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[[em]Lucky]

I'm hoping that someone out there has BTDT with this question.

Anyway, we've run the gamut as far as meds go, but this one is a new one for me.

DS's dr. wants to try Tenex.  Currently he is on Strattera and I haven't gotten an answer back as to whether the Tenex with be in combination with the Strattera or will replace the Strattera (should we agree to the Tenex).

Does anyone know anything about Tenex and possible side effects it can cause in children?  DS is very susceptible to tics from the stimulants and some other meds like Risperdal, but I don't know if Tenex has that issue related to it and I can't find anything that answers my questions so far on the web.

Thanks,

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

Well, dd has kicked oss out as she and her bf have found a paying roommate to take the room.  Oss was told he could stay, but the paying roommate was getting the bedroom and oss would have to sleep on the couch.  Fair enough, I think.

Dh called pbfh to ask her what she was doing about oss (she has physical custody of him).  She said he's fine with staying with his friends.  Dh asked her about oss moving into her apt. -- she and her bf rent the bf's parent's basement.  Pbfh said that bf's parents said no kids so oss can't live there.  Dh said that she needed to find a place for herself that oss could live at and she said she was finally getting on her feet and dh wanted her to throw it all away?

She knows of a place that's only $300 and oss (17 yo no job) can get a job and so can Fisher (oss's friend, also 17 yo no job) and they can rent the place.  Dh told her SHE should rent the place (same $$ for her) and then oss would have a place to live.  She said she can't do that because it's a pigsty there and drugs are used all the time.

She told dh that we should let oss live here (court order states that if each have custody of one of the two minor kids, no cs is to be paid by either) but she said nothing about changing the custody arrangement.  Dh told her that oss COULD stay here, but he won't.  End of conversation at that point.

Two things:  Oss won't come here and dh can't make him if he doesn't want to.  Dh has no legal recourse to have oss picked up as a runaway or get assistance from social services/juvenile court since he doesn't have custody.  The police say that if pbfh is okay with oss living elsewhere, he's not a runaway.  Social services will likely be the same, BUT they MIGHT go after pbfh for neglect.  Maybe.

Emancipating him will be difficult, one because MN doesn't have a procedure to do so, and two because he is not self-supporting so I highly doubt a judge will agree to emancipation.

I told dh that he needs to have pbfh sign custody over to him.  Then we can get help for oss (he's a druggie too) because my insurance can cover him so we can look at treatment, but more so because we can use the police and/or social services to get him off the streets.

I also told dh that we need to file for cs right now because she is NOT supporting oss and only has custody on paper.

What do you think?

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

Here's the situation:
1)  Pbfh#1 has been homeless since mid-August and is staying at relative's, boyfriend's parents', wherever she can since then.  She doesn't know day-to-day where she will be sleeping that night.

2)  OSS will be 17 yo on November 9th.  Pbfh#1 has custody of him, but he has not spent one night with her since her eviction date.  She has collected welfare benefits, but to date, she has spent approximately $20 on him for food & necessities.  He won't come to stay with us because he doesn't like our rules.  He was skipping school and using pot frequently, not to mention roaming the streets at all hours of the night since the eviction.

3)  DD is 18 now and the real world has made one hell of an impression.  She actually likes us again and realizes the foster mother manipulated her and her probation officer in her efforts to keep her living there.  DD has her own 2 bdrm/2bath apartment and vehicle (we gave her our old truck) and is attending school full-time here in town.  She's supposed to be looking for a roommate, but hasn't found one yet.  She parties (alcohol), but otherwise is being very responsible.

4)  OSS has been staying with DD for approx. a month now.  DD no longer parties at her apt., she goes elsewhere to do so.  She has told OSS that her rules are: a) he gets home before she goes to bed; b) NO drugs EVER; c) he goes to school EVERY day; d) he completes his homework EVERY day; e) he eats dinner EVERY night (he wasn't eating) and f) helps out with keeping the apt. picked up.  He has complied with ALL of these rules.  In addition, DD drives him to school everyday and picks him up again at the end of the day.  In between those times, she attends her own classes.

5)  OSS spoke to pbfh#1 today about giving him some money to pay DD rent and she refused.  She said that "when she gets her own place" he will not be allowed to stay anywhere else, but will have to go back and live with her.  He responded by telling her that he was getting a job and that DD, dh and I would be helping him file for emancipation once he was able to.  She told him that she would not let him file for emancipation, he'd have to go back and live with her.

6)  Pbfh#1 sets "rules" that change from day to day.  Ex:  One day, his curfew is midnight.  The next day, when he doesn't show up by 10:30pm, she'll call the police and file a runaway report.  He's no angel, but she has repeatedly set him up in this manner and was very, very angry when he only got a few hours community service and a $50 restitution for shoplifting on his first offense.  She thought he needed to be "sent away" for his first offense.

7)  While living with pbfh#1, he missed more school than he attended.  Fortunately for him, he attends a charter school that cuts some slack on attendance, but will also allow him to attend until he earns enough credits to graduate.

Ok, so here's the deal.  Even if dh had custody, he wouldn't want to live with us.  Forcing him to do so would be a HUGE, lifechanging ordeal for 12 months worth of residence.  He has said that if he has to go back to live with pbfh#1 he will run away -- she has EVERY intention of forcing him to go back and there's no doubt in my mind that she will try to get DD in trouble to force him.  I believe that he'd go back to live with pbfh#1 to protect DD, but would then run away.

I know for a fact that he'll rebel and end up back on the streets and on drugs should he be forced to live with pbfh#1 or us.  He's had his freedom too long to submit to parents again.  At least at DD's we can "monitor" him and make sure that he's ok & stuff -- DD would call us in a heartbeat if something went wrong or anything.

Anyway, I told OSS to write dh a letter stating that if he had to go back and live with pbfh#1 he'd run away.  If he does so, I was thinking about making a copy and giving it to pbfh#1 and giving her a choice, she signs custody over to dh or we file for custody.  Either way, OSS would continue living with DD as he's doing WELL there.  Although we'd probably make him sleep at our house 4 nights a week or so.  Yes, playing games with the court and gambling big time on our part, but I really believe that it is in OSS's best interest -- and he is nearly 17 already.

Comments?  Suggestions?  Criticism?  (just don't be mean, please)


[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

I wanted to update everyone on my situation & our kids....

Osd -- not good.  She'll be 19 in May and will turn 19 in jail apparently.  I don't remember if I posted this but in late February she was busted for trafficking marijuana -- 25 pounds of it, along with 4-5 others involved.  She was lucky and got out on her own recognizance but had many restrictions on her activities and the people she could be around.  She's violated them all -- she's using again and her roommate is a meth dealer and osd is her transportation to sales and collections, etc.  We also believe that they may have been prostituting themselves.  The car we gave her for Christmas has not had insurance on it since the beginning of March.  

Her arraignment hearing was last Monday and she blew it off so there was a warrant for her arrest.  All of us (mom, dad, stepmom, aunts, grandparents) told her to get her butt into the police station and turn herself in Tuesday -- and to CALL the courthouse on Monday afternoon.  She refused and said that she'd do it NEXT Monday because she didn't want to sit in jail over the weekend.  On Thursday morning she was driving the roommate around and our local police department pulled her over and cuffed her, brought her to jail where she was booked on $5,000 bail.  Her roommate has no DL so the car was impounded.  Her roommate & friends came up with the $500 needed to post bond, but by the time the bailbondsman got over to the jail, they'd transported her to the other county (2 hrs away) and increased her bail to $50,000.

A hearing was held yesterday and her current bail is now $10,000 and her roommate was bitching at mom because osd's family won't help come up with bail money.  She's lucky she didn't bitch at me or her aunt, mom doesn't want to alienate the roommate because then she won't tell mom what's going on, I have no such concerns since this info is all public record, I'll just go look.  Plus osd's family won't help because we're all concerned that osd is going to take off for Texas and/or Mexico -- the people she's living with and "friends" with are from there and many are Mexican born so they're here with green cards.  In addition, we believe that if she was that damn stupid to get herself into this stuff, then stupid enough to blow off her arraignment hearing, she DESERVES to sit in jail till court.

She's looking at $10,000 fine and/or 20 years in prison max.  She probably could have gotten off with a year in jail with probation for several years, but I highly doubt the county attorney is going to make her a deal anymore like they were talking about.  Plus, she's going to lose her car because as soon as the roommate found out that they couldn't afford to get osd out on bail, they suddenly "couldn't" get the car out of impound.  Probably because it's worthless to them without osd to DRIVE it.

DD -- pretty well.  She turned 18 on the 13th and will be graduating in June.  We still don't get along very well and she still lives in the foster home -- that's part of the problem yet.  She is still planning on going to school for law enforcement, but she's also considering EMT training.  At this point, she hasn't been accepted to the law enforcement program, hopefully they'll let her know soon! and the EMT training program she wants to attend has a waiting list so she won't be admitted to that (if she even qualifies with her history) for another year at minimum.

OSS -- he's 16 & he lives with mom and has gotten her to the point that he does pretty much as he wants.  He was caught shoplifting and has to go to court for that.  He was offered diversion which is actually more punishment than what a judge will hand out but mom decided to "punish" him for pissing her off and didn't go to the diversion intake meeting.  When she called to tell me that, I managed to make her understand that she blew a beautiful opportunity to lock down the expectations and requirements (that, if not met could be brought up in the resulting court hearing to show his lack of compliance, etc.) in favor of a judge slapping his hand for a first offense.  I think she felt rather stupid, but it's too late now, they don't allow you to reschedule that, you get one shot at it.  He's also failing school.  And not just failing, he won't do ANY work at all.  He thinks that if he fails at school, mom will let him attend the regular public high school instead of the charter school.  She won't because 1) she needs dh to agree and 2) since oss wants it, she told him that he needs to straighten his act out and prove that he can do the work, etc. before she'll consider it.

YSD -- is 14 & is being confirmed on May 1 and, while mom's family complained, they have all RSVP'd.  It was almost funny, they all called mom and told her how many and she told all of them that if they didn't call me, I would NOT be making a reservation for them.  They were mad, oh were they mad, but they called me and one of them even tried very, very hard to make ME mad, but I just laughed it off.  Because of all the crap(and before anyone called me to RSVP -- all they'd done was bitch, literally) I called mom and told her that for ANY event that comes up with the kids in the future that dh and I plan, ONLY SHE would be invited from her family because this was the second time they've pulled this crap and that I do not feel comfortable just inviting SOME of them so it would be none.  She passed the message along and told the two biggest problems that it was their fault and now everyone was going to pay for it so they'd better get their act together.  I think mom's parents called the two problems and they got their butts chewed for it by them too.  Other than that, ysd is doing VERY VERY well.

YSS -- is 12 and I don't know how he's doing really.  I disengaged from that whole situation because I can't deal with the way yss treats us and how he complains the entire time he's with us.  I can't deal with the way pbfh#2 (different mom) allows him to go to a friend's house to spend the night/weekend immediately after school on dh's weekends, then calls the following week to ask what time we're picking him up and goes "Oh, well then you won't be getting him this weekend since it mine." when we remind her.  He hasn't been here in a couple of months I think -- but dh needs to deal with it.  Everytime we pushed something, she'd call the cops on dh so I think he's afraid of that.  He'd already been accused of rape and we had to hire an attorney to defend against the OFP she filed with that accusation.  No arrest or charges were filed, but if the OFP had been granted....

DS -- is 11 and in the residential treatment facility.  He's doing well, except he still is pushing his limits way too far at home.  So much so that the last two weekends he was brought back to the facility early.  He has a home visit contract that he's to follow and if he doesn't, we have agreed to bring him back.  He won't follow it.  Although, to be fair, it isn't just him, we're still working on making changes ourselves.  This weekend he doesn't get a home visit.

He's been on a homeopathic remedy for three months and we're not sure if it's helping or not.  Our biggest concern was the ADHD and the remedy hasn't even touched that.  He isn't violent anymore, but he's been in treatment since Oct. 21.  One would hope that the treatment for that long would have taken care of the violence anyway, you know?  On Thursday, we had a new psychiatrist evaluate him, this one is supposed to be very conservative with prescription medications.  His last one was medication-happy, for every side effect, he prescribed another med rather than changing the initial medication to something else.  We'll discuss the evaluation/recommendation with the therapist on Tuesday in our family meeting and decide then.  Also, ds's hayfever is acting up and I asked the homeopath about it and he said don't worry about it.  WHAT!!  The poor kid has all the classic symptoms and while not as bad as it could be, it's still early in the season.

As for me:  I love my job, I've been there for 10 months already and it's flown by.  Me and dh are getting along with his ex-wife ("mom") and she seems to be getting more normal now, she isn't being a pbfh anymore and tells people that it's easier to just get along.

And me and dh are doing very well.  We don't fight much anymore, although that probably has to do with many things.  No stress with his ex (mom) to speak of, no stress with the kids really, finances are ok.  That's not to say that he doesn't tick me off on a regular basis, but we don't get into huge fights about little things anymore.

Life is ok right now.  It could be much better, but we're doing all right.

I hope everyone else is doing at least as well as we are.  Everyone take care!

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

Well, after several years of hard work and defending her beliefs to many members of her family(including her godmother, mother and older brother), ysd will be confirmed on May 1st.

Dh and I decided (fortunately for us, it falls on our weekend or she'd be at her mother's, and she doesn't even attend church, much less understand how important this is to ysd) that after the service, we would make reservations at a local restaurant for their Sunday brunch.  I called around today and we've decided on the restaurant, but we are NOT paying for anyone other than our immediate family.

In addition, her mother's family HATES OUR GUTS and one of the sisters is ysd's godmother.  Her mother and family were raised Catholic, we are Lutheran.  The Confirmation rites are quite a bit different but the godmother thinks (according to what ysd's mom said) that SHE'S going to play a role in the confirmation.  However, the Confirmation Rite at our church is all about the kids and basically has NOTHING  to do with the parents or godparents except as them being part of the congregation that day.  I'm hoping that her mom addresses this with the godmother prior to the service because I can see a problem as she is now looking forward to being in the spotlight and playing good little godmother (even though she is one of those that ysd had to defend her beliefs and faith to).

Anyway, I digress.  There is a large potential that mom's family will deliberately NOT R.S.V.P. to me and thus I will not make a large enough reservation -- they'll think they are thwarting dh and I.  OR, they'll make their own reservations and attempt to force ysd to run all over the restaurant during brunch because they will NOT come to our tables to visit with her.  Either scenario is not good.

I'm trying to figure out how to address that potential -- or even if I should address it -- in the little invitation insert (also the cost needs to be addressed, I don't want everyone to think we're footing the bill).  Here's what I've come up with so far.  Feel free to chop it up, rewrite, etc.  It's unfortunate that we have to do this, but the experience we had with them at osd's graduation party last May makes me want to prevent as much as possible.  One reason for the brunch instead of getting together at our home -- which is 2 blocks from church instead of all the way across town like the restaurant.

[em]"A brunch at the Green Mill in City will follow the Divine Service.  
(The cost for brunch is approximately $11 per adult.)

Please R.S.V.P. to 999-999-9999 no later than April 20th.

Note:  If you plan to join ysd for brunch, reservations should be made as a group to ensure everyone will be seated in the same area as ysd.  Reservations not made with her group may not be seated near ysd."[/em]



[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

I need to know the overall type of city, etc. that Laredo, TX is.  In particular the economic/job climate for an 18 yo with a high school diploma and the only job experience over 1 month is working at Subway.

Here's why:  OSD is planning on moving to Laredo in a couple of weeks with her boyfriend of less than a month (met him after I kicked her out).  She's been fired from her job, she's sicker than a dog, she's pregnant (with someone other than her boyfriend's baby -- she doesn't know we know), and this man has been abusive and controlling already -- he already screens her phone calls.  To the best of our knowledge, he doesn't work, but always has a lot of cash.  I doubt he's independently wealthy.

The boyfriend is from Laredo, and some siblings live in Laredo, but we have no idea what his last name even is or what part of Laredo they live in.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

Well, the program's therapist and the program's school liaison have made their stance VERY clear regarding the homeopathic remedy we've got ds on.  They do NOT like it and bluntly told the doctor so.  On the other hand, ds (even though there's a court order) is on a voluntary placement -- and WE (my insurance) are paying EVERY LAST DIME of the cost sooooo, either they go with it or they kick him out of the program.  We're not going to be pressured or forced or guilted into putting him back on traditional medication.  We haven't heard anything like they may release him if we don't comply, but we're prepared to take him back home and speedily set up family counseling for us on an outpatient basis, just in case.

BUT, he hasn't had an overnight home visit since mid-December -- only  a few hours at a time.  We were only supposed to have him for about 8 hours today, but DH took him to work with him and called and told the staff that he'd be late, could ds stay longer?  And, by the way, if he behaves well, could he stay overnight?  The therapist had only recommended/approved the 8 hours, but the staffer took it upon himself to approve overnight as long as ds's behavior remained good.  Which it has -- he has been EXCELLENT all day today.  So, he and dh are currently watching "Shark Tales" while I finish my work up.  Been at it all day and I'm about to pack it in, but I have a couple things to complete before I can do so.

I just wanted to update you all, especially after the way my week started.  I'm still working on getting in contact with everyone.  No one will call me back!  Plus, work went nuts so I didn't have much time to call anyone -- our boss went in on Wed. morning for an angiogram and ended up having bypass surgery on Thu. on SIX veins!  On Wed. morning about 10:00 one of our critical servers went down and we had 75% of the company at loose ends until 8:00 am on Friday.  (I'm in the IT department at my new company)  And our boss (who knows the systems inside-out) was in the hospital having heart surgery.

Anyway, hopefully we'll get our calendars organized to dole out the boss' work to the rest of us and can get back on a schedule, then I'll get lunch breaks again to make phone calls, etc. and I should get off work at my normal time, giving me some time to make phone calls.




[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

A little background:

My 17 yo dd is in foster care and will be 18 yo in April.  She's been in foster care at the same so-called "therapeutic" foster home since Aug. 2003 due to HER behaviors.  I have NEVER lost ANY rights as she was placed through juvenile (criminal) court.  I fought to get it changed last July, but lost due to the probation officer and my dd deciding that it was "best" for her to stay where she was rather than move back to her hometown and attend family counseling, etc. like I wanted and had been agreed upon prior to the hearing.  Because I was blind-sided by their decision, I didn't have the necessary information to push my way through -- the PO had it and refused to give it up and I didn't have the resources to get information on foster homes.

Fast forward to last night.  My dd called me and informed me that on Jan. 29th she was choked to unconciousness by one of the other foster girls.  The foster mother (at least) was not there.  Dd told me that the other girls social worker said not to tell anyone till she decided if charges should be filed.   This is not the first time my dd has been assaulted in this foster home -- and there are other things that have happened as well.  I don't know if the police were called, I don't know if my dd got medical attention, I don't know anything.  I have a HUGE problem with this.

I know what county they're in and who their licensing goes through.  They're a PATH foster home.

I'm considering calling PATH, the sheriff's dept for a police report, the hospital down there...  What should I do?  This home is a dangerous place and I told dh that someday a few years down the road we're going to read a newspaper article saying "Teen dies in [name of city] foster home"  and I'll KNOW what foster home it is, and wonder if I couldn't have done something.

What do you guys think?  The foster mother STILL hasn't called me.


[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[[em]Lucky]

He's been in the inpatient treatment program at a local facility since early December -- he'd spent the previous 45 days in the assessment program there.  The therapist is back from maternity leave so hopefully we'll start making some progress because he's getting worse there than he was.  

He has lost privs more often than had them since Christmas and been on Re-Focus twice due to violent actions during his home visits -- one on Christmas Eve (right after my dd talked to him and told him that dh -- his dad -- had not been in ds's life for the first three years of his life because he'd been in jail for child abuse against my dd -- NOT TRUE at all!  A little later, he attacked dh and we had to bring him back that night).  Two weeks later he only made it two hours on his home visit before hitting dh again and having to return early again.  

He's been doing okay in school though he has issues with his hyperactivity, etc.  We started him on a homeopathic remedy on 1/11/05 and go back to the doctor for a followup on 2/10/05 -- hopefully we'll see some progress or the doctor will change the remedy and try something else.  The staff at the facility are willing to work with us on that, however, you can tell that they are very biased to traditional medications.  

Last, we had court today for the felony of bringing a knife to school.  They wanted us to go back AGAIN next month for disposition, but we all but demanded that disposition take place today -- the county attorney wanted a disposition investigation to be done to see if the current facility is the "best" place for him.  I will hire an attorney if they try to take him out of this place!  In any case, it's currently ordered that he stay there but they'll do an investigation anyway to see if there's something better.  

Fortunately he's only 11yo so there aren't very many places for him yet, but I hope we don't get the same probation officer as my dd has because she doesn't like me and she worked very hard to get dd's placement to be a permanent one -- and she told me that she doesn't like this local facility because they have too much staff turnover and she's heard that it's not a very good program.  It's based on the Boys Town model and I've been impressed with it so far -- it's just too bad that the therapist went on maternity leave right when ds started, but that's the breaks, he was still in a safe place and they still worked on the behavior issues and safety was the main concern at that point.

Anyway, that's how things are with him.  We're hoping that he'll be out by summertime and back home where he belongs.  Keep us in your prayers that it works out, ok?

Take care,

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[I]

x(   Background leading up to today's thing:  dh and pbfh#1 have three kids:

18 yo osd who is living w/us again since her ex-bf kicked her out -- only till she gets on her feet, a couple months probably since she just got a job on Tuesday.

16 yo oss whom pbfh#1 has custody of due to increasing violence here.  I kicked him out till we got therapy when he tried to push me down the stairs, he refused therapy the day of the appt. after 2 weeks of promising dh and I he'd go.  Since that date, the violence has only escalated to the point that the next time something happens we're calling CPS and the police -- they're both violent now and oss ended up with a fat lip the other day.  We did call the police yesterday and were told that since it had happened the day before, social services needs to take care of it.  By the time we got that info, soc. serv. was closed for the holiday weekend.

13 yo ysd whom dh has custody of.

Note:  since last April, things had been going very well till about a month or so ago when pbfh#1 lost her job and began hanging around her sisters a LOT more.  Since then, she's become argumentative with us (you know -- we say the sky is blue and she says it's green kind of thing) and has begun badmouthing us again, not much yet, but as time goes by, it's getting worse.

A few weeks ago, pbfh#1 called ysd and ripped on her because pbfh#1's sister (AFH1 - auntie from hell) called pbfh#1 and told her that ysd had made AFH1's dd upset and cry because ysd had told her cousin that she felt bad when pbfh#1's side of the family made plans and excluded ysd.  AFH1 informed pbfh#1 that "she'd better have a little talk with ysd so she doesn't do that anymore".  Ysd was trying to defend her actions to her mother, but couldn't get a word in edgewise and pbfh#1 was SCREAMING at her, ysd was crying her head off and finally hung up (neither dh nor I were home until the very tail end of the "conversation" to tell her to just hang up).  I stuck my nose in it and called pbfh#1 and told her that she owed ysd an apology for doing what she did because (at 13 yo) its perfectly appropriate for ysd to talk to a cousin about her feelings and if the cousin felt bad about it perhaps that's because they are guilty of doing the things that make ysd feel bad.  Pbfh agreed that they DID do the things, but AFH1 "was just protecting her dd".  What about pbfh#1 protecting HER dd??  Upshot was that I made pbfh#1 feel bad and she agreed that she was out of line, but ysd refused to talk to her that day even when pbfh#1 wanted to apologize.

On Monday, ysd had a school concert -- worth 100 points, a HUGE part of her choir grade.  The same cousin didn't show and afterward ysd called her to find out why not -- she did the same thing last year when the cousin didn't show.  The cousin and ysd talked a little bit and ysd reminded her that she'd need a note to be excused from the concert or she'd lose the points and the call ended.  During the whole conversation, osd was near ysd.  The next day, pbfh#1 called and osd answered.  Pbfh#1 wanted to talk to ysd but she wasn't home, so she told osd that AFH1 had called and said that ysd was extremely rude to call the cousin like that and that she was no longer allowed to call AFH1's house.  AFH1 had also said that she'd have called ysd back herself the night before, but she didn't want to deal with dh's and my s**t.  (My thought was good, because I would not have allowed her to talk to ysd -- I despise her -- she thinks the world revolves around her and it's her way or the highway, no wonder she can't get a job or a man since NOTHING can meet her "standards".)  Osd defended ysd and pbfh#1 backed off because ysd WAS NOT rude in any way, shape or form.  Then pbfh#1 tells osd that they are going to AFH1's house for Thanksgiving.  When ysd arrives home and finds out what AFH1 has said and the plans for Thanksgiving she is not happy, but basically sucks it up (I think that osd did some white-washing later on).

So, at 6pm last night, ysd goes over to pbfh#1's and she is to be back (per CO) at 7pm this evening.  Last Saturday, pbfh#1's entire family got together for Thanksgiving at the skid's grandparent's place so they HAVE already celebrated w/the family.  I went to bed about 7:30pm because I get up for work at 4am (and it's been nuts for weeks with a huge project to be completed 12/13).  At 8:15pm pbfh#1 calls (from AFH1's cell phone cause pbfh#1's phone got disconnected for nonpayment yesterday) and wants to know if ysd can stay till Friday sometime since they're eating dinner late (6pm).  Dh said he needed to talk to me before answering.

Our plans for the weekend are this:  Thanksgiving - lay around home, watch movies [em](me, dh and ds -- who we get for a visit from his residential treatment program from Thu. morning till Sat. eve, but our overnights have been cut short in the past because his behavior has been escalating and then we have to bring him back early so I planned accordingly just in case)[/em] get the Christmas decorations down from the attic and test the lights, etc.  Friday - dh and I take the kids to cut our own tree and get it in the house, late morning & early afternoon dh and I have a couple appointments, but while we're gone the kids can make Christmas cookie sandwiches (they've been begging to do it!), then when we get back we'll decorate the outside of the house -- we're going all out this year.  Saturday - decorate the tree and the inside of the house.  We do this every year.  When we first got married we did all this beginning Saturday, but some years the skids didn't get to participate because they are at pbfh#1's for her weekend so we switched to Friday so that they could be a part of it.  I specially asked for the days and times with ds so that HE could also be a part of it.

Who KNOWS what time ysd will get back on Friday given that pbfh#1 doesn't drive and besides, knowing what I do of AFH1, she knows that the CO says 7pm and she deliberately planned dinner at 6pm KNOWING that ysd couldn't be home by 7pm then.  She has, in the past, stated that she isn't going to be dictated to by dh and lucky.  Funny, but I remember the CO coming from a stipulated schedule AGREED upon by dh AND pbfh#1.  

Anyway! I told dh a few things based on my dislike of AFH1 and my frustration with pbfh#1 for playing the games and with dh for dumping it on me.  My final recommendation is that she be back right after dinner (they're spending the whole day there so it wouldn't necessarily be cutting the day short) and that if AFH1 doesn't want to bring her back, to call us and we'd go get her.  Or, better yet, if osd DOES want to go (she hasn't decided yet) we'll let her take the truck and she can bring ysd back with her after dinner which I know osd will do because SHE'S tired of the games that AFH1 is playing and the fact that pbfh#1 is beginning to play those games again now that she's hanging around with AFH1 & AFH2 a lot again.

And as far as giving extra time, pbfh#1 lives 1.5 blocks away.  Ysd sometimes spends the whole day there on OUR weekends and some evenings during the week depending on if she gets her homework done, if she has confirmation classes, etc.  Pbfh#1 DOES get extra time and we NEVER ask for any time on her scheduled time because ysd lives with us, we just plan for when we know we have the kids.

What do you guys think?  I know a lot of you probably won't get this till late today or tomorrow or later, but I needed to get it off my chest!  What a way to start out a day to relax, huh?  :(

I was offered a new job today!!  It's 60 miles away from home (the old one is in town) but it is $13,000 MORE per year AND the benefits are very, very good!  Plus it is in my field of study and the one I have now is not.

I took it and start on June 28th!

I am soo EXCITED and HAPPY!!!!

someone is willing to help -- or at least TRY!

We have an appointment at the Mayo Clinic next Thursday (the 19th) for ds.  They have scheduled it as a possible admission.

They feel (based on what dh told them over the phone) that we are in a crisis situation and that no one up here is willing to help us.  They want to get him off all his meds and get an evaluation done "clean".

My stomach keeps flipflopping when I think about leaving my baby three hours away, however, I know that it is what is best for him.  

Our family counselor told us yesterday that her supervisor went over our entire file bit by bit and told her to tell us that ds is under-diagnosed and that we need to get him out of our town and to the U of M or somewhere like that for a full eval.  Unfortunately, the county won't listen to them either so we are cutting them out of the loop.  The family counselor is very happy with our decision to go to the Mayo and is going to get a joint letter of recommendation with her supervisor for us to bring with us.

Anyway, things are looking a little better.

PS  I have a job interview on Friday -- keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that I get this job!  It's 45 minutes away from home (as opposed to 10 minutes) but it is in the field that I've trained for since 1999!

I don't know how many of you remember (I can't even remember how much detail I posted if any) but we've been having severe, serious behavioral problems with our 10 yo ds for a long time.

We switched counselors about a year ago due to lack of ANY progress.  At the time, he was diagnosed ADHD and ODD.   We're still with that counselor.

He was on Ritalin and Clonidine (to take care of tics caused by Ritalin).  In May we tried Strattera -- what a scary thing.  It was like he wasn't taking anything at all and I give his teacher so much credit for working with us and dealing with him during that time.  During that time, she also agreed to be his teacher again this year since she was switching grades.

In June, we switched back to the Ritalin.  During the summer, ds became increasingly belligerent, angry, oppositional, etc.  (Get out your thesaurus and pick your synonym).  The therapist grew increasingly worried about the safety of our family and ds.  During the summer, we worked on getting a full evaluation done on ds at the hospital, which is where his psychiatrist practices.  We finally got it scheduled for 9/12/03.  The evaluation was finally done on 10/23/03 -- two hours of interviews, 3 hours of testing and BASC plus one other questionnaire to the parents and one teacher -- (after four attacks on dh that included police calls and one ER visit because ds wouldn't calm down).

He was diagnosed with Depressive Disorder NOS, ADHD Combined Type, ODD, Probable Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Disturbance of Emotions and Conduct and Phonological Disorder.  He was prescribed Zyprexa and Celexa in addition to the Ritalin and Clonidine.  Did I mention that there is a family history of Bi-Polar (including juvenile onset in at least one member) in dh's family?

There had been "minor" attacks on dh by ds, but nothing seriously life threatening or injurious.  On 9/18/03, ds stabbed dh in the back with a mechanical pencil.  Fortunately, it was not a knife or he'd have gotten dh's kidneys.  That was the beginning of the serious attacks on dh that ds made.  The police were called about every 3 out of 4 weeks from that date through about mid-December.  They took ds to the hospital on three occassions, but no one would admit him for more than 24-48 hours (with no evaluation) and that would have had to be anywhere from 1.5 to 3 hour drives away from home.  We chose not to admit him since he wouldn't get any help and it was so far away.

We got set up with the Children's Mental Health Unit of our county's social services in August.  To date, they have talked a lot of bullshit and the only services offered was two days of respite foster care per month.  We've been able to use only 1 day of the respite care and that was back in November.  When we opened the case, they had a copy of the recommendation for a 30 day in-patient evaluation about 60 miles from us that the therapist had made and the psychiatrist supported.  They felt that we just needed family counseling.

So we set up family counseling with a therapist who works in the same clinic as ds's therapist.  That began in early November (we had to wait for the insurance referral process to happen after social services FINALLY made their decision -- they did a great job of dragging their feet).  She says that we've come a long way and that she feels we are handling ds and his behavior in appropriate ways and that we are doing the best we can do.  

From mid-December until last week, we had no real problems.  Last week, ds flipped out again and the police were called.  The cops said that they wanted to talk to the social worker and tell them to do something because ds is too young to arrest, but they are tired of coming here and they are afraid that one of these times something TRULY HORRIBLE is going to happen before they get here.

This week the family counselor recommended to social services that ds get a long-term (30 day type) in-patient evaluation.  She stated that the behavior that ds is displaying reminds her of bi-polar and he needs to have a more comprehensive evaluation done to find out what is going on.

The individual therapist hasn't seen ds since the beginning of January (when things were okay) because their schedulers screwed up not once, but TWICE!! They scheduled us for MLK day, but "forgot" to call and reschedule when their office decided to close that day (I schedule 2-3 months out) and they scheduled this weeks appt. for 4:00pm instead of the 5:00pm that I have a "standing reservation" for.  So we missed that one too.  However, the individual therapist apparently feels that he's seen ds enough recently to now recommend that ds go to a therapeutic foster home for 30 days to give us all a break instead of a 30 day in-patient evaluation.

Today, the social workers staffed it.  Guess what they decided?  NO PLACEMENT of ANY kind.  But, they were generous enough to offer the services of mentors -- that the county does not pay for because they are local college students that are required to do that type of "work" for one of their required courses AND they were generous enough to continue to offer the two days per month respite foster care and they'd "check into" four days.  (But don't hold your breath.)

Unbelievable, right?  I asked our social worker if they were waiting for ds to kill someone before they'd actually help us like they were supposed to be doing.  He told me that he didn't understand why I would ask a question like that.

Anyway, knowing that social services weren't going to do a damn thing, I had dh call the Dept. of Psychiatry and Psychology at the Mayo Clinic.  The doctor we'd been referred to wasn't going to be in for a few months, but the person who answered the phone asked dh several questions to determine what we were looking for.  Then she gave dh a different doctor's name (still with the Mayo) and said she'd call back shortly.  

When they called back, they told dh that they were very concerned with the behaviors ds was displaying and that he needed to get off the meds and start fresh.  Dh told them that we agreed, however, we CANNOT handle him off all meds at home -- we can't handle him safely ON meds -- and he IS worse without the meds.  They told him that they understood, however, there is a waiting list for in-patient.  They said they wanted to put ds on the waiting list but have us come in on an out-patient basis for an evaluation anyway.  They want this appointment to happen within the next two weeks.  They also said that if ds flips out again, to call the police and take ds to the hospital.  We believe that (possibly) they are saying this because then we tell the local hospital that we have an apppt. with the Mayo and perhaps they'll transfer him there and that way we will bypass the waiting list.  That's what we're hoping anyway.

Anyway, that's the story on ds.  I won't go into my dd and you already know something about osd (who IS moving to the aunt's house this weekend).

Please keep us in your prayers.  We NEED the Mayo to take him -- badly.  They are the only ones willing to help us and the only "professionals" besides the cops and our family therapist who seem to actually CARE.

I have to admit, it's a huge load off my shoulders just having the Mayo staff be in such a hurry to see him.  Finally, after six months of struggling to get help, we've found someone willing to help.  And as soon as we have an appointment, the case with social services is getting closed and ALL information releases are going to have a letter revoking them sent to the holders of those releases.  They can kiss my ass!

pbfh#1, who has had custody of osd since 10/2/03 keeps calling dh to take care of osd's situations.  Or she calls to tell dh that osd is -- yet again -- having a pregnancy test done.  She doesn't seem to understand that having custody means taking care that osd doesn't get INTO the situations in the first place.  Like not allowing osd and her boyfriend to sleep together -- because HEY abstinence is a wonderful form of birth control!

Osd will be 18 on 5/5/04.  Osd's boyfriend is 20 yo.  They have been going together for 15 months now.  He IS a nice guy and has a job, however, he hasn't figured out that spending thousands of $$$ on a truck, then on a snowmobile, plus spending the apt. deposit on a new cell phone does NOT make him financially responsible.  AND osd doesn't have a job and pbfh told me that osd told pbfh to look for a job for her (osd) -- BTW pbfh FINALLY got her ownself a job!!!  Yet osd is getting a pregnancy test done just about every month, then pbfh calls dh and asks him what to do.

We talked to osd about it at Xmas, but I don't think she got it -- or she just blew off everything we said.

ANYWAY, onto the other kids -- the kids go to pbfh's for the weekend and then go to a friends/relatives/our house/etc for the night because pbfh took a job that requires her to work 3 eight hour shifts per weekend (Fri. 3pm thru Sun. morn) whether she has the kids or not.  Great that she's got a job, except that she doesn't see the kids at all -- she's either working or in bed.  AND, she doesn't ask for extra time otherwise -- like no-school days when she isn't working.  Just blows my mind -- she complains that she never gets to see the kids, she lives 1.5 blocks away from us but she NEVER asks to have the kids outside of her visitation!  She doesn't even call them again.

In addition, oss has asked to go over there to spend the night several times and when he checks things out, pbfh says she's going out --- since she never gets to do that anymore -- so he should come over a different day.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I should just be grateful that she isn't pulling any crap right now, huh?

Just wondering how you're doing.

((((((HUGS))))))

Some of you "remember" me as lucky from a couple years back.  For a number of reasons, I asked SPARC Admin to allow me to change my handle from lucky to hisser.

Because I don't really like the handle "hisser", I decided to go back to "lucky" when we changed over yesterday.  Lucky is far more optimistic and just all-around a "nicer" handle to use.

Stipulated agreement -- pbfh gets sole physical of osd (turns 18 on 5/5/04) and dh retains sole physical of ss & ysd.  Neither will pay cs so long as they EACH retain physical custody of at least one of the children.  Each is solely responsible for all medical, dental, other medical type bills, including insurance; for the child(ren) in their physical custody.

Pbfh kicked osd out today.  Osd refuses to come live with us (won't follow the rules and how do you MAKE an almost 18 yo live with you and/or follow the rules?).  Osd is going to live with her maternal aunt till she turns 18.  We're ok with that, EXCEPT....

Pbfh receives cash assistance, food stamps and medical assistance for osd.  Obviously if osd doesn't live there, the eligibility ends.  Dh does not pay cs to repay this due to the stipulated court order.

Aunt asked pbfh for some cash to help out with osd's necessities, and laundry.  Pbfh flipped out on aunt stating that she didn't even have her own laundry done she couldn't afford to give aunt money to take care of osd's stuff.  So aunt said that SHE had to apply with the county to help with osd's expenses -- which means that dh will be hit with cs probably -- but not for several months, probably well after osd turns 18.  Which we cannot afford.  I told aunt to NOT apply, we will purchase osd's necessities and she can come here to do laundry.  

Anyway, I think that I've convinced the aunt to NOT apply for benefits so that bullet is dodged.  HOWEVER, if osd does NOT live with pbfh, then, even though she has custody on paper, she does not REALLY have custody, right?  And, aunt will more than likely sign a statement saying that osd lives with her for us if necessary.

Couldn't we then file for a cs modification since dh has custody of the younger two and the oldest -- who pbfh [em]technically[/em] has custody -- pbfh doesn't actually support?

Honestly, this bitch deserves to be drawn and quartered, but they don't let us do that, so can we go after money?

ticks me off:

first story:
[a href=http://miva.sctimes.com/miva/cgi-bin/miva?CMN/Local/read_archive.mv+1+9+20]A battle over the rights of a father[/a]

and the second story:
[a href=http://miva.sctimes.com/miva/cgi-bin/miva?CMN/Local/read.mv+20031201035534+3+]Father loses legal battle[/a]

30 days isn't enough and the fact that an adoption agency counseled this girl to NOT put the father's name on the birth certificate just burns me.  That counselor needs to be fired and the state needs to sanction that agency if at all possible.