my daughter while she was so upset? I don't see a judge liking the idea of having a camera in a screaming child's face. This sounds pretty insensitive. What do you think? Should I also video tape when I pick her up how happy she is?

2. I was not really able to argue anything at the first pendente lite hearing because BM did not show up to tell her side of the story. That is why I was only given every other weekend. Even parents who have been through a custody trial and lost still usually get increased time with child in summer. Since we have no parenting plan yet why would a judge not at least allow me to take her on vacation for a few weeks?

Hello, I am currently in a custody battle for for 4 year old daughter. I am her father. Our hearing is not until October. My daughter was taken from me by her mother in January 2006 when her mother moved from VA to MD and I was refused all contact with her. I live in VA and this is where my daughter lived her whole life.

I went to court and got and got temporary visitation, but unfortunatly I was only awarded every other weekend. My daughter went from being at my house almost every single day for her entire life to now only being able to see me every other weekend.

Here is a little background on my story:

My daughter is 4.

My daughter's mother and I were never married, we had been dating since our teens. Once my daughter was born her mother was quick to resume her partying lifestyle. I was always there for my daughter. We broke up when she was 18 months old at which point she moved to her mothers house in MD and refused to let me spend time with my daughter for two months.

After two months, she moved back to VA and she came to my home and dropped my daughter off and said "here you deal with her now". My daughter lived with me for six months and her mom would come visit her at my house every once in awhile. At this point I told her mother I was going to take her to court for custody and she quickly began spending more time with our daughter.

We worked out a verbal agreement in which we would have our daughter equally. This didn't last because she quickly began calling me on her scheduled days to take care of our daughter because she wanted to go out. I have always been there for my daughter and put her first.

I got married about a year ago and I now have a son. My daughter's mom (BM) never used to have a problem with my wife being with our daughter, in fact she frequently would call her when I was at work and ask her to watch her daughter. Me and my wife were the ones who always picked herup from the babysitter.

When my wife went on maternity leave last year she also began watching my daughter every day. So my daughter was at my house almost every single day. When it was her mom's scheduled day she would pick her up around 8:00pm.

Well out of nowhere in January BM said she was moving to MD (45 minutes away). We had a verbal agreement to switch off week by week so we could each spend equal time with our daughter, well once she got my daughter she called me and told me she and her mother had decided to enroll my daughter into a russian preschool (they are russian) and I could now only see my daughter on the weekends.

I decided at that time I would file for custody because I refused to be a weekend visitor in my child's life. Well the first weekend came around and she called on Friday and told me I needed to give her my daughter's social security card and birth certificate and i told her I would gladly make her copies or fax them where ever she needed them to go, but I would not give her the originals (my lawyer advised me not to).

From this point on she refused to let me see my daughter at all. I would drive to Maryland every week trying to see my daughter. I took quick action and filed for temp. visitation. We got a trial date two months later and I was given every other weekend.

BM refuses to provide me with any information what so ever regarding my daughter, she will not tell me where her daycare is, when her doctors appts. are or anything. She won't even allow my daughter to speak with me in the phone.

It is really wrong and hurtful what she is doing to my daughter. How can someone put a child through this just because of their own anger. She is hurting my daughter so much. My daughter crys when she has to go back with her mom every time. My daughter went from seeing me almost every single day to not being able to see me hardly at all. I believe one of the reasons she is doing this is simply jealousy over the fact that I am married and have another child.

I have filed for primary physical and joint legal custody. As much as BM has put me through, if I do win, and if BM decides to move back to VA I would be willing to work out a 50/50 arrangement with her, because my daughter deserves that and I will not let my own anger get in the way as she has.

Questions:

1. I am filing a motion for increased summer visitation since our trial isn't until Oct. I am asking for every other week (all 7 days) during the summer. Does this sound like something the judge would agree to? BM is going to try to saythat since daughter is in preschool in MD she can't come to my house during the week.

2. BM is using medicaid for my daughter's insurance, but my daughter has been covered under my new jobs insurance for over a year and it is excellent. I have asked her to please stop using medicaid and to use my insurance but she refuses. I do not want to end up getting in trouble with the state for this and having to reimburse. Should I call medicaid myself and notify them them my daughter no has other insurance?

3. BM refuse to tell me ANYTHING about my daughter. She does not inform me of any medical appts. or sicknesses. My daughter even got a neurology referral recently which I was not made aware of. Is withholding all this information something that will be bad for her in court?

4. BM will never let me talk to my daughter. She doesn't pick up when I call and doesn't have my daughter call me. Is phone contact something I can ask for at the summer visitation hearing?

Thank you

DV is domestic violence. She claimed I was abusive towards her in our relationship (it was the other way around), she tried to say she was worried for our daughter's safety and that I may become abusive towards her.
The outcome of my case was certainly not the norm. I asked for primary physical, joint legal, change in meeting place from her town to a midway point and I received everything I asked for. Most fathers are far from this lucky. I had a wonderful judge who went by the best interest of the child standards. BM screwed herself on the stand by getting caught up in lies. The main reasons I won custody:
-Stability (of home and job)
-BM had repeatedly refused me contact with our daughter for months (I had emails as evidence), judge did not like this
-BM had frequent males in her life
Tell your son to begin keeping a daily journal. Also to communicate with BM through emails and certified letters to document his attempts to see his children.