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Leslie, I think many boys choose to live with their dad just simply for the fact that they are boys and their dad can and is interested in the same things.  I personally feel that once a child reaches the age of 12-13, if there is NOT any badmouthing by the other parent, the kids should be able to choose which parent to live with. BUT, i firmly believe that 50/50 is always best.  If not, your ex should also be telling the boys that visitation and phone calls are NOT optional.  

I guess I sort of look at it like, first 12 years with mom, last 6 with dad.  2/3 of their childhood (til age 18) with one parent, the rest with the other, if they so choose.  

And if you look on the upside, now dad has to buy their vehicles, pay the insurance, pay for college...very, very expensive.  

I can tell how angry you are at your ex, but perhaps you need to start NOT venting about him or letting the boys know about your anger, towards ex and towards them for choosing ex over you.  You need to fix the relationship, that should be your priority right now.  Sometimes you have to eat crow...

Or it could be just separation anxiety from each other.  They are used to sleeping in the same place...do they share a room at your house or have separate rooms?  Have they had these/this room for awhile or is this new to them?  Have any accusations been made against you?  Could the other parent be telling the boys something to make them afraid? Think of every possible reasons for their reaction...

My ss's mom has taken him to ER or doctors for everything as well.  He has even gone to ER for mosquito bites!  Yep, she said she counted them after he was at our home for a visit (a Labor Day camping weekend 5 years ago) and since he had more than 20, she wanted him checked out!  He refused to let us put bug spray on him, so he suffered the consequences!  Oh my!  *Note: he always asks for bug spray now...as he learned his lesson.  

I understand your frustration, however, we can't control what they do in their homes.  

OMG, If I could HALO this I would! This is a perfect example of PAS at it's finest.  She never comes right out to the point of a judge or counselor slapping her down, but her comments, continuous, on-going, to the point the child hears it so much, begins to believe it as gospel, although originally they realize it is false.  Doesn't matter the age, although is easier with younger kids.  Sooo sad.

I just read this to my husband, who just shook his head, and I am sure had a heavier heart than before I read it.  We now have his son, who lives with us, but those years lost, all those lies told to him about us, they still hurt.  Always will.

#1- I have no idea
#2- same
#3- Depends on the therapist and how good he/she is. If your child is 9 years old, chances are he is caught in the middle of wanting to make cp happy, and being loyal to you.  A very tough situation.  At this age they can make or break the case simply by either continuing the lying or telling the truth when talked to alone.  Also, therapists are taught signals of lying, not looking you in the eye, etc.  Most kids can't lie well at this age. Lets hope that is the case here. Also,
#4- I would say cp is stressing him out, excellent question.
#5- LLSW, should be LMSW, Licensed Master Social Worker, someone with a Masters Degree in Social Work, I would check it out, and request a child psychologist rather than a Social Worker to work with the child.
Or a child psychiatrist, either one, but do some research first to find a good one.
#6- Absolutely.  Tell her you are more than willing to do any testing needed.

Also, I have a hard time believing anyone can accurately determine anything without speaking ot both sides.  MOST RELIABLE AND PROFESSIONAL therapists will not make any decisions without speaking to all involved.  You may be able to get the testimony thrown out if it is negative towards you as it is biased, and the person did not speak with you about anything before making a determination of what occurred.

You need to get your attorney (get a family law atty) on this pronto! Also, if you have pictures, video tapes, etc., of when your son is at your home, that would be good also.

Hopefully you have searched the archives for information regarding this, which will help you immensely.  Good luck!

I didn't realize dad was cp....much different opinion now.  I would say that child is acting scared that you aren't there, perhaps he is hearing things to that effect at home.  I guess all you can do is make sure he knows you will always be there for him, even in the middle of the night...

PAS sucks, and really hurts the kids.  (not to mention the other parent). And that sm gives us other sm's a bad name.  

Sorry for what you are going thru, hope dr. d can help!!!!

I personally think a 9 year old boy is a bit old for a stuffed toy, and sounds like he is having some separation anxiety, which is usually exacerbated by the mother.  You probably have separation anxiety, and (unknowingly/unconsciously) you are encouraging the child to have the same.  I don't know your whole story here, so bear with me.  I may be completely off base.  but if dad isn't an abuser, MOST children love to see and be with BOTH parents.  

Perhaps you need to help this little boy grow up, and give him a picture of you and him together to keep in his room.  That would be more appropriate for a 9 year old boy than a stuffed toy of any kind.  

It is always hard for moms to let their little ones grow up, and easier for dads to do it.  Which may be why dad is encouraging him NOT to sleep with the moose.  And perhaps dad was trying to think of some reason for the moose to not be in his bed, (hense the pee smell story) rather than tell him he is way too old for it. (thus hurting his self esteem).  

Hope you understand what I am trying to say here.  I'm sure you are a very loving mother, and good mother, but perhaps you need to look at this from a different perspective.

My best wishes to you and yours.  Nosonew

Sounds like you have a winner of a case here.  Hope all works well for you and your son.  I would just continue to be polite to her at pick ups and drop offs, and wait til court.  She possibly has been "given the benefit of the doubt " previously regarding a gal.  Perhaps she is going by that.  Or got "screwed" by a gal, thus avoiding this one.  Hope your court date is soon, she does sound very narcissistic, and your child is MUCH better off withyou!

I'm not a counselor, but I'm sorry for what is going on in your life.  I'm glad two of your kids are adults and can make the choice to not be involved if they want (and are strong enough to do that).  My best wishes...always...nosonew

Is it legal for anyone to call an employer and ask questions about a previous employee? (Pretending to call for a verification of employment?)

I know, odd question however, there is a reason behind my question.