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Ask for child support modification, it should include deviated deductions for you providing 100% of travel, for you providing 100% of medical and the fact that you have % of parenting time.

If the facts are misrepresented and that was her basis for her decision, then you may be able to provide proof to the court. I'm not sure what motions you would file, or if your case is over the appeals level, but you need an attorney who is going to be aggressive at trial.

The name on the birth certificate is what it is until the parents(those listed on the BC) petition the court for a name change. If you want it changed and she doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't see how the child's name has anything to do with a court custody/visitation hearing. My name isn't even on my daughter's birth certificate and she has her mother's maiden name. Even though our daughter has asked to have my last name at different times in her 8 yrs of life, I can do NOTHING to change that unless the mother agrees to change it and THAT won't happen.

What was the basis of the change from 50:50 to her primary? Judge should have included reasoning for the 'substantial change' in the ruling. If there was NO actual changes warranting the custody to be changed, THEN I would:

File for the appeal
obtain counsel
take out the earrings
make an appointment and attend a co-parenting class
change your hairstyle(at least long enough for court and parenting classes)
dress appropriately for court

pray and pray and pray some more that you are given a second bite at the legal system.

If you do bring it before the court and you lose, be prepared to pay HER attorney's fees along with your own.

I'm not sure what's going on behind the scenes and if there are more issues going on than what's posted. BUT, honestly, it's hard to go from a every other weekend custody/visitation arrangement into an arrangement that rotates the child for 1 or 2 weeks at a time. That's a HUGE step and I'm not sure a judge would go for it.

Yes, spending time with both parents is the best thing for a child. BUT is pulling a child out of her bedroom/home/neighborhood every week for an entire week or two good for her? I'm not being snarky, but asking if YOU as an adult would like to pack your things and move every week or two for an entire week or two worth of time? Yes, my daughter alternated weeks between parents from two months until she was 18 months old. I wouldn't recommend that arrangement for any child.

What I would recommend would be to ask for a very specific "parenting" schedule. Here's an Example:

Child shall be with the father, every Friday(or every other Friday- whichever you want) at the dismissal of school to begin parenting time until Monday morning when school begins. Father or Father's wife, xxx, shall pick child up from school to begin said parenting time and drop child off at school to end said parenting time. The father shall also have child every Wednesday afternoon at school's dismissal  and shall drop the child off at school every Thursday morning. In the event the child is no in school, the mother shall notify father so that he can pick child up from the house at XYZ time.

In addition to the above stated parenting plan, the father shall have the child for any school breaks and extended weekends(spell these particular breaks out in detail- columbus day weekend, labor day weekend, memorial day weekend, mlk weekend, president's day weekend, admin days, winter break, spring break, fall break, etc) beginning at the release of school for said break until school reconvenes at end of break, where father/father's wife shall drop child off at school.

Parents will alternate Holidays: Thanksgiving with Mother in Odd years, while Father has child on Christmas on Odd years. Even years Mother will have child Christmas day and father will have Thanksgiving day. Easter do the same thing for- one year with mom one with dad. or if school has easter and spring breaks seperately, one gets the easter wekend one gets spring break. Spell out the particular times of exchange and place to meet.

Summer visitation: Father shall have the child beginning no earlier than one week following school's dismissal for up to 6 weeks. Father shall make his selection and notify mother of his dates no later than *whatever date*

Phone contact:
Child shall have phone contact with parent whom she isn't with on *these particular dates between these particular hours* The parent that has the child, must make sure to have the child available during those times. In the event the child is NOT available, that parent must initiate the phone contact within *1/2 hr- 1 hr*  of missed call.


Wouldn't this keep the child in her normal routine, giving both parents alot of parenting time with the child, time to do homework with child and be involved in school without completely uprooting her from her normal surroundings for weeks at a time? It gives dad more time with child- in the event there IS a change in circumstances, then dad can show that he is actively involved in her life a great amount of time!


I have a parenting plan that was submitted , mostly of which was entered as an order. If you'd like, I can copy and paste it here and you can view it. It was based on a long distance visitation- however you can modify it to fit your needs. The plan spelled out very specifically what was expected, what to do if it didn't happen(for future contempt purposes). In the end, BM wouldn't follow the specifics and with it being so solid of an order, she had no room for miscommunication excuses keeping her out of hot water. I now have custody as a result of her continuous denial of visitations, both physical visitations and phone contact.

Just my offering~~

How sad to say this but BM did the same thing when we lived near one another. Sundays were cut short because she claimed she took her to church. It was just one more way to limit time and the court bought it hook line and sinker.

Have a prepared printed parenting plan in place.

Actually have a few different versions available- starting with More than you want, what you are actually seeking and then what you'll settle for. Basically,  what you are doing it 'mediating'.  You put up an offer, she puts up an offer, you counter , she modifies and eventually you end up with what you want(or more) to begin with.

If you show that you are willing to  be flexible and are only looking to maximize your child's time with both parents, your judge will see that she's trying to interfere with your time together.

What was your original visitation order? if she's proposing even less, your judge will likely see what she's up to and grant you more visitation. BM did that exact thing every year for the last 7 1/2 years and every single time she tried to limit my time, I ended up with more and eventually custody.

File for a restraining order. While in front of the magistrate/judge who hears your case you can address immediate/temporary custody issues with him. There are ways to get immediate custody of the children when you have violence(hitting biting,yelling,punching and sexual misconduct) in the presence of the children.

So.... what's happened? Quit enabling her. Being in the field you were in, you know what's right and wrong and it makes you look worse for not taking the steps necessary to protect your children. In the end, you will look like one of the caseworkers you call 'worthless'.

Establish paternity is the only way you can get anywhere.

In my case, an affidavit was signed, then she denied it was her signature(to try to prevent me having any rights) then she claimed our child wasn't mine and a paternity test was ordered anyways. So bottom line: get a paternity test done.

You can file for visitation/custody and they will most likely set the date aside until the test results come in.

And be careful... if you decide to walk away before the paternity test- and mom decides to come after you for support- even 17.5 years later, you MAY BE ON THE HOOK for back child support all the way till birth. Yes, that happens. So not only will you miss out on your child's life, you have to pay all those years' worth of support. Virginia is a state that can do that.

Why don't you drop the visitation part of your action and seek child support only? Once mom has to shell out $$ per month, she may end up less inclined to visit as frequently. No I am not saying put her in a financial strain where she can't afford to see her child. Weigh whether you want all year with your child or are you willing to give up the holidays in exchange? The judge may see you as being 'greedy' and trying to take precious parenting time away from mom. Judges are funny.

I don't see that there is a change in circumstances to modify or change the visitation schedule, but once you open THAT can of worms you open the whole custody/visitation can of worms. It appears mom just opened it because she is counter-suing you for change in custody. I don't know if dropping your action would automatically drop her custody action or not.

Sometimes you have to just be happy that you are the one raising your child daily and in exchange for that you lose out on other things. A holiday is just another day. Celebrate the weekend before or after. We've been told this by the GAL  re: time she's not going to be spending at home during the holidays.  Find a way for it to work.

You would need to ask the court to order supervised visitations, pending clean testing. The father has to give up his rights(or his rights be terminated) before your new husband can adopt her.

Does he want to be involved in her life? Does he want to give up rights, so your new husband can adopt her? Have you discussed any of it with him?