Messages

>>...I will be forced to file a motion for contempt and for sanctions in order to protect my rights and the rights of our child.

1) What are sanctions?

As always, great advice!

>>How young is the child?

10

>>Is the call long distance?

yes to my home
no to my cell phone

I filed for change of custody and contempt in March.  BM erroneously filed for TRO against me 4/5.  Went to court on 4/13 and TRO was dropped.  

In addition, judge ordered BM to allow son to call me anytime he wants to, and for her to have son at home every Tuesday at 7pm to receive my phone call "no matter what"...

1st  Tuesday: got answering machine,  son called me back at 7:45

2nd Tuesday: no problems

3rd Tuesday:  had breif conversation then son said he had to get off phone because him & sister got into a fight earlier & his punishment is that he only gets to talk to me for a few minutes.

Son previously told me that he has asked BM numerous times (since the court order) if he could call me and her response is always "after you finish your chores", then it's "after we eat supper", then it's "time to go to bed", etc.

Now she has told him that he can call me as long as it doesn't interfere with thier schedule, and only between 6:30pm and 7:00 pm.  Needless to say, I have yet to get a call.

1) Is this worth persuing in court or will I likely be perceived as being a nuisance to the judge?

Thank You,
LittleBit's Dad

 

I met with my attorney January 16th.  We both agreed that timing is very important so that the court can happen during son's 6 week summer with me.  He said there is about 6 month period between filing and court date.

On February 16th attorney filed a motion for contempt of court against BM and filed a motion to modify and change of custody.  He said she would be served February 27th.  I paid for a private server so that we can be sure she will be served when our 10 yr old son is not there.

The serving did not happen on the 27th due to "backlog and local holidays at the courthouse".  Attorney said it would be on March 5th; didn't happen.  Then it would be on March 12th; didn't happen.  Now we're hoping for March 26th.

Attorney says it's out of his hands now, that we are waiting on the court clerks to do thier thing. (?)  And until that happens all we can do is sit and wait.

We've already missed the 6 week window of opportunity when son will be with me.  No one seems to be in any hurry.  Meanwhile, I'm cultivating some furocious ulcers!

I read in another post here about a "calendar clerk" who apparently schedules the court dates.

1) Can my attorney talk to this calendar clerk (or anyone else) about scheduling the court during the summer?

2) Is there someone I can talk to at the court house to speed up the filing and serving process right now?

3) Will it tick-off my attorney if I go around him to speed things up?

4) Is this type of waiting normal, or am I getting the run-around?

Thanks for the help!

Great advice, THANK YOU!  

I am drafting a letter to send to ex.

I do have the name of one party involved.  

Just got off the phone with court clerk.  She was ready to send me the information until she asked what relation I was to the case.  I answered honestly.  She said I would need to submit a written request stating who I am and why I wanted the info, and that it would go into the permanent file for that case.  I responed politely enough "Oh, I thought that was public record"...'Yes it is, but we have a lot of nosey people, so letting everyone know that thier request will be in the record discourages a lot of that'.

Can they do that?

I am looking for information or knowledge of home-schooling in regards to custody. I have put up with so much nonsense from my ex and kept quiet for the sake of our child's peace of mind, but it has now gone too far: she has secretly taken 10yo son out of school to home school him. (We have joint custody) Without going into all the details, I will give one example. She said that the judge did not know what she was doing by giving me so much time with son, so she would deal with it her own way. And she has dealt with it many many times by keeping us apart, alienation tactics, false acusations, etc., but this is the last straw.

Would changing from public school to home school be a significant change of circumstance to justify change of custody or change in visitation?

Also, I have heard of a case in Etowah county Alabama (i'm in AL) that was just filed for similar reasons. How I could find out more details about that case?

Thanks for your input and support.  Sometimes just having some space to vent is helpful.  It is good to hear how other families handle these situations.

I filed for custody and contempt in February.  The current court date is 8-30, but the GAL is asking the judge for a continuance so a full evaluation can be done.

As for counseling, that's a long story too.  I'll try to be brief.  I began taking son to counselor "A" in 2000 and the court ordered BM to continue taking son to the appointments.  She took him to one appointment, then refused to go anymore saying that "A" was biased toward me, and she would start taking son to counselor "B".  They went 2 or 3 times, then stopped because she said "B" did not like women.  

I convinced her to go see counselor "C" in the beginning of 2003.  On the third visit, she wanted me to agree to a summer visitation schedule that she made up, and agree to her moving out of state with our son, and bypass the courts for these things.  When I would not do either, she quit coming.

She went to "C" one more time during summer of '03.  He admonished her for the inapproprated content of her letters and phone calls to son. That was the end of that.  Counselor "C" suggested that she go see counselor "D", but she refuses.

I have continued taking son to the counselor "C" during our summer.  When we went to court most recently for the refused visitaions, the judge also ordered her to continue taking son to the appointments.  The first one since he has been back with BM is next week.  So, who knows what she'll do this time!

MSME and StressedMom,

How old are your children?  My son is 10, and I am having major struggles with how to address these same issues.  We have a rule that we do not discuss adult issues with children at our house.  And this does include court things.

However, we are getting completely rail-roaded by BM.  She tells son of every incident from the smallest everyday occurance, to the major court details.  She even has him read attorney letters, personal letters, court documents, etc.  There is usually about 10% of truth in what she tells him, and 90% trash.  

For instance, we had our breaking point this past Christmas when BM showed her butt while we were at her church attending our son's Christmas program.  We filed charges. She was arrested and found guilty, and the judge issued (among other things) a no contact order against her for my wife.  

We kept all info away from son.  Out of the blue one day he says 'I know ya'll filed charges against my mom.  She told me all about it.'  My reply was very short and simple: 'Do you remember when your mom screamed at us and used bad words at your Christmas play?' --yes-- 'Do you remember when she thru a drink at us and used the middle finger?' --yes-- 'Do you think what she did was right?' --no-- 'When you do something bad, do me or your mother give you punishment?' --yes-- Well, when me or your mother do something the bad, the judge gives us punishment, and that's what happened.'

Couple months later it comes up again.  Son informed us that the judge said we were not allowed to go anywhere that his mom is.  I told him that he had it backward, that his mom was not allowed where we are because of what she did to us at the church.  He was not convinced, but I went no further with it.

BM filed for a RO.  When we went before the judge, it was thrown out.  Judge admonished her for her alienation tactics, ordered weekly phone visits for ME, and ordered a neutral pick-up / drop-off location.  

Again, I never discussed any of this with son, yet he informed us that the reason I don't pick him up at BM's house anymore is because his mom won in court so I can never come on thier property again.  

We went to court again in June for her refusals of my parenting times.  Son was already at my house for the summer when the court hearing happened.  I told son me and wife were going out for a while for some business and to eat lunch, so Gramps will stay with you for a while.  He said that he already knew where we were going, that we were going to court against his mom again.   !!!**$$##  

(By the way...me and my son were awarded an extra two weeks of summer to make up for some of the days she had refused us.)

One last issue I will relay:  During the summer, every conversation she had with him she would tell him of some package or letter she sent that he did not get, and the ones he did receive, she would say she put money or gifts in it that he did not get.  We bent over backward for him to know we were not tampering with his things in some way:  No one but him would check the mail, we inspected each item with him to be sure it had not been opened by anyone except him. and we even took him to the post office (at his urging) to see if there was anything waiting for him there!  She sent him 15 pieces of mail in 8 weeks and he got every single one of them, but she has convinced him otherwise!

What do we do to counteract this type of crap without just saying 'youre mom's lying to you to mess with your head'?!

This is a tough one that we've also beeen dealing with for quite a while now (son is 10).  The one thing we decided for sure is that we no longer care what info is relayed to BM.  Of course she is using him as her spy, then twists everything and schemes and lies; but she is going to do that no matter what we do.

My only concern is lessening the burdon on my son.  It really stresses him out to feel like he has to hide information.  I cannot control what happens at BM's house, only mine.  So......

I explained to son that I know his Mother wants him to tell her things about our lives and that was OK.  We do not do anything we should be ashamed of, embarrased by, or need to hide.  We also do not say bad things about anybody, make up stories, or tell lies.  And for that reason, it is OK for him to tell anybody anything about his life or ours.

He was very obviously relieved, so I feel good about that decision.

Yes, it is a shame that we can't have 'normal' conversations the way we do with the other kids.  Simple questions about his life seem to put a lot of pressure on him.  I tend to avoid asking, but I don't like that option either.  Unfortunatley, I am still looking for a good solution to that problem also.

LittleBit's Dad