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In MT at least.. a retirement account cannot be attached by any lien.

She'll have to reapply and requalify without you or your income before the bank will remove you from the mortgage.  Even if you sign a quit claim deed waiving your right to ownership of the home.. you are still on the hook for the full amount of the mortgage if she defaults until she refinances.

The diet part wasnt too big of an adjustment for me.. Because I'm busy w/ work and kids activities, I've used a system for years where each of us in the house picked 7 meals we like for each meal of the day and I rotate through them one at a time over and over again until someone asks to add something new.  

When I needed t watch my own sugar levels etc, I just pulled out all of the recipes and substituted sugary items for healthier options.. I know now that everything in the rotation is healthy enough for me and everyone else gets their favorites.

Ref, I've had this for years and it is very manageable without much change at all to my regular life.  Prior to my diagnosis I had surgeries to remove ovarian cysts which are very simple procedures done laproscopically on an out patient basis and requiring very little if any pain medicine later.  Also, instead of birth control pills, my ob suggested a Mirena IUD, I've had it for 4 years and it is wonderful.. no cysts since.  

If SD gave him the #, she obviously wants to talk to him.  If I were in your shoes, I would ignore bm's antics on this one.  If you or your dh needs to call sd, you could dial *67 before her number and it will show up restricted on her phone an on the bill.. so bm will have no way of knowing unless sd tells her.  

As for the text messaging.. if sd is not opposed to it, I would ignore bm on this too.  If it's not so often as to cause a big increase in the phone's bill, I wouldn't even respond to bm.  

If I were in your shoes, I wouldnt even respond to bm regarding sd's phone.  Whenever my x says something stupid.. I ignore it. I don't argue, I don't try to prove that it's stupid, I just file it away in the 'future court' file, and ignore it entirely.

As for bm not checking her email, if it is really crucial that she check it more frequently than weekly, I would email her as such and explain why (ie: matters you are emailing about are time sensitive and require a reply in x days, etc etc) If she refuses to comply, write another letter, and cc a hard copy to the court file (I've been through 2 different court jurisdictions, one allowed this and one didn't, but its worth a shot if you have a friendly court clerk)

If it's not really that big of a deal and is more bm trying to exert control over the situation.. ignore her entirely and do not respond to yet another "stupid" remark.  

As childish as it sounds.. I really had to define for myself what constitutes stupidity and what is valid, and where the line between them lies.  When x crosses into stupidity, I do not reply in any manner.  If the issue is that important to x, they'll reword it to get the point across.. if not, I continue to ignore them.

I didn't tell x I was doing this, and it took about a year for them to catch on.. but eventually they realized that I ignore anything stupid on their part.  It was a bit time consuming and I had to swallow quite a bit of bull, but eventually my little behavior modification worked.  

Since you only have 2 years left, it may not work as well with them bm you deal with, but it's worth a shot and it could help preserve your sanity.

First of all everyone involved needs to get into family counseling asap.  Even if it's not all together. You and your dh could go together, then the boys, then bm (if she'll agree, otherwise just the rest of you).  If you don't have authority to take the boys to counseling w/out her approval, talk to the school. At their ages, they are old enough to be in a school with a guidance counselor, and as a parent your dh can request regular appointments.  You need someone else to document their destructive behavior and comments.

Secondly, because of his behavior with the juice, ss is no longer allowed to have food or beverages outside of the kitchen.  If he's hungry/thirsty, great have whatever you like.. but sit at the table until he can regain your trust to respect you and your things.  

As for your ds, that is certainly a scary thought, that he would actually harm his younger brother just to be mean to you.  Don't jump to conclusions, and don't be accusatory just yeat, or you'll play right in to his mother alienating.  I would go to Walmart, but a backseat mirror (they're just a few $$ and clip on to your rear view mirror.)  If ss says anything.. just let him know its a way to keep an eye on him because of his behavior w/ the juice last time, and it will be removed when he regains your trust and begins respecting you again.  

If you have any other reason to fear the safety of your child, hire a sitter to stay w/ him when you cannot supervise them together 100%. For example, have a neighborhood teenager come to your house while you are taking the ss' home, etc.  

Remove the temptations to be mean and destructive and keep reinforcing that you all love them and even if they are angry, they must show respect.

Good luck.

Good for you! She is destroying YOUR family one shred of dignity at a time and it is time you put your foot down.  Even if it is not your biological child, it is still YOUR home too, and allowing her into it sounds like it is causing you and your hubby to waste what little time you have with the child before he is out in the world on his own.

If she feels the need to take you to court again and again, let her. Keep documenting, but dont let it consume your lives.  Then just play defensive. Answer every motion she files with motion to dismiss immediately.  If the judge allows her to proceed, file a listing of the facts you've documented and a request for attorney's fees up front.

By doing this you can ignore her and begin to show a pattern of her hostility to the rest of the world. Live your lives, be happy, and enjoy one another! That will hurt her more than losing joint legal ever will.. and your family will be much better off for it.

I've found great solace in "Joint Custody With a Jerk" too. It helps to put things into perspective when dealing with a pain of an ex.

Instead of running back to the courts to try to remove joint legal already..just stop giving her any attention at all.

By going back to court to remove joint legal, or to prove defamation, harassment, slander, etc you are feeding her need to be the center of attention and to play the victim card.

Honestly joint legal isnt that important... you have the child therefore YOU make the day to day decisions. The only time joint legal makes any difference for her is when the child is with her.. At all other times, just ignore her! Don't call or write to give her updates, and don;t push the child to either. If he wants to call her fine.. but other than that cut her out of your daily lives.

If she calls, let her go to voicemail, if she sends a letter, sit on it for a day or two before you respond. If she shows up at a po meeting, say hello, and ignore her other than that. Do not let her see she is bothering you. Move on with your lives and do not let her be a part of them. this child ios old enough to see her spite and vindictiveness, you don;t need to reaffirm it in his mind.

It sounds to me like this woman is narcisstic and craves attention.. positive or negative! So don't give her any.

Were you the one concerned w/ how the judge would annualize your husbands income from his new company? If so can you share the decision on that point?