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Messages - Everyside

#21
Father's Issues / RE: just need to vent
Feb 28, 2008, 11:57:31 AM
A little background before my two cents......  my current hubby was grounded from flying and threatened with a courtmartial when he married me.  His commander was fishing buddies with my exhusband.  My hubby worked with the ADC and the IG and eventually the commander was required to apologize and was soon after transferred.  She has to push.  Commanders are used to getting their way because they are commanders.  Sometimes someone needs to reminded them that they are not gods.    Good luck to your daughter.

Here is his take on the situation:

She doesn't have to accept an Article 15.  If he hits her with it, she turns it down and then he has to drop it or pursue Court Martial, although under what article I don't know.   She should go immediately to her post JAG, and her Area Defense Council to see if there's something that can be done.   Whoever the installation commander is is the one responsible for enforcing the DVO.  He can't force her to pay anything, that is a civil matter.  Bottom line is she has to get it to the CC above her CC.   The way to do that is she has to go to her IG office, that's the guy who has to hold her CC accountable.

So I say, go to the IG, then the JAG, then the ADC.  If her post JAG won't help there are JAG's at the next higher level of HQ and they go there.  

Editted to add further comments from my hubby:

Plus I call bullshit on not honoring a DVO.  Federal Law requires it.  The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act of 1997 applies to every agency of State and federal government.  A military post is federal property governed by Federal law.  There is a Federal Magistrate on each base, maybe that office can help her.


http://www.law.upenn.edu/bll/archives/ulc/fnact99/1990s/uccjea97.pdf
#22
my Dh's X came right out and said it.   "The only weapon I have to hurt you with is SD and that's what I'm going to use."   DH didn't argue about the money ($900/mo for one child in Alabama) or the things she wanted from the divorce.  He only wanted to see his daughter.  That was too much for her.  

#23
Father's Issues / WOW!.....
Mar 23, 2005, 12:50:19 PM
10 Warning Signs of Abuse

1. Withholding approval as punishment if you say something partner doesn't like.

2. Making derogatory comments about your family and friends.

3. Pressure to be intimate too soon with premature declarations of love.

4. Playing "games" to exercise physical and/or emotional power.

5. Battering behaviors in previous relationships and family history of violence.

6. Poor coping skills, alcohol and drug use, blaming others for problems.

7. Constant questions about your whereabouts.

8. Criticizing you through jokes, insults and other passive-aggressive behaviors.

9. Ignoring or minimizing your thoughts, feelings and goals.

10. Damaging or destroying your property when angry or upset.


I  personally heard or saw my husband's exwife do 9 out of 10 of these things while they were married.  Hell, she still does the same 9 out of 10 of them and they've been divorced over 8 years.