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I appreciate your plain straitforward way of writing.  But even more than that, your information is priceless!!  If you are not a professional guru, you have missed your calling!

Well, sort of contempt, but a little different.

We have joint, with BM as primary.  The order states that son is to be with me 1st, 2nd, & 3rd wknds from after school to 6pm Sunday.  Also, 6wks during summer (& others).  

At the end of school in May 2002, BM decided that the order meant that I only got weekends during the school year.  So she allowed me no contact with son until our 6wk summer started.  Same thing at the end of our six weeks, no contact until the school year started.

I filed for custody and contempt 02/03.  

BM filed for RO 03/03.  She got nothing, I got weekly phone calls.

BM denied our spring break together 2003.

Again when school was over in 2003, BM would not allow us to see each other until the six wk summer started.  After the third weekend denial in a row, my attorney filed for an emergency instander (?) motion.  

We all came to the courthouse, but everything was handled between the judge and the 2 attorneys.  It was ordered that I do in fact get wkends year-round.  The judge also awarded me 15 extra days added to our six wks of summer for the time missed from the most recent weekend denials and for Spring Break.

As best as I can understand it: The reason attorney did not file for contempt is because of the pending court case, he could not.  Since contempt is listed in the custody filing, that has to be settled before another contempt is filed.  Also, any missed time before the filing date has to be dealt with at the custody trial.  That is why we could only go for the most recent denials.

Small victories mean a lot sometimes!  And by the way, she has not denied any of our time since then.

We have a court date in 6months.  BM does typical PAS stuff dating back to as far as I remember. But it's getting more common with the pending court date.

Me & son have one phone call per week.  BM records them and sits next to son telling him things to say and to ask me; trying to trap me in something of course.  Another common tactic of hers is to make a big deal about having some great fun place they were planning to go for the evening, but can't, because they have to be there for the phone call.

I missed my last two weeks' calls (first time in 12 months).  First time was due to surgery.  The other, I was 30 minutes late and got answering machine.  When someone finally answered they said he was in bed already.  Son left me ugly messages saying "...I can't believe you would forget to call your son..."

I say it's minor only because, so far, when son comes on the weekends, his attitude is great.  Nothing is said about the crazy phone calls or e-mails that happened during the week while at BM's house.  We have a great time as if nothing has happened.

I know she is completly coercing him to do & say these things, but my patience is running thin.  So far, I've done nothing and said nothing to him about it.

Anyway, this wknd I goofed a little.  Son wanted to stay extra, so I called and asked BM.  She got nasty quick and said "If you don't have son back by 5:00 husband will be there to kick your ass and then I'll have your ass thrown in jail".  I hung up and told wife what BM said...son was right behind me.  I felt like such a jerk!

So our weekly phone call consisted of him saying things like: why did you lie about my mother?...I know she didn't say that....She recorded the call and I listeded to it...

My response was the usual:  that is a conversation for adults...Change subject...I'm sorry you have to hear things like that...change subject...you know I don't talk about grown-up things with you...change subject...

So BM won't let it drop, and now come the e-mails today...You shouldn't lie about my mom...if you loved me you wouldn't make up lies to me...you didn't care about adult conversations when I heard what you said about my mom...

I'm losing patience, and losing hope!  How in the world do I make him see who the real f..ing lier is!!??  I have never told him ANY of the horrible things BM has said and done.  He knows nothing about how she accused me of sex with my children, or how she had an affairs with men and women, or how she tried to keep me from ever seeing him again, or how she has kept me from him a hundred times, or all the physchotic messages she has left me, or the threating letters I've gotten...I could go on and on!  Fact is, he seems to believe that she is all good, because of me... because I won't poison his mind with all that crap!

 

Alabama.
Thanks.

Go to the courthouse and look at the file for yourself.  

In my state (AL), all divorce and custody records are public.  I think that is the case everywhere.  Simply go to the main courthouse and start asking for directions until you get to the right place.  

The file should tell you filing dates, dates service was attempted and / or completed, court dates, communication between parties and attorneys etc.  You will probably be amazed at how much information you can obtain!

I'm not familiar with MODEMSPY, but I will learn quickly.  This sounds like a good option.

I have tried communicating / rationalizing with BM about the stress she puts on our son.  I've talk to her, sent certified letters, sent e-mails.  No success.  

I even arranged counseling sessions for us last year.  The psychologist was appalled when he read the letters.  He tried desperatly to make her see the damage she was doing, to no avail.  Because of that, she refused to go anymore saying that he was incompetent and biased toward me.  That was the 3rd shrink she's quit going to because they were all 'biased'.

Does anyone have experience with tape-recordings in court?  
Are they allowed?  
Are they relavent?

Thanks!

My 10 year old son is supposed to be with me for 6 weeks during the summer.  I am trying to decide how to handle the communications to & from BM while he is here.  

I feel so much anger towards her right now for things she is doing to us that I want to be sure that it is not clouding my judgment.  For that reason, I will not mention in this post the things she has done except those directly relevant to the question...

Every letter and phone call last summer was intended to make son feel bad about being at my house.  And he was noticeably disturbed each time.  Here are some examples of things she says to him in either phone calls or letters:

"I sit in your room & hold your things to try and be close to you while you are gone."  

"I will never give up on having you here with me."

"It makes me cry all the time when you are not here. I know you cry for me too."

"I just knew you would hate it there.  I'll come get you whenever you want me to."

"Just remember everything me and (stepfather) talked to you about.  We will never ever let anything bad happen to you."

"Your family misses you so much."

"(little brother) cries every day asking 'where's (big brother)'."

"I pray to God every time the phone rings that it is you."

Almost every letter had notes written on the envelope and on the letters in big magic marker:

"Please call me as soon as you read this!"
"Write me a letter right now!"
"Your Daddy won't let my calls come through!"
"I need to know you are safe!"
"I'm counting on you to call me!"

1) Should I restrict or monitor the phone calls and letters from BM to son?  

--There is a custody issue pending in court--

2)Will I look like I'm playing tit-for-tat to spite BM?  

3) Or will the judge realize I'm only trying to protect my child?

LittleBit's Dad

TMom, you are good with words.  Thanks for the help!

LittleBit's Dad

Thanks Patton. Good advice.

Since my filing for custody & contempt, BM has been refusing my son & my time togeter (joint custody) and exhibiting serious PAS signs.  My lawyer is going in front of judge tomorrow to ask for some help.  

I have kept great records with times, dates, and details.  But the attorney says this is not the time for trying the whole case, just the matter at hand.  

How much if any details should I put in it?  

How in the world do I get my point across to the judge in such condensed form?  

The following is my affidavit.  Any advice or input is SO appreciated.
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IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF XXX COUNTY, ALABAMA
DOMESTIC RELATIONS DIVISION

DAD D. FATHER,
     PLAINTIFF,

VS                                                     CASE NO.   DR XXXX.

CRAZE E MOTHER,
     DEFENDANT.
AFFIDAVIT OF DAD D. FATHER


Before me appeared Dad who being known to me was duly sworn and deposed and stated as follows:

   "My name is Dad and I am the Plaintiff in this matter.  I have previously filed with this Court on XXX 00, 2004 a Motion for Custody and/or to enforce my visitation rights.  Since the filing of the Motion the Defendant has been served and more than 30 days has elapsed since service.  I have been able to talk to my son , XXX, only briefly a couple of times and each time I have spoken with him he has not been his normal self and is not allowed to speak freely with me.  His Mother and stepfather are trying so desperately to alienate my son and myself that they stand over him while we are on the phone and tell him what to say and then force him to be ugly to me and hang up on me.  His Mother has denied his requests to call me, and given him punishment for it.  He seems to be depressed and under a lot of stress.  His mother has refused to allow us to see each other, even though the court has ordered otherwise.  She has denied our court-ordered Spring Break as well as our weekends together.  She sent a letter threatening to do this, then forced our son to relay her agenda to me on the phone.  She has even taken our son to hide him at another house when it is my time to pick him up.  Because of her recent actions, I expect that she plans to not let me exercise my visitation for the six weeks of summer, and I will have no way of contacting and checking on XXX.  The defendant has denied me visitation and has repeatedly refused to let me talk to XXX on the phone.  I am asking this Court for an Order to pick up my son for our regular weekend visitation and extent the time through the end of summer to make up for the already lost visits.  During which time I will again get him some professional help.  The Defendant is putting too much stress and coercion on our son.  She has made criminal allegations against me, all of them have been found by the courts to be false.  And she has just recently (XXX 00, 2004) been put on probation in XXX for a criminal charge due to her attempts to separate us, and I think it would be in XXX's best interest to be away from that environment and go to counseling."
                     _________________________
                     DAD D FATHER
   Sworn to and subscribed before me on this ____day of June, 2004.
                     ___________________________
                     NOTARY PUBLIC   
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LittleBit's Dad