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Ask Soc on the Socrates board, he is the legal advisor.  Make sure you tell the story, and list your questions in sequence with numbers.  AND find a new attorney!

I understand your reasoning here, and at times my husband very seriously considered giving up all rights to his son, so the child would not have to go through all the crap he was going thru.  HOWEVER, I actually talked him out of it by pointing out the FACT that HE is childs dad, and mom is messed up, so what is his life going to be like without him in it?  Regardless of the court actions, false accusations, etc???

And, beware, you will be financially responsible for this child for many years to come, AND will have NO say in ANYTHING if you give up now.  Unless she gets remarried and new hubby wants to adopt her, you will remain a paycheck for mom.

So, for the BEST INTEREST of this child,
1. Clear your name on the sodomy charges.
2. File a civil suit against her for slander and ask for damages for emotional distress/physical distress (go to your doctor) and attorney fees.  And make sure she is aware that any future false allegations will be dealt with thru civil court.  
3.  After 2 false allegations, talk to your local district attorneys office.  They can also file charges for false allegations.  So get her both ways! (Our DA told us he would file against her and make sure she got at least 90 days in county jail next time she filed a false report).

I know you are scared now, but it's time to pull your pants up and fight back!  Otherwise, she will walk all over you and that little girl!  What kind of role model is she being, and will be in the future!!!!  You need to be a part of that childs life, period.

Let me know what you think, and let me tell you, it won't come cheap.  I think we put our attorneys daughter thru college.  BUT, my stepson now lives with us, and it was HIS choice!  So miracles do happen, it just takes awhile!

It's WWAAAYYY too early in the game to give up now!!  As long as you REALLY didn't sodomize her, she is just playing games, and the courts will realize it.  Although this probably won't be the last of her accusations, sorry to say.  

I suggest you fight this, continue your custody fight, work as much overtime as you can, find a different attorney!, and we wish you the best of luck!

Do you have joint legal?  If so, legally she has to give you the name(s), addresses and phone numbers of any schools/daycare the children attend.  Also, these things should also be listed on her tax return too.  Subpoena her tax returns and the above info if she won't give them to you.  I would try a phone call to her first, then a letter with registered return receipt requesting the above information.  If you do no good, get your atty to do it (after you try yourself, save some bucks).  You might also ask Soc what you can do as well.  Good luck.  *And internet classes may be considered schooling, they can be from 1 credit hour to 5 credit hours apiece.  However, I would request that a "log" of time spent including dates and times be requested, along with transcripts from the college supplying the internet classes be requested to prove she is passing the classes.

Do you live close enough that you can ask to have the kids when she is "in school"?  

Good luck

I agree with IM, if the once per week visit interferes with his time, and he would rather the child not be in gymnastics, or whatever, check with the teacher and see IF IT IS OFFERRED at that age on another night.  If so, have him change the night and inform the bm.  My dh would have been THRILLED if bm had scheduled any activities for ss on any night, even his.  So, I guess I see this from a different light.  

From reading your post, I feel like it is more of a control issue.  You want to control what child does during your time, not the bm.  I agree to a point.  However, if dh has gone along with this for a long period of time, then you come in the picture and change everything, who is going to get blamed here?  You should really be careful on what battles you pick.  Being a chauffer is not bad, most parents here would LOVE to chauffer their child ANYWHERE.  

I suggest you sit back, take a deep breath, and decide, WITH YOUR DH, what DH and child's best interests are.  I am sm, and if MY dh does something I disagree with, I may hate it, but the child is not mine.   I know I don't know the whole story here, so this is JMO based on current facts as I know them..   Good luck!

And, (agree with the others on everything), if he relinquishes his rights, HE STILL has to pay child support!  Doing that lets her win and him and kiddo's lose.  DONT DO IT!

This absolutely makes me sick, and here is what I suggest:

The BM has been fighting visitation for years but cashing the cs checks? Right?

Then BM tells dad that "neighbor" fathered child, right?

So child has 3 "dads".

Have you read the case on Fathers Rights Board about bm who lost custody because of PAS?  I believe JayC posted it.  Perhaps you can use some of those case-laws to your benefit, although this girl is several years older than one on the case.

I STRONGLY suggest you do a paternity test.  Why?  Because if he IS the father, he continues to pay CS and DOESN"T get to see the child, and if he ISN'T the father, he pays no CS and still doesn't get to see the child.  

What is their relationship?  Is she a PAS child?  Does she want to see dad?  
This should weigh heavily on his decision as all he will do is fight child continually due to PAS for the next 8 years and get nothing but more bills and pay cs.  

If child still wants relationship with dad, I would take it all the way.  He is dad whether he is bio or not.  They were married, he is on birth certificate, bm didn't tell him there "might" be another possibility until child 10 yoa, etc.  

I feel for your husband, can't imagine the torment he is going thru.  Ask Soc what he thinks about this.  Best of luck, you will be in my prayers....Nosonew

He needs to take it to court and have the wording changed to "father is residential parent" with the following visitation with mother.  As residential parent, he should be getting the cs to support the kids.  

Im sure Brent can let you know some of the sites here (have you gone into the archives?) that are pertinent to this situation.

We tried CPS, they just said she was being "overprotective" and so did the counselor and so did the courts.  However, because we kept up our complaints about it, she was told by the counselor to quit bathing and strip searching and she actually did (at least to our knowledge).  Thanks for your input, hope that boy who is now 30 something will find the right woman who can help him put his past behind him.

Went thru this.  SS was put on Ritalin, Risperdal, Concerta, Adderal, etc.  He was on Ritalin and Risperdal at age 5.  It took 4 years to get it court ordered that our states' "foremost expert on ADHD" be his one and only physician for this problem. (She currently was taking him to a so called psychiatrist working out of a garage).  The NEW psychiatrist who specialized in children with ADHD, found "very mild ADD, NO other psychiatric disorders, and could not believe he had been on Risperdal for 4 years as it has not been tested in children."

We literally had to force the court to do this, and the court agreed just to "get us off her back about it".  However, we prevailed and got him off of the Risperdal, and the doctor changed the med to Concerta from Ritalin and then now is on low dose Adderal.  We take ss to him 1xyear, and expect to be able to get him off all drugs by 10th year in school (he is now in 8th).  

Most behavior problems with children of divorce/separated parents come from the stress this brings the kids.  They don't know how to react, and react in a defiant way and/or "just leave", thus people think they don't pay attention.  

Our ss went off the meds for 2 weeks, his grades improved, but behavior declined.  Until he has safely been with us (yes, just recently custodial parents), we will not take him off meds prescribed earlier this year.

Best of luck and just a suggestion: "Don't ever say the child "doesn't have add/adhd" as you are not a physician.  Just state, "I am just concerned these behaviors are some how related to the stressful situation the child is in". Etc.

Good luck