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I have a court date with my ex to set my parenting time and other issues.  One issue is who drives the kids back and forth.  You indicated I only have a case with this issue if there was no previous order for it and there is not.

I do 100% of the driving (we live 40 miles apart).  I'm asking for her to do 50% of the driving for weekend and holiday exchanges.  I will continue to do 100% for midweek visits.  

I will have an attorney in court and at this point my ex will not.  She received the letter about going to court from my attorney today.  She left me a voicemail saying she will prove in court she can not afford to drive.  I have a letter from her attorney (which she's since fired) saying she won't drive because 'she doesn't want to.'

She works part time at a fast food restaurant and received child support from me.  We have a daughter in school and one who will start and all day, everyday preschool in January.  Which to me indicates she can work more than she does.  She somehow is getting the preschool for free.  

1.  Is not being able to afford to drive a valid defense?  

2.  If yes, how do I defend?  Can I show ways she spends her money 'excessively?'  

Thanks.

I share legal custody of my two daughters with my ex-wife.  I have a court date of 2/22 to modify our parenting plan.  Our original divorce specify nothing except Christmas and Christmas eve and she's been increasing difficult to deal with the last couple years.  In court I will have an attorney, at this point she will not.

One issue I hope to resolve is who drives the kids back and forth between residences.  Since we split, I have done all of the driving.  Originally because she did not have a car and then because she refused.  We live 40 miles apart.

My ex works part time at a fast food restaurant.  She is able to work her schedule to her advantage for many occasions.  However, she's using her work as an excuse to not help with the driving.  She has also used the excuse that she can't afford the gas money.

I'm asking for us to meet ½ way for the pick up and drop off for weekend and holiday visits.  I will continue to do all the driving for weekday visits.  

Questions:
1.  Will the court consider a part time job reason enough for her not to drive?  I know you can't predict what a judge will rule.  Just looking for an opinion.

We are all in Minnesota.  I'm am NCP.  My ex has custody of our two daughters, both under eight.  We share legal.  We have been divorced for three years.

During our marriage she smoked pot occasionally.  Her usage increased throughout our marriage.  I made the mistake of letting her have physical custody when we separated.  

I have a recording of her admitting she had gotten her dog high in February (when the recording was made).  My understanding of MN law is I can legally record our conversations without her knowledge since I am party to the conversation.  

I also have an email from her admitting she smokes it and states "it's just weed, it's not like I'm a crack whore."  

I contacted the county she lives in and was told without a police report they can't investigate.  That doesn't seem correct to me.

After all this she told me she quit smoking.  I told my attorney these things and he advised that since she said she quit that there's not much I can do unless something else happens.  

While with my daughters this weekend my youngest made a comment that mommy "coughs in her bedroom."  My oldest confirmed this behavior.  Although I can't prove it, from experience I know the coughing is when she's getting high in her bedroom.  I suspected she was still doing it but didn't realize it was while the kids were with her.  

1. Is there anything I can do with what my daughters told me?  
2. Who do I report this behavior to, if anyone?
3. Can I request a drug test from her in court?  We may be in court soon on unrelated issues (holiday schedule).  

Thank you.

We are all in Minnesota and we share legal custody.  My ex wife has physical custody.

My ex informed me last night that she has requested (for our children) an emergency Order of Protection against me.  She told me I would be served today.  

Her reason is spanking.  She believes my fiancé (who I live with) and I spank the children when they are with us.  We have spanked on occasion but not in the last few months.  It was never severe and seldom.  

She also told me she would not let me see the kids until we go to court.  I don't have specific court ordered time at the moment.  We are in the process of establishing my parenting time as our divorce just states "liberal."  Although for the last 2 years we've been on an every other weekend schedule.    

She left me a voicemail this AM and said she's reconsidered and I can have the kids this weekend but not overnight.

1. Is spanking a justifiable reason to get an Order of Protection?
2. Isn't her calling to say I can see the kids invalidate any accusations she has of abuse?
3. Since I have legal custody and liberal parenting time can I keep the kids overnight against her wishes?  

Thank you.

DH's ex is on roll lately.  My SD is on ADHD meds.  BM is trying to hold one over on DH so she told him the next time she gets the prescription filled she's going to tell the pharmacy to split up the pills and make DH pick up his portion himself.  Logic tells me there is no way a pharmacy will do this.  Right?  She'll still have to pay for them all, but she thinks she will only have to take as many as she needs.  

Are people required to go to mediation?  I know it's sometimes required by CO before going to court, but if one party wants to go - and the other doesn't can the party that doesn't want to go refuse?

DH's ex wants to go to discuss some STUPID crap.  I really am not sure what it's all about.  She's been leaving ranting VM about the stupiest things.  She's completely insane.  In her last message she said she's getting a mediator and DH will have to pay for 1/2.  

I can't image she can force him to go, but I've been wrong before!

Thanks!

This post isn't related to custody, but I'd like some opinions.  As posted earlier, my DH is trying to collect about $1000 from his ex for a loan after they were divorced.  She used the money to buy a trailer for her and the kids to live in.  He was also paying child support.  

He has a letter from when the loan was made (about 4 years ago) stating what the money is for and what the payment plan was.  His ex never signed the letter but she saw it.  He also wrote "loan for trailer" in the memo portion of the check.  

He plans on filing in small claims court and made one last attempt to collect.  She is now claiming she never got a loan from him.  He sent her a copy of the letter and she said she's never seen it before. She doesn't know he has a copy of the cashed check with the note on it.  

Is the note on the check enough to prove he made the loan to her?  Any opinions?

DH is sending BM a bill for her half of some medical bills for the kids.  If she doesn't pay he plans on using the courts system to help collect.  When collecting on this type of debt is it done in small claimes court, or family court since it's part of their divorce?

DH is sending BM a bill for her half of some medical bills for the kids.  If she doesn't pay he plans on using the courts system to help collect.  When collecting on this type of debt is it done in small claimes court, or family court since it's part of their divorce?

DH is sending BM a bill for her half of some medical bills for the kids.  If she doesn't pay he plans on using the courts system to help collect.  When collecting on this type of debt is it done in small claimes court, or family court since it's part of their divorce?

Does anyone have a suggestion for documenting issues with BM electronically?  DH has a notebook but I think if he could type, he'd put more detail and be more diligent about it.  I'm concerned that if it ever came to using it in court, we'd want to prove it was done legitimately and timely.

DH is responsible for 1/2 of kids medical bills not covered by insurance.  On Friday BM handed (through kids) DH three bills from local clinic.  They're for co-pays on recent visits.  Nothing has been paid on them.

So, DH owes $45 of these bills.  Do most pay the parent with the bill and let that parent submit payment to clinic?

We are updating the CO AGAIN.  We want to try and add a morality clause.  BM has had many many live in boyfriends and we feel it's starting to affect the kids.

We don't want any unmarried men living with BM.  But how do we state it so it's enforceable?  How do we define 'living'?  And we don't want it so broad that it includes family and family friends visiting.  

Am I overthinking this?!?

DH and BM had finally agreed to change CO to reflect kids staying overnight Wednesday and an earlier pick up on Sundays after DH's weekends.  They signed the paperwork with a notary this week.  DH is going to the court house tomorrow to file it.  

We are already doing the midweek overnights and I drop the girls off at school on Thursdays.  Youngest is in school ½ day and takes a bus to the babysitters house until BM gets off work at 6pm.  BM expected DH to send youngest to school with lunch for Thursdays – although he told her he wouldn't.  DH told her he provides meals when kids are in his custody and child support should pay for meals when they are with her.  They are considered back in her custody after I drop them off. If they don't have school we drop them off to her.  She got irate and said she's going to write a letter (hand written) and bring it to the court house stating when she signed the papers (referred to above) she did not know DH was not going to provide lunch on Thursdays.  Like, somehow his providing lunch is the reason she signed.  Actually, we were under the impression she did not work Thursday and there would be no need for lunches as she was picking youngest up at school.

I know the simple answer is to just give in and provide the lunches.  But we're done playing her games.  This type of back and forth crap has been going on for years.  It's always something and if DH doesn't do what she wants, she tries to take away his time (the reason we're trying to get mid week overnights on paper).

I guess my question is will the officer or intake person at the court house tell her to get lost or will they consider her signature void?  

What does lunch have to do with the changes?!?!  This is such a stupid argument but I'm concerned we won't get the changes to the CO we want.    

How do I figure out what % of time DH has kids - courtwise?  Do the courts only look at overnights?  

CO states NCP weekend parenting time starts at 5pm on Friday.  If NCP can't get the kids until Saturday AM does CP have to make the kids available at that later time?

I hope my question make sense...

Looking for some opinions.  DH works until 1:30pm on Fridays.  CO says if BM is working that he picks the kids up at daycare.  The exchange is 5pm regardless.  On the Friday's he gets them from daycare he likes to get them earlier than 5pm.  Our thought is why should they be at a daycare when DH is at home.  Because DH won't give in to BM's every whim she told DH that she's giving the daycare instructions not to let DH pick the kids up before 5pm.  They start a new day care next week – it's a center not a home.  So, basically BM would rather have them at the day care then with their dad.  To punish him I guess...

DH and BM share legal.  DH will bring the daycare a copy of the divorce stating such.  What is the day care's obligation to the order?  If DH picks the kids up early, I'm assuming they have to release the kids.  BM will complain, bitch and scream but it's very unlikely that she'd file a contempt charge.  I don't think she even knows what one is.  And even if she did, would a judge really reprimand DH for getting his kids early when they're at daycare?

This is a hypothetical question, but one that may be in our horizon.  

DH has parenting time EOW and overnight Thursdays.  Until a year ago BM was living too far way for a midweek overnight.  But since she and kids moved near us we added it to the CO and we're good to go.  

BM has been threatening to move back to where they were a year ago.  We tried to get her to agree to a clause in the CO that BM and BD had to agree if kids were to move out of current school district.  She didn't want it.  Not surprised.

OK, so if she does move far enough away that the mid week visits become undoable would it be fair for us to request every weekend to make up the time DH is missing with his kids?  She would never agree to it so we'd end up doing this in court.  

My SD's are with us overnight on Wednesdays.  We tired to get BM to agree to Thursday nights since DH has school two Wednesdays in a row every five weeks and it would be less back and forth for the girls (but her BF was free Wednesdays so she wanted to keep it as is).  Understandably SD's get upset when they don't see their dad.  BM finally agreed to do Thursdays (she broke up with her BF)  and told DH to 'write it up and she'll sign it."  So he did.  The night before she was going to sign she called saying she also wants to add that he's to pick up the girls at their day care vs. the current meeting point.  

Since the order was signed almost a year ago, we've picked up the girls at the day care of the week about 95% of the time.  It was not much further than the meeting point so DH didn't mind.  But, he doesn't want it in the CO since the day care changes frequently and he doesn't want to be CO to drive any farther.  It took us a year to get her to agree to do part of the driving.  DH had been driving about 45 miles each way for mid-week and weekend visits since they split 5 years ago.  

So, DH told BM no way and she said she won't sign for the change to Thursdays.  OK fine, DH told her we're sticking to the current CO by the letter (meaning she needs to bring the kids to CO exchange point).  

We're pretty sure she won't.  What should DH do to document this?  It's a store parking lot so he can go in to the store and buy something to prove he was there.  But is that all he needs to file for contempt?  He's considering filing after a few times (or should he do it after the first one?).  And will his willingness to go to the day care in the past now make him look vengeful?  

We really try to work with this woman but she's impossible.  

Last night BM told my DH that she plans on taking the kids to Disney World during Spring break 2009.  And she didn't care that he was supposed to have them for ½ of that break.  Now, were 99.9% sure she won't take them (for various reasons).  But DH is upset because it's our year to have Easter with them, and if she follows through they'll be in FL.  She said she didn't care about the CO - she's taking them.  

My first thought is compromise.  I suggested to DH to offer her the entire Spring break in exchange for X-mas eve and the entire X-mas day.  It's our year to have them until 10am on X-mas day.  It would mean a lot to have them the entire day.  

So, if she agrees to this idea how can we make it more official?  DH and BM just (like last week) changed their parenting time with the courts.  Is there something we can do besides that would be enforceable?  I was thinking writing something up stating the change with both parents signatures.  But not submitting to court.  Do the courts get annoyed if we have two (stipulated) changes in the same year?

And if she doesn't agree, does DH have to wait until after she disregards the CO before doing anything.  Would her buying the plane tickets show intent?  

DH and his ex are working out an agreement to modify the current order.  DH wants to add midweek overnights (since we've been doing it for several months) and ex wants to end weekend visits 1.5 hours earlier.  DH was OK with that since youngest daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD and getting back to mom's earlier will help her adjust and get to bed easier.  

This AM ex said she was OK with things as they were stated.  In her usual fashion she has to have the last word.  She texted DH and said she wants to add a statement that when the kids turn 15 they can deicide if they go see their dad.  DH is not agreeing to this.  

I was wondering if a judge would even allow this type of language in an order?  It just seems to have disaster written all over it.  Not just for DH but for kids and mom.  Does anyone have this type of statement in their order or have an opinion?

DH and his ex signed a new parenting time schedule last Spring (2006).  It had been in the 'works' for a year.  The CO was changed with attorney's help and signed by judge, we never went to court.  Just before they signed BM and kids moved much closer to us (they had lived an hour away).  Hindsight is 20/20, and now that they live closer we think some changes are needed.  

The CO states the girls are with DH from 5pm-7pm on Wed nights.  On and off in September and October, and regularly in November and December the girls have spent the night on Wednesdays with us.  This way we have time to have dinner and do homework and the girls aren't driving back and fourth most of the night.  BM likes to use this extra time as a carrot in front of DH (since it's not CO). If she gets mad about something she'll say "forget overnights on Wednesdays!"  Every time she back pedals and allows it.  It's highly annoying to say the least.  

The latest was this week.  She wants to end weekend visits earlier and said if DH does not agree then he can't have kids overnights on Wednesdays.  We're tired of her crap.  I've rearranged my work schedule to accommodate getting the girls to school on Thursday AM's.  I'm OK with doing it but I'm not going back and forth.  She hasn't taken the Wednesday overnights away, but continually threatens to.

To the questions.  I know most suggest a six month pattern before going to court to request changes, but can it be done with less?  We have about four months, two which are solid and two were on and off (mostly on).  We've been using the time tracker from SPARC.  

Also, if BM wants to change the exchange time on Sundays will she be able to request that in the same hearing or will she have to file her issues separately?  

We have some other changes we'd like to request too.  We'd like a smoking restriction in the homes (youngest has respiratory issues and BM smokes in their home) and no opposite sex overnight visitors.  BM has had two live in boyfriends in the last six months (and is in the process of her 2nd divorce).  

I'm assuming it's best to submit all this at once?  DH would like to do this without attorney this time.

In my DH and ex's CO they exchange the kids in a parking lot at a local store.  DH was doing all the driving until BM recently got a car.  She's telling DH that she can't get off work in time to met him for the drop off (at 5pm, she works until 6pm) and he'll have to pick up the kids at the baby-sitters.  She works in a fast food restaurant and her hours are scheduled 30 days in advance.  Last we heard she's made no attempt to change her hours in order to meet DH.  DH changed his hours so he can be at the meeting point on time.  

DH wants her to stick to the CO.  She evades it every chance she gets.  He'd file for contempt but we don't think a judge would see her as 'willfully' disregarding the order since she'll claim she can't get off work.

DH wants to send her a certified letter. We're hoping it will scare her into complying.  We were thinking something along the lines of:
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Since your work schedule is posted 30 days out I am willing to pick up the girls from XX's house for the next 30 days.  As of XX date I expect you to be a the designated drop off location for exchanges.
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Anything we should add or not say?  Is this the proper first step?  Any guidance would be appreciated.  DH is trying to pick his battles, but this one has been going on (in difference ways) for years.    

This is for now a hypothetical situation, but I'd like to get opinions on it.  I've heard the argument from CP that if the NCP can't be with the children during NCP parenting time that the children should just stay with CP.  

DH is NCP and shares legal custody.  In his opinion even if he's not going to be home he'd rather have his girls spend time with me (SM) at our house than to be with CP.  He does not believe she's a good influence on them and wants them at our house as much as possible, even if he can't be there.  Since they share legal custody, doesn't he get to make this decision?  

YSD (5) is having an evaluation for ADHD in a couple weeks.  From what DH and I see, we fully expect a diagnosis of hyperactivity at a minimum.  DH is NCP and is very concerned about BM ability to handle daughters, especially if an ADHD diagnosis comes.  OSD (8) is socially OK, but at the bottom of her class in all subjects.

BM is single and works a job that does not get the kids home until close to 7pm (and they haven't eaten dinner yet).  DH and I truly feel she is not capable of parenting these girls.  She lacks the skills and general common sense.  Her idea to calm YSD down was to give her COFFEE before school, thinking she'd run herself down and then calm down.  Guess what?  Didn't work!  The teacher was appalled.  We are concerned BM won't follow through with the Dr's suggestions etc.  She's a very inconsistent parent (to say the least!).  

DH and I have talked consulting an attorney about filing for custody if the ADHD diagnosis comes.  Opinion/experience on if this is enough or a start to change custody?    

Does anyone out there have experience with custody changes based on children's poor performance/behavior in school?  

My DH has two daughters (he's NCP).  Both are behind in school.  The youngest just started kindergarten and has had issues with wetting her pants, hitting, and talking back to the teacher.  She never attended preschool and was removed from more than one daycare for hitting.  How long does this have to go on before a judge would consider a change in custody?  Any advice out there?  

I've posted this on a couple boards...

My SO got a call from his ex tonight. Her boyfriend recently moved and emptied their joint checking. Her rent check bounced and she's being evicted. She asked my SO to take the kids temporarily. We're willing to do that but would like to make it permanent (didn't tell her that). SO and ex plan to go to the court house tomorrow to file the paperwork for the temporary change.

How does SO take full advantage of this? We want his kids full time. Without bashing, let's just say she's not going to win any mother of the year awards.

How long do the kids need to be with us before the courts would consider letting them stay with us? They live close enough that they can stay in their current schools. But we do live in another district.

Suggestions?

Has any one had success/experience with keeping kids in a specific school district by CO?

BM informed DH today that she is moving about 35 miles away when her lease is up (June, 08).  She moved in March 2007.  The girls had to changed schools mid-year.  She then moved again in May, and again in June.  The May and June moves kept them in the same district as the original move in March.  

DH is very concerned for his kids education.  BM did not finish HS (got GED when married to DH).  Both kids are doing very poorly in school (3rd grade and K).  They are currently in one of (if not the) best school districts in the state.  Oldest is at the bottom of her class in all subjects and Youngest has behavioral and learning delays.  Youngest also started wetting her pants soon after the first move in March.  It just recently seemed to stop.  We think it was because of the instability she experienced.  The move will all but eliminate DH's mid week visits.  BM won't get them to the meeting point for various reasons and by the time DH would drive to their new place, his time would be over.  In good weather and traffic it takes him an hour to get to the area.  His mid-week time is only from 5-7pm.

DH contacted his attorney and attorney said to type an email to him with details and he'd review.  But he did not seem optimistic.   DH and BM share legal, BM has physical.