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First, I'm in Illinois, she is in Iowa.

My ex and I came to a verbal agreement concerning transportation.  Since we live 200 miles apart and our decree does not address transportation, we agreed on meeting points, etc.  I put the agreement in writing for which she refused to sign.  I then sent the letter to her certified mail with return receipt.

Our decree states have my son EOW from 5 to 5.

Today, I get a letter from her that was sent overnight delivery.  She states that the agreement was just a 'temporary compromise' and not permanent.  

She stated in her letter that I can now pick up my son at 5:00 on Friday and return him on 5:00 on Sunday.  She will do no driving.  In return she will do all the driving during my 6 weeks visitation.  

She also refuses to do any driving for holiday visitation, which is usually 9-6 on the day of the holiday.

If I drive to pick him up what happens if I don't return him?  I'm crossing the state line.  The courts and CSRU both know my address and have been informed of such.  Since transportation is not addressed, does she have anything to hold me in contempt for?

I have my son this weekend.  I cannot be at her house at 5:00 because I don't get off work until 2:30 and it's a 3 1/2 hour drive.  Can she deny my visitation if I am late?

I already plan to take a witness with me.  What else can I do???  I need help and I need it fast!!!!

The dark and noises seem to be his top two fears.  

Another example from a couple weeks ago: him and I were sitting at the table playing a game.  We were in the kitchen and the radio was on in the living room.  I believe there were not lights on in the living room, but in our apt. the rooms run together so the kitchen light fled into the living room.  Anyway, several times during the game he would hear bass or backup voices to songs or something from a song and just freeze and say 'what was that?'  

After several times I said 'XXXXX what is wrong?  Why are you freaking out?'  He replied that there might be wolves out there and pointed to the living room window.  We talked about where wolves live, etc. and it seemed to help a little, but not completely.  

As far as the scary movies and stuff, I wish his mother would not let him watch them, but I can't do much when it is in her home and she sees them as appropriate.  I've tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it yet acknowledges the fears he has.  Even if the fears of dark and noises don't stem from the movies, it sure can't help to have him get freaked out about something from a movie on top of the way he already freaks out.

NOW, on another note.  My mom was observing his behavior yesterday.  After he was settled on the couch watching cartoons, she pulled me aside.  She could not believe the way he was acting.  In her opinion she believes that my son is being left alone at night.  She truly believes that it is not normal for a child to be spooked by so much, on familiar territory, and in such a short period of time.  I told her that I agreed and thought it was excessive, but thought maybe I was reading too much into it.  After reading both of your replies, I am still confused!

My son is 7 years old and going into the 2nd grade.  He has what I always believed to be 'normal childhood fears'.  I picked him up today after he spent a week with his mom.  She is the CP.  I am exercising my summer parenting time with him.  He has spent 4 weeks with me and we are starting his fifth and final week.  I'm concerned that maybe what I thought was normal may not actually be normal.

My son is completely afraid of the dark.  For example:  Tonight we were at my parent's house.  I was sitting in the living room with my mom.  My niece walked down the hallway towards the front door so my mom asked my son to go check on her.  He got to the edge of the kitchen and just froze.  We were about 10 to 15 feet from him in a well lit living room and he walked to the edge of the kitchen, which also had lights on, and just stopped.  He would not go any further to retrieve my niece because the hallway was not lit up.

I asked my son to take a shower while we waited for pizza delivery.  He has troubles turning the handle on the bathroom door and usually asks for help.  (When my 17 month old niece is here, we keep the bathroom door closed.)  I started the water for him, gave him towels and shampoo and walked out closing the door behind me.  He opened the door back up 'just a crack' and wanted to shower with it open.  He said he was afraid he would not be able to open the door again.  Sometimes when he is in the bathroom and can't get the door handle to turn he starts to have what some might call a panic attack.  He gets all nervous and just starts yelling.  When we open the door for him he will just have a look of panic and relief on his face.  

Earlier in the night, my son was having some problems with gas.  I asked him if he needed to try to go to the bathroom.  He said 'no' but I asked him to please try.  He went in but came running out of the bathroom in less than a minute.  I asked if he had taken care of business and he said he didn't try, but went pee then gave me that 'please don't make me stay in here' look.  I asked him again to please try and promised I would wait right outside the door.  He did go back in and took care of business, but was not comfortable until he knew I was right there.

This afternoon we were at the in-laws house.  My son and I went to the basement (finished) to look at some stuff of my father-in-laws.  My son was standing 2 feet from me when he heard a thump from upstairs.  He jumped and literally ran to my side.

This is just one day's worth of him freaking out.  The homes we were visiting we visit often so it's not that he's not familiar with them.  In fact, we lived with my parents for almost a year so he is very familiar and should be very comfortable in that home.  

Another thing I've noticed... the last two weeks that he was with me, as soon as it would get dark he would want to 'go for a walk or a bikeride or something', anything to get out of the house.  He would claim he wanted to go exercise because 'I need to lose some weight' (which is another totally different issue... his mom is on weight watchers) but would not want to do these things until dark.  I have no problem exercising with my son and we did go for several walks at this time, but when we get back it's let's play this game, let's watch a movie, etc. etc.  Again, I think it goes back to being afraid of the dark and going to bed even though he has a small lamp we keep on for him in his bedroom.  I remember when I was about 12 I would hate being home alone at night.  When my parents were gone, I would sit outside in the yard or on the porch.  For some reason I felt safer there than in the house.

It is seriously causing me to be concerned but I don't know if I am over-reacting or if this is normal for a 7 year old.  I am the NCP.  He reacts the same way in my home as he has today at his grandparents homes.  I'm considering putting him in counseling, but am afraid I am over-reacting.

I do not intentionally make my son go to areas that will make him uncomfortable.  The hallway and bathroom should not be scary places, especially when there are adults within 15 feet of where you are.

At first I would tease him that if he would stop watching Buffy and Angel and scary/freaky movies with his mom he wouldn't get so freaked out at little stuff.  I really thought that was all it was.  Now I'm not so sure.

Can anyone shed some light?  

This is actually IM's wife :)
I just want to thank you all for the excellent advice you gave here.  I am literally sitting here crying because I can see my husband's ex-wife in what you have written.  

We have had our heart strings pulled so much recently due to her manipulations on my SS.  He is such a sweet boy.  She has turned him into a very nervous and anxious child.  She, too, was taking him to a counselor who she refused to let my husband talk to.  She made appointments on days my husband was to pick up his son and then suddenly they would be canceled, etc etc etc.

Last week she called my husband because my SS had a nightmare that he came to visit and we wouldn't take him home.  It broke our hearts.  And as I was reading back through our documentation log today, she had a conversation with me a couple months ago concerning this 'fear' of his.  

It's so crazy, have any of you experienced such nightmares?  My SS was sobbing when my husband got on the phone with him.  I just don't understand it.  We are so good about verbalizing time frames with him ex. I'm going to see you in 4 days, or, You'll be with us for 2 days and then you will go back to your mom.  We've never given him a reason to doubt we would take him back home.

We talked with him about it and he told us that he trusts us 'a little' when I asked if his mom trusted us he said 'I don't know' while shrugging his shoulders.  Then I asked, if your mom trusted us, would you trust us?  He replied 'yes'.  

He is 6 years old.  I, too, want so hard to believe that when he is older he will be able to see the truth.  When he is with us he has responsibility and discipline and rules and we make him accountable for his actions.  When my husband and I first got together, my husband was very lenient with him.  He still is sometimes.  I, on the other hand, have always been consistent in discipline and rules.  (I work with children so it just comes natural, and I've seen the benefits of consistency, etc. enough to make me a definite believer).  I'm not a harda*s, but I mean what I say.  Anyway, my SS was so craving the consistency that I gave him.  In a matter of months my SS was coming and running to me rather than his dad at pick-up time.  Of course, the ex hated this.  And, now, of course, I'm the cause of all the conflict in our little situation.  She can't stop for even a second and just appreciate the very positive relationship my SS and I have.  I wouldn't give him up for the world.  I'm so lucky to have him because he has taught me unconditional love in a way that even marriage could not.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for the long post.  I just wanted to get my story out there.  I feel so much better knowing that we are not alone.  I'm going to research narcissism.  I'm really intrigued by this now.

I'm glad to know that we are on the right track with just showing unconditional love and stability in my SS's life.  What a relief.

IM's Wife :)

thanks for the information!!

I'm not sure what county, but it is in the Austin and Round Rock area.

Thanks!

Can anyone tell me if you can access Texas court records online??  If so, can you direct me to the website?

Normally my attorney is very good at getting back to me.  We communicate mainly through e-mail because of my work hours.  

We had negotiations a couple of weeks ago.  My attorney sent a pre-trial statement to me that I did not think reflected the negotiations, or 90% of my proposal.  It also only addressed visitation issues.  

I sent her an e-mail last Tuesday about the pre-trial statement and trying to clarify what was going on, etc.  

Two days later I received a letter in the mail that was dated Tuesday.  It requested financials, asked questions, etc. and was signed by her assistant.  I replied by e-mail, and asked if my attorney was out of the office, etc.  The assistant said she would follow up on the new info with my attorney and inquire about the other e-mail I sent.  She also said my attorney has been 'tied up' with court appearances.

It's been almost 2 weeks since the first e-mail.  No reply from anybody.   I left a message a couple days ago.  Still no reply.  The only thing I've received is a billing statement dated the same day as my 2nd e-mail.

I've already spent $2500 on this attorney.  Court is 5 weeks away.  I can't complete my financial affidavit until she answers my questions about the forms.  I'm going out of town in 2 days and I'm pretty irritated that I haven't heard back from her.

Sorry for the rant, but am I panicking over nothing???

Ex now claims she can't get the EIC and that I must have done something wrong on my return.  I claimed the exemption and the child tax credit.  I don't even qualify for EIC.  But, OF COURSE, it's my fault!  God forbid H&R entered a SS# wrong or something.  

Grrrrrrrrrrr

I just got back from my tax appt.  My accountant didn't even question it.  (Last year he said I needed the form for him to put it on)