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My ex and I have verbally agreed to some clarifications in our current divorce decree concerning visitation.  These changes will all affect me positively.

Since I know she is not to happy about the changes and because I'm afraid she will try to back out on one of the agreements, I have decided to put them in writing.  

I am going to ask her to sign with the agreement with a notary, but I'm pretty sure she won't agree to this.  As an alternate I will be sending the letter to her certified mail with return receipt.

I have seen some posts on here where it appears a copy is then sent to the courthouse to be placed in your file.  How exactly does this work?  If I send a copy to the courthouse, won't it have to be signed by both of us?  Will it have to be notarized to be legally binding?

We have clarified the following:
transportaion plan
holiday schedule
weekend visitation
summer visitation

We haven't made any changes, but we have agreed to make past verbal agreements null and void and to go strictly by the divorce decree concerning holidays, weekends and summer.  I guess my main concern is transportation.  It was not addressed in the original decree and we have agreed on a plan that I want to have some 'weight' on proving when and if she decides it's not convenient for her again.  

Any suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, IM

What would happen if they did not return the children at the specified time?  I have been 'toying' with this scenario myself.  I have visitation from 5 to 5 fri to sun and it was not specified in the decree who was responsible for transportation.  My ex and I had a verbal agreement, too, which she follows at her convenience.  We have an 8 hour round trip drive between us.  (both moved in opposite direction of 'family home').  

My ex, in the past when I tried to get her to meet me 1/2 way,  threatened to call the cops if I did not have my son home at 5:00.  Is there any legality to her calling the cops?????  

Please help me with this!  These 4 hour drives are really cutting into the time I am able to spend with my son.  We really only have Saturday together.  Although the time in the car is spent doing alot of talking, he's only 6 and he'd rather be at the park :)

btw, we both live in Iowa.  I really need to know what would happen if I didn't return him at 5 and made her come and get him.

Thanks for the advice. I will pass it on to my BROTHER.

It is frustrating for me to stand by and watch him throw away his chances of surviving this thing.  I've been advising him as to what to do, thanks to the very educated people on this board, unfortunately he thought he could 'win' by being nice.  

The problem now is that he is at such a disadvantage that I'm not sure he can get it together.  Of course, I can't tell him that.

His ex doesn't want their daughter.  You are right that she is just being greedy and wants the child support.  She's also ticked that he's moved on even though she has done the same thing.  She has never taken my niece on a weekend, always with a wonderful excuse.  In the divorce papers she suggests he have his daughter 3 weekends a month.  

I know her lawyer probably advised her to not let my brother have his daughter after this weekend, but I seriously don't think she will be able to handle it.  It is just not convenient for her to have her beautiful daughter with her.

The other thing in my brother's mindset is that he's convinced she will get custody and then she'll screw up and be back to not wanting her daughter around and then he will get custody.  I keep telling him it will be cheaper to fight this thing now then to go back to court later.  I wish he would spend a couple weeks on this board doing some research and educating himself because the attitude he has isn't going to get him crap, other than screwed.

I also posted this on soc's board, but am looking for any help I can get.  This is for my brother.

State: Iowa

My ex and I split up last month. We have a daughter that is 2 1/2. We initially agreed to 50/50 with a week on week off rotation. Since the seperation my daughter has been with me 72% of the time without any formal orders in place. My ex has never taken her on a weekend. She does not call to check on her or talk to her when she is with me.

A couple weeks ago my ex decided that she was afraid I would not return my daugter after my 'week' with her and said she would grant me only Thursday to Sunday every other week starting that week. I picked up my daugter that Thursday and I had her until the following Wednesday. Three days later I had her back again. She is still with me and is scheduled to go back to her mom's house on Sunday.

My ex met with a lawyer last week and called to tell me that she was having divorce papers drawn up and that I should expect to be served. I called her lawyer today and offered to stop at his office and sign the papers. The receptionist informed me that the papers would be filed with the court today and I could stop in the afternoon to sign.

The papers included the divorce petition, a motion for temp custody and an order signed by the judge granting my ex temp custody. Her basis for asking for temp custody was that she claimed I did not have a permanent home and that I apparently threatened to take my daughter out of state. (I am staying with my mom until I can get a place of my own)

The motion was dated 8/22 and the order was signed 8/24 by the judge. There is a hearing scheduled for 9/14 for temp visitation and child support.

1. Is it 'normal' practice for these types of orders to be signed and granted without a hearing?

2. How would you suggest I proceed?

3. What type of evidence do I need to prove my daughter has been with me?

I had the exact same opinion/outlook as you did, but the general consensus from people close to the case has been that since the mother is going to prison, the father will automatically get custody.  

Thanks for replying.

I'm asking this for a friend.  Any opionions would be greatly appreciated.  I posted the same a couple months back before paternity was established, but got no response so I'm trying again.

Mother and father never married.  Child is 8 years old.  Father has had no contact with child, ever.  Father claims he could not locate child and mother.

Mother in Arizona.  Father in Iowa.  Paternity recently established on petition of DHS in Arizona.

Mother going to prison for felony charges for a minimum of 5 years.  Father did time in 98 and had a possession charge in 2002.

Father is married but legally separated from his wife.  He has another child with wife and a step-child from wife's first marriage.  He is an OTR truck driver and is home only a handful of nights a month.

The 8 year old child has a 1/2 sibling who is living with grandparents in Arizona.  I don't know if they have interest in custody of 8 year old.

Father is now interested in gaining custody of this child.  He believes that since the mother is in prison that this is an open/shut case and that he will definitely get custody.

What do you think?

When we went to court, all of the evidence was placed in a binder, so we used actual pictures.  

As far as a disc goes, you may want to have your proposal put on disc and have it available.  As we were leaving the courtroom, our attorney offered a disc to the court reporter.

(I edited my original post to add this, but I don't know where it went so I'm re-posting it)

Some of the things we took to court for a modification were:

1.  Pictures of my son's room here and our house/yard
2.  Calendars which had time divided on them and highlighted in different colors for each parent.
3.  A thorough parenting plan proposal
4.  E-mail's from teacher/school
5.  Schedules for extra-curricular activities
6.  Pictures of my son doing activities at my house
7.  Pictures that showed a clear bond between me and my son
8.  Detailed attendance records and copies of my son's IEP and report cards.

Take/gather any evidence you have that will rebute any claims that you think the other side will make.  (my ex was claiming my son and me did not have a bond, so I took pics and had witnesses testify that proved otherwise)

According to my lawyer, it is better to have somebody testify in person than to have a written statement.  Testifying gives the judge a chance to witness their demeanor which can give weight to any decision the judge renders.

Does your evidence need to be submitted to the court prior to your court date?  I don't mean to make you panic, but we had to provide a list and copy of our evidence to the opposing lawyer and court prior to the court date.  Opposing counsel then had to check off whether they had any objections to the evidence.

Every county/state has different court rules, but you may want to check into this to prevent a huge 'bite in the @ss'.

4honor,
You have given some very good advice and have repeated some things that all parents - whether custodial or noncustodial - need to remember!